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The maids, who had been dozing off, snapped awake at the sight of me.

Some even gasped, swallowing their shock.

“Um, your face…”

“Sh-should I wake Scholar Krellyn?”

I shook my head, rejecting their suggestion. That wasn’t why I had come here.

I passed by the maids and placed my hand on Vivian’s door.

Just as I was about to silently open it, soldiers blocked my way.

“You need permission to enter. No matter how much of a guard you are…”

“Whose permission?”

“Lady Vivian’s, of course.”

As I silently observed the soldier’s face, a sound of sobbing drifted out from Vivian’s room.

“…Who would give permission in that state?”

“Then it’s not possible. Please turn back—”

“—You do know where I’m from, right?”

“…”

I didn’t want to engage in this back-and-forth. My body ached from the endless beatings.

I just wanted to meet Vivian, spit out what I had to say, and go back to rest.

So, I resorted to an unusual threat.

“What’s your name?”

“…Ron.”

“Ron, I’m going back home someday.”

“…”

“…And when I do, I’ll probably inherit the Allen Family too. Until then, I’ll make sure I don’t forget your name.”

“…Uh…well…”

“But depending on how you act right now… I think I might remember you fondly… or not.”

Ron blinked a few times, loosening his neck awkwardly as he replied.

“At the very least, I’ll conduct a search.”

I obliged to the search.

Moments later, I barged into Vivian’s room without knocking.

-Thud.

Once inside, I closed the door quietly behind me.

The room was dim, the candles extinguished, and the curtains drawn tight.

Without the faint moonlight seeping through the curtains, I couldn’t see a thing.

But if I stood still and listened…

“Huff… sniff… sob…”

A familiar sound wafted in.

I shut my eyes tightly.

I was annoyed. I had no idea how many sleepless nights that sound caused me.

Vivian probably didn’t know how frustrating she was, how many tormenting thoughts she gave me.

The Duchess’s words were right.

Vivian and I had a surprising amount in common.

Maybe that was why I couldn’t stand to see her cry.

In similar situations, it felt like I was being told I should be crying too.

I was trying to overcome it, but she felt like she was telling me to give up.

I crossed the room, using her sobs as a guide.

She was so absorbed in her own world that she didn’t even notice me approaching.

Even though I walked softly to avoid startling her, she remained oblivious.

“…”

At the side of Vivian’s bed, I steeled myself.

I considered what words I could use to comfort her, but… I decided to abandon that thought.

Frankly speaking, we weren’t on such terms that we could exchange sweet words.

And even if I tried, it was obvious that it would only provoke her further.

So…

-Thud.

I kicked her bed and asked, “How long are you gonna keep crying like that?”

The frustration that had been building exploded in a strange way.

“!!!”

Vivian, who had been lying on the bed sobbing, jumped up in surprise at my voice.

As she gasped for breath, she slowly began to piece together who I was.

“…Kylo… Allen?”

“I asked how long you’re going to keep crying.”

“…W-why are you…here…”

Leaving her shocked reaction ignored, I pressed on.

“What changes if you cry? I’ve seen you cry for a month straight. How much more are you gonna whine? Do you think anyone’s gonna feel sorry for you?”

A long silence followed.

“…”

“…”

Vivian Rondore seemed to need time to understand why I was here and what I had said.

Her expression was hidden in the darkness, and I was glad for that.

If I could see her face, speaking so bluntly would have been tough.

Gasping with emotion, Vivian eventually said, “I… I’m leaving. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“If you promise to stop crying, then I’ll leave.”

“…Wha—what do you care? Whether I cry… or get annoyed…! What do you care?”

I felt strangely at ease at her angry response.

At the very least, she didn’t look like a corpse when she was mad.

“I find it hideous.”

“…What?”

“It’s ridiculous how you cry over nothing.”

Vivian seemed at a loss for words, just huffing in disbelief.

This response was something I’d never seen before, a reaction that could be seen as somewhat innocent for a noble lady.

After a long pause, she yelled with more intensity.

“W-what do you know to say that?! W-who do you think is behind me crying like this?!”

As the conversation went on, her emotions only escalated.

“Do you know what I’ve been through because of your family?!”

Outside the door, the murmuring grew louder. I didn’t care.

I just wanted to say what I had to say to Vivian.

“You look perfectly fine to me.”

“…Wha?”

“You sleep in a warm bed, eat fancy food, and then complain about how hard your life is?”

Vivian stared at me as if I had lost my mind.

“Y-you think… it looks fine?”

“Yep.”

“…”

“…”

“…Are, are you okay in the head?”

The sound of her roughly pushing the blanket aside reverberated through the dark.

With nothing visible, the noise heightened my sensitivity to sound.

Her voice was thick with emotion.

“D-do you think that sleeping in a good bed makes worries disappear? If the food is nice, all your worries are gone?”

“…”

“Do you think…! After ending up like me, you can keep saying that? Even after your family was wiped out? Do you think being well-off helps you find happiness?!”

“I—”

Vivian interrupted me, pouring out her feelings as if a dam had burst.

“—D-do you know what it feels like to stutter like a fool every day? Knowing it won’t get better but still feeling like you have to!?”

She shouted with all her might, her emotions burning like a flame.

“Even when hit, I have nowhere to speak out…! They tell me not to show weakness! Every issue in the territory is all on me!! Why does everyone treat me like this? Why? What can I possibly do alone?!”

In her rage, she looked like she was revealing her struggles to me.

It felt like she was letting out thoughts she had wanted to share with someone.

I actually knew.

Vivian couldn’t cry out to anyone.

I recognized it because I felt the same. No one to rely on, and the adults around… honestly, they were terrifying.

As expected, she said, “A-all the adults look at me with disappointment…! If that’s the case, they can do it themselves! I’m saying I don’t know yet! I’m still learning! I’m trying…!!! Ugh! I’m trying, but no one acknowledges it!!”

“…”

“All this is because of your family… but what? It looks fine?”

Having reached her breaking point, she began to cry again.

In the dim moonlight, her silhouette seemed to droop.

“…Because of you… we… ugh… sob…”

She silently sobbed for a long while.

It seemed she was losing the strength to fight alongside her tears.

As quickly as the fire of her emotions had blazed, it turned cold as she muttered to herself.

“…I don’t know.”

“…”

“…I don’t get why I have to go through this…? Why do I have to suffer because of you…?”

“…”

“…Why do I have to protect Rondore…? When I have no one on my side…?”

Seeing her show weakness even to me made her look truly cornered. For that reason, I, too, found myself at a loss for words.

“…I’m tired. It’s hard. I’m scared. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“…”

‘…Shouldn’t I also go that way?’

Her murmurs echoed in my head.

I swallowed hard and asked.

“…So, you want to die?”

Vivian didn’t respond.

That silence alone was more than enough of a reaction.

I couldn’t hold back my emotions any longer and blurted out.

“…Then die.”

The way I spoke to Vivian was still coarse and blunt.

I didn’t know how to express it any other way, in a softer manner.

Vivian remained unresponsive, as if she genuinely intended to go through with it.

I continued.

“That’s right. Things won’t change for a while, so you might as well decide quickly. Like how I can’t return home no matter how much I whine, you can’t either. This is reality. So if it’s too hard to endure… just die quickly. I don’t want to see you crying any more.”

“…”

I had hoped she would fire back at me, but instead, she stayed silent.

It felt like I was talking to a wall.

“…Hah.”

That feeling made me furious.

The Duchess, Lois Rondore, even myself… we agonized over Vivian Rondore’s life, yet she acted like she could so easily throw her own away.

This situation was absurd.

So I chose my words carefully.

I bit my lip and gathered my resolve.

Well, since it’s come to this… I might as well play the villain well.

“…We crushed your family.”

Vivian’s body stiffened.

“Your death would only solidify that.”

Her reaction came immediately.

She grabbed me, pulling me down onto the bed, then climbed on top of me.

In the unseen darkness, her hands excitedly clawed at my face while searching for my neck.

Eventually, upon finding my neck, her grip tightened fiercely.

I grasped her wrist and continued talking.

“Ugh…! Just seeing your weakness… I can see what your family is like. You were never a match for us. From a psychological standpoint, you were already weak.”

“Shut up… shut up!!”

-Drip, drip.

Wetness fell onto my face. I realized it was Vivian’s tears.

“Do you even know what it’s like to live a life so painfully miserable you want to die?!”

“I don’t know. Ugh…! No matter how much I think about it, living is better. I won’t have any weak thoughts about wanting to die just because I’m having a hard time…!”

“Ugh…! Hicc!!”

“Scared of adults? Then you’re falling apart. I’m going to endure. I only need to last five more years. By then, no one will be able to look me in the eye.”

My words were cutting into her. I didn’t care.

“If you want to die, then die. I’ll help you. But don’t forget. Don’t blame us. Your death is simply… a result of your own weakness. The most pitiful way to die, right here in Rondore.”

I felt her shaking her head through the grip on her neck.

“Our family wasn’t weak! I’m not… doing this out of weakness…!”

While she burst forth in raw anger, she coldly spat out, “Yeah… if you still don’t get it, then I’ll show you. What it really means to live a miserable life. The life I’m living now… I’ll show you.”

I replied.

“Go ahead. You could go through what you’re experiencing a hundred times and I’d laugh it off. I wouldn’t whine like you or feel sorry for myself, or think about wanting to die.”

Vivian then released her grip on my neck and forcefully yanked the curtains aside.

Moonlight poured brightly into the room.

Simultaneously, she showed me her arms.

But she couldn’t finish her sentence.

What was revealed in the moonlight wasn’t just her bruised arm.

My injury-covered face also came into view.

One eye was swollen shut, various cuts dotted my skin. A molar was missing, and not a part of me was uninjured—arms, legs, torso, all marred. My shirt was soaked in blood.

Vivian couldn’t hide her agitation at the sight of me.

With quivering eyes, she looked at me.

These bruises weren’t from a whip; they were from fists and kicks, which were of a different caliber altogether.

She’d probably already realized the reason my face looked like this.

It was Vivian who had tossed me to the Punishment Unit.

Looking directly at Vivian, I said, “I’m not going to break over something so trivial.”

It was a lie. I was shaken. It hurt. I wanted to cry.

But I felt like I had to say this to Vivian.

I pushed her away and sat up.

Vivian was pushed back weakly.

“I’m going back home alive.”

I wiped away the tears that had fallen from Vivian’s eyes.

“Go ahead and try to stop me. Make my life even harder than it is. I’ll show you how I can overcome it all. I’ll prove that you were right about your weakness.”

I looked into Vivian’s eyes.

Thank goodness—her droopy gaze was gone.

Instead, it was a different kind of gaze.

After insulting her deceased family, perhaps this was only natural.

I got off the bed.

“So watch me.”

I told the speechless Vivian.

“Watch me live…”

Her red eyes stared intensely at me.

“Watch me grow…”

As if making a promise, I continued.

“Watch how strong I become… clearly.”

 

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