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85 Chapter

The meat of Harabana was truly fantastic. Thanks to Reiner packing camping gear and spices in his spatial pocket, I was able to enjoy a delicious meal.

‘It seems Reiner is good at household chores as well.’

As I tried to help clean up, I was firmly shooed away. I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and watched Reiner tidy up in front of the campfire. It seemed he had cleaned up too, as there were several fresh wounds on his body.

‘I should have been more watchful.’

His muscular arm, exposed as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows, bore a long injury that I looked at with worried eyes. Perhaps sensing my gaze, Reiner pulled down his sleeves to cover his arm.

“Are you okay, My Lord? Is there any pain?”

“I faced Harabana head-on, and I was merely assisting, wasn’t I? I’m perfectly fine.”

There was a slight edge to Reiner’s voice. He seemed displeased that he was unharmed while I was hurt. I rolled my eyes at his reaction and mumbled.

“Um… Still, we both survived, right? I’m just glad to realize how well you and I coordinate.”

Training with Reiner had typically been a one-sided affair where he helped me, leaving little opportunity for us to work in tandem. However, after this fight, I understood that we harmonized quite well, and as a swordsman, it was quite enjoyable.

‘It was an ideal movement.’

With me leading, we cornered the enemy from both sides, and when Reiner opened a path, I delivered the decisive blow. Reiner’s sword was straightforward yet heavy, complementing my unpredictable and sharp blade.

“You truly have become stronger.”

I sat cross-legged and lifted my head.

I meant it. I was just a bit abnormal, but Reiner was undeniably a genius.

‘How much effort did he put in to train that weak body to this level?’

Knowing Reiner’s past, I was sure that his present did not come without considerable effort.

After cleaning up, Reiner plopped down across from me with the campfire between us, leaving shadows on his fantastic face.

“But I want to become even stronger.”

“You should be strong enough already.”

He looked at me. Despite it being sunset, his golden eyes still glowed. It was as if he held the sun within his soul, constantly shining upon everyone impartially.

“I want to become as strong as Kashmir.”

There it was again. I pressed my chin with my hand as I finally opened my mouth.

“If you become as strong as me, what do you plan to do? Do you want to fight me and try to win?”

Reiner let out a soft, deflated laugh and shook his head.

“Not at all. I want to protect you.”

I gazed at him, who whispered those firm words with a steady voice, with a scrutinizing look. Reiner, who did not shy away from my gaze, had a gentle flame flickering in his eyes.

“I understand. You don’t need anyone to protect you and probably don’t want to be protected either. I get that, but I still want to protect you. I want to be someone you can trust and rely on. And…”

Calmly and quietly, Reiner, as if confessing, faltered before closing his lips and looking down, shaking his head.

“…No, it would be better to speak of this later.”

‘What? The most infuriating thing is when someone starts talking and then stops.’

As I shot him a confused look for cutting off, he chuckled lightly.

“Don’t worry. I’ll tell you when I become as strong as Kashmir.”

His mouth was smiling, but his eyes burned fiercely. I blinked slowly at him, nodding as I replied.

“I’ll be looking forward to whatever you have to say.”

I looked into Reiner’s smile as I let a question slip from my lips.

“By the way, My Lord. You call me Kashmir in such times, but usually, you call me Young Lady.”

“Cough.”

At my squinty question, Reiner coughed as if he had choked.

“Uh, I’m sorry for calling you by your name so casually. It was a breach of etiquette on my part.”

While commoners might call each other by their names or surnames any way they pleased, nobles only permitted first names for family, lovers, or close friends. I shook my head at Reiner’s polite apology.

“I’m not upset that you called me by my name.”

Through the softly glowing campfire, I could see his face. The face of my dear friend. I gazed at him playfully, curving my eyes.

“It feels like we’ve become close enough. When will you call me by my name?”

Reiner slightly parted his lips. He seemed a bit surprised.

‘Reiner is certainly worthy of being allowed to use my name.’

He was one of my precious people. Watching him with a slightly smiling gaze, he let out an exhale as he gazed at me with dreamy eyes.

“Kashmir.”

“Yes?”

“Kashmir…”

“That’s right. That’s my name.”

As I chuckled seeing Reiner repeat my name, he nodded in rhythm. With a sigh, he brushed his bangs aside. His large and strong fingers gently tousled my silver hair. After taking a deep breath, Reiner slowly turned to face me.

“…You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to call your name in front of you.”

His face wore a heavy expression, drenched in deep emotion. His eyes, filled with clear affection, had a slight growl to his voice.

“Did you want to call my name that much? Then why not say it? From now on, feel free to call me Kashmir.”

‘If he just said he would call me, I’d have permitted him anytime. Was he shy?’

I had forgotten that the Reiner I had seen until now, who looked like an icy statue, was surprisingly shy. Seeing the faint red of his neck confirmed it.

Convinced he was shy and unable to be honest, I boldly smiled, and Reiner, who had been gazing at me, brushed off and stood up.

“…I have been calling your name for a very long time. In places where you couldn’t hear me.”

He took a slow step forward, then knelt down before me, bowing his body. Even in a kneeling position, the height difference between us was considerable, so I had to tilt my head slightly to meet his gaze.

“Unknown mercenary, Mir. The only thing I know besides that you are Mir is your name, Kashmir.”

Reiner slowly lifted his hand and cupped my cheek. His large, cold hand, which felt slightly warmed by the fire, rested on my cheek.

Startled by the coldness transmitted through his touch, I gazed blankly into his golden eyes, which were starting to boil softly.

“I have longed for you, a face I do not even know, through countless nights. For me, you were my savior, my reason to live, and the only ideal I wished to reach from the moment we first met until now.”

I was at a loss for words, taking a deep breath. His gaze sparkled with a mix of tenderness and heat.

“After enduring those long times, I now call your name, but I still haven’t become as strong as you.”

His fingers gently caressed my cheek. The tips of his fingers, devoid of moisture, were still filled with the warmth radiating from my skin. If I raised my gaze, I’d find his eyes, brimming with self-loathing.

Tap.

As Reiner moved his hand from my cheek to my shoulder, his forehead leaned against mine. He lowered his head as if unwilling to show his expression, murmuring softly.

“Just wait a little longer, just a bit longer. Soon I will be as strong as you. I will never again simply watch as you throw yourself into the mouth of a monster, alone, like today.”

His grip on my shoulder trembled slightly. The heavy breath against my shoulder felt unstable.

“Kashmir. You should just leave me next time. Please, do not ever… take such actions before my eyes again.”

‘I see now. It wasn’t like it didn’t affect you.’

Once again, I felt it. Reiner Ain Hart was astonishingly skilled at managing his expressions. In front of me, his poker face crumbled, but amongst nobles, he was seen as an emotionless machine.

Yet I knew. While he was skilled at expression management, it didn’t mean he was devoid of feelings.

I had forgotten how calm Reiner appeared when standing. Foolishly.

I had thrown myself into Harabana’s maw as I was accustomed to doing alone, and Reiner had to helplessly watch.

He was forced to look on as a friend dove headfirst into danger.

‘…I did something I shouldn’t have.’

If the roles were reversed and Reiner did that before me, I surely would have knocked him down right after he emerged from Harabana’s mouth. I thought that even if Reiner was the same as me, he would have suffered even more than I had.

“Your Grace.”

“Call me Reiner. Reiner, please.”

His slightly cracked voice was desperate.

“…Reiner.”

Letting a soft exhale, I gently held the back of Reiner’s head where it met my forehead and drew him closer. He limply flowed into my embrace.

“I’m sorry.”

Reiner slowly took a breath. I quietly wrapped my arms around him, my senses overwhelmed by the strong scent of rosewood emanating from his nape.

“I’m sorry for showing you something you shouldn’t have seen.”

“Why are you apologizing to me?”

His large, firm hands gripped my cheeks, pulling back slightly. Though his eyes, filled with tears, were dry and yet crying, they gazed at me longingly.

“Please don’t. The one you should be worrying about is not me.

I wish you would care more about yourself. I hope Kashmir can be a bit more selfish.”

People hoped I would be a hero.

A black calamity who fearlessly threw themselves into danger for the weak. The righteous one who used their enveloping dark aura filled with despair solely to protect others.

People wanted me to use the strength I created from my own blood for their sake, and I thought that was only natural.

‘But you are saying you want me to be selfish.’

The once seemingly endless paragons of righteousness urgently pleaded with me for selfishness.

Slowly, I let my eyelashes droop and blocked my vision. It felt as if I would drown in the crashing golden waves if I didn’t close my eyes.

‘But I can’t do that.’

My lips hardened, revealing an expression of distress.

To protect others, even if it meant sacrifice, was indeed my selfishness. For me, my greatest desire was to see my loved ones live happily in a peaceful world.

To wish for peace inevitably meant preparing for war.

“Reiner, I will…”

Instead of spewing a simple lie that I would, I hesitated, trying to express my inability to.

In that moment, Reiner’s arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. His long and firm limbs held me tightly in their grip.

He enveloped me entirely, scattering my breath over my nape.

The warm breaths shared between our ears and nape spilled forth in an urgent rhythm against the backdrop of my white shirt’s scent. Every aspect of Reiner was stimulating. My whole body felt ticklish.

“…Don’t say anything.”

His tone, usually polite, was now rough and low. He felt like a child clinging to something that might disappear at any moment. I closed my mouth.

Reiner, who had sat me on his lap, kept his face buried in my nape for a long time, checking the quick rhythm of my pulse.

Knowing his arms, tight around my waist, trembled as if pleading for me not to remove him, I sighed and placed my hand on his nape.

Sometimes silence spoke more than a hundred tongue-twisters. Realizing that what Reiner desired wasn’t the truth but rather stability, I gently embraced him.

“….You smell like me.”

After taking a deep breath, Reiner murmured in a low, thick voice after a long while. His lips brushed against my nape, as if planting kisses there. I let out a small gasp, whispering back.

“You smell like me too.”

Reiner pulled me closer still.

The night in the cave passed as we comforted each other through the skin that touched the silence.

 

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