Volume 2 Chapter 44: “The Use of Despair”



Volume 2: “The Tumultuous Week”

Volume 2 Chapter 44: “The Use of Despair”



“—You were talking quite coolly just a moment ago.”

Fifteen minutes after declaring war in front of the Forest of Magical Beasts, Ram said this while glancing sideways at Subaru, and continued,

“Thinking calmly, it’s not like Balus is required to fight on the front lines.”

“Hey, hey, wait a minute. That’s true, but look at my overflowing motivation! I have an authentic one-handed sword inherited from the village youth group—I’m totally in fantasy mode right now!”

“That sword wouldn’t even have come into your possession if Beatrice hadn’t stopped Balus from going in unarmed. Going in barehanded would make you a liability.”

“I can’t honestly deny that.”

Subaru gripped the unfamiliar hilt and let out a sigh, shoulders drooping. The black sheath, copper-colored hilt, and blade about the length of Subaru’s arm felt unexpectedly light, leaving him bewildered. It was a weapon he had received following Beatrice’s advice to not face the Forest of Magical Beasts empty-handed.

The seriousness of the situation deepened over time. Because of the mounting urgency, he had almost decided on an immediate entry, but looking back calmly, he could honestly say that would have been a suicide mission.

Though she acted aloof, that girl with the curly pigtails actually did a great job when it mattered.

“By the way, can Balus use a sword?”

“I wonder… It’s a bit iffy. I have a second-degree in middle school kendo, but I don’t think you can compare actual swordsmanship with what we learned in school.”

Subaru swayed the sword hanging at his waist, feeling its weight.

He’d practiced for three years in middle school, along with swinging it around for no real reason afterward. He considered himself somewhat capable compared to total novices, but he certainly couldn’t say he was beyond a basic level.

This mismatched sword was one he had received from a young man in the village youth group.

He couldn’t just say “We’re going into the Forest of Magical Beasts now,” so he went through a pretty rough excuse to get it, but how much it would actually help him was still uncertain.

And what he had been entrusted with in the village wasn’t just that.

“In my pocket… there’s sweets, a pretty stone, and whaaat?! A BUG?!”

While rummaging through his stuffed pocket, Subaru let out a scream at the unpleasant sensation. The trapped winged insect flew from his hand and disappeared deeper into the forest. After watching it go, he wiped the sweat from his brow and said,

“Damn those kids for throwing weird stuff at me. I’ll lecture them later.”

“That’s proof they look up to you… I wonder what they see in such a guy.”

“The pure eyes of children sparkle with the essence of the man that I am.”

To Ram, who looked about ready to roll her eyes, Subaru shook his head and pointed.

“Besides, this isn’t just from me, it’s also a thank you for Rem. Actually, I’m more like the delivery guy for her gift. You got that, right? Just watch.”

“…That’s true.”

Subaru nodded repeatedly in satisfaction at Ram’s hesitant agreement.

The exchange he had before leaving the village struck a chord within him. He hoped that Ram, who was watching it all, felt the same way.

—They left the village and entered the Forest of Magical Beasts.

The children, still not fully recovered from their mana being drained, noticed Subaru and the others trying to sneak into the forest.

As they intended to thank Subaru and Rem directly, the kids shoved various items into Subaru’s pockets as a “thank you.”

Sweets, pretty stones, and even that winged insect were their way of expressing gratitude. There was no way he could just brush it aside. Even if the bug had escaped.

Having been pressed into accepting such unnecessary forms of gratitude, Subaru was unsettled as the children smiled and said,

“Make sure to bring Rem later; we want to thank her too… okay?”

Little did they know how dangerous a place she was in and why she was risking her life in battle.

The kids had no need to know.

Because—

“Don’t worry, you little brats. I’ll give a lecture to those kids who rush off into the dark woods at night without consulting anyone, alongside your reckless sister.”

It wouldn’t hurt to throw in that foolish boy who rushed into the forest and got his entire body bitten by dogs, causing great trouble for everyone.

Sitting through one night being lectured by the village head wouldn’t be too bad, either.

With that in mind, Subaru’s mouth gradually curved into a smile.

But then, he heard Ram’s voice from far ahead.

“By the way, your pace is a bit slow, Balus.”

Glancing back at Subaru, Ram commented with an exasperated look.

Pushing through the treacherous forest with ease, Ram was effortlessly moving forward in her unchanging maid outfit as if it were just another day in the garden.

Meanwhile, Subaru was panting,

“C-cut me some slack! I’m low on blood and guts. And by the way, I forgot to say goodbye to Emilia-tan!”

“Since you haven’t said ‘I’m back’ yet, your goodbye from last night still counts.”

“R-really? Is that how it works…?”

As he stumbled along, using his one-handed sword like a cane, he was painfully aware that his pace was far from quick, giving Ram just one more thing to be anxious about.

Unlike last night, they were searching the forest now during the day. While visibility was considerably clearer compared to after sunset, the thick canopy made it hard to see the way ahead.

He thought he was walking through the same places as before, but there was no denying the chance he was moving in the completely wrong direction. The depth of the forest could easily disorient anyone, and he started to genuinely think if he were alone, he might have gotten lost without being able to find the exit.

“Balus, hold on a moment. —Clairvoyance, activate!”

With a gesture of her hand, Ram murmured, and her right eye turned a bright red.

Since entering the forest, Ram had been periodically using her clairvoyance to search for Rem, who should be nearby. Unfortunately, there had been no results so far.

Whether Rem was simply beyond her sight, or—

“Don’t let your imagination wander. Fate will be delighted to manifest it if you do…”

He lightly tapped his head, trying to dismiss the worst-case scenario that had popped into his mind.

It had already been three to four hours since Rem deceived her sister and entered the forest. He couldn’t help but wonder how deep she had gone compared to them, who were following behind her. Given the improbability of her goal, he felt like even if they combed the entire forest, it still wouldn’t be enough.

Reflecting on Rem’s demands and the difficulty of his own survival made him feel a bit frustrated with his own cowardice.

“Oh, how pathetic. Get it together, me. Focus, focus! I’m here to protect the unguarded Ram while she uses clairvoyance, so don’t think of anything unnecessary.”

He drew the sword from its sheath, lightly cutting through the air to get a feel for it.

The sound of slicing through the atmosphere was quiet, and compared to a wooden sword, it felt slightly lighter. Its length made it easier to maneuver; the only hurdle was purely the resolve to wield a real sword.

“They say that in actual combat, handling a blade properly can be a pain.”

A blade handled by a novice would tremble uncontrollably, making it impossible to cut straight through anything.

He raised the blade, aiming at a thin branch in front of him, and executed a quick upward slash. The branch, about the width of Subaru’s wrist, was easily severed and fell to the ground with a rotation.

Taken by surprise, Subaru let out an “Oh!” at his own skill. Astonished by how easy the cut had been, he continued practicing his swordplay.

With each swing of the blade, branches and leaves scattered as the ferocity of the slashes increased.

He was reminded that surprisingly, the three years he spent practicing kendo in middle school and his subsequent swinging around had paid off, and feeling rather good about himself, he swung the blade widely.

“Oh?”

With a high-pitched sound, the blade sank into the trunk of a thick tree.

Entering was easy, but escaping was hard. The blade was stuck tight, and while Subaru felt a wave of cold sweat through his body, he glanced back at Ram, making sure she was still sharing vision with her clairvoyance.

With a firm step, he placed his foot against the trunk and began to struggle to pull out the sword.

“Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! How embarrassing would it be to lose my sword like this?! Come on, come out! Even if it splits in half, just come out already!”

“—Balus, something is watching us.”

As he fought to remove the stuck sword behind him, Ram, who had lost her immediate vision through clairvoyance, shouted.

—Something was watching them. The fact that she said this made Subaru shudder. If she, who could share sight with others, was warning him, then that meant the presence was—

“Close enough to see us…!?”

Letting go of the hilt that he couldn’t pull free, Subaru quickly scanned the area. Then, to his left—the shadow of an agile four-legged beast was leaping through the trees towards them at breakneck speed.

Upon realizing it was a familiar beast, Subaru promptly gave up on retrieving his sword. He crouched and picked up a handful of nearby stones.

“There’s no time to draw my holy sword, so take this instead!!”

He hurled the fist-sized stones at the jumping shadow in mid-air. The rocks had enough power that a direct hit would leave the creature incapacitated, but he was still an amateur. And hitting a moving target was pure luck.

His attempts were wasted as every stone he threw vanished into the deep forest. The beast, seemingly mocking his pitiful resistance, landed delicately and lowered itself as it rapidly closed the distance to Subaru.

“Here we gooo!!”

Predicting the beast’s movement, Subaru swung the diameter-less end of the wooden scabbard aiming for its face. Exactly as he anticipated, the moment the beast touched down, he struck when its head was vulnerable. His intention was to crush its snout—he thought.

“Huh!?”

A shocking sound of missing the target echoed loudly, slipping under Subaru’s footing as he staggered.

During impact, the creature, now lowered further, slightly altered its trajectory, avoiding the blow. The scabbard barely brushed against its back fur. Instead, with a wide swing, Subaru had left his back completely exposed to the beast’s fangs.

Directly behind him, he sensed the beast’s sharp teeth preparing to lunge. He felt a chill run down his spine as he tilted his head slightly, just in time to see its incisors ready to tear into his calf—just then—

“What are you fooling around for at such a critical moment?”

The gale summoned by Ram caught the leaping beast, disrupting its motion mid-air.

Due to the unexpected intervention, the creature was thrown off balance, rolling into the ground. Though it immediately attempted to rise, its limbs trembled violently, rendering it unable to move.

Subaru, apprehensive as he gazed at the now-breathing-heavy beast, firmly gripped his scabbard, prepared to strike down at any time as he swiftly moved to Ram’s side.

Pointing her palm at the subdued beast, Ram turned to Subaru and exclaimed, “Wow, your weapons have become rather poor since a moment ago.”

“I’ll admit my attacking power has dropped significantly. So, what’s the status of that thing?”

Pointing at the unmoving beast that Ram had presumably put under her control, it appeared to Subaru as if it were simply sleeping. He poked the beast’s body with the tip of his scabbard and, not receiving a response, turned it over completely. Its limbs sprawled out and its tongue lolled from its mouth—there was no sign of life. It was indeed, dead.

“What did you do to make this happen?”

“I told you I could use wind magic a bit. I simply cut its tendons with a blade of wind to suffocate it. —I didn’t intend to make it suffer for long.”

Ram said this nonchalantly. Looking closely, blood faintly dripped from the creature’s limb ends, and its expression bore a hint of agonizing struggle as if it had gasped prematurely.

Seeing all that, Subaru couldn’t hold back the curiosity that arose about Ram. How could she have said she could use a little magic? It was hard not to see this as something akin to an assassin’s job.

However, it seemed Subaru wasn’t the only one wanting to question her.

Before he could sort through his swirling thoughts, Ram stared at the one-handed sword stuck deep in the tree trunk and said,

“A useless thing.”

“Ugh!”

Such a succinct remark hardly required elaboration—it pierced right through.

With his chest in pain, Subaru knelt down, while Ram merely shrugged as she approached the tree with the buried sword.

With her palm facing the trunk, she used the wind blade again to gouge out the tree’s surface and easily freed the sword. Subaru, astonished by this display, rushed to catch the sword she tossed to him.

“Thanks, but can we not throw an unsheathed sword with a vertical spin!?”

Giving up on catching it, he retrieved the sword lodged in the ground, brushing off the dirt and putting it back in its sheath, feeling slightly silly for thinking about how it had finally returned to its scabbard when Ram tilted her head.

“By the way, the Urgalm also chose Balus instead of unguarded Ram. Just like last night, it seems there’s quite a popularity among them.”

“Oh, yeah. He’s radiating a considerable amount of pheromone.”

Subaru lightly placed his hands together over the beast’s corpse, scratching his neck as he vaguely agreed with Ram’s observation.

The sense that these creatures were prioritizing him had persisted since last night. As more events piled up, Subaru’s assumptions were steadily nearing certainty.

Nevertheless,

“So, have you found Rem with your clairvoyance?”

“No, unfortunately. She might be even deeper in the forest. We should hurry… although that increases the likelihood of Balus being attacked.”

Ram glanced at Subaru pensively as if pondering something.

While shifting her gaze between him and the beast, Ram seemed to make a conclusion and nodded.

“After all, it just seems weak.”

“The conclusion you reached after thinking that? How rude.”

“Then, it seems easy prey.”

“There’s no fundamental change there, Miss Sister.”

“Talking won’t change the situation. Let’s find Rem.”

“…Yeah, you’re right.”

With someone who wouldn’t break her pace as his partner, Subaru found it somewhat difficult. Unfazed, she continued deeper into the woods.

Chasing after her back, Subaru suddenly voiced the question he’d been holding onto.

“Can I ask what a Hornless is?”

It was a term Ram herself had uttered before they entered the forest.

It was a somewhat easy term to grasp, but Ram didn’t stop walking or turn around.

“It’s a derogatory term for a demon who lost its horn, despite being a demon.”

At the mention of demons, vivid memories of last night’s scene flashed into Subaru’s mind.

In the forest, Rem laughing heartily while drenched in blood. The white horn sharply extending from her forehead was unforgettable. She looked every bit like a demon from a fairy tale.

Yet, despite being twins, Ram bore no trace of such horns on her forehead. Of course, there could be one hidden beneath the White Prim that was part of her maid outfit, but that possibility had just been denied by her own mouth moments ago.

Noticing Subaru’s unvoiced confusion, Ram reached into her pink hair and said,

“I lost the only horn I had during a little scuffle. Since then, I’ve relied solely on Rem.”

“…Ah, did I just ask something I shouldn’t have?”

“Why?”

Ram, still facing forward, turned back, genuinely puzzled.

Subaru scratched his cheek, responding hesitantly,

“Well, I don’t know how big of a deal horns are for demons but I’d imagine it would be a significant issue. I thought I might’ve brought up something rather tactless.”

“If that were the case, it would be too late to bring it up now. —Well, don’t worry.”

Lowering her voice slightly to intimidate Subaru, she then smiled softly.

“Regardless of the past, I’m calm now. Losing my horn brought about alternatives and saved opportunities. Those matters are part of fate.”

He felt a sense of admiration for her broader perspective.

But just after saying that, Ram’s expression darkened as she added,

“However, I doubt Rem thinks that way. —That’s why we need to find her quickly.”

Turning forward, Ram gestured for silence.

It was time for clairvoyance again. He had to be extra vigilant around her this time.

Her right eye turned a deep crimson, and her sight moved beyond the surroundings. With a leap of vision, she traversed to a different plane, searching for their target.

Subaru had no idea how that act of borrowing another’s sight altered the world they perceived or the burden it placed upon Ram.

Each time she used clairvoyance, blood-tears streamed down her pale cheeks, and her legs shook as though she had walked an entire day. With that defiance, she stubbornly pressed on ahead through the forest.

Subaru thought he shouldn’t simply leave it to Ram, who railed against suffering without complaints.

Fundamentally, the twins of Ram and Rem were similar at heart. If one of them was going to endure suffering, it was always the other one who did.

Including Emilia, the women in that mansion tended to prioritize others too heavily.

“Why don’t you focus your eyes on the ground like me and panic a little more? —This is getting embarrassingly awkward!”

He kicked at the grass below. To his misfortune, the kicked dirt flew into his mouth, and the bits hit his eyes as well, leaving him disoriented. Caught off guard, he hurriedly spat it out while feeling utterly embarrassed about his lack of grace.

Still, this clumsiness somehow suited him well, and he felt a little more relaxed, softening the tightness in his heart.

And so he asked,

“Ram, are you worried about Rem?”

He knew asking while she was using clairvoyance might mess with her focus, but it slipped his mind.

With her eyes bloodshot and focused not here, Ram hesitated momentarily before answering.

“Of course. It’s true that she’s stronger than I am. But that doesn’t mean I have a reason to stop worrying.”

“…Yeah.”

“No matter what, she’s my little sister. That position won’t ever waver.”

Her resolve was strong; she was adamant.

Once Subaru grasped this anew, he recognized he had severely underestimated her; she used that position for more than just superiority’s sake.

And having acknowledged that, he too had to prepare himself.

“Honestly, I wanted to regroup with Rem first before diving in…”

He scratched his head and started some stretching exercises.

Ram sensed something off about Subaru’s behavior since they couldn’t gain any results; she ended the clairvoyance, returning to a normal view.

Wiping the blood from her right eye with a cloth she pulled from her pocket, she frowned and asked,

“What are you planning, Balus?”

“At this rate, it seems I’ve just been tagging along to be dead weight. I told you before we entered the forest that I’d be a proper help rescuing Rem.”

Although he hadn’t thought it was a likely scenario, the odds had shifted in his favor at around seventy to thirty. Of course, his real luck could negate that remaining thirty.

“Seventy-thirty is a pretty high chance to have, especially for me. I can’t toss it away. —Ram, how do you feel about crossing a bit of a dangerous bridge?”

“Being in a forest with hungry beasts and a young man? There’s probably no more dangerous situation for a maiden than this.”

“How rude, Miss Sister.”

Laughing, Subaru took a deep breath, feeling all the fear wash away.

If his assumptions were right, this could change everything. Although I knew it was necessary, the fear still knotted in his stomach.

—He couldn’t afford to waver now. The timid coward was all too familiar with this story. Even if he hesitated and wanted to retreat, he had to act.

As long as he moved forward, he’d be able to see progress.

“Ram, I’m actually—”

—About to say, “I can return from death.”

As he attempted to utter that forbidden phrase, he watched Ram’s expression freeze, bracing as if expecting something.

No—

Time itself came to a standstill.

Everything around them bled color, sounds dissipated, and the concept of time evaporated.

And in that world where everything was equally suspended, a single existence managed to emerge before Subaru.

“—It’s here.”

The mutter didn’t convert to sound.

Yet, he poured all the venom he could muster into the figure before him. If even a fraction of his feelings could reach it, he hoped that would settle his anguish.

—In the time-stopped world, there was one thing that wasn’t affected by the miasma.

That black miasma, appearing from nowhere, began to form the outline of an arm before Subaru, almost defiantly.

Fingers emerged, wrists followed, elbows sprouted, and upper arms formed — this was the same occurrence of miasma he had witnessed before. But this time, there were further changes.

“To the shoulder…”

The shape of a shoulder took form, transcending the upper arm it had created.

What had begun as a formless miasma was now shaping into a proper, complete “arm.”

From the onset, it began solidifying, becoming more distinct. Each subsequent appearance only saw the miasma solidifying further, and while he trembled in fear at that growth, Subaru didn’t have time to dwell on it.

Unhesitatingly, the fingers of the miasma plunged deeply into Subaru’s chest.

They pierced through the tender flesh and brushed against his ribs, heading straight for the heart thrumming within the confines of his rib cage.

Even knowing something was coming, the agony of having a heart abruptly gripped was unbearable.

The pain coursed through him, not allowing for any shriek or thrashing; it was only a language of torment beyond comprehension.

A long, agonizing, nearly unspeakable duration of pain unfolded.

His heart’s rhythm went haywire, blood circulation ricocheted chaotically, and his entire body screamed out. Blood tears welled up as his molars involuntarily fractured under pressure.

With such a visceral development, Subaru, unable to cry out or respond to the outside world, remained trapped, enduring the pain.

Eventually, that painful time blurred into the background, and his vision turned stark white—

“—Balus?”

Called out, Subaru became aware of himself kneeling on the ground.

From his down-turned mouth, drool emerged, and he hastily wiped it away with his sleeve as he stood up.

“That was close, close! Just a daydream…”

“You’re in no condition to push yourself, Balus. Simply hand things over to Ram. So, how are we supposed to find Rem…?”

She began but suddenly shifted her expression to one of realization, glancing around.

Among the now-silent trees, the sound of leaves rustled slightly, carried by the breeze. Listening intently, Ram turned back to Subaru.

“What did you do, Balus?”

“…I might have played a painful gamble with my own body.”

That immense suffering he had endured faded away, leaving no traces in his physical body.

Even while he found the tactic of leaving nothing but mental scars rather ugly, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of gratitude that it had left him enough energy to still move.

After all—

“The wind is changing… the scent of beasts is getting closer. And there are a lot of them.”

The serenity began to dissolve within the lush greens, and Ram’s face suddenly fixed to the right. As he followed her gaze, he spotted multiple red lights approaching from a distance.

First, five beasts would encounter them in just a few seconds, and Ram turned to face them head-on. Alongside her, Subaru withdrew his one-handed sword, preparing for the unavoidable combat.

“We haven’t yet found Rem…!”

“Don’t worry. We’ll probably regroup shortly.”

“How can you say that for sure?”

Shrugging under the sharp glare from Ram, he replied,

“Rem’s goal is to hunt the beasts in this forest. —As long as I’m here, they’re bound to chase after me as their prey. So, she’ll have no choice but to arrive here.”

He had thought it through. Always questioned it.

Why did the beasts consistently target Subaru?

In this repetitive cycle, he always ended up cursed every time he encountered a beast. This wasn’t some unavoidable fate; it was as if a powerful force were making these creatures target him every time they crossed paths.

The beasts reacted excessively to Subaru’s presence. The answer lay with the one who had reacted as strongly as they did—someone had made a statement that stood out.

“The witch’s lingering scent.”

The beasts were said to be humanity’s enemies that the Witch had created.

And they always showed an overreaction towards Subaru, who wafted the scent of the Witch. The reason he was attacked upon entering the forest was likely the same.

If the beasts showed up because of a faint trace of that scent, then he might as well flaunt it around.

If all the beasts in the forest, every one of them that had cursed him, gathered around, leading Rem to join them, he would let it flow freely.

This was Subaru’s plan for reuniting with Rem while ensuring his own safety.

—He dubbed it the “Natsuki Subaru Decoy Strategy.”

As always, this was a way of ensuring he wouldn’t put himself at the front lines, but he hoped it would work out well.

Previously, when he attempted to reveal his ability to ‘return from death’ to Emilia, the miasma had appeared again. At that moment, Beatrice casually mentioned something before.

With the emergence of the miasma, Subaru’s smell of the witch intensified.

—Perhaps that miasma had some connection to the witch herself.

That’s why every time the miasma appeared, the scent of the witch surrounding Subaru grew stronger, ultimately growing into a lure for the beasts.

A torment he could never vocalize, coupled with agonizing pain nobody could hear.

Taking that fate into his own hands, Subaru couldn’t help but smile at how he could finally strike back.

—Ah, I’ve finally managed to get back at this fate that has cursed me in this loop!

Inwardly cheering, he tightened his grip on the one-handed sword as the beasts approached.

Then, he loudly announced to Ram standing beside him,

“Well, I’ll be relying on you more than ever in this fight, so I’m counting on you!”

“Once this is over, you’d better reflect on what you’ve just said,” she huffed dramatically.

Just as the wind blades collided with the oncoming beasts, the battle against the magical beasts was about to rekindle, with a fresh face getting ready to engage.