Chapter 57
“…Damn.”
In the early morning, I woke up rubbing my forehead.
After letting out a long sigh filled with self-loathing, I quietly got out of bed and headed outside.
Leaving the building and crossing the street, I arrived at the riverbank.
There, I began to wash my body in a hurried manner, thinking I should clean up before anyone saw me.
This had been happening a lot lately.
I kept having those dirty dreams.
As a result, the frequency of my visits to clean myself grew.
Maybe I should just relieve myself through a maid like some of the boy soldiers.
…Of course, even if that were a possibility, I really didn’t want to do it.
Strangely enough, I didn’t want to be with just anyone.
“…”
…But if it’s her, the one who always appears in my dreams, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.
I knew I shouldn’t touch her, but the fact it’s forbidden only serves to excite me more.
What would happen if a situation like that arose?
Would we hurl insults at each other while our bodies craved each other like wild beasts?
That sudden thought made my blood rush again.
I cursed under my breath and rubbed my forehead again,
as I felt reactions rising from my body that I couldn’t even understand as I grew up.
Every time my libido stirred, it was exhausting that she was the only one on my mind.
I dipped myself in the cold water.
I hoped my lower half would quickly calm down, breathing deeply for a moment.
The chill of the water felt like I had returned to my hometown, bringing my mind into focus.
“…Ugh!!”
Just then, a scream erupted from behind me.
When I turned around, I saw the familiar red hair that had been so annoying in my dreams.
“…Vivian.”
I let out a hollow laugh, completely taken aback.
I never expected to run into her now.
Unlike the excitement I felt in my dreams, the emotions I experienced in reality were so mixed that I surprisingly managed to greet her calmly.
“W-Why are you completely undressed?!”
Vivian asked, unusually flustered, her voice tearing through the still early morning.
Fortunately, my lower half was submerged in water.
“…What about you, what are you doing here at this hour?”
I asked her back.
Vivian covered her eyes with her hand and replied.
Every time our eyes met through her fingers, it felt awkward.
“It was too hot in my room… so I just wanted some fresh air… no, but why are you here?”
“…I came out to wash up because I was hot too, what about it?”
As if it was no big deal, she waved her hand dismissively.
“Hurry up and put on some clothes.”
“You turning away or doing something would help me too.”
As Vivian hesitated and got noticeably flustered, I gained some odd courage and provoked her.
“Why hesitate? Should I just go out like this? Want to see everything?”
“…Huh?”
For a moment, Vivian shot me a sideways glance at my provocation.
Her reaction, revealing strange curiosity, surprised me, causing me to ask.
“…What was that reaction?”
“…Shut up. I’ll turn around now, so hurry up and get dressed…!”
Without delay, Vivian turned around.
I paused to catch my breath, and only after seeing her stiffen did I take a step forward.
-Splash!
As I got out of the water, Vivian flinched.
I kept my gaze locked on her, fearing she might turn around.
Because of that, I was able to take in each of her reactions.
Whether it was curiosity or something else, every time she looked away, I hesitated.
Maybe it was because of my natural state or the dream of being with her, but I felt a little embarrassed.
In the end, she didn’t look my way.
I dried off and put on the clothes I had prepared.
The dirty ones were tossed into the river without a second thought.
I shook my hair off and said to her,
“Alright, I’m done.”
“…Hah…”
Vivian slumped down, as if the tension had lifted with my words.
It struck me as oddly cute to see her shy demeanor after such a long time.
“But are you crazy?”
However, that wasn’t the honest thought that came to my mouth.
“Are you trying to get yourself killed wandering around at this hour? What would happen if you ran into an assassin or something?”
“…I told you it was hot.”
Vivian replied with a hint of annoyance.
“And I’m not as weak as before. I don’t have to hide in fear all the time…”
“…That’s different. You can’t beat an assassin.”
“What assassin?!”
Frustration welled up as I pressed her further.
“Hey, you idiot. Don’t you realize how tense things are around here lately? Can’t you see the factions forming?”
“That’s why it’s actually safer, Kylo. Everyone’s so on their guard that they can’t think about attacking. What would happen if I got caught up in this tension?”
There was a strange conviction in her voice.
“And don’t worry. I thought this through before coming out today. Today is fine.”
“No, I mean, what’re you talking about…”
I sighed.
Vivian caught that sigh and turned her body around to sit on the ground, looking at me.
Then she patted the ground next to her, inviting me to sit.
I quietly took a seat beside her.
In that early dawn when the sun began to creep up and everyone was still asleep,
It felt strangely natural that we spent unexpected time together.
I never thought such moments would come when I first arrived here three years ago.
-Swish.
With a cool breeze blowing, Vivian shifted closer to me.
It felt like she was using me as a windbreak.
Perhaps it was a bit chilly for her as a noble lady.
Our shoulders brushed slightly against each other.
I couldn’t understand why that little contact made me so conscious.
In my dreams, I would boldly grab around here and there.
“You’re too worried right now, Kylo. But… a storm is coming soon. You probably won’t be able to walk around freely then.”
“…Storm?”
Vivian looked at me. A resolute expression now replaced her previous flustered demeanor.
“…I’ve written a death list.”
She said.
That heavy word left me speechless.
The atmosphere suddenly grew tense.
“I divided the people I want to be with and those I have to remove into categories. I’m planning to manage them accordingly.”
“Where do I fit in?”
Vivian smirked and replied,
“…You’re one of the people to be removed. One who should suffer.”
I smiled lightly before asking further.
“Who else is on the list to be removed?”
“Not just anyone who should be removed, but those that need to be eliminated. Can’t kill everyone.”
“…So, who are those people?”
Vivian sighed and started naming names.
“Treasurer Brinden, Spy Nesto, Scholar Krellyn, Butler Pippin, several maids, some guards, a few soldiers, the 1st Knight Order, and Baelor.”
“What about your uncle or Count Korod?”
“I need to make sure they lose interest in my land. First, I need to take down the Castle of Rondore.”
“…But will you deal with them all like that?”
“That was already the narrowed down version. But yes, I will turn everything upside down.”
“But didn’t you say there are people you’d give another chance?”
“Yeah, but not the ones I just mentioned. They’ve had enough chances; now it’s time to remove them. Of course, I have to be careful not to kill recklessly… I need to find a reason first. Evidence of betrayal or something.”
“And what if they didn’t betray you?”
“Still, I’ll get rid of them. Just feels wrong.”
“What if there’s no way to remove them except execution? So then you’d kill them?”
Vivian looked at me resolutely and said,
“I would.”
“…”
“…In that case, I’m afraid you’re going to have a tough time.”
“…”
Her face held a firmness I had never seen before. It was hard to imagine her as the girl I had known.
She was not the girl who used to cry years ago.
“Kylo.”
Vivian called me softly.
She gently placed her hand on my thigh.
“…”
A shiver ran down my leg.
Vivian’s hand settled on my thigh deeper than I expected.
There was no way she could be ignorant of how startled she was at just that touch.
“…Like I said, a storm is coming.”
But her words were reminding me of the harsh reality.
I nodded in agreement.
“Before that, you should also take some time to rest. Things might get very complicated ahead.”
“…”
I nodded again.
Our faces were closer than ever now.
“…”
“…”
Our breaths touched, and our gazes did not part.
In the deep dawn, an owl hooted from somewhere.
The sound of the gently flowing river joined in. The song of crickets and the rustle of leaves in the wind.
With the cool breeze and softly falling moonlight.
I lost track of how long we stayed like this.
In all this, we only looked into each other’s eyes.
We remained as still as stone.
“…What’s up?”
In the end, I quietly asked, unable to hold the tension any longer.
Vivian replied, almost whispering, as if sharing a secret, “…What… is?”
Her hand resting on my thigh moved slightly.
She definitely didn’t pull her head back.
If she leaned in just a little more, our noses would touch.
“…”
She pretended not to know, but I could tell she felt it too.
Time had passed in silence, and it was time to part our gazes, yet we continued to look into each other’s eyes.
Having spent years together, this was the longest gaze we had ever shared.
Vivian swallowed hard.
Her eyes dropped slightly, landing on my lips.
It was a look easily mistaken for longing.
“…”
“…”
Her gaze stayed glued to my lips, and she slightly parted her mouth.
It seemed like she wanted to say something, yet no words came out.
Then she bit her bottom lip lightly.
Her lips started to glisten with moisture.
“…”
That broke something inside me.
A wave of desire washed over me to feel her soft lips.
Maybe it was because of the dream I just had.
My body moved on its own.
I slowly brought my lips closer to hers.
My hand also moved, wanting to grasp the back of her neck.
“…Ugh.”
-Swish.
But as I inched closer, Vivian blinked, as if coming to her senses, and pulled back.
From that moment on, she breathed slightly quicker.
“…”
…I clenched my hand, which was outstretched for her neck.
I too belatedly regained my senses.
What on earth had I just attempted to do?
It was between her and me.
Our families had been at war for years.
Vivian acted as if nothing had happened just now.
“W-Well, just make sure to rest up before the storm hits. I’ve also decided to give some rest to the members of the Punishment Unit.”
I said, shaking off my awkward thoughts.
“…Those kids would just be stuck in a cell even if they rested, it wouldn’t feel like a break at all.”
“I’ll let them out.”
Vivian declared.
I was taken aback by that shocking statement and asked back.
“What?”
“I’m going to allow the Punishment Unit to have outings.”
“…If they’re not the Punishment Unit then…”
“That’s true. But I’ll allow it under my terms. It’s still my prerogative, right?”
“…”
“Many of them entered as boy soldiers, but now there are plenty of grown men too. It would be stifling to just keep them locked up all the time. They’re on my side; I need to take care of them.”
I paused, contemplating this.
“…Do you even understand what that implies?”
When the Punishment Unit gets outings, they’ll meet their families, sure… but only one destination awaits them.
That would definitely be the brothel.
To relieve their overflowing lust, they would surely go there.
That’s the toughest part of their confinement.
And if I wasn’t mistaken, Vivian seemed to have had that in mind as she said it too.
Just like a moment ago, our atmosphere had suggested.
“I know.”
She replied.
“…”
Perhaps it was due to her more matured appearance, her bigger height, fuller chest, longer legs, and the even more beautiful face?
Or was it because of what she was saying right now?
Vivian looked more adult than usual.
The girl from my memories was beginning to fade away.
“Do you really understand what I’m saying?”
I indirectly asked again.
She always used to claim lust was dirty.
This change was difficult to comprehend.
Vivian nodded more firmly in reply.
“Yeah. Now I… think I get it…”
She looked at me. Like before, staring into my eyes quietly.
“…Now, I think I can understand that desire…”
