――I feel sick.

“Hey, Ram! Did you see that just now?! My knife skills have gotten way more refined in just one day, right?! Have I unlocked my talent?!”

――It’s so gross, so gross.

“Hey, Rem, look! This delicate craftsmanship—my fingertips are practically filled with miracles! Appliqué!”

――So gross, so gross, so gross.

“Emilia dear, every time I see you, you scramble my heart! Seriously, it’s such a sin that I feel guilty!”

――So gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross, so gross.

With a smile plastered on my face, acting like a fool, my tongue spins at full speed as if greased. I throw myself into the work at hand with all my might, fearlessly tackle any failures, and roam around seeking out events as soon as my hands are free.

I dig deep into my memory, replaying the four days I’ve repeated so far until it’s burned into my mind, etching every possible happening as best I can.

It has to be this way. I must do it.

Not a single second can be wasted. Examine every possible occurrence, simulate the success and failure of necessary events.

Just think of it as a game. Execute thorough flag management. I should be good at this. The more I meet, the more the possibilities increase.

I should be able to smile better. I should be able to make them laugh better.

Act as if my mind is empty, but don’t stop thinking.

Engage in meaningless, extravagant actions. Make them think you’re a fool not worth cautioning. Avoid being judged as useless.

Contradictory thoughts and conclusions. If you have time to worry about contradictions, act before you think. But before moving, question your actions’ significance.

Always be aware of whether you’re acting unnatural. You mustn’t let your guard down even for a moment. There’s no room for failure, no room for it.

――I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail.

The alarm keeps ringing again and again in my mind.

It’s a warning of danger. Though I’ve come to this other world with barely any progress, I have this keen sense of danger.

Danger is approaching. Mistakes are being corrected. I don’t know where it’s coming from. Stay alert, step lightly, and keep your wits about you.

“Hey, Ram, I’m not slacking off, okay? I’m doing my job thorough and proper. A senior like me could just lounge around in my room and take a siesta if I wanted to, you know?”

Dodge, dodge. I evade the situation with a carefree attitude and a superficial smile.

Am I doing well? Am I truly being Natsuki Subaru? Did I avoid raising any suspicious thoughts? Even if I could maintain this before Ram, if my true self is exposed before Rem, everything would be ruined.

Disguise myself as the natural, innocent Natsuki Subaru.

It’s simple; it’s my story. Just return to being the lazy pig who didn’t notice a thing about the hearts of those living in the mansion, enjoying whatever was given without a care or restraint.

Not knowing anything, understanding nothing, noticing nothing, doing nothing. I should have been good at that. I couldn’t do any other way. It should be an easy thing to do. I should have been able to do it while laughing.

With a giddy smile plastered to my face, I walk.

It’s inside the mansion. I don’t know where or with whom I might run into. Understand that there’s no real freedom in your spare time. Spend any blank time recalling the past and planning future actions.

“Uh, ugh…”

Suddenly feeling nauseous. Only a groan leaks from my lips, but I still keep my smile intact.

My feet skip along as I dance and gracefully slip into a nearby guest room. Heading straight for the washroom in the room,

“Ugh… Ugh, eww…”

I empty my already empty stomach into the sink.

Every morsel I’ve taken in is expelled as if everything is being purged. What comes out is just yellowish gastric juice, causing immense pain as I squeeze it out, and eventually, even the gastric acid runs dry.

Still not satisfied with the relentless nausea, I gulp down water from the sink to fill my stomach, and right after, I throw it all back up again. Again and again, I wash out my stomach contents.

“Ha… Ha, ha…”

Roughly wiping my mouth with my sleeve, I breathe heavily with a pale face.

The crushing pressure feels like it’ll kill me right there. If this time without rest continues, just that might lead to a frail death.

Scoffing at my absurd state, but without even a dry smile.

What fills my mind instead is the ever-growing anxiety and despair.

――Am I really doing okay?

Looking back, I think the best relationship with the people in the mansion was back in my first clueless cycle.

Then I’ll replicate that first cycle and follow the same circumstances.

No, doing that is merely tracing the second cycle. The second case merely traces the first’s contents while adding Rem’s iron fist of fatigue. That’s already walking down a wrong path.

If the third and fourth cycles are excluded from consideration, then what I should emulate is indeed the first one. Not just redoing the first cycle, but doing it better than the first time.

The first time, my abilities at every task were low, but I had tackled the tasks head-on and truthfully. The second time, I was found out for trying to achieve similar outcomes as the first and resulted in being accused of slacking.

Then for this time, like the first time, I’ll give it my all and produce results that are even more proper than the first time.

If I do that, neither Ram nor Rem will abandon me. As long as I steer clear of a route that would result in my execution by them, one fear will be alleviated.

But the issue is,

“I still have no clue where that sorcerer is hiding.”

Considering Rem is dead, it’s reasonable to assume the culprit is an outside individual.

If they’re aiming for the mansion—if they’re related to the Royal Selection, then given my ignorance about those relationships, I’m practically stuck.

To expose the identity of the sorcerer, cooperation from mansion acquaintances is absolutely essential.

At the very least, calling for vigilance won’t be in vain. But how much influence does Natsuki Subaru possess in this mansion at this point?

“Who would heed my advice in this state where I haven’t earned any trust…?”

Moreover, I’m greatly restricted from clearly revealing that source of information.

Thus, I begrudgingly accept that for now, I must endure this stomach-churning discomfort while passing time.

Time is running out. Not having enough time is frustrating. I have no confidence in being able to endure this agony any longer. I want it to end quickly. It can’t end. My words won’t reach anyone. To make my words reach, I need time. And there’s no time. I need to do something. I feel sick and pained.

Thoughts spiral into a dead-end multiple times.

Last night too, I got swallowed by this continuous spiral without a hint of sleep. The anxiety with an obvious reason, trying to shake it off blindly while finding no solution feels powerless.

If only I could choose the option of just screaming ‘danger.’ Even if they thought I was crazy, it wouldn’t be a bad gamble if it could save the lives of everyone in the mansion.

If preemptive measures are taken, everyone would safely meet the fifth day. If the conditions worsen and the sorcerer decides to retreat, there’ll be a grand conclusion.

――But I can’t bear the thought of not being there.

As long as she and the others are safe, that’s enough, I cannot simply throw away my existence.

My hope lies in everyone in the mansion surviving, and beyond that, overcoming the fifth day in harmony.

I possess no spirit of self-sacrifice.

I’m greedy, lavish, stubborn, and a thoroughly boorish nature.

That’s why,

“Ah, damn it… how pathetic.”

Having resolved to choose suicide, when the chance presents itself, I cannot stop myself from hesitating.

Once something is picked up, life becomes precious. After thinking I had thrown it away, when it returns to me, I wouldn’t easily consider letting it go again.

I’m like that too.

That life I thought I had discarded, the one I believed was over.

After winning the gamble and coming back, the terror of finding that back in my grasp again envelops me.

I can’t fail; I have no second chances.

This will be the fifth time. And Subaru doesn’t have the kind of optimistic personality that would think I can still ‘return from the dead’ afterward.

This time, I managed to come back. Next time, that may not be the case. Constantly being aware that this might be the last of me at the edge of a cliff slowly wears down my sanity— the more sane one is, the more it corners a person.

Unless I’ve fallen into madness, I don’t have the courage to make the decision to risk everything to resist.

I remain utterly mediocre, utterly commonplace.

I’m reminded of my smallness in such a way that I start to despise myself.

“When do I have time to whine and moan like this, idiot…?”

If I have even a moment to whine, it’s far more important to crack a joke and earn some impressions.

As I finally shake off the dwindling nausea, I slap my stiff cheeks, encouraging myself, then head toward the guest room.

For now, my designated job has ended, and even this empty time feels precious. I must find either Ram or Rem—

“Finally found you.”

Just as I lean out from the door, I’m greeted by a voice.

Turning around, I see Emilia, her breath bouncy.

The moment I catch sight of her silver hair swaying in the wind, my consciousness shifts gears with a clang.

I adapt to the situation, forgetting all about my stomach pain, heartaches, and feelings of confinement. Right now, it’s time to turn to Emilia and raise my cheeks with a flirtatious grin.

“Oh my, Emilia dear, to think you’d pick me! What a delightfully rare surprise! Anything you want, command me! I would dive into flames or through waters, even into the Thieves’ Repository’s dark corners for you!”

I point my finger up to the sky, swaying my hips and posing in rhythm.

I’m astonished at how quick my change of demeanor is. Yet Emilia’s response is not what I expected at all.

I was expecting a face of exasperation or a sigh, but instead,

“Subaru…”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, that’s not cool, Emilia dear! You’re blowing off the meticulously crafted comedy routine I’d thought up all night! Once a joke’s been told, it can never be used again due to freshness! Do you understand the pain of having your newborn ideas snuffed out by you, Emilia dear?!”

I act out biting my sleeve in remorse. However, Emilia’s reaction to this is still quite sparse.

Her expressions betray none of my predictions. Instead, she gazes at me with eyes that blend pity and sorrow.

――This is bad, my instincts scream a warning.

“Emilia dear, why are you so quiet? If you’re that beautiful and silent, I might confuse you for art and bring you back to decorate my room, giving you good morning and good night kisses every day!”

Something feels off, my mind screams repeatedly.

Her response was entirely different from any expectation. Not reacting with frustration or anger is unexpected. While I could have considered a response if she were angry, the fact that she gazes at me with such a pained expression means…

Could it be that my shabby clown mask has been seen through by her?

In that moment of panic, I recall the presence of the gray cat that is always by her side.

Recalling the characteristics of that cat declaring itself a spirit, I recognize how inconsequential my past actions are.

How foolish it is to feign a facade before someone capable of reading my heart.

The moment I realize this, my bravado crumbles.

The smile that had been plastered on my face vanishes without a trace, replaced by a feeble expression like a child waiting for reprimand.

Before someone who sees through everything, the embarrassment of continuing the charade as if it hadn’t been noticed wells up. More than anything, my petty pride that wanted to keep this from her feels wounded sharply.

A silent moment hangs between us.

I’ve no chance to crack jokes now, and Emilia is likewise searching for words as she gazes at my expression.

――I hated the thought of disappointing Emilia.

But what could I say that would sound like an excuse? There’s nothing to break this impasse.

Again and again, I try to open my mouth, yet the crucial words evade me. Feeling the frustration build up, Emilia suddenly whispers, “Alright.”

“Subaru, come here.”

“…Huh?”

“Just come.”

Grabbing my arm, she pulls toward the guest room from where I had just stepped out.

Starting from halfway in, I find myself dragged back in without understanding her intent, a question mark hanging over my head.

However, Emilia doesn’t respond to my confusion; she places her hands on her waist and glances around the room.

“Now, sit down, Subaru.”

She points at the floor as she says it in her unchanging, bell-like voice.

Obeying her finger, I look down at the ground. The floor is carpeted, and while it’s an unused room, it’s well-cleaned. Of course, I could lie down comfortably here.

“Sitting on the floor? Why not on a bed or chair? Why the floor…”

“Just sit on the floor!”

“Yes, as you wish!”

Commanded in an unusually strong tone, I unintentionally sit cross-legged on the spot. Seeing me sit, Emilia nods with satisfaction and sits beside me.

Naturally, I have to look up at her from my low position, but I don’t even have lustful thoughts on my mind right now.

Simply struggling to grasp Emilia’s true intentions.

“…Okay.”

Emilia murmured softly.

With an intake of breath as if double-checking or telling herself, Emilia mirrors me as she sits cross-legged next to me.

Even though her beautiful face is so close that we could almost touch, I watch her white profile intently, trying to catch any emotions that might show. Suddenly, I see her white face flushing slightly, and her ears turning a faint red.

“Because it’s special.”

“—Eh?”

With words like a gentle reminder, a question mark rises in my mind, but before I can voice it, something presses against the back of my head.

Naturally, my cross-legged position is no match against the force of inertia, and I tip forward—welcomed by a soft sensation.

“It feels a bit off. And it’s prickly.”

Something shifts beneath my head, and Emilia’s bashful voice flutters right beside me.

Startled, I lift my gaze, further shocked by what I see.

Right above me, Emilia’s face is startlingly close, even as if our faces might touch. I realize absently, “Ah, so this is what it’s like to be upside down.”

In this proximity, upside down, and with a soft sensation below my head.

――All these keywords come together and form a single meaning in my mind. This means…

“A knee pillow?!”

“Don’t say it so clearly. Also, you’re not allowed to look over here. Close your eyes.”

She lightly taps my forehead and covers my eyelids with her palm, blocking my view. However, I shove her hands aside.

“While a bashful Emilia is the best… But seriously, what’s the situation here? When did I earn the right to receive such a reward?”

“That kinda overblown bravado isn’t good for you.”

My forehead gets tapped again. But this time Emilia keeps her hand there and, while holding my forehead, she brushes away my bangs.

“I told you, Subaru. When you’re exhausted, I’ll give you a knee pillow. So here it is. It can’t be every day, but today is special.”

“Special or not, it’s only the second day! If I looked that worn out and groggy, then I’d be the world’s greatest weakling…”

“I can see you’re beaten. You won’t tell me the details, will you? I don’t think this will make you feel better… But I’m not capable of doing anything else.”

Cutting off Subaru’s words, Emilia speaks gently, still gazing at me with affectionate eyes. Her fingers, which were scooping my bangs, begin to part my hair and stroke my head leisurely as if soothing a child.

As I chuckle slightly, I try to shake off Emilia’s affectionate actions.

I’d go so far as to say it’s ridiculous, that I’m not doing anything so embarrassing in front of her.

“Ha ha… Emilia dear, that’s… me…”

Yet my voice trembles, and I can’t get out the next words.

The gentle sensation of her fingers stroking my head makes it impossible to disconnect my consciousness from that feeling.

“Are you tired?”

“W-well, I can still do more. I’m still fine…”

“Are you struggling?”

“If you’re so kind to me, see, I might fall for you? And then, again… that… ha ha.”

Her short questions resonate hollowly through my responses.

I can see those words are empty; I recognize that feeling deep within me.

Then Emilia quietly leans her face closer to mine.

“—It was tough, wasn’t it?”

“———!?”

She said it in a loving way. She said it in a caring manner. She said it tenderly.

Just hearing that alone, that single word caused the worn-down barricade within me to shatter.

Breaking, crumbling, everything I had kept inside burst forth.

What I had thought would be contained, yet couldn’t erase a single fragment of that violent passion welling up within me.

“It was tough… it was incredibly painful. I was so, so scared. So, so sad. I thought I might die from the pain…!”

“Uh-huh.”

“I did my best. I really did my best. I was desperate. I was desperate to fix everything…! I swear it’s true. I’ve never worked this hard before in my life!”

“I know.”

“I loved this place… It meant something to me, this place…! That’s why I was desperate to bring it back. I was scared. Terrified! I hated what I saw… I hated myself for thinking that…”

Emotions spiral out of control.

Once that explosion occurs, it flows forth uncontrollably, soiling the facade of the cowardly mask I wore with tears.

Tears won’t stop. Snot drips down. My mouth fills with incomprehensible liquid, turning my already pitiful sobs into something even more unbearable.

How disgraceful. How pathetic. A grown man is weeping on a girl’s lap while being patted on the head. I want to die from embarrassment. It’s as if my heart is so full of warmth, I’m about to burst.

Emilia’s gentle responses to my sobs resonate with tenderness. Even when she says, “I understand,” it’s clear that not a fragment of my experiences has reached her.

Even so, Emilia’s voice carries a weight that I can’t dismiss with a laugh.

I don’t know why. Perhaps I only want to think this way.

Yet, the truth remains that right now, I feel as if I’m being saved by this unfathomable warmth.

With tears streaming down my face, Subaru continues to cry on Emilia’s lap.

Crying, wailing, eventually fading into peaceful breaths, leaving only soft sleeping breaths in the guest room.

※※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※

――Rem entered the guest room at the moment Emilia gently stroked Subaru’s black hair as he slept.

Opening the door without a sound, she almost opened her mouth upon seeing Emilia, but then,

“Shhh.”

She put a finger to her lips, silencing herself with Emilia’s gesture.

Shaking her short blue hair, Rem leisurely surveyed the room. Then, she walked over to Emilia, who was sitting directly on the floor with Subaru’s head on her lap.

“Is Subaru-kun just sleeping?”

“Yes. Hehe, look, he looks like a child. His face says he feels better when I pet him.”

Entertainingly, Emilia pets Subaru, seeking affirmation from Rem. She responds with a quiet nod.

“Today, it seems Subaru-kun won’t be able to handle any more tasks.”

“Right, today’s a break. Taking a break just two days in, what a very bad child. Once he’s back to normal, make sure to discipline him, okay?”

She chuckles lightly and returns to the task of messing with Subaru’s face.

It seems she has no intention of moving Subaru from her lap, and Rem interprets her attitude that way, quietly watching over Subaru.

In his innocent, slumbering expression, tension and superficiality have vanished.

For some reason, when he’s with Emilia and Rem, before smiles appear, a hint of stress often fills him.

Feeling something significant from that attitude, Rem thought to tighten her watchful stance.

“Seeing him asleep like this makes me lose any will to be harsh.”

Following Emilia’s lead, Rem gently brushes Subaru’s bangs aside, observing him in a vulnerable state, like a baby untouched by the world. That sight felt a bit pitiful, causing Rem to soften her lips slightly.

“I’ll tell sister that Subaru-kun is useless today. We need to redistribute the chores.”

Bowing, she politely makes her declaration, turning to leave.

Heading back to where her sister is, she closes her eyes, where that place immediately connects. She would head straight there, intending to convey her words accurately.

From behind her—

“Rem.”

Stopping at the call, Rem slowly turns around.

The height difference from where Emilia sits gives a curious sense of being looked down upon, which leaves Rem with a strange feeling of pressure.

Not noticing Rem’s subtle surprise, Emilia quietly says,

“—Subaru is a good boy, you know?”

Rem responds to those words with a deep bow.

Then, without a glance, she heads toward the door, leaving the two behind in the guest room.

As she walks down the corridor, Rem ponders the meaning of Emilia’s words.

A slight tremor runs through her expressionless face, without her even realizing it.

――Just a faint whiff of evil lingers in Rem’s heart, leaving behind the slightest trace of unease.

 

---