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The spy, barely managing to utter a word, claimed, “This is all a conspiracy. You know this is just a joke, right?” Unfortunately, that voice went unheard by anyone.

“…Honey.”

“…Ah.”

Charles Nostrim and Grace Nostrim, trying to figure out whether she was their third daughter-in-law or a mistress (both were true), were stunned into silence, their limbs shaking like a mascot from Bikini City, drenched in cold sweat as if they’d just been slapped across the face by a calamity.

The shocking revelations about their child’s romantic escapades shattered their brain pressure gauges into pieces. Their brains were boiling, creating a delectable brain-bisque.

Likewise, the eldest son, Jerry Nostrim, and the eldest daughter, Adela Nostrim, were still reeling from the blow that felt as if they were struck with an eight-inch monkey wrench.

“Ah, please, little brother…”

“Haah…”

Of course, Lucia and Francesca, accustomed to such trivial antics (often referred to as harassment by investigative agencies), sipped their tea with calm gazes, thinking, “That sister is at it again,” and “Could you be a little more careful?”

Duke Alexandra Petrovna, who knew of the saint’s notorious temper since her childhood, clicked her tongue and thought, “That girl hasn’t changed at all,” but she only aimed her annoyance at her insufferable disciple.

What she had just performed, a shy and cute prank, was akin to pouring gasoline onto a family already troubled by having two daughters-in-law and setting it ablaze.

“…Eh?”

Saint Veronica, the home-wrecker, who hadn’t hit upon the vibes of impending doom, froze in place as she belatedly caught the dramatic atmosphere.

In the meantime, Frederick, resembling nothing more than a starfish with intelligence lower than that of a dolphin, kept repeating that “It’s a real conspiracy!” over and over.

However, his only ally, Camila, was too busy getting yelled at by her master to hear his self-defense, and Akande, understanding that this wasn’t his moment to intervene, merely sipped his tea.

Only the silent outcries of the guilty echoed in the space. Perhaps this was the tenth circle of Hell that Dante failed to capture in his Divine Comedy: Inferno?

“No way!”

…Well, what did it matter?

Whether it was the tenth circle of Hell or the second, they were all just Hell, after all.

Regardless of the circumstances, the threshold of Hell would always present the same phrase to those who arrived.

『If you see this sign, abandon all hope! (Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate!)』

The members of the Nostrim family, now welcoming their third daughter-in-law, had to quietly abandon all hope.

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Episode 19 – HELLDIVERS

The fate of the information agency agents, who prided themselves on their glamorous romances, was dire, according to Frederick’s words.

Considering he had emphasized to Camila multiple times that “James Bond is only fun on the screen,” the mere fact that he was playing around with women like James Bond was a tremendous joke.

(Of course, the French agents, who loved flirting more than anyone, might have rated his actions highly.)

But who was Frederick, anyway?

He was a deputy operative hunting reds, a seasoned veteran who’d spent over a decade in intelligence!

Although a life-or-death crisis had befallen him, this was a minor mistake that hardly qualified as a crisis (asking why he called it a life-or-death situation and then contradicted himself is an un-cool question).

“Damn it!”

Having assessed the situation, Frederick made a serious decision to extricate himself from the crisis.

This was quicker and more precise than a K-military commander’s resolution. His decision was as follows:

1. The family noticed the daughter-in-law count had increased from two to three.

2. The excuse of being conspired against was as effective as mosquito tears.

3. The family couldn’t be persuaded, and to resolve the situation, he had to eliminate the cause of the problem.

4. What was the cause? The sudden appearance of the third daughter-in-law.

5. Therefore, removing Veronica would resolve everything.

In just 1.44 seconds, he had created a five-step schematic (which could also be read as a collection of nonsensical ramblings) and sprang into action like lightning.

“Die, you evil spirit!”

“Colonel? What’s—Kyaaa!”

“Get lost!”

With ghostly speed, Frederick threw Veronica out the front door, eliminating the root of the problem.

The skill of tossing an adult woman like a piece of luggage was both quick and precise. Even the intelligence agency instructors who would chase after him with a baton every time he jogged would have been taken aback and rated his skills (but failed his personality assessment), and even the notoriously strict evaluators of the Military Intelligence Agency would have been shocked enough to call HQ (requesting a return to the base).

“YAAAH, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!”

Perhaps the saint wasn’t winning at Go-Stop for nothing?

Even as she tumbled down the stairs, Veronica didn’t forget to express her heartfelt gratitude, showing the true dignity of a clergy member.

But true gentlemen are generous when it comes to minor kindnesses!

Frederick graciously declined the saint’s thanks (exactly, her furious curses), then swiftly slammed the door shut!

“All done.”

“…….”

“…….”

And he even declared with utmost military spirit, “No issues during duty!”

With their son’s trashy behavior rendering both parents utterly hopeless, they finally understood what it meant to be blinded by tears.

Was mere words not enough? Amidst this chaos, the saint, unable to fully express her gratitude, began stomping at the door, causing a racket with shouts of “Open up! I’ll really kill you if you don’t!”

But what did it matter?

The entrance door of the residence wasn’t fragile enough to be ruined by mere human fists and kicks, and the voices coming from beyond the door (curses)…

The heartfelt emotion conveyed through mere words was undeniable.

“Open it!”

“Shut up.”

“I’m seriously warning you today. The moment this door opens, I’ll just—”

“Shh!”

Slopes, slopes, everywhere.

For the members of the Nostrim Family, this place was just like heaven (not really).

*

A little while later.

The youngest daughter, Ayla Nostrim, paused the moment she crossed the threshold, fresh from her overseas business trip.

“…What’s with everyone?”

“You’re back, our daughter.”

Her exhausted, aged parents who seemed to have aged fifty years during her absence. Her dazed older brother and sister.

The house looked like it had been smashed to bits, as if it had received a direct hit from a 155mm penetrator round, and the atmosphere was as dreary as a U-boat fleet crewed by a mustachioed Austrian arts student who had migrated to Bikini Bottom!

What on earth happened here?

“Did someone fight? The atmosphere is so gloomy.”

Ayla couldn’t even put down the pile of gift bags she had brought and kept glancing around the house.

Upon finding the source of the problem, the family scrambled to grasp the mental thread that had slipped away and began spewing out excuses.

“Uh, nothing’s happened. Our daughter must be really hungry, right? Let’s hurry and prepare dinner after you wash up….”

“Yeah, yeah, mom will set it up….”

“Ayla, how was your overseas trip? Can you tell your brother and sister about it…?”

“…Uh, okay. But first, I’m going to take a bath.”

The entire Nostrim family desperately shielded their youngest daughter’s eyes and ears. It was absolutely necessary.

There was no way they could inform her that their crazy son had brought back two foreign daughters-in-law and hurled a high-ranking official of the foreign government out right on the doorstep!

Thus, even the parents, along with the eldest son and daughter, dashed out with all haste to desperately manage the situation.

“This is strange….”

Ayla tilted her head, puzzled by her family’s unusually unnatural behavior, but she didn’t suspect for a moment that she was being deceived.

Just as the timid youngest daughter was about to leave her bags and clothes behind to walk towards the bathroom…

“Ah, just stay there for a bit. No! I said don’t come out, just stay put for five minutes! …What? A pre-marriage meeting? What the heck are you joking about again? Just…!”

Meanwhile, she caught sight of her familiar older brother muttering something to the darkened room far away.

It was a scene where a swift and concise agreement (a technical term for confinement) was being reached between the parties involved in the affair to restore peace within the household. Unfortunately, Ayla was completely oblivious to the situation.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh, hey!”

“Yikes!”

In a moment of panic, Frederick leveraged his office-trained Alt+Tab skills from his intelligence days as he leapt up.

He swiftly closed the door where the illegal immigrants and the foreign guest were hiding, quickly locked it from the outside, successfully concealing the evidence, and began to act as if nothing had happened.

“Ayla, are you back?”

“…What are you doing alone?”

“I was organizing the storage and a rat came out. I went to get some medicine.”

It was a very unfair excuse from the perspective of the rats (illegal immigrants + foreign guest), but right now, that didn’t matter at all.

“A rat? Ugh, why is there a rat here too? I really hate rats.”

“Looks like one must have come in with you.”

“There were rats at my business trip too… Ugh, I really hate this.”

Ayla quivered at the news of a rat appearing and dashed off to the bathroom.

And then, the very one who brought the rat, Frederick, verified two or three times that his sister had disappeared before exhaling a sigh of relief and quietly opening the empty room’s door.

“Come out quietly, quietly.”

“Squeak.”

Unable to suppress her playful spirit, Camila, playing around like a little mouse, got smacked on the head by the Duke for being so audacious in her antics while stifling a silent scream.

Just then, Akande, a guy as big as a bear, stealthily made his way out as Treasury Department Official and Ministry of Foreign Affairs Official whispered into Frederick’s ear.

“I just got a call saying the back door is clear.”

“Are we sure there are no journalists?”

“Yep. We have a vehicle waiting.”

The news that the Government of Abas had dispatched vehicles and personnel to rescue a family on the brink of collapse had reached them.

Therefore, Frederick sighed in relief and expressed his gratitude (though he should have been thankful to the government, but that’s not the point) towards his brother and sister before leaving the house.

“Haah…. Thanks. I’ll be back soon.”

“Just make sure you come back on time.”

“Got it.”

Thus, the spy successfully led away four illegal immigrants, one officially admitted person, and one foreign guest through the back door, and the youngest daughter was able to avoid encountering her three sisters-in-law until the moment she stepped out of the shower.

However, the dedicated journalists’ fantastic live coverage, mixed with expert editing, was broadcast to the embassy’s television.

In the end, a tragedy awaited as Ayla soon picked up on the truth, but for now, it was a matter of indifference.

What was almost a pre-marriage meeting (with three daughters-in-law, mind you) was postponed to another time.

All’s well that ends well.

*

And as everyone expected.

The lucky James Bond, who promised to return early, was again absent that day.

 

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