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**Episode 18 – The Man Club**

Frederick, awakened after a whopping 500 episodes, suddenly finds himself on the ground, dazed and confused after being hit by a million-volt Fire Punch from the “Great Magical Sparrow (Archmage)” as if he could shoot a railgun like an otaku schoolgirl.

Having inherited ‘Squirrel Thunder,’ he embarks on a journey to seek enlightenment from the ‘God of Thunder,’ Thor, who enjoys the unique hobby of cross-dressing permitted only to men. Thus, he heads to Asgard (not Ass-guard)…

“Eh?”

Frederick, sprawled out flat on a sand dune, snapped back to his senses.

His body felt as heavy as lead, and his brain was creaking oddly.

He remembered awakening with Squirrel Thunder and shooting out purple lightning, but why was he here?

“…….”

With great effort, he pulled himself up, only to behold an unbelievable sight.

Blue flames danced wildly across the desert.

A pair of fiery skewers jutted out of the sand, next to Camila, chanting incantations.

The flames, roaring forward, scattered green fire, while a purple bolt struck down with a crash, sending the ember particles flying into the air.

– Crackle crackle…!

“Graaaaaah!”

A scream pierced the silence, and his vision flashed.

The pig that had been struck directly by the purple lightning displayed everything beneath its skin (and skeleton) like a cartoon as it squealed in distress.

Staring vacantly at that surreal scene, Frederick let out a sigh and finally grasped the situation.

“…Ah.”

Right. I was in the middle of a 1 vs 2 fight against the Duke.

The foolish being had belatedly realized the truth, but it was already too late. There was plenty of purple lightning left over to share, not only with the pig but also with the squirrel.

“Gyaaaaaaaah!!”

“Graaaaaah!!”

The sounds of the pig’s distress and the squirrel being fried swept across the quiet desert.

—

Frederick and Camila, deep-fried to a crispy exterior but still dazed, barely managed to regain their senses.

“Ugh….”

“Graaaah….”

Their limbs trembled! Their faces were charred black!

An aromatic smoke full of 48 carcinogenic substances, led by benzopyrene, wafted up. Deep-fried Frederick and Camila were quite the horror show.

– Poke. Poke.

Lucia poked the duo with a stick she had pulled from the back of a monster.

(This monster, living beside the river, was eco-friendly and had a tree planted on its shell. By the way, Akande had cleaned this one up for dinner.)

“Are you alright?”

“Ugh….”

Frederick, as deep-fried as can be, finally nodded in response.

Lucia, throwing the stick aside, spoke to Francesca and Akande, who had come to watch.

“You are doomed.”

“…Who are you killing…?”

The Archmage’s impressive cooking skills left even the ignorant saint and the barbaric warrior in awe. Unsurprisingly, the alchemist, well-versed in magic, had nothing but admiration as well.

“Lightning magic is one of the most challenging elemental spells. Controlling its power is no easy feat….”

Francesca muttered, stroking her cheek, unable to suppress her curiosity.

“Is it really that high of a difficulty?”

To which the alchemist declared firmly. It’s incredibly hard magic.

“Yes, indeed.”

“Specifically, to what level?”

“Lightning magic is banned even in duels conducted by the Magic Tower. It doesn’t matter how skilled the mage is.”

This indicated just how difficult it is to control its power freely. Lucia couldn’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable with the testimony from a former Magic Tower Secretariat member.

“Should I call it amazing that you survived such a dangerous spell… or should I say it’s impressive that you can even lower the power of a forbidden spell?”

“Both, I suppose. I certainly wouldn’t bet on surviving here.”

Francesca added with a chuckle, ignoring the low mumble of curses from Camila.

“Even though you fought together, both of you did remarkably well against the grandma. Especially the Colonel.”

“You maintained your sanity despite getting struck by lightning not once, but four times. I’m thoroughly impressed.”

Frederick mumbled quietly, thinking that he hadn’t endured that.

Of course, the two were oblivious to his thoughts, as Lucia and Francesca continued their chit-chat.

“Still, you managed to shoot lightning even without the ability to use magic. Even with the help of a magical tool, your accuracy and power seemed comparable to Duke himself.”

“Could it be a technique to replicate absorbed magic? Fascinating. It seems the Hero has improved since the days when his magic power was lacking… Grandma’s method must be quite effective.”

“I think so too.”

At this, Frederick and Camila both silently thought. We don’t agree at all, you guys…

In the midst of the worried holy woman and the intrigued alchemist, the barbaric warrior who was completely lost in thought shouted with excitement.

“Look at that lightning! The frying performance is off the charts! Hurry up and prep the chicken!”

“Chicken, why…?”

“But we can’t eat this.”

Akande pointed to a pair of chickens (a perfect harmony of male and female) rolling around on the sandy ground. He looked utterly sullen.

Just then, as Frederick and Camila silently extended their middle fingers, an unexpected voice rang out.

“My dear disciples are causing quite the ruckus, aren’t they? A dreadful lot, indeed.”

The fry-master extraordinaire, Alexandra Petrovna, ambled up with her arms crossed.

The Archmage cast a disapproving glance at Frederick and Camila, who were still in their unfortunate states.

“I only gave you a jolt strong enough to tense your muscles. How come you still cling to the ground, refusing to get up? Did I perhaps coat the sand in honey? If not, get moving. It’s quite embarrassing to witness.”

The Duke, feeling his face redden from their shameful display, was at a loss.

“…….”

Frederick, overwhelmed with sorrow, looked for help, but unfortunately, everyone was too caught up in their own mess.

Lucia was ready to grab her mace and run, while Akande scampered off to face new monsters. (??: Don’t come! Please, just go!)

In this situation, the only one to rely on was Francesca, but she was busy crafting a magical tool that could defeat the Archmage. Essentially, there was no one around to help.

“Dammit….”

They say family is all you can depend on, and that old adage couldn’t be more accurate.

Tears welled up, rolling down his ashy cheeks. Frederick desperately hoped it was just sweat.

While the defeated Camila and the tearful Frederick together created a sea of tears, the Duke’s stern voice penetrated their ears.

“Cheer up. Failure is the cornerstone to success. Don’t wallow in despair, press on! And what kind of man cries like this?”

“…….”

“Prepare for the next duel once you gather your wits. In the meantime, I’ll check on the other kids. This time, please, don’t disappoint me.”

Silent screams slipped out, but they went unheard by the Duke.

With faltering steps on the sand, the two began preparing for yet another duel.

—

Even though Camila and I were getting wrecked in the 1+1 setup, if you asked whether only the two of us were in trouble, the answer would be a resounding ‘not at all.’

The human reengineering furnace had five students in attendance. Education was delivered fairly and equitably to all.

“Ugh!”

The blow I struck with all my might came crashing down without landing. Like chasing a mirage, my mace only brushed through the air, failing to touch even a single fluffy hair.

“Your movements are too simple. While honesty may be a virtue for the faithful, it should be thrown away in a fight.”

The reeds formed a crescent, and the bright shooting stars chased after the magician.

Her nimble steps carried no force. Without any tricks or strength, she floated lightly over the sandy ground.

Thus, the Archmage dodged her opponent’s kick effortlessly, without breaking a sweat.

“Your confidence in strength is commendable. However, my dear saint, you should have a clearer understanding of your position.”

A green mirror swirled in the air.

Reflected and scattered light tickled their vision, creating a cheerful sound as the rings collided.

“Using natural elements to distract… What a wonderful idea. No matter how strong a mage may be, they are still just a mere human; they cannot defy nature.”

Frowning, the Archmage focused her senses.

Like a snake tightening its grip, she maintained her composure even as she faced the rising lines and edges.

In the nick of time, she crossed her arms to deploy a protective barrier that deflected all the green blades.

“But, child, we’re talking about magic here.”

Amid the swirling green gusts, the Archmage locked her eyes on the young alchemist controlling the lines.

“To make the impossible possible.”

Snap! Just as the cheerful echo faded, dark clouds gathered. The dazzling mirrors, which had once shone brightly, lost their power and turned into mere blades.

“A true mage must always seek a way out, even when cornered at the cliff’s edge. That is the essence of magic.”

A hulking figure, leaping like a tiger, kicked her in the chest.

The punch swung like a bear’s paw, mercilessly beating the opponent while the kicked leg resembled a horse’s hind limb.

“In all essence human, yet you fight like a beast. Truly a wondrous occurrence. Although I’ve met many opponents in my lifetime, I have never encountered one like you.”

No wild beast can be stopped by anything.

The stalwart guardian of the protective school succumbed to the overwhelming force, and the barrier of the protective school failed to halt the wild horse’s charge.

“The more I see, the stranger your strength is. I cannot understand its origins, nor grasp how to deal with it. If I were to be given such a task at my age, I would never suffer from boredom for my remaining days.”

Three streams of blue flames began to leap across the space.

In a lively chase, the animal was hunted down, and not long after, it was pierced by three arrows.

“While strength and momentum are commendable, lacking judgment is a mistake. How do you hope to escape if you run away, huh?”

“Fire! Scary! So very scary!”

“Tsk tsk…”

“Is there even a wild beast that runs away with a hunter in front of it? Beasts are born as hunters, not prey. They act like tigers when fighting, yet run like deer when fleeing.”

The Duke ruthlessly and justly tackled everyone without mercy.

How could his skills be so exquisite that there was not a hint of complaint?

“Ugh…! The silver-haired woman. So strong. More frightening than my mother….”

“Your Highness, while you may show kindness at times, you are indeed very strict. Please show me your injuries. It’s best to heal while you still have strength.”

“Thank you very much. I am overwhelmingly grateful. But where did the alchemist go?”

“He left saying he needed to adjust something. I just managed to find a clue, but the magical tools are broken. They need fixing.”

Lucia, Francesca, and Akande took turns facing the Duke. Surprisingly, the one landing the most effective hits was Akande.

Curious about the reason, I asked, and he replied that he had fought frequently since he was in the tribe.

“I, Shamir. I protect if the tribe is in danger. That’s Shamir. So I’m used to it.”

“Oh, is that so? I thought it was just street brawling.”

“Of course. That happened often too. Dogfighting. I’m more confident than anyone.”

“What a load of nonsense….”

A bragging little punk.

Lucia and Francesca were also achieving considerable success. However, even Akande, who was leading the charge, had never beaten the Duke, so it seemed there would be no dramatic victory tomorrow.

Nonetheless, if they trained step by step, it wouldn’t be long before they could win a match.

The Archmage, having faced the five students, confidently stated, “You will likely leave here within three months. You will have more than enough time for that.”

If the Archmage said so, it could be considered less of a prediction and more of a prophecy.

With such a positive evaluation, everyone became quite spirited.

But, true to his foul-tempered nature, the Duke proved not to leave things on a warm note. (From what I observed, he belonged to the most foul-mouthed category.)

“If you’d bothered to find excuses not to return and to fool around half-heartedly, your departure might have been earlier.”

“Ah—Professor!”

“Is there anything wrong with what I said?”

Even though the disciple pouted, asking him to speak more nicely, the master ignored it.

The Duke merely snorted and clicked his tongue.

“An annoying brat like you whines but doesn’t have the slightest thought of working hard.”

“Hiiing….”

It was just then that Camila had a sad expression on her face.

Suddenly, the Duke, who had been wandering around with his arms crossed, went “Hmm?” as if he heard something strange, and began scanning her lips with his eyes.

“Wait a minute. Did you sneak something to eat? Why do you have crumbs on your lips?”

“…Uh, no! You must have seen wrong!”

“Oh dear…. You’re done for. Go inside and prepare for training right now.”

“Gyaaaah!”

Having been caught sneaking food (an Akande signature recipe – ingredients gathered locally) without the master’s knowledge, the disciple screamed.

While I watched this unfold and chuckled, I suddenly felt a chill run down my spine, accompanied by an ominous premonition.

And sure enough.

The Duke called me out too, as if I were part of a 1+1 deal.

“You go too.”

“Me?”

“What’s there to be surprised about? It’s been days since you trained with the child.”

I had no idea if I was an ally or a 1+1 promo item or a set menu. Anyway, I get why you’d bundle me with Camila.

If you’re going to tease someone, just pick on her and leave me out of it…!

“……”

With a sulky expression, Akande across from me started making a fuss.

“This guy’s suddenly turned into a frog! He’d be quite chewy if fried!”

Please, just shut up.

*

The soldiers of the security detail assigned to the Embassy of the Kingdom of Abas in the Jamria Federation (the place plundered by the Duke) wailed.

Amidst the heartfelt punches from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the Kien Empire’s Foreign Ministry cried, “Spare us!”

As five students turned from human remodeling in the crucible into fine men (and let’s emphasize again that three of them are girls) at that moment.

Archduchess Alexandra Petrovna prepared for a 1 vs 2 match against Camila and Frederick, continuing her relentless training.

“As I’ve emphasized repeatedly, ‘Barbara’ can become a sword or a shield depending on the user’s intention.”

The Archmage, perched on a rock, lowered his voice like a sage.

“I hope you will record more defensive spells in ‘Barbara’ and become a shield for the children. My involvement in your life is not my place, so how you use ‘Barbara’ entirely depends on you.”

So I wondered… Alexandra Petrovna asked what kind of spells she primarily wanted to record.

After some brief pondering, I responded to her.

“I’ll go with attack spells.”

“Do you have a reason?”

There wasn’t any particular reason.

National strength lies not in defense but in attack!

As I declared confidently, Camila, listening beside me, began to glare at me as if to say, ‘Who the heck is this?’. Of course, I didn’t care in the slightest.

After contemplating my answer, the Duke nodded, saying it wasn’t a bad answer. Guess he’s not Hitler for nothing. (At this point, it felt like habitual defamation.)

“Very well. I will assist you in recording attack spells in ‘Barbara’. You know the method, right?”

“Ah… of course.”

The method the Duke mentioned referred to receiving magic head-on.

He wasn’t the creator, so he didn’t know the specific principles, but if Giovanni Ranieri left behind any records, he’d check and let me know; in the meantime, he told me to record magic this way.

Well, I was fine with ‘Barbara’ protecting me, but standing still while magic is flying toward you is quite unsettling.

“Hmm….”

Is this really the best option? If I die, does that count as a work injury? Should I just throw ‘Barbara’ back to the Duke and shout ‘Just spare me!’?

As I sunk deeper into my worries, the Duke had already approached Camila and began talking to her.

“With your limited magic power, you’ve achieved precise and powerful spells. I’m proud of you.”

“Oh, it’s nothing~ Hehe.”

“It feels like just yesterday when you were running around with some weird fire poker. But now you’ve reached such a high level of achievement….”

The Archmage’s blue eyes filled with emotion. When told to practice magic, she had brought along a bizarre fire poker and had been shouting, ‘Swoosh. Swoosh. Swoosh. S-save me.’ But finally, she had become a proper magician.

Truly, the master was right.

I was genuinely enraged when he told me to throw her into the snowy mountains and say, ‘Hey, sister! Go capture a thousand beasts for me! You can do it, my disciple!’

But eventually, by this method, he had become an Archmage himself and turned his disciple into a decent magician and human being. Perhaps the master’s method was indeed the right one?

“Umm….”

No way. Still, throwing a girl alone into a mountain swarming with monsters was a bit extreme.

If Camila had acquired mind reading, the moment she read the Duke’s thoughts, she would have cried tears of blood.

Master. Was it not a serious matter to have thrown me into the middle of a desert teeming with monsters? You’d think you’d gone senile after reaching a hundred years old….

Of course, Camila wasn’t a mind reader, and the Duke didn’t voice his thoughts. So the conversation ended on a warm note, and any potential tragedy between master and disciple (?????: You that wretch, how dare you dabble in necromancy…! / ???: Isn’t it funny, Professor? Everyone has worked so hard in training….) never even sprouted.

“You’ve found the clue, and you’ve figured out how to handle magic efficiently, so now that will lead you beyond the wall.”

“Really?”

“Indeed.”

The Duke gently stroked Camila’s hair and asked if she wanted anything.

Without hesitation, Camila answered.

“Food! Snacks!”

“Anything but that.”

“Hiiing….”

As soon as the wish she had most yearned for disappeared before her eyes, Camila became a sad sight. Fortunately, she had another wish as significant as food; it was something the Duke could easily grant.

Magic.

Camila asked to be taught a new spell, and the Duke said it was a simple wish and told her to say everything she wanted.

“Okay. What magic do you want to learn?”

“The one that shoots out purple lightning!”

“Fulgor, you mean?”

“Yup!”

The disciple nodded vigorously! The master smiled brightly!

It was indeed a gentle smile, just like any other day. Yet, for some reason, Camila couldn’t shake off a strange sense of déjà vu.

Why? It felt like bugs crawling on her body. Aah, surely not…. No way?

“I mean, Professor? Could it be…. You’re not saying you intend to handle the training, attack spell recording, and ancient magic passing down all at once, are you?”

“……”

“…Are you?”

“……”

The Duke smiled, and Camila murmured.

This was what happened seven seconds before lightning struck the heads of the two.

*

And a month passed.

 

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