Chapter 76: “A Hell Named Self”


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Volume 6: “Memory Corridor”

Chapter 76: “A Hell Named Self”



——

As Natsuki Subaru gazed at his own palm, a girl before him cried and clutched her head, feeling the despair of “Return by Death.”

He wasn’t hurt by being called a monster, nor by being insulted.

It was madness. He could understand why people said it was unbearable.

Subaru himself had died many times.

He was fully aware that those experiences were far from ordinary. He just gritted his teeth and endured.

He held onto the idea that it was better for him to suffer than for someone else—friends, acquaintances, or important people—to suffer a fate worse than death.

That was why—

“——Ah, I’m amazing, Natsuki Subaru!”

Clenching the palm he had been staring at, Subaru genuinely praised himself.

He had praised himself before with words lacking substance, either to comfort himself or to inspire determination.

But this self-praise was different.

With a keen sense of objectivity, his “memories” and “feelings” acknowledged the path he had walked up to today.

“What do you know? I’m not so bad, after all.”

This also applied to “Natsuki Subaru,” who had returned to the beginning of his otherworldly journey, having lost his “memories,” and who had reached this point by deciphering the “Book of the Dead.”

From a state of ignorance about the other world, he had stacked up experiences of “death” that matched the span of a whole year. He managed to come back without completely shattering his heart.

Thanks to this, the “memories” he lost and the “memories” he gained afterward could finally combine.

“Leave Meily and Shaula to me, I’ve got this.”

To Meily, who had developed a penchant for murder and was on the verge of losing her future.

To Shaula, who wanted to continue her blessed present after being freed from her 400-year wait.

“Ram and Julius are pushing themselves too hard. Those two are really something.”

To Ram, who always knew what was best and showed thoughtfulness that was more reliable than anyone else.

To Julius, who had lost his support but still held onto his conviction of wielding his sword.

“Beatrice and Echidna too, of course, are still imposing on me. Seriously, what is up with me…”

To Beatrice, who selflessly supported Subaru and was the first to notice when his heart was reaching its limit.

To Echidna, who worried the most about Subaru losing his “memories” and ultimately granted him forgiveness.

——

And no matter how many times “memories” might be lost, he still found himself drawn back to this path with you.

He wanted that. He had no choice but to.

He couldn’t imagine any other way.

That was how much he—

“——E.M.T”

With love and a sense of certain comfort on his lips, Subaru raised his face.

He then looked at Lui, who still covered her face and trembled.

“Hey.”

“Eh!”

“…You’re way too skittish.”

With just one call, she flinched dramatically, causing Subaru to scratch his cheek with his finger.

She was a girl with an undeniably young appearance. Seeing her quiver in fear and desperately try to reject the world tugged at his heart. It was as if she inherently possessed a fragile vulnerability that made him want to reach out.

Surely, she had an innate ability to ease someone’s guard and slip inside their heart. Perhaps it was a pure crystal honed through forced circumstances.

Lui Arnebe, who knew nothing of the world, existed as a pure and innocent being.

Yet——

“——Lui Arnebe, you’ve lost.”

——Natsuki Subaru would not forgive the sobbing Lui Arnebe, who cried like a baby.

——

In response to the outright declaration of defeat, Lui’s eyes widened in shock.

As he observed the fear blooming in her eyes, like ink spreading on a white sheet of paper, Subaru’s heart remained calm as a tranquil sea.

The world wasn’t full of problems that could just be ignored. The acts committed by Lui and her brothers were heinous, unforgivable atrocities.

It wasn’t that she had lacked opportunities to learn. She surely had chances to touch upon joy, anger, sorrow, and pleasure through others’ “memories” and might have had the chance to grow.

However, what she absorbed was not kindness or compassion for others, but a much darker, grotesque desire, along with a tendency to trample on the earnest lives of others and spit on them.

Perhaps her teachers had been lacking. Perhaps her brothers had been poor examples of how to live.

But the fact that she never seized even once on the opportunity to return from a path gone awry was her decision.

“If you were part of me, you might know this, but your… Archbishop of Sin bears the same crown as the Seven Deadly Sins. And there’s a romantic term for ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ that corresponds closely to a thing called ‘Seven Virtues.’”

The Seven Deadly Sins are “Pride,” “Envy,” “Wrath,” “Gluttony,” “Sloth,” “Lust,” and “Greed.”

And the Seven Virtues are “Prudence,” “Courage,” “Temperance,” “Justice,” “Faith,” “Hope,” and “Charity.”

If the Seven Deadly Sins represent unavoidable flaws for living, then the Seven Promises are what must not be forgotten by those burdened with sins, as they live together with others.

It is this respect for one another that allows people to coexist.

“But you… you have violated that.”

Thus, the Archbishop of Sin, Lui Arnebe, became an unforgivable evil.

“E-e-e…”

As Lui trembled and shrunk back in fear, Subaru saw how his words landed on her, making her shake as if gripped by pain.

Every action of others connected back into her sphere of fear. Subaru felt that painfully himself.

In a confined state where he experienced the otherworldly sensation of “Return by Death,” the rustle of leaves in the wind could feel like a death sentence.

Having felt that soul-freezing sensation, Subaru shut his eyes.

And then—

“Lui Arnebe, you’ve lost.”

“——”

“Therefore, acknowledge it and release everything.”

Subaru repeated her defeat so she could hear it and pressed further upon the silence surrounding her.

The return of Subaru’s “memories” was an encounter between the Natsuki Subaru who lost his “memories” and the one before being robbed of them, reinvoked through the “Book of the Dead,” retreading his path in this other world.

His own “memories” were experienced anew by utilizing the “Book of the Dead.”

Thus, the integration of the Natsuki Subaru before losing his “memories” and after was achieved, successfully enabling Natsuki Subaru’s re-emergence.

As a side effect, Lui, who had embedded herself within Subaru as a Witch Factor, was rejected as a foreign object. However, he had witnessed her wielding the “memories” she had stolen as if they were playthings.

If that were possible, then the means to save those who had had their “memories” and “names” taken away—Rem included—could be found.

“You said that we could do anything if we put our minds to it. So…”

With pride and self-respect, she had managed to perform the feat of splitting a Witch Factor in two.

If that were possible, then it wouldn’t be impossible to dissolve the effects of her own powers. If that were achievable, perhaps——

——She could retrieve those who had been robbed of their “memories” and “names.”

“Then, release all the people you’ve devoured up until now. Do that, and…”

“…Then what?”

“——”

The assertive tone of Subaru was abruptly interrupted by Lui.

Lui spilled onto the white floor and drew her knees close to her body, enveloping herself in her long, golden hair and peering at Subaru through the gaps.

All that resided in her eyes was unmistakable fear.

“If you do that… what will happen?”

Repeating the same question, Lui pressed on.

For a moment, the unexpected response caught Subaru off guard, but he quickly regained his composure in the face of her willingness to engage in conversation. A conversation was far better than having her cower in fear.

He needed to deliver words head-on and find a compromise to alter the situation.

“Release all the many people you’ve devoured. If you restore their ‘names,’ you can recover the honor of those who have already died. For those who are still alive, they can be reunited with their families. If you do that, I’ll…”

“——Let you go? So you’ll let us go? Let us go?”

Once again, her words cut him off, and Subaru’s face soured.

Watching Subaru’s reaction, Lui bared her sharp fangs and—

“That’s ridiculous! There’s no way!”

She cried out with a fiery vigor, raising her head and exposing her bright, shining eyes.

Her gaze, soaked in persistent fear, shone darkly as she trembled her entire body back and forth.

“No! No way, not happening! I understand! I totally get it! So you won’t let us get away! Absolutely not! Because—”

“——”

“You’re going to eradicate your enemies! Absolutely crush them until the very end! To the bone! Total obliteration! A perfect game to close it out! You can do that! So there’s no way you wouldn’t! It makes no sense to not do it!”

Like a top-tier joke, Lui shattered the silence, exploding with emotion.

Her surging form appeared oddly distant and small to Subaru.

Trying to laugh, to get angry, to express sadness—Lui’s face became a chaotic mix, entirely lost in her fear, and begged for understanding.

——

All of Lui’s bursting emotions were directly linked to “fear.”

It made no difference whether the lead-in was joy, anger, or sorrow. Once he understood that every outcome led back to “fear,” he was at a loss as to what he should find joy or anger in, or what sorrow could mean.

No matter how much he believed, that too would lead to “fear.”

Subaru fully grasped the profound nature of Lui’s rejection. She was trapped in a storm of curses against the world and enveloped in doubt, unable to move.

That was a hell of existence that Natsuki Subaru had once experienced too.

Subaru managed to escape that hell because he had someone who held his hand, whose warmth kept him anchored.

That was the silver-haired girl who had saved both his life and his heart in this unfamiliar otherworld.

That was the dress-clad girl who had sought to protect Subaru after he had been betrayed by everything.

That was the blue-haired girl who had gently hurt Subaru when he was about to give up everything.

——That was why Natsuki Subaru was able not to be ensnared by hell.

——

But Lui Arnebe was missing that source of support, that anchor in the storm.

That was why she could not overcome “fear.” To her, “Return by Death” felt like a curse dragging her deeper into a nightmare, an inescapable hell.

While it might sound trite, people cannot live alone. Therefore, to save someone trapped by “fear,” someone must reach out.

Just like how Subaru had once been helped, someone must reach out.

But——

“——I will not save you.”

——Subaru did not extend his hand to Lui Arnebe.

“——Ah.”

“I will not save you. I do not even feel sorry for you.”

Lui Arnebe, the Archbishop of Gluttony, the defiler of souls standing in a white world.

No matter how charming she looked, how pitiful and fragile she seemed, or how much she acted to elicit the protective instincts of an adult, Subaru wouldn’t forgive her.

The Archbishop of Sin had committed unforgivable sins. —That was Natsuki Subaru’s conclusion.

“To begin with, no matter what I say, it won’t lead to your salvation.”

“Eep.”

In her widely opened eyes lay nothing but fear of Subaru.

Only Subaru could understand the fears she bore here, but he himself was the root of that fear. In other words, her labyrinth would never open.

And with Subaru declaring outright that he would not save her and that he loathed her, Lui desperately clawed at the shapeless white world and frantically tried to distance herself from Subaru.

“I understand… I know your methods! We were you! So I understand what you’re trying to do… But I won’t let you!”

“You…”

“Return what you’ve devoured? Absolutely not! This is our lifeline! If it disappears, you can kill us! As long as this isn’t returned, you can’t kill us! It’s the opposite! The absolute opposite! We can’t let you take this back to survive! So!!”

As she shouted loudly, Lui directed her palms towards Subaru. Nothing was launched from her outstretched white hand. However, her aim materialized in another form.

Slowly, Subaru’s vision whitened, and a change occurred in the “Memory Corridor.” It began to squeeze the world, detecting a foreign presence and attempting to eliminate it.

As a result, Subaru’s existence was extracted——

“I’m done being in the same place as you! It’s simply unbearable! Physically impossible! Like… destiny, impossible! So just disappear! I don’t care if my brother or bro eats you! Anyone else can, but not us!”

Lui’s decision was painfully her best option.

It would expel Subaru from the “Memory Corridor” back to reality. Furthermore, the hostility would not fall on her but on her brothers, Rai and Roy.

If the Archbishops of Gluttony could choose whether or not to share meals, then doing so would allow Lui to part ways with the worst dish of Natsuki Subaru. Whether her brothers suffered the same torment as her didn’t concern her at all.

“——Ugh.”

To remain was difficult.

With no handholds and a vague footing, Subaru found himself utterly weak in this “Memory Corridor.”

“If you’d just let me know what’s bothering you….”

“I won’t fall for your tricks! It’s useless to try to make us kill! You want to mess with us through ‘Return by Death!’ We won’t allow that! My brother and bro will devour you! That’s our victory condition!!”

With bared fangs, Lui glared at Subaru as he faltered to resist.

He understood he could not counteract such will. Taking a deep breath in resignation, Subaru’s dark eyes pierced through to Lui.

“——Eep.”

“If your brothers are your last hopes, then understood. I’ll cut that thread and make you pay, remember this, Lui Arnebe.”

Pointing a finger at the trembling Lui, he continued.

“Bear all your dislikes and pains yourself. —Do not run from your ‘memories.’”

The “memories” that carried shame and regret were necessary for forming his current self.

All of it had become sustenance for the being known as Natsuki Subaru, and everything that built Natsuki Subaru had led to him arriving here, accumulating numerous “deaths.”

If Natsuki Subaru was amazing, it was shame and regret that had made that possible.

“But that aside, I really don’t want to embarrass myself again.”

As his view turned completely white, while being expelled from a realm that wasn’t here, he quietly murmured.

And then, the “Memory Corridor” unraveled——

                △▼△▼△▼△

“——Ice Brand Arts!!”

The moment he spoke, he tightly grasped the sensation birthed in his palm and swung it. In both hands were long swords made of ice, sharper than any mere iron sword.

Though he had only just begun practicing sword technique, he was adept at moving his body. Swinging the ice sword in this extension aimed to strike a fatal blow while sealing his foe’s escape route.

However——

“Haha! Nice try! But you can’t hit me, not yet!”

“——!”

Desperately trying to attack, the enemy wove through the ground with long hair flowing in the wake, dodging effortlessly.

With bared sharp canines, the monster that introduced himself as Rai Batenkaitos, the Archbishop of Gluttony, glared at him.

Hearing the name of the Archbishop of Sin, a sense of nausea began to swell within his chest.

It stemmed from the clashes he had experienced with many Archbishops in Watergate City Pristella just a month prior, leading to all sorts of resolutions, delays, and difficulties.

Numerous sad events and painful memories had been spawned.

The resolution or conclusion of those was still unfinished, which was why everyone was trying so hard.

“Why do you all keep—”

“Why? Why do you think? What a funny question! I mean, seriously? Come on! Honestly, I can’t get over how stupid that line of questioning is!”

The playful words carried no serious tone, leaving no intention of providing a proper answer.

Feeling the disdain, he clenched his jaw. Dialogue was ideal, but if they were unwilling to engage, he wouldn’t hesitate to move forward.

That resolute transition was made apparent at this moment.

“——Icicle Line!”

“Wow.”

At the same moment he finished the incantation, the sound of air freezing echoed behind him while he took a stance with his ice sword. Countless icy stakes sharpened in mid-air, prepared to be unleashed.

Despite being unimpressed by this ability, Rai’s confidence remained unwavering.

He only cared about battling. No effort would be spared as he adhered strictly to that icy fighting spirit, launching the attack.

“——”

The number of ice stakes unleashed in a single breath didn’t reach a hundred, but it neared that mark.

The icy powder rained down, drowning the stone-constructed corridor, creating colossal damage to anything it impacted—floor, wall, or ceiling.

Yet——

“Sucks to be you, girl. I’m not a bit surprised. I’ve seen this routine before. After all, I’m a genius. I can’t let an attack I’ve seen once hit me!”

With his dual daggers expertly wielded, Rai dodged the ferocious deluge of ice without a scratch.

Breath caught in Subaru’s throat as he gasped at the sheer skill and the resulting fact that he was unharmed. However, once the first dodged hit gets through, be it the second or third, even more shots may fail.

“Do you think you’ll win if you keep trying the same thing a hundred times? You won’t connect even in a thousand!”

“Then I’ll try ten thousand! I won’t let you get to them!”

“Aw, you’re ambitious! That’s kind of impressive!”

Raising a hand to his forehead, Rai let out a sigh, equal parts exasperated and annoyed. While he examined this, Subaru held his breath, preparing to act based on his words.

They were words spoken on a whim, yet he would follow through on them.

A hundred, a thousand, ten thousand. If he did what everyone else couldn’t, he would perfectly execute it.

So, just as he was about to step forward——

“——Rai Batenkaitos!!”

“——”

From behind, a voice echoed down the hall that was neither his nor Rai’s, causing him to freeze in place. As he reacted to the voice and turned around, a figure appeared from around the corner.

It was a dark-haired boy with somewhat unfocused eyes. With a brave expression, he dashed to the battlefield, looking upon both Rai and himself.

“Ah…”

Instantly, she thought, “No, no,” internally fretting.

Words were necessary, yet she hesitated, filled with multiple emotions that spilled out. Before the boy’s black eyes could show the “unfathomable” look, she hurriedly moved her lips.

“Wait, it’s dangerous! U-Um, you might not know me, but that’s the enemy! Leave this to me! You might not know me, but—”

She needed him to trust her in this moment and not dwell on her as a person.

At least, at this very instant, she felt as though she might break down crying if she were to consider anything besides fighting.

Showing any weakness like this would only burden everyone.

And yet——

“——You’ll be fine, Emilia-tan.”

The boy who rushed in spoke just one name.

Simply hearing that shattered the anxious thoughts swirling in her heart that she had been trying to keep at bay.

Because——

“——My name is Natsuki Subaru. I’m Emilia-tan’s first knight!”

At that moment, Emilia’s heart raced, hot and beating, like never before.


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