“――――”

While staring at the black cover of the Book of the Dead in his arms, Subaru fell silent.

He could feel Beatrice, who was nestled right next to him, her worried or puzzled gaze piercing through his profile, yet Subaru found himself unable to move.

Just a moment ago, Natsuki Subaru had been consumed by a Zen-like self-questioning, akin to an unanswerable riddle.

In reality, what occupied Subaru’s mind was, for the most part, the kind of shallow thoughts that get dismissed as futile.

The vague questions of a child that rightly deserve to be scoffed at.

――No matter who you are, everyone hides a different face from others.

Such an obvious fact is something everyone learns as they transition from childhood to adulthood.

Behind a smile lurks a face of hatred, and behind an angry facade can be a sorrowful expression. Humanity is capable of interacting with others normally while concealing such real emotions.

No one can understand another person’s true feelings, thoughts, or nature one hundred percent.

Whether it be siblings, parents, spouses, or family, complete understanding is impossible.

Friends, childhood acquaintances, close friends or lovers, no matter how deep the relationship, the heart remains a black box—never to be unraveled.

Loving someone, feeling affection, being open-hearted, or letting someone touch your body; these various emotional and physical connections are entirely different matters.

Sure, he understood that. But that didn’t mean he could abandon his thoughts.

He wanted to know, to understand, to hear, to uncover—this was an arrogant yet sincere desire. Especially since it involved the lives of himself and others.

Even if that meant pursuing a route that was utterly nonexistent.

――No, it was a means that shouldn’t exist.

Because it shouldn’t exist, Subaru’s attempts to search for answers were met with disdain.

Yet here, in the Taygeta library, Subaru had learned something.

“――――”

――Meily Portroot.

By deciphering the Book of the Dead, Subaru experienced Meily’s life, understanding her intentions, what she was thinking, and finally, who she hated.

Of course, that brief experience wasn’t all that was Meily, the girl.

To accept everything in an instant was too gigantic a task for the concept of time. Even for the half-life of a young girl, it was something that couldn’t be wholly absorbed in a single moment.

He was Pinching bits and chewing them up freely, feeling as though he understood Meily.

That was the painful realization of Natsuki Subaru’s current emotional state.

However, nonetheless.

By understanding that he hadn’t understood her at all, Subaru’s comprehension of Meily had deepened immeasurably.

――There were humans she cherished. That heart, having been taken from her, wandered aimlessly after losing its anchor. Being with Subaru and the others, she struggled with the ambiguity of her own position. She sought the Book of the Dead to understand her true feelings and felt ashamed for her own schemes.

Every last bit was a Meily Subaru had never known.

And by accidentally uncovering the secret feelings buried deep within her heart, Subaru realized.

This Book of the Dead was truly a method to know the genuine intentions of others.

“――――”

He had merely wished to know.

He had merely wished to understand the motivations and true feelings of Emilia, Beatrice, and their comrades in the tower. He desired to understand why they trusted “Natsuki Subaru.”

Why did they trust “Natsuki Subaru,” the one who had killed them?

What thoughts did the others now harbor about Subaru, who was desperately playing the role of the detestable “Natsuki Subaru”?

Would affection be a facade while true feelings—hate—were the reality? Were anger, sadness, and joy mere illusions, replaced by their genuine intentions like malice and hostility?

He didn’t know. He wanted to know. He wanted to believe. He couldn’t believe.

Were Emilia and the others allies or enemies? Was he the enemy who killed Subaru, or allies who kept him alive?

Could he love them or hate them?

――Could reading their Book of the Dead provide that answer?

“… Subaru, you really look unwell. If you’re uncomfortable being here, maybe we should change locations and find somewhere to rest?”

Beatrice suggested as she touched Subaru’s shoulder.

Caught in her butterfly-patterned blue eyes, Subaru held his breath. A tiny, too tiny hand rested on his shoulder.

What if he took that hand, pressed her head down with all his might, and slammed it against the floor?

“She’s so small, huh…”

“Ugh… What on earth are you saying all of a sudden? This mini-ness is precisely the most endearing quality of Betty, you know. You’ve said that yourself!”

Subaru felt his cheeks involuntarily soften at Beatrice’s pouting remark.

Indeed, if he were at his best, it wouldn’t be strange for him to say something like that. Yet, with this thought, the resemblance between him and “Natsuki Subaru” made that smile turn bitter.

Small. Really, Beatrice is small, a child.

Her neck is thin, and her bones soft. The hand resting on Subaru’s shoulder is so small he could easily cover it entirely in his palm, and if he really tried to hug her tightly, she’d seem like she’d shatter into bits.

What if he acted on that and actually killed her?

――If he killed her, would her Book appear in the library?

“I want to do that, just like you.”

“――――”

A voice that wasn’t his own echoed through Subaru’s mind.

It was sweet in a certain way, too alluring for her age, yet strangely “familiar.” In an extremely brief moment, the voice had felt so close it was like his own.

The voice of the deceased girl he had absorbed mocked Natsuki Subaru’s will.

“――――”

However, Subaru ignored it and focused his attention on the matter at hand.

That is, evaluating whether using the Book of the Dead as a practical measure was feasible or not.

If feasible, how could it be materialized—,

“Do I look pale? We should change locations. Before that…”

“――Ah”

“Let’s just return it to where it belongs. I cannot let Betty become hazy right now!”

With that, Beatrice snatched the Book of the Dead from Subaru’s stiff hand. With careful handling to prevent it from opening, she carried the book back to its original shelf, placing it in a vacant space.

“It’s easy to understand and memorable in terms of location. However, these books in this library could move on their own…”

“Aren’t we just being overly cautious here? Hmm, that’s true.”

“Taking it out is also quite risky. It’s best we don’t leave it lying around on the floor; we could avoid a headache from Shaula worrying about it.”

“So, it’s like a one-time encounter in this library, huh?”

As he exchanged dry remarks, Subaru spoke in that manner.

In reality, people in the world he knew often mentioned the phrase “one-time encounter” in relation to books that have aged over the years. There’s the possibility of finding unique books only once in a journey, something that might apply to this library too.

Surely, that’s overthinking it. It’s probably just a case of mere annoyance.

Regardless, while watching Beatrice purse her lips in concentration as she absorbed the layout of the library, Subaru dove deeper into the sea of contemplation.

Very realistically, he back-calculated the warmth he had felt and began brainstorming how to kill the girl.

He needed to consider not just Beatrice, but all the members in the tower, who could become targets for Subaru’s Book of the Dead plan.

“Should I trust them or treat them with suspicion? I feel like I should kill them to find out!”

The voice of the girl chimed in with a mocking tone, causing Subaru to internally click his tongue.

First and foremost, this was purely a theoretical thought exercise due to circumstances.

Subaru wasn’t a psychopathic killer driven by urges, nor did he possess a twisted desire for pleasure through such acts.

It’s just that in focusing on rationality, this option was the first to cross his mind.

“Quit with the excuses; just tell me what you plan to do, will you?”

――It’s easy to eliminate Beatrice.

From where he currently stood, it was clear to see she was unguarded, powerless, and oblivious.

To put it plainly, Beatrice’s life depended on one fragile thread: “Subaru’s reason.” If reason ever got overtaken by rationality, Subaru would undoubtedly succeed in taking her life at once.

When it came to Beatrice, the only choice was whether to proceed or not; all the branching nuances leading up to that were virtually ignored.

“How about the half-demon lady, then?”

Emilia would be even easier; it would be a piece of cake.

After all, there was a time when newborn Subaru grabbed her slender neck without her putting up any resistance. Had Subaru put his full strength into it, he could have easily snapped that fragile neck.

Sure, she had striking strength comparable to a wrestler, but without bringing it out, it would be meaningless. Just choke her out in an instant.

“Hehe, you’d be good at that, wouldn’t you?”

――Ram might seem sharp-tongued, but at her core, she was merely a delicate girl.

He recalled the time when she pressed her forehead against Subaru, tears in her eyes, pleading for a decision about the memory. Those arms, clinging desperately, were frail, weak—just one pitiful girl.

Echidna, too, held the same conditions. Thinking about it, they were all pathetic little girls, and it was painfully striking how they had ventured to the ends of the desert.

There were certainly more suitable candidates available; the shortage of personnel was serious.

Therefore, opportunities for Subaru to invade were available, but the final hurdle was another story.

“――Julius”

The only man who stood in Subaru’s way, armed with a sword, was a significant obstacle.

It wouldn’t be proper to confront him head-on. —Confronting Emilia would also be tantamount to suicide, but that was a separate topic.

In any case, if Subaru was to execute his Book of the Dead plan, Julius would be the largest wall standing in his way.

Rephrased, that meant Julius should be the first to be vanquished.

“Considering the time needed to search the book, there’s never enough time, is there?”

Just as the girl said, Subaru’s objective was not merely to “kill and be done with it.”

Rather, killing was a necessary step, a mere passage, and the true aim lay ahead—toward the Book of the Dead that could be gained in exchange for death.

To ensure success, he required certainty.

He couldn’t afford to just kill and fail. There was a destination beyond that.

“Subaru, for now, we should leave the book as it is. Let’s step away… and perhaps head to the spirit room. It should be a place to calm down.”

“The spirit room…”

As Beatrice returned and took his hand, Subaru, stirred from his recollection, thought about his restart point when he heard about the room with the spirits.

That place was the spirit’s room, and there laid—

“Patrasche…”

“… You keep mentioning that Earth Dragon’s name. Honestly, what a partner who gives no cause for concern. Betty worries about you more than anything!”

“… Sorry. It’s not like I have… any particular intention behind it.”

For a moment, the image of the black Earth Dragon flashed in his mind, and Subaru’s lips curled softly. Beatrice noticed and he hastily corrected himself.

Even so, in this scenario, the only being Subaru could truly rely on was Patrasche.

In truth, it was only Patrasche, who had risked its life to protect Subaru, that, despite being unrelated to his true feelings or heart, would genuinely offer support to “Natsuki Subaru.”

“Really? If my brother were to find out you’re not actually ‘Natsuki Subaru,’ would it still do the same for you?”

“――――”

“And in the end, aren’t there really no allies for you, huh?”

The voice echoing in his mind, graced with a smile, jeered at Natsuki Subaru.

An entity distinct from Natsuki Subaru nestled within him sought to shatter his optimism.

He wished he could just laugh it off as a ridiculous assertion. However, in reality, Subaru did not possess such leeway. His heart partially agreed with the girl’s words.

All of Patrasche’s kindness, given so selflessly, was directed toward “Natsuki Subaru,” and if the current Subaru were to be revealed as a fake, would that kindness vanish entirely?

“Come on, Subaru, let me lend a hand.”

“Y-Yeah…”

Manipulated by the voice of the girl in his mind, Subaru bit down on the unpalatable emotions within him.

Thus, his focus completely slipped from right in front of him. When he extended his hand obediently to try and join hands with Beatrice, she suddenly showed a face of realization.

Her gaze fixed on Subaru’s wrist area—and realized.

“There’s a scratch on you. And it’s quite big…”

Raising Subaru’s right sleeve, Beatrice frowned at the painful claw marks. She didn’t seem to notice the deeper, more grievous wound above, but even just the scratches were bad enough.

“――――”

Given the situation, Beatrice doesn’t know how Meily died.

Thus, she wouldn’t immediately connect the scratches with Meily. Still, disregarding this, she should feel uneasy about what kind of wound this was.

If Meily’s corpse was found atop these scratches, it would be impossible to avoid suspicion.

“――――”

Subaru’s unprepared heart began to beat like a drum.

Directly in front of him, Beatrice was fixated on his hand, oblivious to his expression. If he acted quickly, he could seize Beatrice.

“What will you do? Are you going to start right away?”

The teasing voice prompted Subaru’s decision.

His throbbing heart aligned with each beat as he felt the pulse of blood palpitate at his temple.

Depending on Beatrice’s next words, he might—

“――I’ve scratched my arm again, it seems. Sorry, it’s a bad habit.”

“… Huh?”

“This position isn’t good. If Emilia sees you, I can’t imagine how worried she will get. Betty can’t just turn a blind eye if it’s severe.”

As Beatrice traced her finger along Subaru’s wrist scratch, she cast her eyes down sadly.

Subaru was taken aback by the unexpected shock of her words.

Beatrice’s demeanor suggested she was familiar with Subaru’s arm’s scratches.

Not in the terrifying context he feared when he’d become aware of being noticed, but for a completely different reason—this was self-harm, and she had no hesitation regarding his injuries.

To hear she was keeping that from Emilia was shocking.

“If I were to go to that room with the spirits, maybe this scratch would heal. But until then, I can’t let you suffer too much; I’ll at least treat it a little.”

As she spoke, Beatrice enveloped Subaru’s wrist scratch in a faint light.

The gentle sensation likely provided warmth as his wound was healed. He was witnessing healing magic.

“――――”

Simultaneously, Subaru’s hostility toward Beatrice rapidly dissipated.

With that warmth, with that warmth of the wound, it felt like the cracks in Natsuki Subaru’s humanity received genuine repair.

“Boooooooooring!”

He could hear the girl’s disappointment echo in his mind.

Hearing it inside his skull, Subaru swallowed down the harsh realities he faced.

Indeed, it was an option. However, it was merely an option.

There was no need to drive himself toward the direction of the Book of the Dead.

Especially not in this disorganized situation.

“――――”

In this situation, inflicting harm on Beatrice would not be wise.

He was still unprepared. Even if he were to resort to the worst-case scenario, that had to wait until all preparations were properly set.

For that reason, in this moment—

“Alright, let’s go, Subaru. Betty will tell everyone later.”

“—Understood. Sorry for the trouble, Beatrice.”

“That’s supposed to be our agreement, isn’t it?”

As he pondered whether the girl in front of him was sincere or not, Natsuki Subaru decided it was best to comply.

※※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※

One thing, this is an aside, but there’s a saying.

――“Murder becomes a habit.”

That is a phrase famously uttered by the renowned detective, Hercule Poirot.

――“Murder becomes a habit.”

The meaning behind that phrase is not that those who have killed someone awaken to the joy of murder, repeating the act to satisfy their desires.

――“Murder becomes a habit.”

Once someone resolves a problem through murder, should another problem arise, they will similarly consider murder as the solution to that situation.

――“Murder becomes a habit.”

By contemplating murder, which is unnecessary, as one of the options, you’re already missing something significant from the outset.

――“Murder becomes a habit.”

Even if they have committed no murders of their own volition, loathed their actions, and witnessed the memories of those harmed, the habit cannot be shaken off.

――“Murder becomes a habit.”

The habit cannot be shaken.

――“Murder becomes a habit.”