A dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark place.

Deep within my head, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper.

Myself, I, who, you, you, Natsuki Subaru, Meily Portroot.

Nazuki Kenichi, Elsa Granhiert, Nazuki Nahoko, Petra Reite, Emilia, Shaula, Beatrice, Frederica Baumann, Anastasia Hoshin, Garfiel Tinsel, Julius Euclius, Otto Suwen, Ram, the blue-haired, who am I, you, me, myself, others, I, you, you, I—

—I, Natsuki Subaru. I, Natsuki Subaru.

—Who, I, Meily Portroot. Who, I, Meily Portroot.

“——-”

My thoughts spin in circles, lost in the vague sensation between reality and unreality, melting, mixing, intertwining, loving, hating, suffering, yearning, killing, wishing, breaking, threatening, understanding, crying, laughing, unable to understand each other.

I am myself and nothing but myself, and others are others, only others.

There is no room for compromise, no mercy for yielding, no soil from which to understand one another, and no relation to care for each other, just hollow completion existing there.

“Subaru…”

“——-”

I shake my head, desperately trying to pull out the thorn named ‘others’ from within me.

Supporting the boy who gasps for breath in such suffocating conditions are Emilia and Beatrice, softly touching his shoulders. While feeling their worried gazes on my cheeks, the boy—who should be called Natsuki Subaru—struggles to define the boundary between himself and others, fighting to regain himself.

Circling thoughts, emotions spiraling into obscurity by blending together.

My lungs spasm, and the sensation of difficulty in breathing touches my throat, causing memories of a tight grip around my neck and the creeping terror of suffocation to surge back again.

The vivid sensation of ‘death’ looms closer, and a nauseous feeling rises, bringing forth hot tears.

“——-”

Confronting that terrifying sensation, Subaru slowly and cautiously tries to exclude elements from within that could not possibly belong to him, struggling to establish himself as a stand-alone.

Selecting and dissecting first-person and second-person perspectives, memories, recollections, impressions, emotions, and many other things.

If I can separate these impurities and remove the mixed elements, I can return.

If I don’t, I would just continue to dissolve, mix, and become inseparable.

Myself and the girl killed by my ‘hands’ would be indistinguishably blended together—

“—Natsuki-kun, what exactly did you see? Can you tell me?”

“Ugh, ah?”

From directly in front of me, a voice broke through my state of mixed personalities.

Looking over, the one with azure eyes kneeling down to match my line of sight was Anastasia—no, it must be Echidna now. Either way, that’s her.

Echidna continued with serious eyes filled with concern, layering her words.

“I can see you are in a difficult situation. However, the current state is also a serious matter for us. If possible, we urgently need information. To avoid making wrong decisions.”

“Wait, Echidna. Right now, Subaru just went through something terrible…”

“Of course, I understand that. I also know that this recklessness was for the sake of everyone present. That’s why we have an obligation to respond quickly to his judgment.”

Subaru, merely exhaling a hushed breath, having tried to shield Emilia’s attempt to speak, found Echidna’s assertion piercing through.

While speaking, Echidna’s gaze briefly shifted to the thick, black book lying on the floor behind me. Her eyes caught the spine as she continued, “The reason being…”

“The young girl who accompanied us has gone missing. Additionally, in the archives, there is a book that seems to bear her name. …The situation is dire. We don’t have the luxury of standing around.”

“That’s… right, but…”

Emilia finds herself at a loss for a quick rebuttal against Echidna’s low-toned argument.

In fact, Echidna’s plea is a legitimate one.

In this unusual situation, Subaru, who holds the only information that is vital, cannot afford to wait to calm down in consideration of his feelings.

Everyone knows that, which is why Echidna, fully aware she might be scorned, is summoning the courage to ask Subaru the pressing question.

In response to that resolve, Subaru bites down hard on his molars and touches his neck with his hand.

The sensation of having been tightly restrained comes flooding back. I shut my eyes.

Then—

“Let me ask again, Natsuki-kun. What you saw, what did the book contain—”

“—It was Meily’s memory.”

“——-”

Subaru responds candidly to Echidna’s inquiry without dodging.

Immediately, Emilia next to him gasps, and Echidna in front of him closes her eyes. Disturbing expressions of distress and sorrow pass over the faces of Beatrice, Julius, and Ram, who are seated with them.

The ‘Book of the Dead’ showed Subaru Meily’s record.

No one present fails to understand what that implies.

What if this is some mistake, and the book recorded her memory due to an error? How comforting it would be to cling to such an irresponsible hope.

Nonetheless, no one here is allowing themselves to indulge in such deceit, wishing to escape to an easier reality.

Particularly the girls beside Subaru, who intend to support him through his suffering.

“Calm down, Subaru. Focus on regaining yourself, okay?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. At a time like this, just lean on Betty with all your strength. …This isn’t just your fault. You shouldn’t overthink it.”

“——-”

Beatrice stood up, pulling Subaru, who was gasping for air, into an embrace while stating that.

As the girl’s hand gently stroked Subaru’s black hair, it pitiably stirred up his chaotic heart in a cruel twist of fate.

Beatrice said it wasn’t Subaru’s fault with profound kindness.

However, this is nobody’s fault; it is the sin committed by ‘Natsuki Subaru.’ It strikes me as tragically absurd that Beatrice, without knowing this, speaks to him so gently.

“—Miss Ram, what do you think?”

Observing the exchange between Subaru and Beatrice from the side, Julius turned his serious expression towards Ram.

Among the two, there appeared to be less shock. This was due to their awareness of Meily being in a constant state of alert toward the caution exhibited by Meily along with the group.

At least, for Meily’s perception, Ram and Julius did not lack vigilance towards her as an assassin.

Conversely, they had sensed deeper carelessness from Emilia and Echidna.

“If we believe what Subaru is saying, then the young lady Meily is already…”

“With that pathetic state, Balus isn’t skilled or heartless enough to lie. …That book is undoubtedly Meily’s. The problem lies in who will confirm that further.”

Embracing her slender arms, Ram glared at the book still lying on the ground.

Following this discussion, Julius furrowed his beautifully shaped brow in thought.

“—If it were me—”

“Are you going to say you’re calm because it’s the second time? If it’s the second time, then Balus under the same conditions is in that state too. Of course, one could argue that it particularly affected Balus, who is mentally immature…”

“——-”

“Regrettably, I’m not under the impression that Ronald’s mentality is more stable than Balus could ever hope to be.”

Ram’s words, sharper than light rose to meet Julius’s response, sucking in his breath before he quickly shook his head in surrender.

“…That’s cutting. However, I can’t find grounds to refute Miss Ram’s words. Given my selfish act yesterday, I no longer qualify.”

“I regretfully share the same opinion.”

Agreeing with Julius’s self-deprecating remarks, Echidna raised her hand to interject. While twirling the white collar of her clothing with her finger, she added,

“However, my justification does not hinge on Julius’s mental state per se. I simply wish to express that I don’t want to oppose this dangerous attempt based on the observations of Natsuki-kun.”

“It’s a fact that this is dangerous. Subaru’s behavior is clearly unsettling.”

“Indeed. It appears that the influence from reading the book has taken a significant toll compared to last time. Whether it’s a matter of number of readings or the content of the book itself is quite troublesome to assess.”

“A matter of the number of readings and the content of the book, huh?”

Ram and Julius tilted their heads, and Echidna nodded in affirmation.

“Simply put, the more books one reads, the greater the burden becomes… or perhaps, viewing records of someone closely related distorts the mind, I believe these two possibilities should not be disregarded.”

“Someone closely related, huh.”

As Ram placed her finger upon her chin, she looked toward Subaru. Under her gaze, Subaru was doing his utmost to suppress outcry within the embrace of Beatrice.

Most likely, Echidna’s assumption was correct.

The reason for Subaru’s heart being dealt a blow of such magnitude can be traced back to her second hypothesis—seeing the records of a close and well-known individual creates a significant strain.

The relationship among closer acquaintances—those vivid records of ‘life’ bring forth tremendous weight.

Naturally, humans pay more attention to those they share a close relationship with compared to distant ones.

Subaru also genuinely wished for this. He had stepped into the depths of knowledge with Meily so intimately, wishing to know her deeply.

As a result, Subaru ended up facing unfathomable emptiness deep within ‘myself.’

The void of life that that young girl had endlessly carried on her back—

“—In any case, we can’t just sit still. Let’s search for Meily.”

A strong sound of energy burst forth.

The one to do this was Emilia, who brought her hands together in front of her chest and lifted her face firmly. Drawing the attention of the archive toward herself, Subaru’s eyes widened in disbelief at her words.

“Search…?”

—To search, search for what? And what significance does it hold?

—Meily, she, ‘I’ am already dead.

—Before I passed away, she didn’t even care.

“Even if we find her, it might be too late. We should have been with that child, but we didn’t manage to do so. But we have to find her.”

“——-”

“No one knows where that child has gone, do they? First, we need to find her… and then discover what we can do to help her. Let’s search.”

Emilia’s words lacked specificity, sounding far from prudent and wise.

Never mind that Subaru’s inner self insisted these assertions possessed no meaning; he should have countered that there had to be a more meaningful way to utilize their time.

Yet no one objected to Emilia’s proposal.

No one outright rejected it, declaring it wrong.

Hence, what followed was a practical discussion on implementing that suggestion and declaring action with the intention to divide jobs.

“We may have to change the plans for the daytime. Let’s split up and search for her.”

“Ram… will go check on Rem’s well-being first. I had been in the spirit room before calling Emilia-sama and Balus, but… I’ll head again now.”

“That’s a good plan, Miss Ram. …Subaru, as harsh as it may be, I want to verify something. You saw, in the ‘Book of the Dead,’ Meily’s final moments too, didn’t you?”

Julius selected his words carefully, and in response to his query, Subaru hesitated.

What a rhetorical question it was as the answer was a resounding YES. Subaru experienced firsthand the moment when Meily’s ‘life’ was lost, more intimately than anyone else.

He had been choking, consciousness fading from breathlessness, filled with despair and hatred until it abruptly halted. —That very instant must have been when the power of life turned off.

The Natsuki Subaru who experienced that even ended up helping conceal her lifeless body.

Natsuki Subaru collaborated with the man who killed ‘me.’ The very Natsuki Subaru who truly should be reviled above all others.

“—Natsuki-kun, I want you to answer. Did you witness her last moments? Do you know where she is now? Did you witness what was the cause of her death?”

“——-”

As Subaru struggled to respond, Echidna peered closely with a quizzical expression on her delicate face.

Those words sent jolts of emotion rushing through him. His heartbeat accelerated while a trickle of sweat descended his back. He feared it would be noticed by Beatrice beside him.

—Is it possible they all know Subaru had a role in Meily’s death?

Are they aware of this and just pretending, using indirect means to corner him into confession? Such foolish thoughts flitted through his mind.

However, each time those thoughts arose, the colors of the gazes directed at him denied it.

Emilia, Beatrice, Echidna, Julius—all had their eyes on Subaru.

Only what appeared to be a poorly-corrupted soul, desperately scrambling to shield itself with blood-stained hands and filthy thoughts, was Natsuki Subaru.

If that were the case, then a far better idea would be to simply listen to the wishes of ‘me’—

“—I didn’t see her die. It’s definitely inside the tower, but—”

Subaru brutally suppressed the temptation brought forth by ‘me’ and denied it.

The precarious feelings budding within were nothing but Meily Portroot’s sweet curse trying to induce Natsuki Subaru into confessing.

The thought that was undeniably born within Subaru.

He wanted Emilia and the others to find Meily’s corpse. To discover it, to regret, to lament, and see their faces twisted in sorrow would ease the pressure trapped in his heart.

Yet he found himself unclear on who wished for that; was it Natsuki Subaru, ‘I,’ or ‘Natsuki Subaru’?

“…Do you still have the will to read the book again?”

“Echidna!”

As Subaru lacked the resolve to produce a decisive blow, Echidna offered a proposal that could be interpreted as cruel. For a moment, Subaru considered complying if told to do so, but before that, Beatrice had already snapped at her.

While holding onto Subaru’s head, Beatrice narrowed her large, round eyes sharply.

“You really made Betty say that, huh…? No way can I allow you to do that. Beyond this point, there are other reasons why Betty is opposed.”

“Thinking about the danger of mixing, I wouldn’t recommend it either. I simply wanted to check if you were prepared for it. I had no intention of forcing you to do it even if you claimed you would.”

“…I’ll just pray that’s your true intention.”

In response to Echidna retracting her opinion, Beatrice hurled back with a voice heavy in anger.

Just then, Emilia and Julius simultaneously interjected, cutting through the unsettling atmosphere that hung between the two.

“That’s enough. I too oppose putting Subaru through more hardships. Also, I disagree with spending any more time here just talking. …I want to get moving quickly.”

“I agree with Emilia-sama. —Under the circumstances, if something has happened to Meily, accidental possibilities are high. She could have slipped on the stairs or balcony, or gotten outside the tower…”

“—That’s not it!”

Suddenly, Shaula, who had remained silent until now, stepped in to counter the unwarranted concern vocalized by Julius.

She picked up Meily’s ‘Book of the Dead’ that had fallen at her feet, swaying the spine back and forth by pinching it between her fingers.

“If that little squirt had gone outside the tower, I would have turned into a killing machine, you know? Since that’s not the case, it means no one went outside.”

“Touching a book you’d hesitate to hold, huh?”

“Leaving it spread out on the floor also makes me uneasy. What if being disrespectful toward the archives gets judged and I forced to present ‘Kill Them All’? That’s not my goal, you see.”

While speaking, Shaula tossed the ‘Book of the Dead’ up and down like juggling.

Though she feared to show disrespect towards the archives, her demeanor suggested a more irreverent approach.

Indeed, that attitude coaxed a frown on Julius’ handsome brow.

“Miss Shaula, please refrain from playing with that book. You—”

“Are you gonna lecture me about having no heart to grieve or something? I can’t say that I knew, alright? Sure, the little squirt was clingy with me. It wasn’t that I disliked her either, but… in the end, I really don’t care about anyone other than my master.”

With unreserved candor, Shaula openly laughed off Julius’s reprimands.

There was no hint of bravado or cynical pretense in her demeanor; that appeared to be Shaula’s unfiltered intention, or at least, that’s what Subaru believed.

In essence, she too was among those who acted on feelings difficult for ordinary people to grasp.

—No. Subaru himself possessed no capacity to understand the true feelings of those gathered here, with only the limited time spent together with them.

How complex can people keep their feelings and faces hidden behind the mask of a smile?

Just moments ago, he learned this through experiencing the essence of ‘me.’

“—Let’s split up and search for Meily. Subaru, you stay here with Beatrice.”

With Subaru’s guilt and the distorted atmosphere left by Shaula, Emilia cut through them with a single word to prompt action. Subaru felt deeply ashamed at the thought that he wished ‘me’ to be found.

“Beatrice, please take care of Subaru. I will check on Raid.”

“You’re suitable for the task. —Emilia, you both be careful.”

They exchanged words, entrusted their wishes, dividing their roles while wishing each other good luck.

Then, Emilia took Ram and Echidna with her and dispersed into the tower in search of Meily.

Silent, Subaru watched them leave without a word—

“—With that, it seems you don’t want to go with them at all.”

After seeing off the search party, Beatrice, standing beside Subaru, directed a glare at Shaula.

Under Beatrice’s fierce gaze, Shaula innocently elongated her words, saying, “But, you know—”

“My role lies solely in observing the stars, you see? When I take that crown off, I’ll be fully the master’s. I’ll give my all if the master asks anything of me.”

“Then, you should check for Meily too. You shouldn’t just stay here.”

“—Are you really suggesting that?”

Suddenly tilting her head, Shaula cast a somewhat seductive gaze in Subaru’s direction.

Crossing over Beatrice’s head, she directed a question directly towards Subaru. It was a first for Shaula to show such an expression, seemingly contrary to her typically vibrant demeanor.

“——-”

Subaru’s heart raced at her unexpected charm. He involuntarily looked up, meeting Shaula’s inscrutable black eyes.

With an innocent smile, Shaula softened her lips and drew the ‘Book of the Dead’ closer to her bountiful chest.

“If the master wants, I can even shoot down the moon. So instead of asking that pretty boy or little squirt, I want to ask the master.”

“To me…?”

“Master, what should I do? Should I go search for that little squirt, or…?”

She halted there, withholding her next thought. Simply seeking Subaru’s judgment, she remained poised, her attitude unwavering as she held the book against herself.

In her steady demeanor, Subaru found himself reflecting inward, contemplating.

Just where does the answer to my feelings lie?

“——-”

The conflicting feelings towards Emilia’s proposal vividly testify to the contradictory essence of Natsuki Subaru’s existence.

—The not-so-long life of Meily Portroot.

It was grotesquely devoured as Subaru ingested pieces of it, digesting through the reading of the ‘Book of the Dead.’

In a dual sense, Natsuki Subaru relished the life of ‘me.’

Consequently, the mingled consciousness of Natsuki Subaru and ‘Natsuki Subaru’ approached a near-split mentality by absorbing an entirely different essence of femininity.

—Subaru wants to hide his involvement in Meily’s ‘death.’

—Subaru wants them to find the corpse he stowed away.

—Subaru loathes ‘Natsuki Subaru,’ the one who killed ‘me.’

Hence, contradictory wishes burgeon within Subaru, driving him to act toward their fulfillment.

“—Shaula, go search for Meily. Help Emilia and the others.”

Before he knew it, Subaru found himself issuing orders to Shaula.

Receiving those instructions, Shaula perked her brow then stood to salute.

“Roger! If it’s the master’s wish, I’ll do anything, no problem!”

With a cute salute and a wink, Shaula offered Subaru the book. Receiving the weighty book brought a grimace to Subaru’s face as Shaula cheekily stuck out her tongue.

The display seemed mischievous, as if part of a petty revenge, and she quickly turned on her heel, then leapt down the library stairs. Once the sight of her dancing black hair vanished, Subaru exhaled, feeling relieved to escape the unusual pressure.

“How strange…”

—Natsuki Subaru, the falsely accused wishing to escape disclosure linked to the corpse.

—‘Me,’ wishing to be discovered and for my unfulfilled resentment and anger to be resolved.

—Natsuki Subaru, a perpetrator of murder and irrationality, repeating his evils upon others.

These forces entwined in a single body, pressuring Natsuki Subaru toward a resolution and discernment.

If Subaru purely wished for tranquility, wouldn’t it have been wiser to keep quiet about Meily’s fate, utilize his mind better, and deceive the content of the ‘Book of the Dead’?

The truth is that he had lacked the wit to manage that all along, but more so, it was that empathy for my unfulfilled wishes coagulated with the wrath against ‘Natsuki Subaru’—an inner rage that could not let that wicked entity roam free.

Events that pursued Subaru to death occurred in past instances.

However, those very occurrences might also have been traps devised by the ‘Natsuki Subaru’ concealed within him, intended to incite hatred against others and unleash Subaru into chaos.

Certainly, the contemplations before reading the ‘Book of the Dead’ had been correct.

None among Emilia, Meily, or otherwise could truly be deemed wicked; the sole embodiment of evil may exist only within Natsuki Subaru himself.

“Subaru, you mustn’t think too hard. Perhaps it would be better to let go of that book.”

“——-”

Casting a glance, he spotted Beatrice kneeling beside him, concerned as she gazed at him.

The direct worry brought by her eyes—piercing light reminiscent of Emilia’s concerned demeanor filled Subaru’s heart with an unsettling feeling.

That feeling Beatrice extended toward me—it felt like it shouldn’t be directed at me, Natsuki Subaru, but was meant instead for ‘Natsuki Subaru.’

Receiving that affection while concealing the memory loss within him seemed utterly disingenuous.

Shouldn’t he share this?

Ignorantly committing grievous acts that robbed Meily of her life is precisely what Natsuki Subaru currently does. Therefore, before that imminent danger could again be directed toward Emilia and Beatrice, I should—

“…Why are you so kind?”

“—Such an abrupt question, isn’t it? What’s got you wondering?”

“No…”

Perhaps this decisive remark could shatter their borrowed relationship before that point. Thus, he sought to ask this query, to seek the truth behind their genuine hearts.

The significance behind the trust that Emilia, Beatrice, and their companions demonstrated toward Natsuki Subaru.

“——-”

Confronting the trust led to a stir in Subaru’s chest.

What I sought toward Elsa. What Emilia and the others have freely bestowed upon ‘Natsuki Subaru.’

For Natsuki Subaru alone, he could possess none of these deeply meaningful gems.

That glow, that lingering fragrance, that warmth they once had, how could it pierce so close to Natsuki Subaru and yet remain hidden from him?

“——-”

Why would a man like that—

Why would someone so cruel—

Why would such a loathsome man—

Why would the man involved in Elsa’s demise—

Why would the man who could laugh while killing Meily—

Why would the one striving to conceal my death—

Why would that man, that man, that man be favored? Favored by them.

“——-”

I want to know. I don’t know. I want to know. I don’t know. Only I, solely Subaru, solely ‘me’—am oblivious to the reason. Oblivious, unable to understand, wilfully blind to everything.

“——-”

If I ask, will I gain understanding? If I question, can I learn? Will they enlighten me?

Could this be why one would think ‘me’ displaying smiles was an act, that buried within lies an emptiness—one wears a mask, each person putting on different personas, including Natsuki Subaru, who distanced himself from that exterior.

Then, where could one seek the truth?

Where the genuine heart lies, how come they trust ‘Natsuki Subaru’?

To uncover that—the ‘me’ could inform you, perhaps?

“——-”

A voice echoed in Subaru’s mind, decadently seducing him.

And then, he realized that the answer to the perplexing question controlling his mind was right within reach.

Even now, there is a method to learn the answers held within my own arms.

“Subaru?”

Gazing expectantly at the silent Subaru, Beatrice narrowed her eyes up at him with anxiety.

Without meeting her gaze, Subaru merely looked down at his arms.

“——-”

—The thick, black book appeared to mercilessly welcome the morbid curiosity of those wanting to know.