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Vivian looked down at the food spread before her.

Warm bread, an assortment of fruits, a light soup, and tender meat that was easy to digest.

In the early morning, Vivian’s mind wasn’t fully awake, and she found herself frozen in front of the meal.

It wasn’t until Asha pointed it out that she realized something felt off.

“…Um, Lady Vivian?”

“Ah. Please eat.”

Vivian gestured for the young ladies to help themselves to the meal.

Normally, Kyle would have already started tearing into the bread like a wild animal, so she waited patiently by habit.

It felt strange that, just one day later, she already noticed Kyle’s absence.

After all, they had practically been glued together for nearly a year.

Meals were always shared together.

Whether someone was ill, someone came to visit, or they went on an expedition, they were always together.

And it seemed that the time they shared had seeped deeply into Vivian’s life more than she had anticipated.

Having the young ladies with her from lunch yesterday to dinner, and now breakfast this morning… it felt a tad uncomfortable.

She wanted things to go back to how they were, to enjoy a meal without worry.

“…”

What was Kyle doing right now?

She hadn’t laid eyes on him since yesterday.

She had no idea if he was alive or dead.

In just a day, his behavior piqued her curiosity.

As Vivian chewed the bread, she suddenly questioned why she was so curious about him.

Even if they had shared meals, why was she wondering about him after only one day?

She didn’t dwell on it for long and concluded that it was simply because he was her property, one of the few resources she had at her disposal.

Vivian glided her gaze over Asha and Lani.

This meant she wouldn’t see Kyle again until they left.

…Suddenly, those two felt a bit annoying.

Even while having these thoughts, Vivian continued a steady conversation with Asha.

“…I’m glad to hear you slept well.”

“It was the first time sleeping in a castle, so I was quite nervous. The view from the window when I woke up was also breathtaking…”

“How’s the food treating you?”

“Yes. I hope I can thank the chef.”

“I’ll make sure to pass that along through the maid. Asha is satisfied.”

“I would truly appreciate that.”

“And Lani…?”

“…”

Vivian turned her attention to Lani, who seemed quite dazed compared to yesterday.

Her eyes were unfocused, she chewed absentmindedly, and her movements were slow.

“…Lani…!”

Asha’s whisper and nudging snapped Lani out of her trance.

“Y-Yes?”

Vivian smiled again and asked, “How’s the food?”

“Ah…! Yes!”

“You look tired. Didn’t you sleep well?”

“Ah, um, no… er, yes.”

Lani, who was about to say no, switched her answer.

“…Sorry. I couldn’t sleep because I was so excited.”

“Excited?”

“Ah…! The, the castle is just so beautiful.”

Vivian took this opportunity to subtly suggest, “If you’re too tired, you could return home early.”

Lani reacted even more dramatically than expected, shaking her head vigorously.

“No! I want to stay here as long as possible!”

“…Then I’m glad to hear that.”

With Vivian’s permission, Lani seemed to relax and let out a sigh of relief.

“Hah…”

Seeing this unfold, Asha was paying close attention to Vivian.

Vivian smiled reassuringly at Asha, but Lani’s behavior today was indeed puzzling.

.

.

.

“While I’m in class, please take a rest. Or you can ask the maids to show you around the castle.”

Vivian told the Dubos Young Ladies just before her class with Lady Linne.

On a day like this when guests came, she usually wouldn’t have a class.

However, knowing she would be stuck with the Dubos Young Ladies all day had worn her out, and she figured they might feel the same, so she decided to hold a class as an excuse to have some personal time.

Asha nodded and responded, “I appreciate that. Thank you for your consideration.”

Lani continued to look dazed.

“…”

Vivian simply smiled before heading into her room.

-Thud.

Inside the room, Lady Linne was already waiting.

Vivian let out a weary sigh upon seeing her.

With a serious yet understanding expression, Lady Linne said, “It must be hard, right?”

Vivian nodded slightly.

Wearing a mask and making friends isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Lady Linne allowed Vivian a moment of rest.

Once Vivian regained her composure in the quiet space, class began as usual.

Lady Linne spoke.

“Today, we will learn about male sexual desire.”

“…”

Vivian nodded.

She had been learning about sex for a while now.

As Vivian’s body matured into adulthood, she had gradually begun to receive teachings regarding such knowledge.

Especially about men.

Beyond the plan to acquire a powerful husband as an adult, this class was necessary for Vivian, the lord of Roktana.

Being a woman, understanding men’s psyche was challenging.

Especially for adult men.

According to Lady Linne, it would be difficult to lead them without understanding male sexual desire.

Looking at Vivian’s expression, Lady Linne spoke gently.

“You shouldn’t dislike it so much. It’s essential to understand men.”

“I know.”

With courage, Vivian managed to respond, and Lady Linne began the lesson.

Embarrassing knowledge poured forth, reddening Vivian’s face.

Just listening made her breath quicken, and her head spin.

The crude and disgusting topics made her want to cover her ears.

Yet, Lady Linne remained composed.

As if presenting basic knowledge.

“…was like a torch soaked in oil. Just one spark and it’ll ignite uncontrollably…”

“-W-Wait a moment.”

Finally unable to take it, Vivian covered Lady Linne’s mouth.

She could not stop the barrage of questions that burst forth.

“M-Ma’am, I still don’t understand sexual desire.”

“…”

“Th-That’s the hole where you urinate… If it’s not for making a child…”

When discussing sex, Lady Linne was more forgiving towards Vivian.

At times, it almost seemed like she found the naive Vivian endearing.

Lady Linne didn’t scold Vivian; instead, she gently guided her.

“Lady Vivian, there must have been many times you wanted to hug someone you loved?”

Vivian thought of her parents and replied, “…Yes.”

“You can think of it as a natural reaction. Love between a man and a woman, not just familial love, is even stronger and more impulsive. Not many can stop themselves before that urge. Healthy sexual desire isn’t dirty.”

“…Still… it seems too disgusting. It’s not just about liking each other; why do they have to… touch their private parts?”

“Even if you say that, once you feel a man looking at you with desire, you’ll probably feel proud about it, as a woman.”

“T-That’s impossible…”

“You haven’t experienced love yet, Lady Vivian. If you had more time, you would have found out without me telling you, but… now you’re learning it before you can feel it, which makes it confusing.”

“…”

“One day, you’ll understand. You’ll want to hold hands, hug, smell them, kiss them… And then, you’ll want to share a bed with them.”

“…”

“… the most intimate, the most secret, the hottest form of love will beckon you.”

Vivian shook her head.

“…But if it’s that intimate… why do boy soldiers have relationships with maids? Did they truly have time to fall that deep in love?”

“No, that’s simply a manifestation of improper sexual desire. That’s why you must also be careful around boy soldiers. Commoners can’t help it.”

“…”

Boy soldiers and maids.

Vivian thought of Kyle again.

If there was a man she had observed most closely, it would be Kyle Allen.

Perhaps that’s why Vivian found herself involuntarily relating her thoughts back to Kyle in all of this.

She also knew.

When the maid named Serena approached Kyle a few months back, he hadn’t done anything wrong.

But the smile he wore while receiving cookies was so unspeakably loathsome to Vivian that she had shifted all the blame onto him.

Of course, he hadn’t shown any explicit desire.

Even when other boy soldiers engaged in strange behavior with maids in stables, she had never heard rumors of Kyle having any interest in that.

He hadn’t carried any scandalous tales at all.

So for her to think that Kyle would also have sexual desire felt slightly unbelievable.

Does he really want to do something that disgusting?

Vivian asked, “So… does every man have sexual desire?”

“Of course.”

“Couldn’t there be someone without it?”

Lady Linne smiled faintly.

“If they’re ordinary people, everyone has sexual desire. It’s human nature.”

“…But, I thought some people seemed to lack it…”

“That just means they are hiding it well.”

…Kyle?

As she pondered, Lady Linne came closer to Vivian.

And then she whispered as if sharing a secret.

“Lady Vivian. Honestly, tell me. Have you ever felt your heart racing at the sight of a man?”

“…What?”

“There are many knights around, some of them handsome, right? Among the boy soldiers, do any of them look good to you? If you felt your heart flutter, or wanted to embrace them, or thought about them all day… you’d definitely understand what sexual desire means…”

In that moment, Vivian recalled the hug Kyle gave during the expedition. She hadn’t wanted to leave his embrace.

“N-No way!!”

Vivian shouted this in an effort to deny that thought, standing up abruptly.

Lady Linne flinched in surprise.

Vivian quickly apologized.

“S-Sorry… It’s just… too…”

The older woman didn’t scold Vivian.

“It’s alright. I was moving too fast.”

“…”

“Let’s wrap it up for today, Lady Vivian. It might be better to rest and meet tomorrow.”

Vivian nodded in agreement with Lady Linne’s words.

****

After being cooped up in her room all day, when night fell and everyone was asleep, she emerged to swing her sword.

The day felt exceedingly dull, having done nothing but think.

If there was anything to occupy her thoughts, it was the buzz of sexual stories circulating among the boy soldiers.

As they grew older, interest in such topics increased.

Vivian felt the same way.

I figured that if it came to this, maybe they should be allowed to go out to a brothel or something.

It would probably ease the atmosphere stinking of night-blooming

 

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