Volume 5 Chapter 20: “Feelings That Lift Each Other Up”
Natsuki Subaru gritted his teeth, desperately holding back the urge to crumble to the ground as he exhaled roughly.
Around him, Emilia, Beatrice, and even Liliana were casting concerned glances in his direction. Priscilla, however, wore an uninterested expression, casually fanning herself.
While bathing in their worried voices and gazes, Subaru gradually began to regain a sense of reality.
As his thoughts slowly picked up speed, he started to chew over what he had just experienced.
Out of nowhere, the scenery shifted as if someone changed the TV channel.
The smells, tastes, and sights he had felt moments before shattered into tiny pieces, replaced by a sudden sense of loss regarding reality—no, rather, an abruptness of reality.
While every sense was adapting to this new world, only Subaru’s consciousness stubbornly clung onto the previous channel, creating a strange dissonance.
Finally stifling this feeling and digesting it, he felt the switch finally turning off.
“……”
Gritting his teeth, Subaru stood up.
Shaking his head, he looked around. He found himself in a park bathed in gentle sunlight, a place of relaxation with a fountain, green grass, and colorful flower beds.
And surrounding Subaru were four beautiful girls—Emilia, Beatrice, Liliana, and Priscilla. Moreover, he recognized Liliana’s earlier words about “singing again” as something he had heard before.
“Are you okay, Subaru? You looked really pale just now.”
“…Emilia-chan. Did you just say something about Liliana singing again, or maybe I misheard?”
“That’s where your head is at!? This is Liliana speaking, and I’m really trying hard to keep my shock and hurt feelings masked after being so blatantly ignored. Compensation! I demand compensation!”
Haphazardly waving off Liliana, who was trying to initiate a lawsuit by tugging at his sleeve, Subaru turned to Emilia with a questioning gaze. Emilia seemed to realize from Subaru’s tone that this wasn’t a joke.
“Yes, that’s right. Liliana will be singing the song we missed just now. And yet, you started whispering secrets with Liliana…”
“So, you’re talking about *this moment*. Got it, thank you… thank you.”
The moment he uttered “thank you,” a wave of inexplicable disgust surged within him.
Naturally, Emilia wasn’t to blame for this. There was no reason for him to feel bitter about gratitude. Nevertheless, it reminded him of the unfathomable malice from the world just moments before.
“So, I… did I die?”
Although he didn’t voice it aloud, by considering that much, he finally understood.
—Natsuki Subaru had died.
Dead, he had come back from the time he lost in this world.
Amidst relief for having returned, frustration surged as heat against him.
He had been so prepared for everything.
Last year in that forest, in the “Sanctuary,” amidst the “Trial,” Natsuki Subaru had resolved to reject “death” that strongly, to resist the sorrow of being reborn.
He had died. Just like that. Without a fight, without even recognizing the irregularity.
What on earth had that been? Despite being something anomalous, Subaru didn’t understand what had occurred. Having experienced it yet not knowing the bizarre situation.
He hadn’t felt anything strange in that clearly abnormal space. It wasn’t just him; everyone else in that place had been similarly swept up in that madness.
It was insane to cheer on the boy restrained by chains, who was crying and screaming. Indeed, it was beyond insanity to welcome his fall into death with applause.
What on earth could have triggered such a situation?
And when had Subaru died while witnessing that?
The aura of “death” had been absent until the very end. No, it couldn’t be definitively claimed that it hadn’t existed. It might have been present without Subaru recognizing it as danger.
He couldn’t trust his own senses. While the strange events leading to “death” were evident, none of the solutions to reach that conclusion were clear-cut.
How had he died?
Did that boy who fell to his death have explosives attached to him? Maybe they had detonated the instant he hit the ground, blowing everything away. That moment bore a striking resemblance to the memories of instant death.
It wasn’t vivid. Memories of that moment of “death” were heavily influenced by Subaru’s mental state at the time. No matter how hard he tried to organize it logically, memories from a state of confusion muddied the picture.
If it turned out Subaru had gone insane, deducing the memories from when he was insane would be nearly impossible.
“Are you really okay, Subaru? Liliana also looks really pouty right now.”
“I’m not pouting! Not even a little! I don’t care one bit what Natsuki thinks of me! I’m not sad or anything, so don’t get the wrong idea!”
“See, she’s acting like she really wants your attention.”
Emilia, innocent as always, saw through Liliana’s bravado, and Subaru recalled the role he was expected to play in this situation.
At this moment, while Liliana was stalling for time with her song, they had been doing their shopping for sweet treats for reconciliation. Just after they finished, they encountered that monster of “Wrath.”
—There was less than fifteen minutes until that nightmare of a speech began.
“No way…”
Subaru couldn’t recall any previous instance where the timing of “Return by Death” had been so close.
In prior “returns,” he was usually afforded several hours to days. But this time, it was far too extremely short.
What could he achieve in just fifteen minutes?
Time was passing even as he pondered.
In this case, simply avoiding death would be easy enough. He just needed to stay clear of the area where that speech would reach him. If something abnormal, something deadly was going to occur, just avoiding that place would ensure he wouldn’t get caught up in it.
There was no way they used some sort of bomb capable of leveling an entire city.
So, if his priority was to stay safe, he simply needed to avoid that location. Sirius hadn’t specifically targeted him.
It was merely a case of pure indiscriminate malice; he had just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Therefore, if Subaru weren’t there, the scene of Sirius’s crime would remain unchanged. However, that didn’t mean the speech wouldn’t start and end, with or without him present.
Regardless of the outcome, at the very least, the boy who had been thrown would certainly die.
“I have to stop it… I can’t let it happen…!”
Grasping his head, Subaru made his decision.
He couldn’t stand to sit idly by. That boy, Rusbel, had done nothing wrong. He was simply a poor child who had looked forward to the birth of his sibling and had been left in such a terrible situation as a stand-in for his childhood friend. How could he allow himself to simply escape while that boy remained trapped?
“Beatrice, come with me…!”
Just before he shouted that plea, Subaru hesitated.
“What is it, Subaru?”
Beatrice asked with a serious expression at the tension in Subaru’s voice.
Given the urgent situation at hand, bringing Beatrice along was the most sensible choice for bolstering his strength.
Choosing not to bring her along would mean halving his fighting capabilities. Yet, Subaru hesitated all the same.
It wasn’t due to sentimental reasons about not wanting Beatrice to fight.
Of course, he wouldn’t deny having such feelings deep down, but that wasn’t his reasoning here.
—It was Emilia. Emilia was here.
“…”
The Witch Cult was present in this city.
They—while it was unclear whether there were more of them—at least *the Archbishop of Wrath* was here. Whether this formidable figure acted alone or whether the Witch Cult’s true extent was known remained uncertain.
Yet, the fear of leaving Emilia alone in a city where the Witch Cult was evidently scheming wouldn’t leave Subaru’s mind.
The terror of leaving someone dear in a place he wasn’t watching over.
The dread of the Witch Cult’s malicious hands reaching his beloved someone from a location he couldn’t see.
This fear lingered heavily at the core of Natsuki Subaru’s heart.
So, should he take Emilia with him as he headed under the “Wrath”? That was out of the question. Introducing Emilia to the Witch Cult would breed nothing but tragedy. That much was certain.
Remembering the incident with Petelgeuse made it clear. Subaru must never allow Emilia and the Witch Cult to cross paths. It wasn’t a question of why. It just was.
“Beatrice, with me…”
“With Subaru?”
“Are you okay with the same sweet stuff?”
“…?”
Beatrice furrowed her brows at Subaru’s words. It probably didn’t feel as urgent as the tone he was conveying. Glancing at the adequately shocked Liliana, he turned to Emilia and said,
“I’ll go run and get some easily graspable sweets. Emilia-chan can gracefully and calmly wait while listening to Liliana’s song.”
“Um, alright. But is it okay if I don’t go with you?”
“You can trust me. I’ll protect you.”
With her large eyes blinking innocently, Emilia blushed at Subaru’s words and nodded. Subaru then beckoned to the suspiciously eyeing Beatrice, whispering close to her ear,
“Keep an eye on Emilia for me. If I need your power, I’ll call for you immediately.”
“…You can’t tell me this doesn’t sound difficult, can you?”
“If I call for you, it’s likely to be a serious situation.”
Pushing her nose teasingly with his finger, Subaru lightly raised his hand and took off. He could feel the gazes of the four as they watched him go, but he didn’t look back, sprinting at full speed.
It wouldn’t take him five minutes to reach the square from where he started.
However, he had already started slightly later than before. In this brief time he had, even a minor delay could be fatal.
“Still, considering I haven’t done my shopping, I should have enough time to get close enough…!”
Sliding to a halt on the cobblestones, Subaru looked around the square where he arrived.
He had previously been so focused on the sky that he hadn’t had the leisure to observe his surroundings, yet he could see no suspicious-looking figures in black robes nearby.
Should he assume that the Archbishop of Sin was acting alone?
“The real problem is what to do from here. Once that speech starts, there’s a high chance I’ll be drawn into another chaotic situation.”
Given that he didn’t understand the mechanics behind that bizarre space, he couldn’t guarantee maintaining his sanity if he found himself engulfed in it again. The terror behind not being able to recognize something as abnormal was what made that brainwashing space so terrifying, Subaru thought.
“Should I evacuate everyone here?! Just like with Petelgeuse… no, I wouldn’t have enough people, and if I cause a commotion, Sirius might start moving.”
Should he evacuate the crowd to avoid being caught up in it? But how would he go about it? If? If Sirius had some unusual meaning behind that speech, then he might not even need to limit it to this location.
If there were no one here to listen to the speech, he could just do it elsewhere. Moving victims would only forge a path for new victims to arise.
“Then, there’s no choice but to eliminate the root cause…!”
Now that Subaru knew for certain Sirius was going to appear here, it was indeed a chance.
This aligned with the thoughts he had when they took down Petelgeuse. The Witch Cult must not be left unchecked. If he only prevented harm from occurring, they would continue to repeat their actions unless the source was eradicated.
He had come to this realization late.
If he had made a decision sooner, Subaru wouldn’t have come alone. No, the mistake had been returning to the park in the first place.
If only he could have returned to the inn, he could have borrowed Wilhelm’s or Julius’s strength—
“But wishing for the impossible doesn’t change anything. Whatever, for now, it’s just me. Once the speech starts, my location will be sure to be exposed, but… no, that’s not the issue here!”
Making a decision, Subaru glared at the Chronicle Tower—the dreadful place where the speech would take place, the white tower’s base. From there, Sirius had entered and conducted his speech through a window.
So, he figured Sirius had likely already entered to prepare for the speech happening in just a few minutes. Even if he hadn’t gotten in yet, there might still be a chance to save Rusbel.
While searching for any prying eyes, Subaru dashed toward the base of the Chronicle Tower. He approached a discreet door made to blend with the shadow of the alley, pushing it open and slipping inside.
Inside the Chronicle Tower was dim, filled with cold, musty air.
The absence of sound wasn’t due to the lack of mechanisms require to announce the time inside like a clock tower. The mechanism of the Chronicle Tower only involved the glowing of magic crystals, reflecting minute changes in mana from the atmosphere through its color.
—Thus, any sound coming from within the Chronicle Tower could only originate from someone deliberately making noise.
“…Hmph.”
“Don’t cry. Don’t wail. Don’t make a fuss. You are such a good child. A strong child. Your papa Muslan and mama Ina, and your yet-to-be-seen little brother or sister must certainly be happy about their strong older brother. Isn’t that wonderful?”
That vile voice echoed through the space.
As that horrific voice rang out, the boy’s whimpers could also be heard.
From the spiraling staircase above, a muffled voice sobbed. It was a mixture of revulsion, blessing, hatred, and love.
It was grotesque. It wasn’t right. It couldn’t remain sane.
“……”
Once he was sure it existed, Subaru exhaled deeply and suppressed his breath.
Placing a hand over his thundering heart, counting his pulse, he took a step toward the stairs. Thankfully, they were stone steps. If he proceeded with utmost caution, he could avoid making any noise. Moreover, it seemed the other party was currently focused on the child in their possession.
While remaining ready to summon Beatrice at any moment, Subaru quietly tiptoed up the stairs. The voices drawing closer increased the tension in his chest.
The Chronicle Tower was tall enough to look up at, but inside, nothing stood out until reaching the top. In the center of the tower, a large supporting pillar rose, and the spiral staircase wound around its wall, aiming for the top.
And at the end of the staircase, the voices of the devil and the hero awaited. The only window connecting to the outer wall—likely an entrance for configuring or inspecting the magic crystals set in the Chronicle Tower. The voices came from a space beyond that window.
More like an attic than a loft.
Cautiously peering up from the bottom of the stairs, Subaru confirmed two shadows moving deeper into that dark space, conversing with one another.
No other silhouettes remained. There appeared to be no horror-like scenario of Witch Cultists lurking in silence.
—Now, he simply needed to look for an opening and strike.
“……”
It wasn’t wise to think about taking them alive.
The difficulty of having one survive as opposed to attempting to capture them wasn’t the same at all. Especially if the opponent was someone whose actions could not be predicted if left alive.
With that knowledge, Subaru crouched down and reached behind his waist.
He firmly gripped the hilt secured there and drew his weapon from its holster.
What Subaru now held in his hands was a whip, with a length just a tad longer than what was comfortable to wield with both hands, and with its flexible end made from special fibers.
Often referred to as a cattle prod, its type was known for its use by a famous archaeologist in his raiding of ruins.
Subaru’s whip was longer than the one possessed by the professor who had used it and was even more difficult to handle. After a year of practicing, he had improved enough to earn the basic qualification from Krlind.
Among weapons, the reason Subaru chose the whip as his main piece was because of its versatility.
Unlike swords, hammers, spears, or bows, a whip could serve a variety of purposes. More than anything, it wouldn’t do for him to compare himself to the extraordinary heights reached by great swordsmen in just a few years.
Having gained knowledge of the fights of those already accustomed to the way of the sword, Subaru fully realized how he couldn’t just butt in with makeshift effort.
Hence, he hadn’t chosen swords or spears; he had chosen the whip.
Initially, he could only fight by outsmarting, maneuvering, and employing wit.
So naturally, he would select a weapon that embodied his unique approach.
Besides, a whip allowed for mid-range attacks as well.
“……”
The distance from the end of the staircase to the wriggling shadow was about four meters. That was precisely the limit of his range. If he wanted a sure hit, he’d have to take a single step forward, no, even half a step would put him in the sweet spot.
Either way, with the whip’s lethality, he couldn’t expect a one-hit knockout. Achieving a one-hit elimination with it would require relying on other factors.
In this case, it was essential to leverage height.
—That meant he only had to attain the exact distance to guarantee a hit.
“……”
Taking a small breath, he exhaled slightly, then held his breath.
Standing up, Subaru drew back his right hand holding the whip and ascended the stairs. The instant he reached the upstairs, the shadows weren’t yet aware of his presence. He could take the initiative.
Taking half a step and swinging his arm around overhead.
The whip sliced through the air as it lashed out toward the target with a crack.
The sidebar swung by, ignoring any possible loss of force in favor of speed, prioritizing swiftness and the opportunity presented by the whip’s strike.
The wriggling serpent head lunged at the exposed back of its target. Binding it, he intended to smash this embodiment of malice into the abyss.
However,
“Why are you so angry?”
This muffled voice drifted without turning toward him.
Just after that, the shadow swung its right arm at astounding speed, using chains entwined with its arm to counter the force of Subaru’s whip.
The sight of a writhing serpent countered by a silver serpent.
For a moment, Subaru felt bewildered by the odd scene, but the instant he determined his whip had made contact, he swung his arm fiercely diagonally.
“Huh?”
The figure that stumbled was Sirius, who faltered backward.
The chain hanging from her right arm certainly nullified the force of Subaru’s lash, but a part of that chain had gotten caught in the whip’s end. Pulling on it, Subaru disrupted Sirius’s balance.
“Ugh!”
As Sirius recoiled, Subaru closed in at full speed. Plowing into the figure wrapped in bandages, he shoved his shoulder into it. Surprisingly, that light frame easily flew backward due to Subaru’s momentum.
“Kyaaa!”
Letting out a frail scream, Sirius’s body bounced off the ground and sailed over the edge, precisely as Subaru had initially intended. From this height to the ground below was more than ten meters—definitely high enough to crush a child on impact like a fruit.
“You okay, Rusbel?!”
Without looking back to witness Sirius’s fate, Subaru rushed toward the second shadow remaining deeper inside. The small figure was indeed Rusbel, who looked up at Subaru with a terrified expression while holding chains in both hands.
Those chains seemed connected to the ones wrapped around the boy’s lower body. With just that, Subaru could glean the sinister nature of Sirius’s intentions.
“That… he made himself wrap those chains around him…?!”
Gradually, Rusbel was experiencing terror as if he was quite literally strangling himself. Even in this moment of interruption, the expression on his face bore a stamp of fear that wouldn’t fade.
As Subaru recognized that malice, a wave of anger surged within him. He immediately slapped Rusbel on the shoulder, forcefully snatching the chain from his hands,
“That’s enough! You don’t have to do this anymore! We’re leaving this place together!”
“But… I-I have to keep my promise, or Tina… Tina…!”
With tears forming in his eyes, Rusbel trembled as he spoke.
Seeing this, Subaru felt an instinctive lump rise in his throat.
The boy had jumped into a devil’s bargain to ensure the safety of his childhood friend. Despite having undergone such terror, Rusbel was more concerned about the girl than himself.
His legs shook, his teeth chattered, his vision blurred with tears, and words escaped him as if they were failing to align.
“It’ll be fine. There are a lot of reliable people in this town right now…!”
His raspy breath made it hard to speak clearly.
He had to deliver strong words to reassure the boy. Right now, in this town, there was the Sword Saint. The highest-ranked knight was also present. The kingdom’s best healing mage was there, with allies who could easily destroy a city if they wanted.
So there was nothing to be afraid of. There had never been a case where evil triumphed. Yes, indeed.
There’s no reason for Rusbel to be afraid of anything. Thus,
“So… stop trembling, dammit!!”
Before the terrified Rusbel, whose focus had stopped aligning properly, Subaru vigorously struck the ground with his crumbling knees, desperately calling out.
His voice cracked, echoing with a painful resonance. The hideous sensation of carrying an indescribable weight mired Subaru, refusing to let go.
“—Gah!”
Just as the sound of a bubble bursting before him echoed, Rusbel expelled a yellow torrent. His body quivered like he was having a seizure, collapsing atop his own vomit. When Subaru tried to lift the boy, he too succumbed to the likewise nauseating discomfort that wracked his insides.
The diced meat he had consumed that morning lost all semblance, oozing out with the sour smell of stomach acid and organs mixed together. Choking and suffering as he drowned in the surge of his own vomit, Subaru continued to vomit profusely.
No matter how much he heaved, the world spun around him, his teeth clattering, and his body shook uncontrollably. He felt no coldness. It was as though invisible hands clutched and twisted his stomach, shuffling everything inside without pause.
This was undeniably,
“—The reason you’re so terrified is a testament to your kindness.”
A serene voice wafted from behind him, prompting Subaru to hurl again.
Drowning in the overflowing stomach fluid, he too fell forward, landing headfirst amidst the filth he’d expelled. The sticky sensation on his cheeks, as he buried his face in the pool of muck, made every shallow breath bubble and pop with yellow foam.
Watching such a disgraceful scene, Sirius looked upon them with a look of amusement.
With their heads side by side, gasping for breath in their shared pool of bile, both Subaru and Rusbel were overtaken by continuous tremors.
“People can understand each other. People can become one. Kindness doesn’t exist for oneself. It exists for others. Kindness shines when given to others. Being kind to oneself is mere selfishness, wholly distinct from true kindness! Therefore, the kindness you show now glitters with actual benevolence towards others! Ah, it’s love!”
“Ugh, bleh…”
“Feel free to enjoy it. Feel free to showcase it. Your love! That boundless kindness! The preciousness of wanting to save Rusbel-kun!”
In front of the two, covered in vomit and white-eyed, Sirius danced lightly.
Then the figure crossed its arms, pointing at both Subaru and Rusbel with alternating hands, swaying its waist in a bizarre rhythm. A provocative dance to celebrate.
“You’re sharing Rusbel-kun’s fear, kind-hearted you. The fear you’ve felt through Rusbel-kun is felt by him through you. The fear Rusbel-kun sensed through you makes a return as he feels more of that fear through you. The additional fear you felt from Rusbel-kun feeds back into you, creating even more fear. Through this joint experience, fresh fear brimming with vitality is passed on, letting you sense the true essence of fear. As you experience this true fear, Rusbel-kun carries it on, birthing additional waves of terror within him, and that fear will add on top of the previously existing fears together…”
Something felt whispered in his ear. The overwhelming deluge of nonsense and absurdity surged forth. Subaru had no leisure to comprehend what it was. To him, everything that entered his ears and met his gaze was merely fear itself. Breathing became an act of terror, and blinking was the only option when every action was veiled in horror, each blink shrouding him in darkness. Within that fleeting moment of total darkness, he knew nothing of what happened. Nothing occurred, naturally, yet having the means to confirm it was itself terrifying. To lack understanding bore a primal fear. If existing meant overcoming fear through comprehension, then life itself became a battle to grasp comprehension, for fear emerged from creatures in extreme situations that threatened their lives. To bear the capacity for fear meant, quite simply, that creature possessed something for which it could feel terror. This function of fearing aligned with that of feeling pain, meaning that one could never sever the instinctual radar for danger from preserving life. Being dull to fear was akin to being dull to the value of life. “Ah? It seems you’ve gone mad. Those with rich empathy can sometimes turn horrendously fragile. Ah, due to love, people suffer. But precisely because of love, people can thrive. It truly is a conundrum. So let’s bring Tina-chan into this! Thank you, Rusbel-kun, for your involvement.”
Being insensible to life’s value contradicted the innate survival function of creatures, that is to say, fear is a necessity. Thus, now feeling this fear is something to be proud of, not ashamed of. Naturally, none of this held meaning, only an abstract perspective. But to repeat such experiences leads Subaru to feel a sense of resolution; fighting against this fearful reality and attempting to resist it constituted the ultimate and most significant struggle to escape this situation.
Before him, Rusbel’s seizures gradually subsided, and with glazed-over eyes, glimpses of the light of life seemed to fade away. Yet, in his heart, Subaru pledged he must never falter. He would not break. He swore that he would keep fighting as he had a year ago, amidst that painfully difficult trial of sorrow. If not, then why was he suffering, crying, and yet, still alive?
Fear—everything was terrifying. Living was terrifying. Blinking was terrifying. Breathing was terrifying. Feeling nauseous was terrifying. The terrible disgust mingled within him until he felt completely swallowed whole.
“—Gahhhh…”
It was absurdly chaotic.
After all, there was no coherent way to convey the ludicracy of what transpired.
“For the discussion after the song, perhaps we should prepare a snack for Natsuki-sama. Surely if there are sweet treats, hearts will brighten and the distance between us will naturally shorten, wouldn’t you agree? Don’t you think so?”
In the instant he blinked, the world transformed, and as he heard those words, he staggered. The face of the girl who had clumsily winked before him drew near, and their foreheads collided.
“Ka-Pow!?”
“What the?!”
A hard sound echoed, and sparks flew before his eyes.
Feeling a sharp pain, Subaru recoiled and stepped back. He heard something collapse onto the grass, but as he rubbed his forehead, he couldn’t quickly check what had happened.
“What… was that?!”
“It’s not ‘what was that?’ Come on, Subaru! You just headbutted Liliana! You can’t do that; if you dislike someone, then you should admonish them first!”
“Exactly. Before using violence, you ought to stop that ugly wink first, or else I’ll beat you for real!”
“Was it really that ugly!?”
Liliana exclaimed in disbelief, bouncing up.
At her words, Emilia and Beatrice exchanged equally speechless glances. Liliana, shocked, crumpled to the ground.
“This is a pointless farce. One who does not match my standard should not harass my little bird. There shall be no next time.”
Displeased by Subaru’s actions toward Liliana, Priscilla surprisingly scolded him.
Subaru nodded vaguely, affirming what he should have realized regarding where he was once more.
“…What a grotesque situation.”
Returned to this place twice, he could only lament the unchanged nature of the villain.