Chapter 27
The day after finishing the job with the bald man.
I woke up early again today without fail.
In my previous life, just thinking about going to work felt like gravity was pressing down on me.
‘I ended up not going because I didn’t want to go that day.’
No one knows the truth that I was fired for my excessive unapproved absences later on.
But this place is different.
How many people in the world get to have a job they want to do?
Dreams and whatnot are just wishes of children in the end.
Once you grow up and experience the army and society, you end up as a slave to money, scanning barcodes at a convenience store.
In that sense, this place is nothing short of paradise!
If you want to hunt monsters, you can just take a quest to hunt the monsters you want and beat them up, and if someone messes with you, hitting them a little won’t get a summons from the police.
“Luna. Today’s schedule.”
“Today, after breakfast, we will visit Mr. Smith to collect the War Wolf meat we had him dismantle and retrieve the safe, then head to the Adventurer’s Guild for the D-Rank promotion exam that Miss Adela mentioned yesterday.”
Having a beautiful secretary reciting today’s agenda next to me is on a whole different level from the stale news and newspapers you see in the morning.
‘Is this the life of the rich?’
At that moment, I recalled the game I used to enjoy in my past life.
A game boasting the world’s highest degree of freedom, where you could steal a car, rob a bank, and crumple luxury foreign cars and sports cars like cans.
Why is that game, which seems to just copy reality, so popular?
The reason is simple.
In reality, you can’t even drive a supercar, but you can park dozens of them in your garage. Buildings worth billions that you could only look at in reality become yours. You can rampage with all kinds of weapons and manipulate the world however you want.
This place is similar to that world.
It’s truly a world where the motivation to work skyrockets. A world where you can do anything if you put your mind to it.
“Luna. Pass me some tissues.”
“…Yes?”
It was crude, but just imagining it made me act impulsively.
*
Receiving dog meat from the uncle, I was on my way to the Adventurer’s Guild to grab the gold coins from the safe.
Suddenly, something whooshed past me quickly, and Luna said.
“Luke! It’s a pickpocket!”
“Really? Let it be. I’m not the one getting robbed.”
How pitiful that someone is resorting to pickpocketing in such an easy money-making world.
But pickpocketing can happen even in countries with good security.
Stopping pickpockets with medieval security is tough.
Since I felt sorry for him, I decided to let him go. It’s not my money anyway.
“…It’s your pocket that got robbed, Luke.”
“Catch that bastard right now!!!”
Thus began our chaotic chase after the pickpocket with Luna and me.
The pickpocket seamlessly blended into the crowd as Luna darted after him.
“Whoaaaaaah━━━━!!!!!!!”
I, like a character from a zombie game, shoved my way through the crowd with sheer force.
Upon noticing our pursuit, the pickpocket glanced back.
And upon locking eyes with me, he looked startled and began to run faster through the crowd.
If you want to hide a tree, hide it in the forest.
If you want to hide a person, hide them among people.
That’s a great escape plan.
The problem was that I was someone who knew that this method was actually the dumbest one.
‘What? Hide a tree in the forest?’
Just set the forest on fire and burn the trees alive.
And if the pickpocket tries to hide among people…
“Hinjakku!! Hinjakku!!”
I charged straight through the crowd, bulldozing my way.
No way would someone weaving through the crowd faster than a broken tractor win against a straight-line charge.
Realizing he couldn’t dodge anymore, the pickpocket abruptly turned down a small alley.
But unfortunately for him, that was his end and a dead end.
“Kuhelhelhel.”
You’re caught now.
As I stepped closer to him, he clung to the wall like a cat cornered at the end of the alley, trying to dig through the wall with his hands.
“P-please spare me━━!”
“Hey, hey. Calm down. I’m not going to eat you.”
What made him so terrified? If I wanted to kill him, I could have done it long before this.
“Shall we try to resolve this with a conversation, buddy?”
I flashed a grin.
“Y-yes…?”
“Don’t know the word ‘conversation’? Let’s talk it out.”
I didn’t want to hit the skinny thing, but was he someone who never learned to read?
Then there’s no choice but to communicate with my fists.
As I raised my fist, the pickpocket frantically knelt down and sat cross-legged.
“C-conversation is good!”
“See? It would have been nice if you had done that from the start.”
People really need conversation, don’t they? In a rotten society where they hurl insults right off the bat, how precious a resource dialogue is.
Hmm. So what should I ask first?
“Why did you steal from my pocket?”
“W-well, you were wearing an academy uniform, so I thought you were a noble…”
A noble? Please. Luke, the protagonist, is a commoner with no noble roots.
“I see. Given your appearance, I can tell you’re in desperate need of money.”
“Thank you for understanding!”
“But hey buddy, you know stealing is bad, right?”
“Yes! I understand well!”
“I believe that if you do wrong, you should be punished. So, I’m thinking of breaking your fingers so you can’t steal anymore.”
“…Huh?”
Not fully grasping my intent, he questioned back.
But seeing is believing.
If he doesn’t understand, then it’s time for action over words. I personally lifted his hand and twisted it in a way that his fingers couldn’t bend.
“AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”
With a strength stat of 48, breaking a person’s finger was as simple as snapping a Pepero stick.
‘Maybe it’s enjoyable since there’s nothing but bone and no flesh.’
It felt like breaking crab legs to get the meat out.
I turned his index finger back at the first joint.
And kindly twisted the second joint back in the opposite direction from the now-broken first joint.
“GRAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Shhh. You’ll bring complaints with that noise.”
What kind of volume is that? If he had practiced more singing instead of pickpocketing, he might have become a singer.
But if he screams like that in broad daylight, someone next door might file a complaint, so I stuffed the money pouch he had stolen into his mouth.
His index finger now resembled a lightning bolt.
“Hey Luna. If I stick a metal skewer through this finger and hold it out on a rainy day, wouldn’t he become a human lightning rod?”
“…If so, just use a lightning rod.”
Tsk. How unfortunate that he doesn’t understand the joy of manipulating nature. The romance of this world is all but dead.
After all, when you can unleash any element from your hands whenever you want, you would hardly feel that kind of romance.
‘Back in my day, just shooting lasers from your hands was considered cool. Tsk.’
This time, I broke the man’s middle finger.
“Grrrrrahhh!!!!!!!!!!”
“Yeah yeah, I get it.”
Stealing is bad. It’s common knowledge that everyone learns as a child, be it from parents handling home education or school.
Everyone knows about stealing as a crime, but this pickpocket seems to have been born under the tag of medieval times and pitifully didn’t receive any education.
Thus, it seems he’s begun to understand the sweetness of stealing, so I’ll take it upon myself to re-educate him.
Killing someone for stealing would be too harsh.
So, I’m thinking of breaking all his fingers so that he can’t even dare to steal.
Then later, when he subconsciously reaches for someone’s belongings, he will see his fingers unable to pick anything up and go, ‘Oops!’ for some self-reflection.
Being able to educate the perpetrator by directly helping the victim, what greater act of kindness is there?
“Wow! How kind of me!”
-Crack. Snap. Crunch.
“Uuuooooooh!!!!! Hueeek!!!!! Uuuuuuh!!!!”
“Luna, do you want to break one too?”
“…I’m good, thanks.”
“Really? What a shame.”
Education aside, this feels so good.
It’s like popping bubble wrap, one by one.
-Crunch.
“Uuuuuuuuh!!!!!!”
*
“U-um, I’m sorry…”
The pickpocket, with his ten fingers all crooked like ramen noodles, spoke to me.
I didn’t hit his face, but why does his speech sound so slurred?
“You did something wrong, right? So what should you do from now on? Should you do it again?”
“N-no…”
“Right. Since you’ve changed your mind, I’ll give you this as a gift.”
I handed the pickpocket my money pouch.
He kept bowing his head in thanks to me and then ran off without looking back.
“What a kid. Is that pouch really that great?”
That much can be earned with just one piggy bank heist.
Tsk tsk. How unfortunate that he doesn’t understand the true flavor of earning money through hard work.
As we came out of the alley and headed back to the Adventurer’s Guild, Luna subtly asked.
“U-um, Luke. Is it really okay for you to just give it away like that?”
“Give what?”
“The money pouch.”
“Are you crazy? Why would I give away my money?”
What money pouch? Out of nowhere.
Could it be that she thought all this time that was a money pouch?
What has Luna been looking at all this time next to me? I have the skill called Inventory, so there’s no reason for me to carry something like that around.
“…Then what is that pouch?”
“A Cockroach Pouch.”
In fact, I intended to put that in my inventory, but since I couldn’t store living creatures in there, I had to carry it around.
– Aaaaahhh!!!
The moment I said that, a scream echoed from somewhere nearby.
“When did you catch it…?”
“Last time when I went to catch the pig.”
I found it in the back alley when I went to catch that pig last time.
It was indeed crawling with creatures, as the place was dark and damp.
They say all places where people dwell are the same, and just like mosquitoes, those guys were perfectly present in this world too.
I picked it up just in case it might come in handy somehow, but I never expected to use it like this.
“Then you just made all that fuss over stealing a Cockroach Pouch…?”
“Hey, calling it ‘just’!”
It could be something precious to someone! It’s a bad habit to conclude recklessly!
“Stealing is wrong! Whether it’s stealing dust or stealing a fairy tale! Got it?!”
“But Luke, you also stole from the Academy last time by asserting consumer rights…”
“Tsk! That wasn’t stealing; it was claiming my rightful rights! Tell me, what’s wrong with that?”
“…It’s claiming rightful rights.”
“Exactly.”
