Volume 4 Chapter 89: “Memory of Snow”
——After finishing the secret conversation with Ryuzu, Subaru walked alone through the forest.
Ryuzu had stayed behind in front of the crystal, saying there was something she wanted to think about. The girl who looked just like him—what could it mean to contemplate in front of the original?
It was an endlessly intriguing topic, but he had no idea how far he could delve into it. In any case, the Ryuzu who had just spoken to him was on Subaru’s side.
There were four Ryuzu replicas.
According to Ryuzu’s earlier words, two of them had never undergone the “Trial” at the graveyard. And there were two who had challenged the “Trial.”
Subaru speculated that the Ryuzu who had challenged the “Trial” might have given Garfiel some kind of advice.
There was a possibility that the four replicas had not unified their wills.
The assumption that they were all acting as the same person had backfired. While they were portraying the same individual, each of them possessed their own thoughts and existence.
Thus, if one of them had experienced something that another Ryuzu had not, it wouldn’t be strange for them to arrive at different conclusions.
For convenience, let’s call the four Ryuzu α, β, θ, and Σ.
The two Ryuzu who were unfamiliar with the “Trial” are α and β. The two who knew of it are θ and Σ.
Ideally, I wanted to name them Eins, Zwei, and Drei in German for a cool vibe, but I couldn’t come up with a fourth name, so that plan got derailed.
Anyway,
“The problem is, I won’t be able to meet θ and Σ for at least two days…”
The Great Rabbit’s time limit for attacking the “Sanctuary”—to be precise, it’s the deadline to lure the Great Rabbit, which was already nearby, with a massive spell of heavy snow—is in five days.
Since they won’t come up with a solution right away, having just three days left is definitely not a long grace period.
In order to prevent the release of the “Sanctuary,” Garfiel would ultimately massacre the villagers.
If he was going to go that far, Ryuzu θ and Σ’s intentions wouldn’t easily waver. Considering the possibility of persuasion, Subaru had to admit that the outlook was grim.
“However, with the increase in obstacles… could I see an opening with Garfiel, maybe? Essentially, if I can somehow convince the two Ryuzus who are in the way, the problem could be resolved.”
If Ryuzu θ and Σ influence Garfiel’s reckless actions, then persuading them is practically equivalent to fulfilling the conditions to overcome Garfiel. Given that he didn’t have a clear method to sway Garfiel directly, it was fragile and unreliable but there was no doubt it was a glimmer of hope.
At present, Garfiel not only retained solo combat power but also had command over the other Ryuzu replicas—pure, unthinking copies that totalled twenty.
Copies were mechanical forces that had no qualms about even welcoming their own deaths, and Garfiel had little resistance to utilizing these beings devoid of will.
However, to Subaru, that compromise felt far too harsh.
Regardless of those sentiments, he wanted to avoid an outright clash with Garfiel.
While it was obvious, silencing Garfiel by force was impossible.
If θ and Σ incited Garfiel, and he turned against them completely, their odds of winning would plummet even further.
“I can’t afford to fail, especially since I dramatically made a contract with Roswaal. I’m not planning to. Whether the safety net works or not is another story, but I have to stand firm where I can.”
Slapping his cheek, which inclined towards negativity, Subaru shook his head to admonish himself.
Then, facing forward again, he concluded,
“Either way, handling Ryuzu θ and Σ will be on-the-fly. It might be worth poking Garfiel to get a feel for things… but that’ll have to wait.”
Exiting the forest, Subaru returned to the settlement of the “Sanctuary.”
The sun had fully risen, and around the settlement, residents and evacuees from Araham Village were starting their daily routines.
Giving a brief wave in response to the greetings directed his way, Subaru headed toward a place isolated from such activities.
A little distance away from both the Cathedral and the settlement.
——The quarters designated for Emilia, where she stayed.
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
——If I closed my eyes, I could still vividly recall that time.
A white, white world.
In the expanse of the silver world, a young Emilia walked alone.
——You mustn’t remember!
A voiceless voice rose, but it didn’t reach the small Emilia who walked with her head hung low.
Anxiously looking around, she was disappointed when her expectations were betrayed and trudged through the snow, dragging her feet.
——Come back! Please! Don’t do anything anymore!
The young Emilia exhaled a white breath and watched curiously as the mist emanated from her mouth. Over and over again, she exhaled. Her outfit was made up of only a thin undergarment and a mantle-like garment that completely covered her body.
It was a thoughtless outfit for surviving in the extreme cold, but it couldn’t be helped.
After all, for Emilia, seeing snow and this extraordinarily cold world was a first.
The world she knew was a forest overflowing with greenery and warm light, completely different from the world buried in snow and ice.
The places she was accustomed to showed unfamiliar expressions.
This fact bewildered the young Emilia, causing her to forget her rightful reactions.
——No! You can’t go any further! Come back! If not, then just…!
Even as she begged, throat aching and blood pouring forth, the young Emilia didn’t stop her feet. Her voice fell upon deaf ears, and mercilessly, the girl moved forward.
With bare feet lost in the unfamiliar snow, each step was painful.
Her toes, which had probably long since ceased to feel cold and pain, were wounded by the branches and rocks hidden beneath the snow, dripping blood to mark the path she tread.
Yet still, desperately forgetting the pain, concealing her fear of this strange world, she moved forward alone for some reason.
——Stop, please… I don’t want to see it anymore… Please…
Her pleas went unheard. Her wishes were unfulfilled. Her hopes were continuously severed.
The reality she had known was cruel, imposing even harsh truths in a dream world—showing her past self, and the form of her greatest mistake.
“———”
The young Emilia’s amethyst eyes sparkled as if she saw hope beyond the snow-laden haze obscuring her vision.
What lay ahead was the trunk of the tallest tree in this world, known to the young Emilia as the “Prayer Tree.” This verdant giant was a sacred tree, meant to offer prayers to unseen divinities, treasured by everyone in the settlement.
The young Emilia firmly believed that merely touching the trunk of this tree allowed her to feel its great blessings upon her skin.
At this moment, the sight of the tree standing in its usual place, maintaining its awe-inspiring presence, brought her an immense sense of reassurance.
In a world where familiar scenery transformed into something unknown, how much had the steadfastness of the tree saved her?
Expelling more white breaths, Emilia hurried towards the tree, her eager footsteps struggling against the snow, which reached nearly up to her knees. By the time she reached it, she had fallen several times, leaving traces of her body in the pure white snow.
Finally, after falling face-first into the snow countless times, red-nosed from the cold, Emilia reached the base of the tree.
Relief washed over her, causing her previously tense expression to slightly ease. Even that was just a small, subtle wavering due to her frozen muscles tightening.
“———?”
As she reached out to one of the roots, the young Emilia’s face lit up with recognition. Sliding her hand along the root, she began to dig at the spot buried beneath the snow with her trembling fingers.
——Stop!!
Dig, dig.
Simply fueled by impatience, the young Emilia dug at the snow.
——Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop!
I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to remember.
I want to turn away, cover my eyes, plug my ears, and tear the world apart with my voice.
But there were no nonexistent faces, no nonexistent eyes, no nonexistent ears to deceive.
The young Emilia’s fingertips found something among the snow.
And slowly, she began to lift the last remaining flake of snow with her own hands——
——Stop it!!
…。
……………………。
………………………………………………。
“——I shouldn’t have helped you.”
“———”
“Proof of sin. Proof of filth. Cursed and cursed, until suffering ends….”
“———”
“Just die. —You child of the Witch.”
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
“——Emilia? Emilia? Hey, are you okay!?”
“Ah, um… Ah, Subaru…?”
While continuing to shake her shoulder and call out, Emilia opened her eyes slightly and called Subaru’s name. For a moment, she shook her head as if trying to regain her vague consciousness, but then…
“Why is Subaru here…?”
“Is it wrong for me to come without a reason? I could stare at Emilia-chan’s face all day without getting bored.”
“That’s not it… um…”
Since she seemed to be struggling to grasp her consciousness, anxiety lingered in Emilia’s reply.
To dispel that anxiety, Subaru stood up with a smile, patting his knees as he said,
“I’d be in trouble if you act so defenseless in front of me. I’m happy you trust me, but beneath my rational persona lies a fierce wolf. I want you to acknowledge me as a human, Emilia-chan.”
“…? I won’t forget about you, Subaru. I just responded differently because I was waking up… But, when did I fall asleep…?”
Her words seemed vague, but there was a clear sign of awakening in Emilia’s voice. After confirming that, Subaru tilted his head in contemplation at Emilia’s troubled expression.
“I understand you’re feeling fatigued, but it’s better to sleep properly in bed. If you sleep on the floor like this, it feels like my heart might stop the moment I walk in.”
“…Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you, did I?”
“I was genuinely worried that a new event would arise the moment I renewed my resolve! I can boldly assert that today’s sleeping beauty of Emilia-chan was even more moving than usual.”
In truth, the shock Subaru felt when he found Emilia in the sleeping area was beyond words.
After knocking with no response, he cautiously entered the room, considering she might not be home, only to find Emilia sprawled across the floor with her silver hair splayed out.
No one could blame Subaru for feeling his blood run cold and despairing at that sight.
That said, when he lifted her up, the warmth of her body and the steady rhythm of her breathing confirmed his fears were unnecessary.
Just,
“If it was only that, I would have wanted to let you sleep as you were… but it seemed like you were having a pretty rough time sleeping. Did I wake you up when I shouldn’t have?”
Emilia, still in Subaru’s arms, had a pained expression as sweat beaded on her forehead. Subaru had experienced it before; there’s no means of escaping from truly distressing nightmares. Only the call from beyond the dream served as a way to relieve that agony.
To Subaru’s invocation, Emilia shook her head, “No, it’s fine.”
“Thanks for waking me. It was a really, really bad dream, so… yeah, thank you.”
“That sounds like a terrible dream that tormented Emilia-chan. Well then, I’d like to hear a bit about it… but you seem hesitant to remember it.”
“———”
The silence indicated some awkwardness, and Subaru contemplated the cause of Emilia’s nightmare.
It was likely a compounded negative situation that led to the nightmare. Whether it carried a vivid image or not was unclear, but…
“…I see, then I won’t pry into it forcefully.”
Given Emilia’s attitude of avoiding his gaze, it was clear she had a distinct image of the nightmare.
If it had been a vague nightmare, it would have been easy to explain through words. The inability to do so signified a clear shape to the nightmare’s form.
Though it had begun awkwardly between him and Emilia, the way to navigate conversation from here appeared complex.
With a serious expression, Subaru puzzled over how to approach the topic while Emilia watched him intently.
“So… Subaru, what do you want? You didn’t come just to look at my face for no reason, right?”
“I don’t think it’s particularly surprising behavior that I’m here,” Subaru replied.
“No, it’s not like that. It’s just that you’re always busy dashing around, so you wouldn’t have the time to spend on just me, right?”
“How diligent of an image do you have of me, Emilia-chan? I’m a well-known lazy guy who completely agrees from the bottom of my heart with the establishment of ‘Lazy Appreciation Day’.”
Subaru wasn’t exaggerating. He knew all too well that he was an incorrigible slacker. Left without a purpose, he could degenerate endlessly; that was just who Natsuki Subaru was.
That’s why he never neglected his daily workouts and the honing of various silly hobbies and specialties in his original world. He knew that if he slacked off, he would inevitably become a hopeless human.
——Someone who could continue such efforts without a purpose should never be called a slacker, but Subaru was blind to such obvious facts.
Having heard his self-deprecation, Emilia’s gaze shifted to a warm hue, perhaps wanting to say something about it. Subaru raised his eyebrows at her reaction, but inevitably, Emilia chose not to continue on that topic.
“That’s fine. Anyway, Subaru, tell me why you came here. Hurry up!”
“I’m not sure why you suddenly sound like a child… Ah, well, I thought I’d take a little break and go for a stroll outside…”
“———”
“That probably wouldn’t be much of a mood lift, would it?”
Noticing Emilia’s silent reaction, Subaru realized his slip and scratched his head.
As could be inferred from the fact that she was the only one with her quarters located far from the settlement, Emilia’s treatment within the “Sanctuary” wasn’t great at all.
Although Emilia and the “Sanctuary” residents could be considered outcasts from their respective species, the prejudices surrounding half-elves had a unique weight even among them.
For the evacuees of Araham Village, Subaru’s merits for helping them escape the Witch Cult talked about his prowess rather than changing their view of Emilia directly.
In the “Sanctuary,” Emilia was treated as no different from a pariah in the Royal Capital.
When she was with Subaru, she managed to act tough, but it surely wasn’t pleasant. How did she cope with the whispers from those around her when she was alone?
As he still couldn’t improve the situation, taking Emilia outside would only place unnecessary burdens on her.
“That’s why I…”
Annoyed with his insensitivity, Subaru knocked his forehead with his fist.
Using the pain from the impact to shift his mindset, he turned back to the wide-eyed Emilia.
“Emilia.”
“——Yeah.”
Seeing Subaru change his demeanor, Emilia recognized the shift in atmosphere and adjusted her posture, gazing back at him with her amethyst eyes filled with quiet emotion.
Realizing the futility in attempting to skirt the topic, Subaru briefly hesitated over how to start, and then finally said,
“Are you willing to tell me what you saw during the ‘Trial’ at the graveyard?”
——Subaru clearly witnessed Emilia’s amethyst eyes glistening with fear and sorrow.