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A lanky frame with an absurdly tall height, a painfully thin body, and to top it all off, those annoyingly nervous eyes paired with faint dark circles beneath them.

Perhaps it’s not the real me from my past life, but rather the idealized version of myself that I’ve conjured up. There’s a hint of embellishment in there, but…

I can’t deny that it’s the stereotypical image of a writer you’ve probably seen in the media at least once.

There’s no special reason for this. When someone locks themselves away in a room and just writes, they either end up painfully thin or remarkably plump, one or the other.

After reading numerous comments and paying attention to people’s reactions, it’s easy to become a bit jittery.

If you spend 14 hours a day just writing, it’s natural for dark circles to appear, right?

Despite my slender physique, it seems I’m completely different from Jonah’s body, which surprisingly doesn’t give up on its masculinity.

But then again, that’s still me. I remain unchanged.

The only important thing is that both my arms are perfectly intact.

“Adding a single pull on the gacha.”

That low voice, which now feels foreign to me. Yet the corners of my mouth twitch upwards as I reach out once more.

Crisp!

An ominous spark jumps across the barrier unleashed by the Madness God, appearing as if it’s desperately trying to stop me or shock at my presence.

I don’t care which. What matters is that my consciousness has already merged significantly with the Madness of the God, and despite my original body being weak, it will hold out as much as is necessary.

Crunch!

“Ugh!”

What was just a simple spark turns into a storm, enveloping my arm.

It may lack physical strength, but that crimson lightning storm is ripping apart my arm without mercy.

Flesh swollen like a tumor bursts. Muscles spasm, bones twist, growing in every direction like branches.

In an instant, my arm has lost its human form. Yet it hasn’t reached the point of bursting, and it moves as I wish.

That alone is sufficient.

A body that was dying revitalizes itself, sending out every kind of danger signal. Ignoring the pain and the bizarre sense of alienation, I continue to reach out.

Following the path I had drilled, my arm, which had been submerged in the barrier up to the elbow, slowly progresses deeper until it finally pushes through to my wrist.

Phew!

Ultimately, one side of my arm bursts out. But that doesn’t matter. I’ve never actually pierced through the barrier for a single moment.

Rather, I made contact, synchronizing with the Madness God’s madness to allow his divine power to pass through me.

As I stretch out my other arm, this time it thrusts deeply towards my wrist.

There’s only a finger’s length to go to reach the heart of madness.

Maybe it’s because I’ve accepted the madness of the God that much.

The maddening whispers that filled my mind once only showed fragments of the Madness God, yet now they convey his very existence.

The madness filling my head whispers.

– Stop! Please, stop, Father of Fathers!

That is both a curse commanding me to die, and a plea asking to be released.

– Is my singular desire to save my child so wrong?

It is the buzz of insects echoing through a summer night, and also the quiet whispers of snow piling up on a roof in winter.

– No, no. I’ve wronged. Blinded by grief, I’ve harmed too many. But… but this child has done no wrong!

On one hand, it is a heartfelt confession longing for love, yet on the other, it burns like a wildfire consuming the world.

– Why… why have you given us such a fate? Why take direct action, keeping us from even struggling?

All the noises of the world are both celestial music and a handful of complaints, yet simultaneously a lifelong conviction.

– Why, why were we born into this world like this…?

Meaninglessness and truth become chaotically intertwined, hurtling towards nothingness.

We call this madness.

…However, the voice inside me has come to those who are already sufficiently in sync with the Madness God.

This is not madness that devours one’s sanity and transforms body and soul.

It is merely the lament of a father who has lost his child.

“It’s okay.”

I reach out a little further. Just the distance of a single word.

Yet what touches my fingertips is not the coarse texture of paper.

Delicate hair. A round forehead. And the cold sensation of a body growing still.

The daughter of the Madness God. As I stroke the Muse’s hair, I speak.

“All souls in this world will eventually cycle. The same goes for gods and their children.”

The heavens of the various gods are not meant to establish an eternal kingdom for the dead. They exist to help them proceed to the next stage through appropriate processes.

“Someday you and the Muse will be reborn and can meet again.”

– That might be possible. But I have no memories! If that’s the case, I’m just someone different!

“Did you know? This is a spoiler… Actually, this world, everything on the continent, is destined for a happy ending.”

– Impossible.

The Madness God stated unequivocally. As if suppressing a boiling rage, he elaborates each word deliberately.

– Look at the current world. It is filled with hatred, pain, and madness. While it’s not as extreme, even in peaceful times, darkness lurked everywhere!

“Maybe so. That’s why souls cycle.”

All life heads towards a better place. Even if it means going through many reincarnations, that will not change.

Reincarnation wipes memories but cannot erase deeply engraved scars. Hence, it instinctively prevents one from repeating mistakes.

This is also a device I’ve put in place to plunge into reincarnation… it is my wish.

Everyone can be better. No matter how agonizing this moment is, one day they can find happiness.

Regardless of how things truly are, I hope for that. That’s why I created a world where it has to be so.

“If it didn’t happen in this life, then in the next. If it doesn’t work in the next, then the one after that.”

The Madness God is a primordial deity, the first being that has never experienced a past life.

And since he reached the level of a supreme being, no matter how many reincarnations he goes through, he will still be greatly affected by the Madness God.

If the Madness God truly cherished the small joys of spending time with his daughter.

“Even if you lose your powers, you may recover your memories. If the Muse wishes for it, she can do the same.”

If that is truly what he considers his happiness, if he fervently desires it, no matter how long it takes, he will be able to achieve it.

“This world was made that way. Do you think reincarnation is for nothing? …So let’s have a bet.”

– A bet…?

“To obtain what you want, you need to pay the corresponding cost. Let’s wager how long it will take. The one who matches the closest time wins. How about that?”

“That sounds fun!”

As soon as I spoke, a joyful voice rang from behind me.

There stood the neatly dressed God of Fun, filled with uncontainable joy in his eyes.

“A bet on the death of a god and his fate afterward! And one side of this player is someone so exalted it’s almost sacrilegious to speak of! May I, the God of Fun, dare to act as the notary?”

“…Wow. You really do go overboard.”

“Isn’t this all your doing?”

The God of Fun shrugged his shoulders, casually continuing to speak toward the crimson current.

“To be honest, I can’t hear what you’re saying over there. But it doesn’t matter! Even a mute can gamble! Just agree and place your wager!”

In fact, I couldn’t help but shake my head at the thought that maybe real madness lies in that being.

“I suppose a prize is necessary for this bet. Even if you regain your memories, you two won’t be gods, so the constraints of reality will be quite substantial. Be it money or status. If you win, I’ll support you with whatever you need… In an age where I’m absent, the Goddess of Love would probably lend a hand.”

– What happens if you win?

“Draw me a picture for me. Of course, for free.”

– …Huh?

“You and the Muse are both great at drawing. While I write well, I’m hopeless when it comes to pictorial skills.”

– Will that be enough?

“What more do you need?”

In an instant, the Madness God fell silent. He released all his barriers and continued to speak.

– Alright. Let’s have a bet. I think 500 years is sufficient.

“Since your memories will be gone, piling up karma might not be that easy. I’ll say 1,000 years, double that. The one who gets closest to the correct answer wins. Agreed?”

– Agreed.

At that moment, an enormous golden divine energy poured out from the God of Fun, splitting into two and swirling above the sketchbook before being absorbed.

“Alright! With this, the bet is established! Deep within our souls lies the mark of this wager… Hmm? You already have the mark?”

The God of Fun tilted his head, seemingly having sensed something about the gacha system.

Realizing what was happening, the God of Fun chuckled.

“Aha? This isn’t too bad. Mhm.”

Nodding, he began to dissolve into the air like melting butter.

With a twisted smile at his enigmatic grin, I ignited the sketchbook that the Muse was firmly holding with Ellie’s lighter.

Fwoosh.

The crumpled paper ignited rapidly. At the same time, the massive divine energy of the Madness God surrounding us began to burn alongside the Muse’s lifeless body.

As if it were a grand funeral pyre.

“Did you see the God of Fun chuckling a moment ago? Don’t worry too much, nor be overly fearful. Just look forward to our reunion someday, and part with a smile, saying we’ll meet again while smiling.”

– It won’t be an easy thing to do, but I understand. …Then, I should take my leave first.

The blazing flames completely consumed the sketchbook, scattering it into the world.

And soon, both the Madness and the Muse had vanished without a trace.

“Alright. Is it my turn now?”

As expected, the moment the Madness God confirmed his dissolution, a large circle began to sketch itself in the air.

I could instinctively tell; that place was the portal back to where I once belonged.

With the Madness God and the surrounding billowing crimson divine energy gone, I thought I might be able to reach a prayer.

I whispered softly to the Goddess of Love.

“It might take a while… but let’s meet again when the time comes. It surely will happen.”

– W-wait a minute…!

Ignoring the voice of the Goddess of Love trying to stop me, I threw myself toward the portal.

…Well, it didn’t take long for me to realize the implications of her last words—that something went awry.

“Uh?”

This passage connects to the place where I should have originally been, across the boundaries of time and space.

And right now, I am in the form I had in my past life.

“Ugh!”

I suddenly felt like I had a grasp on the cause of my death and the identity of that unknown explosion.

“Self-destruct, halt!”

The cyclical ending cannot happen…!

Am I the only one thinking this? A white hand stretched out from the corner of the passage. I clutched it tightly.

It was soft and squishy.

As if it had been blown up to life-sized proportions of a fragile goddess statue.

 

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