The moment I heard that confession of love, what word could possibly describe the shock that pierced through every part of me, Subaru?

It felt as if lightning had struck from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

Every pore of my skin felt electrified, and my blood seemed to boil in my veins. The pounding of my heart dyed my face crimson, and I stumbled back, gasping.

I couldn’t stand here any longer.

If I remained here, my breath would carry to her. My fingertips would reach her.

If I didn’t create some distance before my reason was overwhelmed by instinct, I would lose all control.

If it came to that, I would be swept away by ‘love’――.

“Stop…”

“I love you.”

“Please, stop…”

“I will love you, only you, forever and always.”

“I told you to stop――!!”

Shaking my head and brushing my arms, I tried to divert my attention from that enveloping, burning gaze.

I couldn’t see the expression on Satella’s face, still right in front of me. Thus, I had no idea the kind of heat in her gaze as she looked at me.

Yet, that hot, thumping sensation in my chest showed no signs of dwindling.

If I didn’t consciously suppress it, desperately raise my voice, and reject her as if I were spitting out blood, I would lose the essence of my being.

Literally, unless I kept this up and tried to maintain my sanity, I felt certain that my very existence would be warped. That was an unspeakably terrifying thought.

Despite showing such blatant rejection, displaying my disgust, Satella stood facing me, unwavering.

I couldn’t decipher her hidden expression, shrouded in a veil of darkness. Though I couldn’t tell for sure, I realized that my words must have hurt Satella, and I could envision her averting her gaze in pain. Somewhere in my heart, I wanted to stroke her hair, offer comforting words for that pained profile, and whisper my love to make her smile.

Even though I denied her so vehemently, my heart continued to plead, “Love her.”

“What are you…!? What have you put in my body!? Are you manipulating my heart with something like the ‘Return by Death’ seed!? ”

I hurled distrust toward Satella, confronting the steadily perplexing reactions of my own heart.

Here, my own feelings that had become incomprehensible. If the witch, possessing supernatural powers, were intruding on my passionate sentiments, that would be too horrifying.

To distort a person’s heart at will―― that is the very least a being below humanity could do.

For Natsuki Subaru, the first glimmer of hope he found in this world was ‘feelings’ for Emilia.

To Subaru, who had nothing to rely on, the gratitude he felt for Emilia who first extended her hand in his times of distress, and the memories of her saving his nearly frayed heart, still shone brightly, making her existence unforgettable.

Caught in the looping days that began with ‘death’, while battling on my own and overcoming various challenges, the things I wanted to protect and the important ones in my life grew in number. Throughout my exchanges with them, I have built up words, bonds, and feelings that I carry with me.

At this point, I couldn’t lie and say that my only motivation was solely my feelings for Emilia.

However, still, for Natsuki Subaru, Emilia had been the first light. Satella was now forcing upon me a ‘love’ equivalent to what I held for her.

The words exchanged, the warmth felt, the time spent together, the bonds built, despite having nothing between us, Satella was trying to rob me of only ‘affection’.

What more could I call this other than horrifying?

“You and Echidna… are both out of your minds! This place… is full of people I cannot understand! I’m done with it!”

I shouted in disgust at the invisible-faced witch before me and the white-haired witch standing behind.

Both Satella, who forced me to feel affection without substance, and Echidna, who ensnared others with an incomprehensible curiosity, were monsters beyond my understanding.

“You shouldn’t lump me in with them. Even if you categorize us as witches, to me, they are lower than witches. It’s not wrong to say you don’t understand.”

“Shut it. I haven’t forgotten your wickedness while pretending to be concerned. …I’m done. There’s no point in being here anymore. Let me go outside. I don’t want to be entangled with you all!”

Retorting to Echidna’s words, I buried my face in my hands, pleading for liberation from this dream castle.

I didn’t want to spend even another second here before Satella and Echidna. I had countless things I needed to do, and this was not the time to complicate matters.

I am not clever or all-powerful. There is a limit to what I can process. Barriers already obstructing my path had crossed exceeded my tolerance, yet why must more problems keep piling up?

“I won’t ask for your help. I’ll handle everything outside on my own. Isn’t that fine?! I should’ve done that from the start…”

“And then? You will die again and again, making countless people cry as you say, ‘This was necessary for information gathering’? Wow, impressive.”

As I set down the words of our parting, Minerva, crossing her arms, snorted. When I glared at her with nothing but the fire in my eyes, she flushed crimson.

“What? Do you think you can say something back?”

“What do you care? The pain of ‘returning by death’, the struggles, the wounds, everything is my issue! I don’t have to hear that from you!”

“It must be nice to be the one saying you’re ready for pain, suffering, and hardship. Even while your flesh tears and bones shatter, the one feeling the worst is you. You can use that excuse whenever you want.”

“What did you say…!?”

“How nice it would be if you got the most obvious and gaudy wounds, while those suffering from the aftermath of your actions remain silent. After all, you’re the one in the most pain. You’re the one feeling the most sorrow. You’re the one who suffers the most… It’s only natural to silence the complaints of those around you.”

As Minerva’s words began to boil my blood, I too couldn’t help but bare my fangs against such contempt.

“Are you saying that I! I am putting on a grand dramatic show to seal everyone’s voice away!? Are you saying my current deadlock is just for that performance!?”

“Not at all. Just, arriving at the conclusion that ‘I should hurt more than anyone’ is cowardly. I think Echidna’s underlying malice is questionable, and I find Satella’s roundabout approach incomprehensible… but your distortion is far more unsettling than a witch.”

“――――”

“More than anything, with my method of pounding through every hurt to heal, your way of living is not just opposite but my natural enemy. — That would be far too unfair to this child.”

With tiny clenched fists directed at Subaru, Minerva said so, still huffing. Then, with a soft sigh at the end of her words, she cast her azure gaze toward Satella standing next to me.

Satella remained silent since she had been showered with my insults. Neither affirming nor denying, she did not make her feelings known about this exchange. I could feel Minerva’s eyes narrowing in quiet sadness over that.

However, right now, I couldn’t care less about their emotional fluctuations.

“What do you mean… disgusting… unfair…?”

Picking up on Minerva’s words, my shoulders trembled as I looked down. My trembling would soon grow in intensity, and when I finally raised my face, I was smiling.

It was just too ridiculous, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What the heck is that? Disgusting or unfair? Why do you think I chose to act like this now? Why do you think I started thinking in those twisted ways you mentioned? The way I do things and the thoughts I have are a natural conclusion with what I have―― shouldn’t that be so?”

“――――”

“You made me into this, didn’t you!?”

I screamed, directing my anger toward Satella, who remained silent in her attempt to escape responsibility.

Having accepted ‘return by death’, utilizing that trait to overcome obstacles, I had run to this point.

Every time I etched the despair of ‘death’ into my soul, I transformed it into the strength to move forward.

It was Subaru’s scarred experience that led him to this conclusion.

“To hurt and to suffer! It’s all mine! It’s all okay if it’s just me! I will grit my teeth, seal away my anger and sadness, and even if I suffer and die, I won’t let the fingertips of that despair reach anyone else! From start to finish, I will bear the scars alone, and that’s how it should be! What’s wrong with that?!”

By repeatedly ‘returning by death’, I am able to find a path leading me to the best result. Like Echidna said. I can’t accept Echidna’s invitation, which seeks to satisfy her curiosity by taking advantage of that determination, but I can bravely attempt to do something similar on my own.

Unlike Echidna, who tries to take unnecessary detours, the number of retries I delve into while pouring my heart into finding the best route is undoubtedly much smaller than if I were to go alongside her. Of course, it would still turn into a vast number. But even still, it is worth the challenge.

If there lies a future where no one is hurt, extending beyond Subaru’s scarred hands.

“I said I was fed up and didn’t understand earlier. Oh, I’m sorry, I apologize. Not a single piece of that sentiment was a lie, but there have been times where I have felt gratitude toward you. I forgot that. I also forgot I am quite the ingrate.”

“――――”

“The only thing I can thank you for is this: thank you for granting me ‘return by death’. I’ll thank you for this alone. If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have been able to protect anything important to me. Moving forward, I will continue to rely on this power. Thus, I only offer my gratitude for this.”

I was already ready to keep battling while taking on trial and error.

Choosing to run away from the fate that blocks my path was a long time ago extinguished.

Since that moment when I was rejected after saying I wanted to take your hand and run away.

There were no choices left to escape. The only option was to keep fighting. I vowed to do so. She too expected that from me. She believed in my resolve to neither run nor halt my struggles.

The man who continues to stand up is Subaru, and if not, he can never remain the hero of Rem.

“Therefore, I will only express my gratitude for this power you’ve given me. Thanks to it, even a nobody like me can navigate situations that have me cornered…”

“—Don’t.”

“Situations, will…”

As I was unleashing my passionate feelings, suddenly, with a soft whisper, Satella broke the silence.

With a fragment of her words reaching my ears, my momentum dulled, and I stiffened my face, seeking clarification on her previous mumbles.

What did she just say? It felt like she had uttered something I didn’t want to hear.

Gasping for breath, after a brief pause of silence, Satella spoke again.

“—Don’t cry. Don’t get hurt. Don’t suffer. Don’t wear a sad face.”

She whispered to me, as if pleading.

Her words made my heart tremble with emotion. It was a mixture of anger, shock, and befuddlement at a whirlwind of feelings.

“Y-you… are saying… that…?”

I couldn’t express anything due to the turmoil of emotions surging inside.

My throat was choked up, and I could only look at Satella in utter disbelief.

Yet Satella continued to shake me again and again with her insistence.

“Therefore, love yourself.”

“A-are you serious…? Is that it…? You want me to twist my emotions like that, in the end, just so you can have me love you? Such words…!”

“—That’s not true.”

Interrupting my trembling words, Satella shook her head.

Her expression remained concealed. Yet, I felt through the darkness that she was watching me in a way that would show how she perceives me.

— Satella, she is now, thinking of me.

“——Love yourself more.”

She must have gazed at me with a look of affection, as if she cared deeply.

It took a considerable amount of time to digest the meaning of those conveyed words, before they fully sunk into my head.

And immediately after they permeated my mind, what began troubling me was a vague and trembling wave of emotion.

“What are you… talking about?”

“……Don’t get hurt. Treasure yourself more.”

“You gave me the power of ‘Return by Death’, didn’t you? You are the one who granted me this power that allows me to move forward!”

“—I love you. Therefore, you must love yourself and protect yourself.”

“If I start cherishing myself and you take this method away from me! What would be left for me?!”

Subaru cried out, trying to reject Satella’s endless whisperings of love, placing a hand over his chest.

“You know, don’t you!? I have no power! No intelligence, no skills, no special abilities! I have nothing! The only thing I have is the ‘return by death’ you gave me! So, all I can offer is my own life!”

“Don’t be sad.”

“It’s already time I would face pain and see death, that’s a given. I’m okay with it! I’m okay with it! If I’m the only one suffering, then I’m fine with it!”

“Don’t suffer.”

“If I endure the most pain, if I experience the most, if I act to protect everyone, then no one else has to suffer! I don’t ask for anything more!”

“Don’t cry.”

“Whatever happens to me, it doesn’t matter, right!? No one would care what happens to someone like me! As long as everyone safely reaches their future, that’s all that matters…”

Because if Subaru didn’t continue to suffer on the front lines――

“If we can greet the future without losing anyone, then that’s all I need…”

— I might lose someone irreparably once again.

“… Rem isn’t here.”

“――――”

“If I had been smarter, if I had been stronger, if I had thrown myself into the frontlines without hesitation… it could have been avoided.”

The sensation of loss I felt during that time, the despair, has held onto Natsuki Subaru ever since.

That’s why Subaru now chooses to fight alone, without expecting help from anyone else. He had believed it to be the most correct path to take.

“I have to believe that, I must believe… that there is a way to manage this…”

That ‘return by death’ is the means to resolve everything.

If I can successfully utilize that, I would be able to avoid losing anything.

I kept persuading myself that suffering was a necessary component, without which, how on earth could I confront that despair again?

“I… don’t want to lose anyone again… like Rem――!”

Clutching my head, I screamed, rejecting everything that reached my ears.

I suddenly realized that I had slumped down onto the ground. I had forgotten to distance myself from Satella, retreating back into my shell, shrinking down as I denied her sweet whispers.

It’s poison. A deadly poison. For Subaru, Satella’s existence was a toxin aiming to dissolve any will he had.

I had likely vowed not to falter, yet my heart began to crack.

Through that cracked gap, a cold despair seeped in, reviving the sensation of loss from that day and mercilessly striking at Subaru’s heart.

“I’m not a child.”

A faint voice murmured.

Seeing Subaru, thrashing and stubbornly shaking his head at the conclusion he had drawn on his own, the previously silent witch spoke out.

“Crying, yelling, refusing, and shouldering everything alone… it’s just like…”

“――――”

“―― You’re just a lonely, child.”

With a tone filled with pity, Sekhmet assessed the current Subaru.

The witches, who had been silent until now, made no attempts to refute her statements.

Their observations struck too close to home, echoing the words of the ‘Witch of Sloth’ accurately.

Subaru’s current self was, indeed, pitiably reminiscent of a weak and small child.