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How could our connection have come this far?

Even after thinking about it again, there were so many risks of breaking along the way.

Yet here we are, together like this.

For us, conversation was often unnecessary.

We couldn’t fully read each other’s thoughts. We felt that deeply years ago.

But that doesn’t mean we need to know everything to feel each other completely.

Sometimes, thoughts create more confusion, leading to weird misunderstandings even after listening to each other.

Therefore, sometimes, just feeling the warmth of our clasped hands is enough.

A week before Christmas.

The streets already felt festive with the spirit of Christmas.

Depending on the person, there are some who can’t spend Christmas with their partner, while others treat this year-end and New Year season like an entire festival.

For Ha-yoon and me, it’s slightly different.

Isn’t Christmas meant to be spent together? It’s such a special day. The day before should be spent together too.

I worried if anyone would dislike that, but then again, these were all very close friends.

Our end-of-year celebrations were sure to be a series of fun parties.

However, while there would be memories gathered from those times, there are also memories we can only create being alone together.

I looked intently at Ha-yoon’s face.

Her cheeks were flushed red against the cold, and each time she breathed out, some white mist escaped.

I could feel Ha-yoon’s hand in my left hand. I had tightly clasped her hand, tucking it into my pocket with mine. It was slightly sweaty there, enough to feel damp, but I had no intention of letting go.

“…Ji-eun.”

“Yeah?”

“When walking, shouldn’t you be looking ahead?”

That was true.

Walking while looking elsewhere was just as foolish as walking while staring at a smartphone.

“Aren’t we unlikely to get seriously hurt even if we bump into something?”

At my remark, Ha-yoon stopped walking.

She quietly turned her gaze to me.

Her face was still red. It didn’t seem to be just because of the cold.

Looking up at me, her eyes didn’t seem all that angry.

No, rather, they looked sad.

“…Fine. I’ll be careful.”

And that gaze was the most frightening of all.

I feared the thought of Ha-yoon getting hurt. Her heart already carried countless scars, many of which I was responsible for.

If I had just tried a little harder to understand her… If I hadn’t been so spoiled around her, we could have reconciled much faster.

…

No, maybe that thought is already wrong.

Yeah.

After going through everything, that’s what has led us here.

Only after I answered like that did Ha-yoon softly smile again.

Seeing that smile brought me a strange sense of satisfaction, and I realized that Ha-yoon intentionally put on that expression.

“…”

For some reason, I felt a bit flustered.

“I just wanted to keep looking at you because you’re too beautiful.”

Muttering that, I pouted.

Ha-yoon’s head drooped down.

“Ha-yoon, you should look ahead while walking.”

Ha-yoon’s hand, tucked into my pocket, tightened. Was that a small protest?

It didn’t hurt.

So that action was endearing.

*

It had been a long time since we strolled down that street.

In simpler terms, it was my old neighborhood.

But I had no intention of going to the orphanage. That place was far too personal. Even though Ha-yoon had lived there for quite some time, it was just a place she had relied on.

Even if we wouldn’t go up there.

“…Ah.”

Ha-yoon let out a small gasp.

The bus stop where we met every morning.

Every morning, seeing Ha-yoon made my heart flutter. Even though we spent almost all our time together in the same class, and I was going to see her again after school to work, I still felt oddly excited.

It wasn’t that I missed Ha-yoon after not seeing her for just a few hours. It was just that the act of going to school with Ha-yoon always thrilled me.

While waiting for the bus, we exchanged all sorts of conversations, most of which have now zippered away from my memory, just trivial talks.

But that act remained vividly in my mind. I would probably remember it for a lifetime.

Among those trivial things, especially memorable days merged into one memory. Just as stars connect to form constellations, our memories were woven from those small moments.

Neither Ha-yoon nor I intended to take the bus, yet we sat in the waiting area. Just the two of us. In this town, unless you lived here, there was hardly a reason to come, so there were very few people around during the day. So we weren’t being bothersome.

This bus stop would send us to school, and if we came back after school, we’d get off on the opposite side.

Every time, the scenes we saw were completely different.

From where Ha-yoon and I were sitting, I could see the hill where my orphanage was located. An area that still hasn’t been developed in this day and age—where there was no hope of when it would ever be developed.

“…I lived over there.”

As I spoke, Ha-yoon looked up at me.

“I didn’t want to tell you that I lived there.”

Ha-yoon drew in a little breath.

I quietly gazed at the neighborhood as I continued.

“You lived in a place like that, right? So I thought if I told you, everything would come to an end. Just some worthless kid. Besides following you around, I had nothing to show. Other than a coincidence from my childhood when we met, I had no reason to be with you.”

“…Ji-eun.”

Ha-yoon called my name.

“If I told you I lived there, if I revealed that I’m a kid with nothing to my name, I was afraid you would leave. …Thinking back, that was a foolish thing to do. You never asked me what I had, yet I was just worried about what you had.”

I wasn’t sure if this was an appropriate story to bring out during a date.

But I just felt like sharing it suddenly.

Because now, I know Ha-yoon much better than I did back then.

Far more than I thought I did.

“…Shall we get up for a moment?”

Ha-yoon suggested like that.

I silently stood up.

We leisurely walked, waited at the crosswalk, and then crossed over.

Once we sat at that location, looking ahead again.

It was a neighborhood situated on the same hill. The infrastructure there isn’t particularly notable. I’ve been up a few times; there’s hardly a decent convenience store, just a small hole-in-the-wall shop.

But that’s why it’s quiet there. There were huge houses enclosed by giant walls, and apart from that, nothing else attracted people to come wandering around.

A nice, quiet place to live leisurely. It was also a place where ridiculous prices for homes ran rampant.

“I lived over there.”

“…”

If someone unfamiliar were to overhear this conversation, they would probably respond with a “So what?”

Even I thought that Ha-yoon must have everything.

“But that huge house felt like a wall. I’ve never lived my life doing what I wanted to do.”

Ha-yoon looked at me.

“You might think that’s a spoiled complaint.”

“Well, I can see how that might come off.”

At my words, Ha-yoon huffed and poked my side.

“…But you aren’t there.”

At those words, I fell silent.

I felt my face growing uncontrollably hot.

“Yeah, thinking about it again, it doesn’t seem to have been for dreams or such. Sure, I know. If you have money, there are things you can do. Even if you’re holding on to dreams… you could still chase them later. After all, I wouldn’t have been poor. But, Ji-eun.”

Ha-yoon looked up at me as she spoke.

“My dream was you.”

“…”

I really had nothing to say anymore.

What kind of answer could I give? I understood how heavy it was to be someone’s dream.

“I never thought about what I wanted to be. I just wanted to receive compliments from my parents. I thought having evidence that they loved me would be enough.”

“…”

“Yet, there was someone completely different… Someone who liked me without any conditions. It might not have been a romantic feeling. At that time, I didn’t even think you would like me. So back then, regarding that…”

Ha-yoon smiled.

“So it was a dream that couldn’t come true. What if I paid you to like me? Now I know you like me, but at that time, I didn’t even realize I liked you that way. I was just filled with the anxiety that I might break up with you someday.”

Ha-yoon’s face edged a little closer to me.

“So, I didn’t know how happy I’d be when I finally believed that you liked me.”

Ha-yoon’s lips met mine.

A brief, light kiss.

“How about you?”

“…”

I quietly looked down at Ha-yoon before leaning in for another kiss.

As if to reaffirm, a little longer, a little more certainly, I kissed her and then pulled back slightly.

“It felt good. Really happy. Because you’re my hope.”

Even now.

And in the future.

I can say that’s one of the reasons I continue living.

Ha-yoon wore a mischievous smile.

Looking up at me, her eyes shining so beautifully.

“…I’m glad. Really.”

I can only wish that right now, Ha-yoon sees me as beautifully.

 

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