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The Villainous Noble Who Kept Rewinding After Death: The Story Somehow Changed When I Committed Suicide

Chapter 209: Not Alone

“I’m back.”

In the dimly lit room.

As I huddled alone, hugging my knees, the door opened, and Miss Iris and Miria returned.

“Welcome back…”

“Thank you, Narche.”

Seeing the two of them, with neither injuries nor dark expressions, I understood they had successfully resolved the issues with the venomous snakes’ claws and the guild.

“What about Luna?”

“I believe Luna has already returned to her room to rest. How about you, Narche?”

“Yeah. Nothing particularly happened. The enemy didn’t attack, and I’ve been alone here the whole time.”

“I’m glad to hear there were no issues.”

“Miss Lily, I’d like to take your robe.”

“Thank you, Mireze.”

As Miria received the robe from Miss Iris, she folded it neatly with practiced hands. Then, Miss Iris used water magic to clean herself and Miria up.

“Phew. That’s a relief, isn’t it?”

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“Hehe. That goes for Mireze too. I heard you dealt with nearly thirty on your own. You must be more tired than I am.”

“No, it was actually pretty easy. I hadn’t to move from that spot, so it was quite manageable. Plus, seeing Luna fight blew away my fatigue.”

“Same here for me. Just being able to witness that overwhelming aura and coolness made my heart race, and I forgot all about being tired.”

For a while after that, the two talked about how cool Is was, about how they were moved by the aura he gave off—it’s not so much a conversation about those who had fought with their lives on the line but more like two girls caught up in love talk.

“You two… seem really close, huh…”

“Yes?”

“N-no… um…”

That was a word that slipped out almost unconsciously.

I was flustered by my own unexpected comment, and both Miss Iris and Miria looked a bit surprised as they exchanged puzzled glances.

“I wonder. I hadn’t really considered it much before.”

“That’s true. But now that you mention it, I do feel like it’s definitely easier to talk than before.”

“It might be true. After all, we both share the same feelings, I suppose.”

“To say that I’m the same as Miss Lily is a bit overwhelming.”

“Hehe. You don’t need to hide it anymore. It’s true I’ve never heard you say how you feel about that person directly, but it’s clear to anyone watching. You’re just like us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Anyone by their side would have the same feelings. But it’s not just anyone; we’ve only accepted you because it’s you. There are no other exceptions.”

“Thank you.”

Once again, the two started a conversation that I couldn’t quite follow, but it felt like there were no barriers of status between them, as if their hearts connected for a common purpose.

(How envious…)

Having lived always thinking I was alone, I realized I didn’t have friends who could understand me without me needing to express my inner thoughts, and all I knew how to do was endure silently alone.

“…Nar…Narche!”

“…Huh?”

Noticing my gloomy demeanor, Miss Iris, who had been chatting happily with Miria earlier, reached out to hold my hand as she spoke.

“Are you alright?”

“What do you mean?”

“It looked like you were gripping your arm tightly. And your complexion doesn’t seem great. Haven’t you been sleeping well?”

When she said that and looked at me, I could see the genuine concern in her eyes, and it conveyed to me just how deeply she cared about my well-being.

Given that, I found myself revealing my feelings without my usual composure, feeling more vulnerable than usual.

“I’m jealous of you two… I wish I could have a relationship where I can talk openly without reservation. I’ve always been alone…”

“Narche… Mireze, please.”

“Yes.”

When Miss Iris called out to Miria after listening to me, I felt a wave of magical energy flowing throughout the room as if she had cast a spell.

“I’ve just cast a soundproofing spell in this room. Narche… no, Princess Sharueina. If there’s anything you want to talk about, please don’t hold back.”

With those words, Miss Iris gazed at me directly, her eyes filled with kindness. In front of this sincerity, I finally couldn’t hold back any longer.

“I’ve been alone for so long. Ever since I was a kid, I was praised as a genius, and because of that, my brothers hated me, and the other nobles looked at me with disappointment because I wasn’t a boy. The only one who cared about me was my uncle, but he ended up betraying me and died. I thought he was dead, but he’s actually alive and trying to start a war and destroy the empire. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared. Scared to kill my beloved uncle, facing anyone else, and even realizing I’m alone due to betrayal.”

Miss Iris listened silently to all my words before gently holding my hand.

“I’ve heard about Lord Rogurando too. And I understand you’re torn between whether you should kill him or go with Louis to Saramāju.”

“I see. You were there too, so it makes sense you’d know.”

“Yes. So I decided to leave this matter to Lord Louis and haven’t said anything until now. However, you truly seem to be struggling, and it looks like you need someone’s help at this moment. What do you want to do?”

“What do… I want? If I understood that, I wouldn’t be so confused right now.”

“Let’s change the question. What you’re struggling with is whether to go or not, right? Or is it about whether you can kill Lord Rogurando?”

“That is…”

“If it’s the former, then regardless of what you choose, you won’t die. It’s obvious you won’t die if you go home, and if you choose to go with us, there’s danger, but as long as you’re cautious and using your usual judgment, it’s unlikely you will die. But if you’re hesitating about whether you can kill Lord Rogurando, then at that moment, you’ll definitely end up dying.”

“Ugh…”

Die.

Even though the word is heavy when directed at others, it weighs even heavier when it’s aimed at oneself, and just imagining it makes my body tremble.

“Do you understand? Right now, you’re trembling. What you’re truly troubled about isn’t whether to follow along or whether you can kill Lord Rogurando. It’s that you’re scared you might die and are unable to make a decision because of that fear.”

That was absolutely right.

Indeed, I did have concerns about whether I could kill the uncle I loved so dearly, how to act as a princess, and so on. But at the core of it all, what scared me was the thought of dying.

If I couldn’t kill my uncle when face to face, I might be killed by him.

Just imagining that made me terrified of death, and I was making excuses while pretending to be worried.

“Your feelings are valid. It’s only natural for everyone to fear death. That’s why humans admire long-lived elves and wish for immortality.”

“But I…”

“Princess, forget about your status and duties for now, and think about what you feel right now, what you fear, and what you truly want to do. It’s alright. This journey is unofficial. No one knows we’re on our way to Saramāju, and even less that Lord Rogurando is alive. If you want to turn back now, no one will blame you.”

Miss Iris’s words were undoubtedly true.

Even my father didn’t know that we were heading to Saramāju; this time, we were supposed to be visiting the Valentine Duchy.

So like she said, if I decided to flee now, no one would blame me, and Is had said it was a hassle for him to come along given his unstable state.

(Then, there’s no need to force myself to go…)

Those thoughts crossed my mind, but at the same moment, I couldn’t help but notice Miss Iris, looking at me with unwavering resolve and intent in her eyes.

“Are you not afraid, Miss Iris? Of dying…?”

“I would be lying if I said I’m not scared at all. I have parents and siblings as well. But there’s a person I value even more. This person is delicate and seems like a mirage, ready to vanish at any moment. I can’t even tell what they’re thinking. But I’ve decided to dedicate everything to that person, including my life. If they were to die, I would despair at a world without them and would not hesitate to end my own life.”

“That’s rather…”

“Do you think it’s twisted? That it’s insane? Perhaps. Generally speaking, my thoughts might not be understood. I might even be considered crazy. But what’s wrong with that? I… no, we just found something more important than our own lives. For that cherished thing, we would wager our lives over and over, and even if it means dying, we won’t leave their side.”

Miss Iris’s words felt wildly distorted and wrong, yet at the same time, I envied that they had something worth risking their lives for.

(I’ve always been alone, never clinging to anything, let alone thinking of risking my life for it.)

And it was easy to picture that when she spoke about “us”, she meant multiple girls, including Miss Iris, fully devoted to that one person—Is.

“Honestly, it’s not right for me to talk about others, but I believe this is a conversation you need right now, Princess Sharueina.”

“What is it…?”

“What do you think of Shuvina?”

With her serious question, I wondered what was coming, and it turned out to be about the elven girl, Shuvina, who wasn’t present at the moment.

“Um, she seems like a lively and cheerful girl. She eats a lot and seems to be struggling with Miss Fiera, but she looks happy nonetheless.”

“Indeed. My perception aligns with yours. However, I recently heard this story: the first person she ever killed was her cousin.”

“Eh…”

Caught off guard by this sudden revelation, I stared at Miss Iris, half expecting it to be a joke, but unfortunately, she shook her head.

“It’s not a lie. A little over six months ago, Shuvina went to the elven country with Louis and the rest. I won’t go into the details, but there her cousin attempted to poison Shuvina’s family and his own father, threatening the nation. Afterward, her cousin was transformed into a monster by demons, and it was Shuvina who killed him.”

“Such a thing…”

I had never imagined that the usually cheerful and laughing girl, who sometimes teased Is, had gone through such an experience.

“Shuvina hesitated at first to kill him. But after Lord Louis saved her life, she grasped what was truly important to her. She cast her doubts aside and resolved herself to take her cousin’s life.”

While in a similar situation, Shuvina boldly chose to kill her cousin, while I hesitated about whether I could do the same, gripped by the fear of death.

(What’s the difference… No, but Miss Iris mentioned it—They found something important. And for that cherished thing, they wouldn’t hesitate to harm even blood relatives.)

That was quite a twisted and sanity-questioning determination; yet, they must love him deeply.

And he himself, willing to do whatever it took for his goals, even casting aside emotions, had still considered me and conferred upon me the time to make my choice.

“Will I ever find such a vital existence that I would want to support with my life…?”

“That’s up to you, Princess. But you are no longer alone. There’s Mireze, me, and Miss Fiera too. You don’t have to suffer in silence anymore, nor should you fear the loneliness. If you’re hurting, say so, and if you’re lonely, voice that too. We will listen and stand by you.”

Miss Iris smiled, as if a flower had blossomed, then gently released the hand she had been holding all this time.

By the time her words concluded, my fears about death had lessened, and the trembling of my hands began to settle.

“Thank you.”

“No, but remember, in the end, it’s you who must decide. If you choose to proceed with half-hearted determination, you may end up dead. So make sure your choice is fulfilling and free of regrets. Like I said, if you choose to go home now, no one will blame you.”

With those final words, Miss Iris signaled to Miria, who had quietly been listening in the corner, to release the soundproofing spell.

“Well then, Narche and Mireze, we should start getting some rest.”

“Yes.”

With that, the two lay down on their beds, seemingly too tired, quickly drifting off into sleep.

“Determination… huh…”

Through this conversation with Miss Iris, it felt like I began to recognize what I’d been missing inside.

“I still don’t have an answer, but I think my heart feels lighter than it has in a while.”

Would I go along with Is and the others, or would I return and live as if nothing had happened?

I couldn’t decide on that yet, but still, I felt a little relief in my heart.

After that, weary from everything that had occurred lately, I fell into a deep sleep, only to be awakened when Miss Iris and the others called for me.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

If you’re interested, please check out my concurrently serialized work, “Former Hero, Now a Demon Lord Dedicating the World”.

I would be thrilled if you could take a moment to read it!

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