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A dark, endless place.

I instinctively thought it was my despair.

Hope has an end. That faint white line in the distance was the destination.

Even if I reached that place, thinking it was hope, I would either be satisfied by the dim light or, unsatisfied, push forward, believing that the light further away was stronger and brighter.

But despair doesn’t work that way.

Despair is a bottomless pit.

Even if there is a bottom, it doesn’t matter much. If I fall from a high place and meet that bottom, I would just be destroyed.

My head would crack, and my brain would spill out.

If there is any slight chance, would I die without even knowing I ended up like that?

…Yet, I couldn’t let go of my life. I suppose that makes sense. Perhaps I was just tiptoeing on the edge of that abyss of despair.

“It’s strange.”

I murmured to myself in a daze.

“Am I foolish, or just too greedy?”

Knowing there’s nothing ahead, the reason I move forward is ultimately due to greed.

I know it’s not there, but I want it. I know I can’t reach it, but I wish to.

That existence far away. Those beings I could call hope in my life. Now, I’m unsure if I can approach them or not.

I slowly reached out, but I couldn’t see ahead. This place was despair. The endpoint of my heart, where not a single ray of hope was visible.

“…The reason I came here…”

One.

To try and save Pang-pang.

To save Pang-pang, who was in such a situation. I didn’t want to make her suffer anymore.

Yeah. That was the purpose.

I moved forward.

I couldn’t see at all ahead, but I could feel that there was a pit deep within. A humming sound. Whether it was the sound of a generator running or a truck rumbling, it felt like the sound of despair itself.

…Or perhaps nothing at all. Maybe my ears were trying to create any sound.

I didn’t know what to do after coming this far. In the first place, I didn’t know much about magic. I just spun the circuits and burned my emotions as fuel.

In the end, here I was. I thought if I kept going, I would see something, but I ended up back in despair again.

What was I supposed to do here?

“…”

Yet, at the same time, instinctively, I felt like I knew something.

Wishes are originally something you obtain by paying a price.

Isn’t that obvious? The laws of thermodynamics say the same. If you don’t put in firewood, the fire goes out. Strong emotions are necessary.

Magical girls move forward fueled by hope.

Despairing, I was just the speed of that fall.

…Yeah. Now I get it.

The reason despair circuits ‘give up’ is simply that it ends there. To despair and give up ultimately means to stop feeling anything.

So, if you keep moving forward without giving up even in despair, you will continue to move onward. Even if it’s a staggering, zombie-like gait.

Perhaps, that might mean hope, too.

Desire.

Yeah, what kind of desire was it? Even facing in completely opposite directions, in the end, it seemed we wanted the same thing.

I didn’t care about world peace. I had no interest in executing justice and punishing someone.

What I really wanted was just to defeat the magical girl—and catch up to her.

In that sense, Pang-pang might have been an obstacle.

Someone who made me overlook everything else, someone who might have made me stagnant.

“…”

It’s really weird. That existence should have been hope for me.

In the end, the cause of my despair was all my own hopes: Ha-yoon, Ji-hye, and Pang-pang.

I felt a cliff at my feet.

A sheer drop, so sharp that I felt like it would slice me if I hit it.

Even with no wind, I could hear a humming sound in my ears.

I hesitated as I reached this point.

Is this really right? Will I fall like this? Isn’t it just dying?

But in the end, I came here to fall.

This is my despair. A place that has completely materialized.

I have to keep falling; that’s simply my existence.

Ultimately, I jumped forward.

A sensation of weightlessness enveloped me.

I could only feel the pull of the earth—

But that’s fine.

As long as I fall, there will eventually be answers.

What’s a little scary? What’s a little painful? It’s better than losing everything.

Better than being unable to fight forever and losing everything.

“…”

And then, I saw it before my eyes.

At the end of that despair.

The direction I was falling towards.

Existing in that place I could never reach, at the very bottom of an endless abyss.

Something faintly shining.

Ah, I see.

Perhaps, what I’d been searching for.

Was ultimately that.

The hope I thought I had abandoned long ago.

Nestled small amidst my despair.

I reached out towards that unreachable thing.

*

Light flows.

It was a sight I had seen several times before, but Ha-yoon thought it was completely different from anything she had seen up to that point.

Ji-eun had always used the black hole as a means of transport until now. After moving, it would vanish without a trace as if it had never been there.

The light quickly returned to normal, and the sand and dirt that had scattered everywhere returned to their original places.

“What is this?”

Jua, who had come down to assess the situation, was shocked.

The truck had stopped long ago.

The black hole seemed to be gripping the truck, and the driver, giving up on moving forward no matter how hard he pressed the gas pedal, had jumped out of the truck and dashed away in panic.

The black hole didn’t suck everything in. It seemed to reject everything coming near, as if only Ji-eun could be in it.

Ha-yoon’s heart ached at that sight.

How did things end up like this?

At some point, it had gotten so tangled that she felt it was not something that could be undone.

Even so, after searching for Ji-eun, she had managed not to lose hope—

Then.

A hand emerged from within the black hole.

The black substance of the black hole coiled around that hand.

Rather than breaking out of the shell, Ji-eun slowly emerged, draping that black energy over her body.

Ha-yoon’s heart raced madly.

She had seen that appearance before.

Ji-eun had the same look she had when she had transformed for the first time.

*

She emerged from the viscous despair.

The energy smeared all over her made her filthy. Some parts clung to her body like a new outfit.

What looked like a dress, with long gloves.

Yeah. Those black long gloves seemed to match this situation quite well.

In her gathered hands, something sparkling was visible.

I slowly brought it closer to myself.

The most precious thing.

The reason I had been in despair all along.

As long as I have this, I will continue to despair and keep falling.

But that’s just how it is.

No matter how much I despair, the reason I cannot ultimately give up is that I know this light exists at the end.

Just falling, and falling. Even if it’s a life that’s just endlessly falling, that’s fine as long as there’s something to look up to from a distance.

The white light poured into my heart. For a brief moment, warmth enveloped it, but then it was soon covered by something cold.

My skin felt it. Pale skin that seemed to have lost color.

“…”

I slowly picked up the wand that had broken apart like a hammer.

At the end of it shone a black light.

It looked like a long wand in itself.

I went back to Pang-pang.

I placed my hand on that glass tube—

“Wait, stop! If you open it like that…!”

I heard a warning voice from behind, but my hand had already gone inside the tube.

Through that hole, the sticky liquid that had been inside flowed out.

My left hand gently touched Pang-pang’s chest.

“…Pang-pang.”

I whispered her name.

I didn’t know what to say. It felt like I had too many things I wanted to say.

But thankfully.

I could remember the one thing that truly needed to be said.

“Thank you.”

I said.

“And, I’m sorry.”

For not believing her back then.

For not listening to her until the end.

For just thinking about myself and running away. I’m sorry.

For making her go through this.

But still, I don’t have regrets.

In the end, because of my selfishness, I was able to meet her.

I was always a selfish person. I’m probably going to continue being selfish in the future as well.

That one thing, I’ve decided to accept.

And I suppose I need to take responsibility.

I poured my magic into Pang-pang.

“…Cough.”

Seeing Pang-pang cough, I smiled a little.

This would do.

Though it couldn’t be said that everything was finished yet.

For now.

 

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