Volume 4 Chapter 22: “Weakness”
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–In the darkness, Subaru slowly woke up from sleep and sat up.
He pushed aside the thin blanket he had draped over his body and stretched lightly, careful not to make a sound. As he stifled a yawn and turned his head, he could hear the many sleeping breaths around him.
He had been resting in one corner of a group sleeping together, but it seemed Subaru was the only one fully awake. That was only natural—the sky visible through the large window of the Cathedral was dark, and it was still a time when not even sunlight had begun to show.
Despite not knowing the exact time due to the inconvenience of lacking a clock, he could tell it was still the middle of the night, not a time suitable for humanity to be active. Under normal circumstances, he would have taken another nap until dawn, but—
“I went to bed too early, so I can’t fall back asleep… I miss those days when I could indulge in sloth for as long as I had the chance.”
Roughly scratching his head, Subaru folded the blanket and quietly slipped out of bed.
Around him lay many people sleeping—refugees from Araham Village—currently in a situation of house arrest alongside Roswaal in the “Sanctuary.”
Leaving the designated house they were allocated in the “Sanctuary,” Subaru had come here to spend the night side by side with them. The reason was not particularly deep.
Inside the Cathedral, Subaru’s bed was positioned against the front wall, a fairly habitable spot allocated out of consideration from everyone. However, it would be remiss not to mention the fact that he was surrounded by children, crowded together on either side.
Nevertheless, the fact that the children insisted on wanting to be close to Subaru was part of how it came to be, and the adults were doing their best to minimize the burden on the kids given the constrained circumstances. Recognizing the nuance of the situation left no room for complaints.
“Thinking about such things makes me feel uncharacteristic.”
He chuckled at himself for contemplating consideration and compassion. Thinking about such complicated matters would only make life feel restrictive.
Being careful not to step on the loudly snoring children, Subaru made his way through the residents sleeping like the dead, heading outside the Cathedral—where a damp breeze welcomed him, the lukewarm atmosphere carrying an unbearable discomfort.
Looking up, he noticed thick clouds lining the sky, obscuring the starry display that had dazzled him the previous night. Though the clouds moved swiftly with the wind, their layers were thick. Whether the weather would worsen remained unclear, but it didn’t seem likely that a sunny day was in store.
“Thinking about it, I haven’t encountered any real rain since coming here. From everyone’s stories, it seems like there should be something akin to the four seasons.”
He had overheard that seasons were divided based on attributes used in magic, labeled as “Red Day, Blue Day, Yellow Day, Green Day.” If it followed the traditional four seasons from his original world, he might as well add “Rainy Season” to that list.
It was likely this world had similar changes. The temperature was neither hot nor cold at the moment. Considering the sensation of the wind, it felt very much like it was around the rainy season.
“The rainy season’s a hassle too; laundry never dries. It’s bad enough that the bedding piled up year-round is getting a bit creepy, but not being able to sunbathe it on days off is a major issue. …Well, it was always every day as a holiday.”
Fundamentally, he rolled around on the bedding, so there was rarely a good time to dry it. Sometimes, when his mother got fed up, she would roll Subaru over on the bedding to snatch it away, forcefully hanging it out to receive the sun’s scent, which had become a fixture in the Natsuki household.
Reflecting on those nostalgic days, Subaru started to loosen the stiffness throughout his body with warm-up movements reminiscent of radio exercises. The Cathedral was a vast building that lived up to its name, providing ample space for everyone to stretch out while sleeping, despite being in a makeshift setup. The blankets were shared among them, and he had no complaints there.
If he had any complaints, it would be a luxury to mention: being forced to sleep on the hard ground was taking its toll on his body.
“I miss my flattened bedding or the fluffy beds back at the mansion. If I’m this stiff after just four or five days, I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for the others who’ve been sleeping here longer.”
While he appeared to act tough in front of others, the burden on the residents was undeniably increasing day by day. At mealtimes, if Subaru got lively, smiles would appear around him, but the quietness during the in-between times was likely due to their stress.
They were experiencing an unrequested evacuation and a life of house arrest at their evacuation destination. The lord, who should take their discontent, was injured while trying to fulfill his role, and thus the residents’ sentiments leaned more towards anxiety about the future than dissatisfaction with the present situation.
Normally, one would expect the residents to express more criticisms towards Subaru, who was supposed to be on the lord’s side, but—
“So even those people aren’t the type to just lash out, huh? Relying on the good sense of the villagers, honestly speaking, that’s disqualified management on my part.”
The fact was, the reason the people of Araham Village didn’t resort to venting their frustrations on Subaru was due solely to the strong sense of gratitude they held towards him.
Nevertheless, Subaru didn’t regard his accomplishments that highly and merely took it as the straightforward nature of the refugees’ feelings.
However—
“I can’t keep relying on everyone’s sentiments like that for too long; it won’t last.”
–It had already been “Day Six” since Subaru and the others reached the “Sanctuary.”
The refugees who had entered the “Sanctuary” prior had effectively experienced nearly two weeks of restraint, adding another week to their timeline.
With Subaru’s report confirming the safety of the group that fled to the Royal Capital, the anxiety of family separation was somewhat alleviated, but two weeks of confinement with nothing to do was undeniably causing mental fatigue.
The effectiveness of Roswaal’s desperate self-destructive sympathy strategy was bound to wear off sooner or later.
If that happened, the inevitable confrontation between the “Sanctuary” and the residents loomed, leading to outcomes that were undesirable for someone trying to garner support from both sides.
“Honestly, this is tough. What should I do…”
“—Don’t step any further from here!”
Stopped in his tracks by a menacing shout, Subaru froze mid-step, his foot barely lifted from the ground, as he turned his head to scan the area. The only thing in his field of vision was the trees shrouded in the faint darkness.
He had been wandering around a bit after separating from the Cathedral. Suddenly, the voice pierced through his contemplation.
“Walking around leisurely this early in the morning—good hobby, but are you just carefree about it? You’re making me feel like I’m lost in an unheard of nursery rhyme.”
Dropping down gracefully from the branches overhead, a blonde-haired young man landed softly on the grass.
With his hair standing on end, Garfiel silently crouched with his limbs touching the ground. As he squinted one eye and gazed up at Subaru, he said:
“You’re not all that surprised, huh? Makes it seem like I’m not scaring you at all.”
“Well, if I suddenly stumbled upon you without expecting it, I would be startled beyond belief, but wandering around here, I thought I might run into you. I didn’t imagine from up in a tree, though.”
“Were you looking for me or something?”
With a questioning look, Garfiel stood up, his height slightly below that of Subaru. He puffed out his chest unnecessarily, and Subaru replied with a simple “Yeah.”
“I thought it might be a long shot coming so early, but I’m glad to see you… By the way, what was that earlier about?”
“Not that big of a deal. From here onward, this side of the woods is my hunting ground. If you carelessly wander in, I’ll just bite you and snap your neck.”
“That’s not just ‘not a big deal’! That’s super serious!”
Subaru’s surprised roar shattered the stillness of the forest between midnight and dawn, enough to awaken the sleeping birds and beasts.
“…Tch. Damn it, most of them already scattered thanks to that. What are you going to do now?”
“They’re cowards. Even the meat of weaklings like you would just transfer their weakness to my mouth. –Based on that thought, how about I let one slip this time?”
“If you think it’s okay for meat dishes to disappear off your plate starting today, then maybe.”
“My bad! I didn’t mean it like that! I get it! Today, I’ll go fishing at the river with Otto, that’ll set things straight!”
Otto, with nothing much to do as a merchant lately, had taken to fishing daily by the river. Unfortunately, his luck had been dismal, only ever coming back with stories of empty nets. His bait was the only thing that ever got taken—certainly in line with his character.
At Otto’s name, a smirk appeared on Garfiel’s lips, showing his fangs.
“Ha, that brother is hopelessly cursed, even when he’s bright and attentive. He’s not a dullard, yet he’s ended up in that situation. It’s like ‘Heaven itself laments how weak he is against the rain.'”
“He’s the quirky, lively type—like having that one engaging character every family needs. I’m really grateful… mainly for the change of pace.”
Hearing that harsh assessment of Otto, Subaru imagined him tearing up if he heard it.
Garfiel, digging at his own ear with a finger, murmured, “A change of pace…”
“So, did that change of pace have any effect?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Don’t play dumb. It’s obvious the folks in the Cathedral are reaching their limit. You can’t keep hiding the truth with you and that brother for much longer.”
“You’re right on the mark, and it’s surprising how observant you are.”
In response to Garfiel’s line of questioning, Subaru felt caught off guard, and Garfiel looked thoughtful, scratching the white scar on his forehead.
“Anyway, for the sake of human decency, you shouldn’t stick around here much longer, huh? —How long do you plan to keep struggling?”
“I don’t know what you mean by ‘struggling’…”
“Ha. You just said it. That’s exactly what’s going on—y’all have been stuck here for three days without making any progress.”
It was painfully clear to Subaru, shattering any hopes of denial. Garfiel bit out the words while gnashing his teeth, and Subaru attempted to speak but faltered without knowing what to say.
Seeing his hesitation, Garfiel’s narrowed green eyes filled with disappointment.
“So, honestly, what are you thinking? Let’s lay it all bare.”
“Talking frankly makes me recall unpleasant memories, so I’d rather not…but this doesn’t seem like the right mood for jokes either.”
Garfiel, already small in stature, huddled his shoulders, appearing smaller than ever. While he didn’t show any hostility, an unmistakable ferocity emanated from him.
There was no worry that he would direct his violence at Subaru in a straightforward manner, but—
“First off, I’m gonna be blunt. I’m on Emilia’s side. I believe she can pull through and am not doubting her. So I trust that, no matter how long it takes, she’ll break through the ‘Trial.'”
“From my perspective, that’s hard to accept. That sheltered princess—who’s been crying and getting dragged out like a weakling for three days—is she really up to it?”
The clashing opinions of Subaru and Garfiel clashed head-on.
Subaru faced Garfiel’s sharp, disdainful gaze, determined not to lose, sharpening his three-white-eyed glare to match. His feelings for Emilia held firm, and he could not afford to lose.
It was now the morning of the sixth day since Subaru and his group entered the “Sanctuary.” Three days had already passed since he had cleared the first “Trial.”
What had happened within this time?
“I never thought we would be stuck here waiting for someone who couldn’t even clear the first one before the second ‘Trial’ could start. Because of that, there’s been zero progress with the ‘Trial’ for three straight days.”
“——-”
“At this rate, wouldn’t it have been better if you were all on your own? Because then at least you wouldn’t trip over stones you’ve already cleared because of the burden holding you back.”
Garfiel’s words, laden with a brutal edge, pointed directly at the reality that had befallen Subaru and his group.
The “Trial” in the Graveyard—since Subaru had cleared the first trial three days ago, it had shown no signs of progress. The reason for that was simple.
Emilia had yet to overcome the first “Trial.” That is, her own “past.”
“Everyone’s past is different. Unlike me, who’s lived freely, it’s only natural that she’s shouldered all these burdens. I don’t think of her as a burden.”
“Oh really? You’re just being kind because it’s your crush. But not everyone can afford to keep a watchful eye on her like you. Honestly, while I’m here, the princess’s evaluation just keeps plummeting.”
“That’s—”
“Accept the fact already. If the princess wasn’t here, you could at least challenge the second ‘Trial.’ It’s clear to anyone that’s a more realistic approach to breaking through the conditions for freeing this area.”
Garfiel’s sweet offer—yet it was a decision that would trample on Emilia’s resolve.
It would betray a crucial part of Roswaal’s intentions that had led to this situation and sully the nobility Subaru believed Emilia possessed. There was no way he could agree.
Yet, the words he hesitated to refuse clearly weighed on Subaru.
“If we take our time, we can definitely overcome it. Rushing and panicking serve no purpose. Despite that—”
“You know there’s no time left, don’t you? You in particular should know that. Along with me, the short-tempered folks in the ‘Sanctuary’ are starting to lose their patience, and the hostages are stuck in here for too long—they’re reaching their breaking point. –It’s only a matter of time before those swell feelings erupt.”
–In the end, everything hinged on the limited time they had.
No matter what struggle Emilia faced with her “past,” Subaru never doubted that ultimately she would overcome it. But deeply rooted issues would require time for her to conquer. If Subaru could help even a little, he was prepared to endure any hardship.
However, her “past” could only exist within her, and since Subaru had not been there, he had no chance to reach out to her. Just as he had gained the resolve to face his own “past” through Rem, he couldn’t help but think of becoming Emilia’s source of strength.
Following the phrase “time will allow the ‘Trial’ to be passed,” the truth was, that time was no longer present.
As Garfiel had noted, the two groups in the “Sanctuary” were nearing their limits, continually drained by the limited time.
They could no longer afford more time. Thus, Subaru reached a single conclusion.
“—I have a proposal.”
Touching his chin, Subaru managed to vocalize it.
Seeing the change in Subaru’s expression, Garfiel squinted one eye and twisted his mouth into a grin.
“Let’s hear it then.”
“We both agree that time is the issue here. I believe Emilia can overcome the ‘Trial,’ so I think what she needs most is time. On the other hand, you’re running out of time before the balance tips. This much we agree on, right?”
“That you’re not wrong, sure. The only thing I’d add is that I’m genuinely doubtful if the princess can clear the ‘Trial.'”
“…When it comes to that, I feel like you and I are on parallel paths. Anyway, if we can agree that time is the sticking point, you should be willing to consider my proposal.”
Garfiel touched the white scar on his forehead but didn’t say anything, which prompted Subaru to nod and continue.
“The current situation regarding the hostages being held is reaching its limit. It won’t be long before things go south, and at worst, there might be a split within the ‘Sanctuary.'”
“I don’t care if that happens, you know? A hundred or two hundred villagers can group up, and I’ll just knock them down. That’s just how it is for me.”
“That’s forty-two people. …It’s not just about how you feel. It’s about avoiding unwanted confrontations and the kind of damage that could come from it. You wouldn’t want to unleash violence against the people who have been preparing meals for you, would you?”
“Well, sure.”
Garfiel, averting his gaze and clicking his tongue awkwardly, made Subaru mentally nod as their conversation flowed well.
“So, to avoid such confrontations, I want to request the release of the hostages. Currently, I think they hold no real value.”
“Hey, wait a minute. That has nothing to do with the situation, does it? What’s this about them not having any value?”
“The reason those people were detained was primarily to lure Emilia… or rather, it was a means to an end. Just as planned, we entered the ‘Sanctuary,’ and we’re undergoing the ‘Trial’ as per the conditions laid out. The food, care, and watch over the hostages can’t just miraculously appear from nowhere. In fact, the fact that you’re hunting at the crack of dawn isn’t unrelated to this.”
From Subaru’s perspective, the “Sanctuary” was vast, including the forest, yet the area in use was minuscule—definitively, the number of halflings living in the “Sanctuary” was not drastically different from that of the Araham Village refugees.
So it simply means the consumption of food in the “Sanctuary” would be more than double what it was before. Given the nature of the area, it was likely that they wouldn’t be acquiring supplies through merchants at all and were mostly relying on hunting and self-cultivation—therefore,
“There’s no need to keep holding onto hostages that only forcefully weigh things down. Even without them, we can’t just exit the ‘Trial’ halfway.”
“You might be right. Once you enter the ‘Sanctuary,’ since the half-elf… the princess is bound by the land’s curse. If the princess wants to leave here, she’s got to conquer the ‘Trial’ no matter what… Ah, that’s just it.”
Realizing the meaning of Subaru’s proposal, Garfiel twisted his face into a grim expression and nodded a few times. Seeing that, Subaru understood that Garfiel was not dull-witted; rather, he was aware and observant, ready to make judgments based on certain conditions.
“So if the gathered hostages are released, discussions can revolve around food and internal struggles, preventing inevitable collapses from happening. Actually, the hostages are only an obstacle for us achieving the ‘Sanctuary’ breakthrough.”
“If all this is in line with your plans, then it should go that way until the end, right? As your objective is to liberate yourselves from the ‘Sanctuary,’ I’m sure you wouldn’t want all of you to collapse together.”
“Respecting the old lady’s opinion from the get-go is one thing… but whatever, we can ignore the particulars for now.”
Waving his hand, Garfiel temporarily accepted Subaru’s proposal.
After mulling over it, he touched his chin again, deep in thought.
“By the way, why come to me with that discussion? The top of this place is not me but the old lady, you know? If you want to convince her, going directly to her is more assured. I might just complicate things without meaning to.”
“I came to you to keep it simple. I figured if I explained the pros and cons properly, I could persuade Ryuzu. However, in that case, your intentions are hard to gauge.”
“Someone who can see reason and practicality like Ryuzu wouldn’t refuse the proposal I present. Actually, I had confidence that talking with her would lead to agreement.”
But the moment he had the discussion with the higher-ups, when confronting Garfiel afterwards,
“Of course, convincing you is the hard part. Unfortunately, my self-assessment says I’d struggle to do anything if you applied brute force. It makes sense to simplify any pressing issues ahead of time so I won’t have to worry about them later.”
“You’re being a craftsy little thinker, huh? In layman’s terms, you think I’m a nuisance because you don’t want my presence when you present this proposal to the old lady? If there are any complaints, come at me with your fists!”
“I was able to speak rationally just a while ago; why did it have to change into aggression…”
“My ability to think and talk lasts about three minutes. We’ve already exceeded that limit; anything I say now would be wasted breath.”
“Why do you sound so self-assured about that?”
With a clenched fist displayed, Garfiel drew back, indicating a non-serious stance. Naturally, he wasn’t genuinely angry. He let out a bored sigh.
“Hah, what a waste of time early in the morning. Fine, do as you wish. If you can convince the old lady, I don’t have any intention of meddling. They’re just nuisances now. If you want to take them out, do as you will.”
“Alright, then I’ll gladly take you up on that—”
“—But there’s a condition.”
Just as it seemed Subaru was about to breathe a sigh of relief at overcoming the main issue, cold water was thrown over him. Subaru frowned at Garfiel, who pointed a finger toward him.
“I’ll accept your proposal, but I expect you to consider some things on our end as well.”
“…What are those conditions?”
With a gritting face, Subaru managed to force out the question, and Garfiel added, “Now we’re talking.”
He then examined Subaru from top to bottom and went on:
“The condition for letting you—nah, ‘The Sanctuary’ leave is simple. The ‘Trial’ is yours to take. That way, everything will be handled faster.”
“—! Wait, that’s not right. If we do that, it’s back to square one…”
It was certainly a thought that had crossed Subaru’s mind multiple times.
However, that was a last resort and a choice he wanted to avoid as much as possible. Above all, if he did that, all of Emilia’s past efforts would—.
“You seem to misunderstand something. It’s not that me or the old lady have a problem if we get to leave ‘Sanctuary’—we’ll do whatever we need to get it done.”
“——”
“Making the princess overcome these ‘Trials’ is based on your wishes. Whatever past issues you have, you want to push her through things she struggles with too. I don’t get it, since I lack sense.”
“Emilia’s… will…”
Garfiel’s words hit Subaru like cold water on a groggy morning.
Up to this point, Subaru had respected Emilia’s spirit in tackling the “Trial” and had been determined to support her more devotionally than anyone else. Regardless of how tough the road ahead was, he intended to keep reaching out to her unless she knelt in defeat.
Yet, he had never paused to consider where that unwavering resolve of hers was directed.
Subaru reflected that he never even understood why Emilia wanted to become king.
The declaration she made in the Royal Selection Chamber was merely a statement of her intent to be equal to those surrounding her, it was not her actual reason for wanting to become a queen.
Emilia had been steeped in the unjust treatment and evaluations she’d faced throughout her life. What thoughts had she fostered, what feelings had brewed within her, and what beliefs compelled her toward the throne?
In wishing to be her support steadfastly, Subaru had failed to ask any of the foundational questions.
How had Emilia met Roswaal? Why did Roswaal want to see her as queen? The proof of her right to the throne—the blessing of the Dragon Priestess—was in the form of a gemstone insignia. But how did Roswaal find the opportunity to encourage that touch to her? What mutual interests had led their cooperation—Subaru realized he knew not a single thing.
Without knowing anything, he had gotten this far.
“I don’t know what’s hit you so hard, but if we’re not having a discussion here, then I’m heading out now. I’m in the middle of a hunt… If you wish to talk about that proposal, take it right to the old lady. I’m not sticking around for any of this.”
Garfiel shrugged his shoulders before vanishing into the morning-imbued forest.
Realizing that nighttime was already yielding to the morning sun, the lush forests that had been shrouded in darkness brought about a tranquil silence—like morning dew resting upon leaves; it was a time of day.
Alone, Subaru looked up toward the sky.
Above him, through the gaps in the trees, a thick layer of clouds revealed a sun that barely peeked through—yet it was quickly obscured once more, casting a fleeting light over the world before disappearing.
As he squinted at the momentary glimpse of light, Subaru began to walk.
“What I observed was me facing my ‘past’ and settling things, and I think that was the right call. But Emilia…”
He had believed that everyone could step forward after settling their past.
By bidding farewell to things that had already passed, people could begin anew, and he had become so convinced of it, soothed by the warm memories he had gained that he convinced himself of such a thing.
Those around him were all so exceedingly kind that Subaru was certain the “past” was something to be reflected on and dealt with delicately.
However, for this silver-haired girl, huddled in the corner with her knees drawn in, how heavy could those thoughts of facing her “past” be?
In the house provided to them, sitting on the cold floor beside her bed, Emilia silently passed the time.
It wasn’t strange that she had woken up early, despite her usual difficulty with mornings. The eyes that turned towards him were bloodshot, and the beauty of her refined features bore the marks of exhaustion and tears. –It was clear she had not slept a wink.
Upon noticing Subaru’s presence, she averted her tear-streaked face and said,
“Ah, I’m sorry… I’m sorry. Is it time? Has it come already? It’s so early… but I have to… I must do my best… It’s time for the ‘Trial,’ after all?”
“Emilia-tan.”
“I’m okay. Today, for sure, this time I will definitely… Yes, I understand now what will happen during the ‘Trial.’ You see, it’s the same pattern you mentioned… sure, I get that… So, I’m okay… I’m okay…”
“Emilia-tan, you’re okay. It’s not nighttime; in fact, last night hasn’t even ended. It’s morning. There’s still plenty of time ahead.”
“You can’t just say things that aren’t true. Look outside… see how dark it is. If it’s morning, it has to be bright… Ah, but I want to talk to the little spirits today…”
Looking up at Subaru, Emilia quickly threw her words at him, her eyes trembling. Embedded within them were the surprise and anger she felt towards herself for not honoring her commitments, nearly leading her to release that frustration upon herself.
“Emilia.”
“Ah…”
Subaru grasped her uplifted hand, intertwining his fingers with hers.
Awestruck by their joined hands, Emilia slowly reflected on her own image reflected back in Subaru’s dark eyes.
“I… me…”
“Right now, I’m the only one here. So it’s completely alright to let out your weak feelings. There’s no need to rush or pressure yourself. I am on your side, no matter the time.”
“Subaru…”
Clutching onto the hand he extended, Emilia lowered her voice as she called out Subaru’s name while bowing her head. Subaru drew her close with his arm, sitting beside her.
With his free hand, he gently stroked her silver hair as her body gradually relaxed, and soon after, he could hear her sigh in relief as she drifted off to sleep.
She was utterly exhausted. Even so, she could not bear to face the night alone, and thus had completely relied on Subaru.
Glancing at Emilia, who was snoring softly beside him, Subaru grazed her cheek with his finger lightly, confirming the trail of tears left behind.
–And with that, he decided it was already time to act.
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