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151 Chapter

“Did El always like rings this much?”

As I comfortably nestled into El’s embrace, I pondered this while gazing up at him. It felt like if I didn’t wear the ring, the world would be doomed.

“If El gives it to me, of course, I’d wear it gratefully.”

I raised my hand and ruffled El’s hair.

Petting the Pope’s head could have been viewed as blasphemy, but seeing El accept my caress like a tamed beast, I figured as long as he likes it, what’s the harm?

“Why would I reject something given to me by El?”

I smiled cheerfully, my eyes crinkling. Even if I received nothing at all, just knowing that El wanted to do anything for me felt like more than enough of a gift.

El’s eyes, which had been staring blankly at me, deepened.

“…You shouldn’t say such things carelessly. Does that mean you would never refuse anything?”

“Of course! Don’t you trust me?”

“Hmmm. Indeed.”

His skeptical look pricked my pride, and I confidently thumped my chest with my fist.

Narrowing his eyes, he slowly explored my spine with his hand wrapped around my waist, repeatedly gliding up and down. Despite being strangely sticky, I held my ground and answered.

“There’s no way El would give me anything bad, right?”

That was quite a blind belief.

I never forgot that El was the only one who had shown me unprompted kindness. Back then, when life was harsh, I had been wary of him, like a hedgehog with its quills up. But now that I felt relaxed, I understood. His kindness was truly sincere without expecting anything in return.

No matter whether I was a mere mercenary or now a duke’s daughter, El’s attitude remained unchanged. He was still as kind as ever.

After hearing my response, El tightly pursed his lips. His silver eyes, resembling a shining chandelier, quietly swayed. After a brief pause, he slowly parted his lips.

“I was thinking of giving you something very dirty and grotesque.”

“Ugh…”

“I want to give you something infinitely evil compared to you, something really nasty.”

I tried to guess what El meant as I stared at him intently. Not meeting my eyes, El’s eyelashes trembled like fine threads sewn into fabric. He looked heartbreakingly sad.

“Would you refuse such a gift?”

As El raised his gaze to meet mine, he let his eyes droop. His silver eyes were filled with sorrow.

I couldn’t understand it, but I didn’t want to see El looking so glum. I gently pushed his sky-blue hair behind his ear, patting his shoulder as if to comfort him.

“If it’s something you give me, I’ll manage to deal with it.”

I had received too much from El—material support, rest, and even comfort. His large, rough hand holding my waist was the only hand extended to me as I rolled around in the mud. I hadn’t forgotten that grace.

Moreover, even if it weren’t for the grace I received, El was special enough to me.

“How could I possibly refuse you giving me something bad?”

I whispered softly into El’s ear.

His expression stiffened, surprisingly fearful. It was a look I rarely saw on him. Just as I pondered whether I had said something wrong, El tightened his grip around my waist.

His face drew near. At the same time, the thick scent of lilies engulfed my senses.

“Are you certain about that?”

“Of course.”

“Really? You’ll accept anything?”

“Is there anything I should be concerned about? Just trust me.”

I found it strange that he kept asking for confirmation about what he was planning to give, but feeling assured, I answered willingly. At that moment, El’s expression softened.

“So, what are you planning to give me?”

El took a slow breath, mumbling like he was capturing the feeling of a petal on a flower, and let his eyes flutter.

“I’m intending to give myself to you.”

“Wha—”

The unexpected reply left me with a massive question mark on my face.

“I mean it literally. I want you to take me, Shushu.”

With words like a falling boulder, I seriously contemplated whether El’s statement held some symbolic meaning, whether it was a metaphor. As I pondered, he promptly confirmed it. I became even more bewildered.

“People aren’t objects.”

“But they are like animals. You can think of me as a companion, at least.”

Without hesitation, El replied to my confused answer.

‘El’s way of thinking… is it really okay like this?’

Watching him express himself as a pet made me seriously contemplate.

“I don’t understand why you’d want that… who could treat the Pope like this?”

If a commoner child had said such a thing, I might have thought it meant they wanted to take him as a servant and brought him to the mansion. But I couldn’t treat grown-up El, someone who wouldn’t be placed above anyone but the gods, like a pet.

“Pope or whatever, everyone is just a human in front of a relationship.”

El, echoing Diego’s words, raised the corners of his mouth playfully.

A strange smile that tickled the spine of a person. I could feel this sensual face was close to the real El.

He had gradually begun revealing a side of himself that was more like him, showing a face that once only exhibited an angelic visage.

“It’s alright for you. You’re allowed.”

El easily permitted me everything. By attaching a definite article with limited meaning to my name, he made me a unique existence.

‘What am I even?’

Sometimes I wondered about that. Why he approached me with such unwavering sincerity.

Of course, there were plenty of lofty titles referring to my external aspects, like the Black Disaster Mir, the Mercenary King, the Duke’s Daughter of Crisis, the Prince’s Mentor, and so on.

If it were kindness toward such an appearance, it would have been far easier. It would simply mean giving me what I desired.

But El had always treated me as the person I was—someone with low self-esteem, slightly timid, rigid, and emotionally convoluted Kashmir. Knowing all too well how inadequate I was made me both immensely grateful and cautious.

I had to respond to sincerity with sincerity.

“If I have El… what am I supposed to do?”

The idea of owning a person felt off, but I asked nonetheless.

‘What do I want to do with him as my possession?’

When I momentarily sunk deep in thought about whether I’d have to feed him like a pet, bathe him, or tuck him in, El opened his mouth.

“Please take an interest in me. Make me feel that you recognize me. Spend time with me and cherish me. And…”

El, bending forward, placed my hand on his head. His unspoken gaze urged me to pet him. As I awkwardly swept down his mystic blue hair, he smiled as if pleased.

“You need to love me. So, I don’t die of loneliness.”

Love? The way the word lingered on my tongue felt strange, and just hearing it made my feelings swirl.

Surely, the love he spoke of was affection towards a friend, yet my face flushed crimson. Perhaps it was because El’s voice rolled sensuously, as ripe as a red fruit.

“I—”

“And there’s one more important thing.”

El gracefully interrupted the words I was about to say, taking a long, deep breath. His eyes deepened, looking as vast as the long trajectory of a star hanging at the universe’s peak.

As I quietly waited for him to decide whether to speak or not, El’s lips, devilishly red, slowly parted.

“No matter what happens, don’t abandon me.”

I gazed at his incredibly beautiful face, which twisted with sorrow.

“Even if I’m not as good a person as you, even if I can’t be as kind as you expect, and even if I show a different side from what you knew, don’t turn your back on me.”

El lowered his head, as if not wanting to show his face to me.

“You clearly said you trust me, but still, I feel uneasy. If I lose control even a little, it feels like you might leave, unable to stay even for a moment.”

Please give me reassurance. Tell me you won’t abandon me, and hold me with your own hands.

His desperate whisper left me momentarily speechless. As I looked over his blue hair, the boy with black hair swayed.

“Will you come tomorrow?”

“Hmm… No. I’m scheduled for a long-term extermination mission. I might not be able to come for a while.”

“…Is there no way you could just stay today?”

“What?”

In that moment, as I softly conversed with the boy covered in darkness at the farthest corner of the Sun Temple, the scene of the dying sword turning into a muddy swamp flickered in my mind.

“I feel like if you go, you won’t come back again. Like you’d leave me here.”

The boy sounded gloomy. He always radiated a dark and eerie aura like the blood of monsters. His extraordinarily beautiful face seemed more like a cursed doll than a human.

His eyes, filled to the brim with obsession, held no hope or faith, only sorrow and despair.

“Black.”

“…Yes.”

“Have I ever left and not returned?”

“Last time, you said you’d be back in a week, but you came back after ten days.”

I averted my gaze from his cold, piercing black eyes. Although it was an unavoidable situation, the fact that I lied about it gnawed at my conscience like a thorn in my heart.

“I’m sorry about that. Things got way too complicated, so…”

“What if ten days become a month, and a month becomes a year, and someday you forget about me?”

His voice, almost adolescent, sounded so young, yet the sticky emotion behind it was anything but childish. Staring into his dark, despairing eyes, I chuckled softly.

“I won’t make you wait too long. Even if it gets a bit delayed, I’ll definitely return, so trust me. I won’t leave you alone.”

“Do you remember the rule we made?”

“…Yes.”

“Right. You just have to be here at this time, in this place. I’ll come to see you. If you don’t come, I’ll take it as a rejection and won’t disturb you anymore. Got it?”

“…When will you come again?”

“Um… after sleeping for ten nights, we can meet again.”

The boy, who had briefly scowled before relaxing, slyly extended his pinky finger towards me. Curiously, I looked up and saw him maintaining that position, awkwardly avoiding eye contact, which was extremely cute.

“You taught me that promises are made by intertwining our pinkies.”

“I remember.”

“I could never forget something this unique.”

His black eyes focused on me.

“I promise. I’ll come back. I won’t forget you.”

I hadn’t forgotten that blind thirst for connection. The way the once dark eyes sparkled was both chilling and beautiful.

“…I promise.”

While reminiscing briefly about my childhood, I gently extended my pinky toward El. Perhaps reminded of his childhood, his pupils trembled.

“No matter what form you take, I promise I won’t turn my back on you.”

I softly held onto El’s stiffened hand and linked our pinky fingers. The shared warmth between us felt exceptionally warm.

“It’s natural to not believe words because they drift away like passing clouds. It’s not weird to fear the end of a relationship. If El feels uneasy, I’ll repeatedly promise again. I’ll prove my promise by continuing to cherish El.”

In my childhood, I hadn’t kept my promises. I hadn’t forgotten him, but I couldn’t return. It wasn’t that I disliked him; rather, it was accurate to say he brought it upon himself, but I was also immature.

No matter how much he might not have shown up, the complete severance was a childish decision from my younger self.

‘But now, I’m grown.’

I’ll protect.

Honestly, I felt a bit scared. I wondered what kind of person El, whom I didn’t yet know, was, and whether I could get used to a being who ruled with fear and troubled even the Emperor, the sovereign of the Sun Temple.

Yet, my assurance came from the fact that I cherished El that much.

“What… should I do?”

After a long silence, El finally spoke, lifting his head he had lowered slowly.

“My heart is racing too fast right now.”

With slightly swollen eyes and irregular breaths, I finally sensed the extreme rate of his heartbeat through our bodily connection.

His once white skin blazed passionately.

El, placing his hand delicately on my nape, turned his face to bury into it. The warm touch at the nape sparked a sensitive shudder, but as it had become a common occurrence for him to bury his face there, I stood still without resistance.

“Ah.”

His red lips parted slightly, and his neat teeth grazed my soft skin. The spot where his hair was barely covering felt like it would likely leave a mark, but numb to pain, it was only slightly bothersome.

Startled by El’s sudden action, I let out a sound more akin to a sigh than a moan.

Slowly lifting his face from my nape, El exhaled deeply. His hot breath tickled my nape.

As I blanked at the strange sensation I felt for the first time, El looked up at me, his eyes curving like a blooming lily.

“Let’s consider this a token of our promise. It’ll fade quickly… but it’s a ritual of sorts.”

Even if this mark fades, I mustn’t forget.

His soft whisper was irresistibly alluring.

He wasn’t a fleeting flower that would fade after a season; he was the one who would continue seeking me throughout the seasons.

 

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