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137th Chapter

“……Really?”

My head felt dizzy, and I asked the question late. It felt like a crack was forming in the wall of my steadfast beliefs.

Up until now, my mother had been a person I perceived negatively, without any change in my life.

When I was very young, I had hoped for love from her, but after a long time without receiving any, I eventually gave up. Now, all expectation, resentment, and floundering attachment had vanished, leaving only an indescribable unease behind.

My mother was virtually a non-existent figure in my life. I had received nothing from her, nor given anything.

But now I learned that I had received something.

‘Then what about all the time I spent resenting my mother?’

My head throbbed.

Of course, just because my mother provided me with material support didn’t mean she was a good mother. I had received no emotional support from her whatsoever.

However, there is a significant difference between ‘did nothing’ and ‘did something.’

‘But why? If she wanted to help me, couldn’t she have just helped me directly?’

I pressed my temples as they throbbed.

Until I turned seven, when my mother passed away, we lived together in one house, and if she truly wanted to help me, there was no need for her to buy people in the village to do it.

I couldn’t understand my mother.

‘Although I stubbornly survived while resenting her…

Sometimes, negative emotions can help endure life more than positive feelings. Things like a desire for revenge, an obsession bordering on madness, and resentment.

These feelings are like a sticky swamp that’s hard to escape from once you step in, acting as a glue that keeps you from taking a step off the cliff when you want to give up on life.

Choosing to live messily instead of dying neatly was like that, but for a child like me, who lacked beliefs and convictions, my resentment toward my mother had been one of the driving forces of my life.

‘I was determined to live more splendidly than you.’

I vowed not to live like her while resenting her. I gritted my teeth, swearing I would live better than she did. Before I developed attachments to Aria and made her the reason for my life, this empty and lowly resentment was the reason for my existence.

Questions about my mother, ‘Audrey,’ only grew larger.

“Was it too early for you to receive this information?”

I tried hard to arrange my expression, but perhaps my confusion was evident, for Ramona let out a sigh. Rainer, who had been looking at me, frowned with concern.

“Kashmir. Are you alright?”

“••••••Ah, yes.”

I answered late in a daze. Though various thoughts were still cluttering my mind, I didn’t want to worry Rainer. I shook my head, trying to rid myself of thoughts about my mother.

“Then it seems the only one who truly helped me was Ramona.”

I let out a bitter laugh, exhaling it as if it were a sigh.

After I turned seven, the support abruptly ceased like it had been cut with a knife, and I had shed tears of frustration over that. Still, I felt I should be grateful for the help given so far, but it turned out the only one who helped me of her own volition was Ramona.

‘Even knowing that all humans are like this, it’s always bitter when confronted with that fact.’

I rubbed my eyes. I felt no moisture, nor did it seem like tears would come, but my eyes were stinging.

As I was collecting my bitter emotions, Ramona, who had been staring at me, took something out of her pocket and handed it to me.

“……There was an old lady I knew back in the day. She was the one who helped Audrey settle here. If you want to know more about your mother, go find that old lady. Showing her this will allow you to meet her right away… and saying you’re Audrey’s daughter will earn you a warm welcome.”

I blinked as I received the paper Ramona handed me. The somewhat luxurious paper felt soft in my hand.

It was a stiff card, about the size of half a palm.

‘……This person helped my mother?’

My mouth dropped open.

When I confirmed the name written on the business card, I was genuinely aghast.

I didn’t have a personal connection with the person; I had never even seen her before. However, there was no way I, as a mercenary named Mir, wouldn’t know her.

‘Guildmaster of the Black-Blue Crow, Yasha.’

The ‘Black-Blue Crow’ was a small guild that gathered skillful brokers to take on various transport requests.

It couldn’t even be called a large guild in mere words. However, it proved that size didn’t necessarily mean quality, as it was made up of a small number of capable individuals, making a massive impact across the continent.

‘As long as the proper fee is paid, they will carry anything. Even illegal things. Their success rate for requests is almost 100%, and once they accept a request, they will never accept a competing offer, no matter how much more money is offered.’

The saying “All treasures of the continent are carried in the beak of the crow” became proverbial. There were rumors that when someone needed to deliver something discreetly to the Empire, they would request the Black-Blue Crow, showing how strong the trust in them was across the continent. They were even called “the noble crows” because they never betrayed their clients.

‘So the guildmaster of the Black-Blue Crow is Yasha… and she knows my mother?’

I found it hard to imagine how a famous person I had heard about numerous times while living as a mercenary could know my mother. Yasha, who was known for her quick movements and termed the “Blue Wing,” had successfully finished every request she had taken. I couldn’t fathom what connection she could possibly have with my mother.

‘I really know nothing about my mother.’

A strange feeling washed over me with that sudden realization.

As I was fiddling with the business card full of questions, Ramona thumped the top of my head with her cane.

“What are you thinking so hard about, Cashew? If you’re curious about Audrey, you can just go visit her, and if you’re not curious anymore, just burn the card. Don’t let a festival trip just be filled with heavy thoughts. Can’t you see the young man beside you doesn’t know what to do?”

Rubbing my sore head, I glanced at Rainer beside me. He had his typical poker face on, but I noticed that his eyes were moving quickly.

Rainer seemed slightly startled, perhaps at seeing Ramona, whom he had never met before, read his emotions so easily.

‘Ramona is quite perceptive.’

I was not surprised. Putting the business card into my pocket, I pulled out a rose brooch to give to Lewellin while taking out my money pouch.

“I’ll buy this. And that hair ribbon too. How much is it?”

“Come on… don’t say something ridiculous, Cashew. Do you think I’d take money from a broke little brat?”

‘Not broke or a brat…

Ramona snorted.

Since I was now entering the House of Crisis, where, if I wanted, I could bathe in money, there was no way I could explain that I had been living as someone with a mental age beyond middle age, so my hesitation was stuck in between holding out my pouch.

“Just take it. Simply think of it as a gift for your happiness wherever you go.”

The old woman’s wrinkled hand gently ruffled my hair. Though rough, her kind hand was the same one that reached out to help me in my childhood.

“……Okay.”

My childhood was tough, but because of people like this, it wasn’t the worst it could be.

I smiled at Ramona.

“Have you finished your conversation?”

“Yes. I didn’t expect to run into someone I know here… Thank you for waiting.”

Rainer and I walked slowly through the crowded market street. It was getting darker, and the street lights began to turn on, making the night market bustling with activity.

“You gave all your money to that old lady.”

“Ah.”

Rainer, who had been carefully matching my stride, said as he took a step closer. I awkwardly scratched my head.

“I’ve received so much from her, after all.”

Though I pretended to concede meekly before Ramona, I had received far too many favors to not pay her back. However, I knew that if I directly handed money to Ramona, I would receive it back in her face, so I had secretly left my money pouch at the counter.

Who would have thought I would use the speed of a Sword Master here?

Although Ramona didn’t see me place my money pouch on the counter, it seemed Rainer caught a glimpse of it at that moment.

“Um. But leaving all the money there… makes it a bit hard to buy a meal.”

Now it was time to eat, but thinking about how my pockets were empty of any coins, I glanced at Rainer. Watching his clear golden eyes quietly gazing at me, I smiled playfully.

“Since I bought the meal last time, it’s your turn to treat me this time. Is that alright?”

When I mentioned last time, it was when Rainer and I had met for the first time as Mir and had that strange meal for training.

‘But would it be okay to directly mention that I worked as Mir, considering Rainer dislikes facing that part of me?’

I let out a small sigh at that sudden thought.

In fact, given how intertwined we already were, acting like I didn’t know was just covering my eyes and pretending everything was fine, but still, I wanted to accommodate Rainer as much as possible.

Rainer’s gaze deepened as he watched my hesitation. His fine, soft-looking silver-gray eyelashes momentarily covered his eyes before revealing them again.

Eventually, his sharply rising gaze bent slightly.

“Of course. I’ll pay today.”

Perhaps Rainer might face me directly soon.

The night market was crowded with people, but perhaps due to the aftermath of the terror incident, it wasn’t as packed as I expected. As we exchanged casual shoulder brushes, the sounds of chatter around us turned into mere white noise.

Rainer and I wandered through the market stalls, chatting as we explored.

“On a festive day like this, it’s better to taste various street foods rather than going in to eat… but I guess you can’t eat street food, can you, Rainer?”

I rambled, not expecting a response as I glanced at the savory smells around us. I had lived in poverty, so I’d eat anything, even what others said they wouldn’t touch, but Rainer, who had lived all his life with high standards, probably wouldn’t be able to handle the hygiene of street stalls.

After hearing my mumbled words, Rainer quickly shook his head.

“No. I eat well, no matter what. Let’s go with whatever Kashmir wants to eat from the street food.”

Rainer’s voice was firm. It seemed he would stick to his decision no matter how many times I urged him, so I quickly gave up and looked around.

“Oh, there?”

At that moment, my eyes landed on a stall selling various skewers.

 

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