Chapter 134
Chapter 134
“Sister!”
Clank.
With her sky-blue eyes wide open, Aria rushed towards me. The weak iron bed shook violently. I welcomed Aria as she hugged me and slowly blinked my eyes.
“……Aria.”
My voice cracked all over. My body felt fully recovered, but my long-sleeping throat was beyond help.
Aria, hearing my voice, wrinkled her brows and pressed her index finger against my lips. Soft feathers seemed to settle on my mouth.
“Open your mouth.”
I obediently parted my lips, and a cool stream of water flowed into my mouth. I drank it without a word, slowly observing Aria.
‘……Your hair has gotten shorter.’
I recalled the moment when her long pink hair blazed in the fierce flames. After the terror incident, perhaps she had trimmed it once, and her previously singed hair was neatly settled to shoulder length.
I lowered my gaze, brushing my fingers through Aria’s hair, and raised my head to look at Caesar.
His red eyes, which had been staring at me all this time, flickered. Reading the deep concern in his gaze, I found it hard to speak. A heavy silence hung in the small cabin.
“The situation has been settled.”
Just as I was about to say something, Caesar spoke up. His expression was as stoic as ever, but to my eyes, his relaxed features appeared strangely out of place.
“You have been unconscious for three days. We haven’t caught the actual perpetrators of the terror incident. Though it’s not public knowledge, the higher-ups suspect that the North and high-ranking nobles have collaborated in this. The fact that the Northerners entered the capital without a great sword is impossible without some intervention of power. Officially, it has been reported that the unidentified assailants were thwarted by Mir. Regarding the Kashmir Crisis, it was relayed that you are temporarily resting outside the capital due to sudden health deterioration. Given your current condition, moving you to the mansion could spread strange rumors, so you’ll be staying here a bit longer. As for Rainer Einhart, who assisted you in handling the bomb, he didn’t disclose its existence to higher-ups—though it feels like a deprivation of status, he was only placed on probation as he successfully dealt with the bomb.”
Caesar slowly explained the situation. I nodded, surveying the reactions from those nearby.
Beside me, Aria, by the wall, and the seated Caesar all remained silent. The complex array of emotions on their faces pressed heavily against my heart.
‘Just kill me…
I genuinely wanted to pass out by striking my nape. If only any of them would vent their anger, I would feel somewhat relieved, but they all kept their mouths shut like clammed shells, leaving me utterly lost.
“I… I was wrong.”
Breathing heavily, I broke the silence, prompting Caesar’s red eyes, which had been lost in deep thought, to lock onto me.
In that silent gaze, while I pondered how much to reveal, I decided to say everything I could.
“There was an informant among the terrorists. I can’t disclose who the informant is… I promised to keep that secret. I’m sorry. I thought that if my father intervened, the terrorists would catch on and things would go awry. The most suitable person to act alongside was Sir Rainer Einhart…”
“I…”
Just as I was trying to explain rationally and logically, Caesar abruptly cut me off. I met his trembling gaze with uncertainty.
Caesar’s face twisted slightly as he chewed his lips.
“You could have been more emotional, more your age.”
The words tumbled out in a way that paradoxically restrained emotion. Because they were restrained, they sounded even sadder.
“You could have just told me without weighing the consequences. If you had, I would have helped you somehow.”
I fell silent, unable to articulate anything.
I had no regrets about jumping on the bomb. But as I processed Caesar’s reaction, I began to doubt if not telling him beforehand was indeed the best course of action.
Even if it were unintentional, my failure to inform Caesar surely appeared to him as a lack of trust on my part.
“What should I do with you?”
Caesar’s words spilled out like a lament and gripped my heart. Ever since becoming his daughter, I felt I hadn’t presented a good image but had instead caused him difficulty with similar situations.
“I… I…”
As Caesar parted his lips, he struggled silently for a while, unable to find his conclusion. His lips trembled slightly.
“……I love you, Shushu.”
It felt like the dam holding back the sea had cracked, and the waves burst through the openings. Like a sinner confessing, the words spilled from his mouth, and I held my breath.
“I wish for your safety. I wanted you to be whole and by my side. Ideally, I would keep you in a safe place to avoid harm… but I know you wouldn’t want that.”
Caesar continued to speak cautiously, as if selecting gold from sand. Something resembling an obsession flickered in his red eyes before vanishing.
“I want to give you the freedom to do whatever you want. But I also don’t want you to be in danger. So I don’t know what to do.”
I received his raw sincerity, unembellished by any extraneous sentiment. The Kashmir Crisis, who had everything, was now revealing his naked ignorance.
“So what do you want?”
With eyes as rich red as blood, he fully gazed at me.
I paused for a moment in silence.
Relationships with people were challenging. It couldn’t just be about violence or suppression. Knowing each other, exploring, and finding common ground amidst difference was essential.
This whole process seemed so challenging to me that I felt it would be easier to take down ten giant monsters, yet it was a necessary undertaking.
I loved my family. I couldn’t just act on my own whims.
“I… I wish my father would trust me a little more.”
Hesitant, I spoke the somewhat selfish line carefully. It felt awkward, like I was saying something for the first time. Struggling to continue, I caught a glimpse of Caesar’s unwavering gaze, which supported me, and mustered the courage to speak again.
“I want to protect this place. Because this is where my family lives. As you know, I’m not someone who easily dies. So I’d like you to trust me a bit more and watch over me.”
I understood. I was acutely aware that my reckless actions could deeply wound my family. But even so, I had no choice but to ask him to believe in me.
“In return, if I end up in danger, I’ll be sure to contact you. And I’ll choose the safest path possible.”
I spoke softly, staring at the ground.
I couldn’t promise to definitely contact him or always choose the safe route. I could find myself in a situation that made contact impossible, and I might have to take a perilous shortcut instead of a safe one.
Nevertheless, I would no longer recklessly throw my life away. Unlike before, where I didn’t think twice before choosing the former over the latter, I would reconsider this time, keeping in mind that there was a home to return to and people waiting for me.
Walking dangerous paths, I had become much more cautious.
“….Okay.”
Caesar’s response settled heavily like a stone. He lifted his eyes to meet mine.
“I trust you.”
That was an endorsement. That meant he would support me in whatever I chose to do. Overwhelmed by the rising emotions, I couldn’t utter a word as Caesar stood up and approached me, gently brushing my hair.
“Three bodies were discovered at the site where the bomb was placed after the terror incident.”
His one line made my heart plummet. It was clear what bodies he referred to.
‘….Glen.’
A name I would never forget for the rest of my life. A child I killed.
I gasped, staring at Caesar with trembling eyes. He continued to gaze at me intently, and slowly opened his mouth.
“Perhaps… you were the one who killed him.”
My insides twisted violently. I felt like I could throw up everything inside me. I quickly racked my brains, trying to decipher Caesar’s intention behind these words. One thought surfaced.
What if Caesar is disappointed that I killed someone?
Pale and worried, I rushed my speech.
“Did… did I disappoint you?”
“Are you alright, Shushu?”
“….Huh?”
“What?”
Almost simultaneously, the two of us looked at each other in surprise.
“……Disappointed? What do you mean?”
Caesar, with a stiff expression, repeated my question. I gulped nervously.
“I thought… that you might be disappointed in me for recklessly harming people.”
Isn’t it laughable? I had said that protecting people was my conviction, yet here I was, having killed someone.
Having replied in a quiet voice, Caesar momentarily looked taken aback before answering firmly.
“I won’t be disappointed in you, no matter what you do. I brought this up because I’m worried about you.”
Caesar carefully reached out and placed his hand on my cheek. His red eyes sparkled with sadness.
“You wanted to avoid hurting anyone.”
I bit my lip at the concern present in his voice.
Ah. With the blood I’ve seen, I shouldn’t find comfort in his kindness.
Just his concern almost brought me to tears.
Seeing me struggle not to cry, Caesar let out a sigh.
“I’m proud of how you overcome everything. But you move on too quickly. It seems you hastily cover up wounds that aren’t even healed yet.”
Did Caesar know? Even though the image of dying Glen haunted me, I was desperately trying to get over it.
Bringing his face closer to mine, Caesar softly whispered.
“Some things can only be overcome after going through a bout of suffering. Like childhood illnesses.”
You can only move past something after going through it.
That single sentence struck deeply into my heart.
Yes. There must be a way. However, I only remembered that I didn’t have time to linger on the pain. No matter how much it hurt, my style has always been to quickly bandage the wounds and forget the previous pain with the next one.
Tears flowed without a break.
It was hard, indeed. Regardless of intentions, the fact that I had killed someone would remain imprinted on me forever.
“So before you move on, it’s perfectly fine to take your time to grieve. I’ll make space for your mourning.”
But now, I had a space where I could mourn, so it wouldn’t be as tough as before.
I buried my face into Caesar’s shoulder and cried silently. He didn’t even glance at my damp clothes as he continuously patted my back.
He gently whispered in my ear.
“Thank you, Shushu. For coming back alive.”
Ah. This was my home to return to.
