Chapter 131
Camilla wiped away the sweat pouring down like rain and let out a long breath, steadying her breathing. Her body, pushed to its limit, screamed with intense muscle pain, but she forced herself to ignore it.
This was the price she had to pay for living a comfortable and carefree life until now.
Thinking she had rested enough, she resumed her training. It was a shame there weren’t any systematic training tools here like at the Academy, but she couldn’t just sit around doing nothing.
She couldn’t face Gilbert, who had just woken up, so the only thing she could do was ensure such a thing would never happen again.
She soothed her aching body and continued her training.
Seeing Gilbert being carried to the infirmary that day, Camilla reflected. She realized how her life, chasing only what she wanted, could harm those around her.
Looking back, it was a selfish life. As an Academy Cadet—no, as a member of the Tristitia Count Family—she had neglected her training and forgotten her duties.
She had been so obsessed with finding more enjoyable and fun things that she turned a blind eye to what was truly important.
The result was this. She had to face the miserable situation of abandoning her friend and running away alone.
Camilla stopped her training, panting. The miserable feeling from that day resurfaced, and she bit her lip without realizing it.
Then, a sudden thought struck her.
At that moment when she left Gilbert behind to go request support. Had she really only thought about requesting support?
Deep down, hadn’t she felt relieved to escape that situation?
A wave of disgust rose from the depths of Camilla’s heart, making her nauseous. She had nothing to vomit, but she felt like she wanted to throw up everything inside.
She reflexively denied it, but had she really felt that way? In the chaos of that moment, hadn’t she thought of it?
The thoughts tangled. The belief that it couldn’t be true clashed with the suspicion that it might have been.
Camilla sat down, staring blankly ahead. She couldn’t shake the feeling of standing on a precarious ledge.
If she had even a hint of such emotions, could she endure it?
Her thoughts began to spiral downward.
Sinking deeper and deeper…
– Thud!
“Ow!”
Camilla clutched her head, groaning from the splitting pain. Who in the world dared to hit the head of the Count Family’s young lady?
Tears welled up in her eyes as she glared and turned around sharply.
“…Gilbert?”
Seeing Gilbert standing before her, Camilla quickly averted her eyes. Just moments ago, she had been tormented by guilt over him, and now that he appeared before her, she couldn’t help but shrink.
What should I do? What should I say?
Unlike her usual carefree self, Camilla fidgeted nervously. Meeting Gilbert without being mentally prepared made her flustered.
Whether he knew her feelings or not, Gilbert loosened the hand he had used to hit her head and looked around the open area.
The situation seemed more serious than he had thought.
“What are you doing?”
“Uh, training! Training’s been fun lately!”
Camilla tried to spin her sluggish mind, attempting to act as usual around Gilbert.
Her effort was admirable, but her expression was unnatural, and her voice trembled. She didn’t seem to notice, but from Gilbert’s perspective, he couldn’t help but sigh.
If Gilbert had pretended not to notice and left Camilla alone, it would have led to a tragic scenario rather than a turning point. Her immense potential would have withered before it could bloom.
For Gilbert, who already considered Camilla a comrade, it was a chilling thought.
“Surprising. Training’s become interesting?”
“Yeah! Moving your body is exciting…?”
Why is it a question?
Gilbert suppressed a sigh that threatened to escape.
Just moments ago, she was on the verge of breaking down, and now she’s talking about interest?
Gilbert threw a towel over Camilla’s head.
“I heard you haven’t eaten anything today. Training isn’t just about moving your body; it’s also about eating.”
“I don’t have an appetite…”
“I said eating is part of training. It has nothing to do with appetite.”
Speaking firmly and strictly, Camilla bowed her head. For some reason, she felt she couldn’t defy Gilbert’s words.
“Then…can I just wash up a bit? I smell like sweat.”
“Hmm. Let’s meet in front of the lodging in 30 minutes.”
“Got it.”
Hearing that, Camilla dashed off to wash up. Thirty minutes was tight, but if she hurried, she might even have time to use some perfume.
After the fastest shower of her life, Camilla checked the mirror several times before stepping out of the lodging. Gilbert stood outside, staring blankly at the sky.
“I’m here!”
“Hmm.”
Gilbert stopped his musing and looked at Camilla. She felt inexplicably nervous and swallowed hard. The hot shower had left her throat a bit dry.
“Anything you want to eat?”
“Anything’s fine. If it’s tasteless, it’s tasteless; if it’s good, it’s good. It’s all fun!”
Seeing Gilbert’s usual demeanor, Camilla managed to smile as she usually did.
It’s good that he seems fine.
She offered a brief prayer of thanks to the Lord. She felt a bit of the weight lift from her heart.
Gilbert nodded and led her somewhere.
Did he have a place in mind?
Camilla felt her spirits rising. But then she realized she didn’t deserve to feel that way and hung her head.
She felt another wave of self-loathing for her carefree demeanor.
“You’re not acting like yourself.”
“Huh?”
Walking behind him with her head down, Camilla looked up at Gilbert’s words.
He was still walking ahead, not looking back.
“Feeling guilty?”
“…How could I not?”
If she didn’t feel guilty, could she even call herself human?
No matter the reason, the fact remained that she had abandoned her friend in a life-threatening situation and run away alone.
No matter how much she tried to rationalize it, something sticky kept pulling at her ankles.
If it was a swamp, it was a swamp of self-loathing.
“You did everything you could in that situation.”
“Don’t comfort me. No matter what, the fact doesn’t change.”
She answered in a subdued voice, almost muttering. The sense of helplessness Camilla felt was something even Gilbert couldn’t dispel.
No matter how safe Gilbert was, no matter how much he said he was fine, the shadow in her heart remained.
“Gilbert. I’ve lived my life doing whatever I wanted. I thought it was fun and satisfying. But that’s what’s been choking me. Something like this could have happened at any time, but I was foolishly turning a blind eye.”
Camilla began confessing to Gilbert. She laid bare the guilt she had been carrying since the Gehenna Operation without holding back.
She didn’t have the shallow thought of wanting to feel better. She just believed it was worse to keep her sins to herself.
She couldn’t keep them inside. She had to confess her wrongs to him directly.
“I’m sorry. I was weak. I was foolish. I abandoned you and ran away.”
“You did what you had to do. In that situation, someone had to go request support, and it happened to be you.”
“Yeah, maybe. But the fact that I ran away alone doesn’t change. If something had happened to you, I…”
Camilla couldn’t finish her sentence. If something had really happened to him, she couldn’t even imagine what she would have done.
She couldn’t bear the guilt.
Once again, her head hung low.
“Camilla.”
“What…”
Camilla still didn’t look up as she answered. She felt she had no right to face Gilbert.
“I understand you feel indebted to me. Leaving a comrade on the battlefield is hard. In fact, many fail to do so and die.”
Gilbert walked ahead, but in reality, he was looking back at the past.
The horrors he had seen on the battlefield were often indescribable.
Those who sell out comrades to survive.
Those who sacrifice themselves to save comrades.
He had seen the darkest depths of humanity in war.
Had there been no one like Camilla?
No. There certainly had been. There were those who, unlike her, stayed by their comrades’ sides until the end.
But their endings weren’t necessarily good. Late support requests led to more comrades dying.
“This time, we were just lucky. If I hadn’t stopped them, the damage would have been greater. You prevented that.”
“If that had happened, Gilbert, you…”
“Would have died.”
Gilbert stated it calmly.
Camilla held her breath. His detached demeanor about his own death made him seem like a dying ember.
“There was always that risk in the operation. I knew I could die.”
“But…”
“That applies to everyone in the Special Forces, and everyone involved in the operation. We’re soldiers of the Empire, after all.”
“Gilbert…”
“So don’t feel guilty. You made the best choice, even if it meant carrying that guilt.”
Camilla’s throat tightened, and she couldn’t speak. Gilbert’s words weren’t just to comfort her.
He was sincerely sharing his thoughts with her.
Accepting his own death so calmly and fulfilling his duty.
Camilla felt a pang of sadness at his words. Clearly, he was a young master from a Count Family, yet he spoke like a seasoned veteran of the battlefield.
His detachment and calmness struck her deeply.
“How can you say that?”
“Because I’m a knight.”
I see. That’s how Gilbert thinks.
Unable to hold back her tears, Camilla’s eyes welled up.
She quickly wiped her tears, afraid he might see. Her eyes were red, but she tried to smile.
Camilla now knew what she had to do.
She had to support Gilbert, who thought nothing of his own death.
She believed that was the best she could do for him after leaving him behind.
But before that.
“Thank you. I’ll do my best.”
“I know.”
Just cry a little more.
She followed Gilbert, tears streaming down her face.
***
Ugh! This is a mistake, a mistake!
Arriving at the restaurant with Gilbert, Camilla excused herself to the restroom, leaving her seat for a moment.
Since when is it acceptable for a Count Family’s young lady to cry and sniffle in front of an unrelated man?
Of course, there was a reason, but she couldn’t help feeling ashamed. It was because she had been so emotionally overwhelmed, but it was still a once-in-a-lifetime mistake.
And supporting Gilbert?
Camilla’s cheeks flushed bright red.
Thankfully, she hadn’t said it out loud. If she had said such a thing in that situation, she would have wanted to hang herself right then.
Fanning her heated face, she looked at the mirror. Inside was a girl with a completely disheveled appearance.
“Am I smiling…?”
She hadn’t realized it. Her lips were curled up in a smile that refused to fade.
She couldn’t believe she was the same person who had been drowning in depression and self-loathing just before Gilbert arrived.
Could her terrible mood really change so drastically after just a few words with Gilbert?
Well, she did feel better.
Crying had definitely helped.
The overwhelming depression and self-loathing that had plagued her were now quiet.
Only the resolve to reflect on her laziness and change her complacent mindset remained.
All this had happened in less than five minutes after talking to Gilbert.
To Camilla, it felt truly miraculous. Even though the person she felt guilty towards was Gilbert, the emotions she felt weren’t something that would easily disappear just because he was here.
But after just a few words with him, she had cried like a child and let go of the burden in her heart.
Even now, thinking back, it was strange how easily it had happened.
But that wasn’t the important part.
It was already in the past, and holding onto it would only burden Gilbert.
It was a bit embarrassing, but she needed to support him so he wouldn’t break.
Calming her heart, Camilla returned to the table where he was waiting.
Seeing him quietly looking at the menu, her heart inexplicably raced, perhaps because of her earlier embarrassment.
“Ta-da! I’m back.”
“You took a while. I ordered ahead.”
Gilbert showed her the menu and told her what he had ordered. Coincidentally, it was all her favorite food.
“The menu looks great!”
“I ordered what you like, so it should be.”
“Oh! You ordered my favorite food on purpose?”
But had she ever told Gilbert what her favorite foods were?
Camilla tilted her head.
She had nodded without thinking, but upon reflection, she couldn’t remember telling him her preferences.
Had she mentioned it casually while chatting?
But it was surprising that he remembered such a trivial thing.
Perhaps beneath his gruff exterior, Gilbert had a caring side.
It was a bit touching.
Camilla hid her flushed cheeks, concealing her joy.
Just moments ago, she had been crying, and now she was smiling. It felt awkward.
“Your meal is ready.”
While chatting with Gilbert, the food arrived.
The taste was better than she had expected.
Perhaps because she hadn’t had a proper meal in a while, it felt like the best food she had eaten recently.
After finishing their meal, the two stepped outside. The lively street scene greeted them.
Camilla felt the scenery before entering and after leaving the restaurant was vastly different.
They say the world looks different depending on your mindset. With her heart at peace, the scenery seemed peaceful too.
“This street.”
“Huh?”
“This is the street we were protecting during the operation. Your choice was also for this. The time we spent eating normally, watching over this street—it’s all because of the choices we made. And I told you.”
Gilbert stepped in front of Camilla.
He turned to her, backlit by the sunlight.
“If you’re uneasy, follow behind me. In that regard, you did well, Camilla.”
Was it an illusion that Gilbert, backlit by the sun, looked infinitely gentle?
Camilla shook her head vigorously.
Even the great Camilla fell for it twice.
She smiled brightly.
***
[Sub-scenario – Information on the Possessors of Twisted Desire has been updated.]
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Why though?