――。

　――――。

　――――――――――――――Ah.

　In the midst of shaking and impact, I felt the sensation of my face colliding with something.

　That sensation jolted the consciousness that was drifting in blankness, and Natsuki Subaru awakened to reality.

　Raising my head and trying to lift my body, I was thwarted by the shaking. My hand slipped, and just before my head fell to the floor again, it was prevented by the weight secured around my abdomen.

　A heavy and firm sensation pressed against my stomach. I placed my hand on it and confirmed it was a bag filled with gold coins—then I remembered, just before losing consciousness.

“—Where’s Rem!?”

“Natsuki-san!? You’re awake!?”

Throwing aside the bag of gold coins I had been clutching, I turned my gaze around while still on all fours. The darkness remained thick, and the intense shaking confirmed that I was definitely in the dragon carriage.

Before me, Otto, who had turned only his head toward me in response to my shout, watched as I shook my head and tried to move forward.

“Please don’t move. You hit your head and your blessing has worn off. The Earth Dragon is running at full speed, and there’s no luxury to consider Natsuki-san!”

“Forget about that! What happened to Rem!?”

I shot back at Otto’s voice, franticly scanning the corners of the driver’s seat. The dragon carriage had lost its cargo and now stood in an imbalanced state with only the driver’s seat remaining. The space available for a person to board was limited, so the absence of her presence was painfully clear.

And yet, I couldn’t acknowledge it until I confirmed the truth of that fact.

“Answer me, Otto. What happened to Rem…!”

“That young lady…”

Seeing the agitation in me, who seemed ready to leap at him in a frenzy, Otto understood the danger of refusing to respond.

He inhaled sharply, and after a moment of deliberation, he uttered the painful truth.

“To let our dragon carriage escape… she went down to confront the White Whale.”

The exchange right before I lost consciousness had been put into action just as it was.

“――――”

At those words, I drew a breath…

“Turn back.”

“Huh?”

“I said turn back. We need to save Rem. Turn back right now!”

I lunged at Otto, closing the distance within the cramped driver’s seat.

Otto, overwhelmed with the chaos of controlling the Earth Dragon, couldn’t respond to my violent behavior. Grabbing him by the collar, he exclaimed, “Wait a minute!”

“A-Are you serious!? What’s going to happen if we turn back!? Didn’t you see the horror of that monster, the White Whale!? It’s a suicide mission!”

“I’m insisting we go back precisely because I saw that monster up close! We need to save Rem!”

Shaking my head, I shouted at Otto, who was refusing my command.

The threat of the White Whale had been burned into my eyes. It swam faster than the dragon carriage with its massive form and effortlessly sent large carriages flying with the swipe of its tail. And even amidst the fog, it easily pinpointed our location, shrugging off the damage from Rem’s magic.

Without a doubt, this was the greatest foe I had encountered since falling into this other world.

Compared to that, dealing with Elsa, who was humanoid, or tackling a horde of countless Juggernauts felt like a walk in the park; there would surely be a strategy in sight.

Yet, when it came to that beast, I couldn’t envision a way to win at all.

“That’s why I can’t leave Rem behind…!”

I was well aware of the terrifying strength of the demonized Rem.

That understanding conveyed the truth. Even with her powers, she was nothing more than a helpless weakling in the presence of the White Whale.

If we left her behind, she would undoubtedly be lost.

That would have no meaning. There would be no meaning in my surviving if I left her behind. The reason I returned was to save her. To rescue her.

In the future I envisioned, I couldn’t afford to be without her presence.

Without Rem, I would lose sight of myself. I couldn’t accept that. I needed her, the one who certifies my existence.

“I won’t allow for some absurdity of stalling for time. If we’re going to escape, we’ll all escape together! Otto, turn back! Or else…”

“Are you out of your mind!?”

However, my voice was drowned out by Otto’s even more furious shout.

The hand gripping his collar slipped as it moved into a reverse grip, and in an instant, my body was slammed onto the driver’s seat from behind.

“Ugh!”

“If you think you can intimidate a merchant, who can independently cross the road on the edge of danger even when blessings are worn off, you are sorely mistaken!”

As he twisted my wrist, Otto forced me to roll onto my stomach. His right arm still held the reins.

Gasping in pain as I tried to resist, Otto let out a heavy breath, “Understand, that’s your condition right now. What do you think you can do in such a state? Are you going to waste the feelings of that girl who’s managing to stay alive!?”

“Don’t you dare talk about Rem! You have no right to speak of her, you who would abandon her… leave her to die! Turn back! Help Rem right now!!”

“That’s ridiculous! This isn’t up for debate!”

Struggling against the hold on my arm, I barked at Otto, whose frustration sizzled. Even though several hundred armed men had failed to kill that monster, and yet here we were without weapons or any fighting power—what could we possibly do?

“Do you think a hunting squad assembled by the Lugnica Kingdom can defeat a monster that even the previous Sword Saint couldn’t kill? It’s impossible…!”

The strained shout was laced with a tremor, akin to holding back tears.

Otto himself harbored an anger that could never be erased against the beast. Yet, even so, that anger was almost trivial against the sheer magnitude of the enemy.

In order to teach the stubborn Subaru this, he had to repeat the experience of having his spirit crushed, using words that revealed the oppressive reality before them.

“The Sword… Saint…”

Within that turmoil, Subaru’s momentum deflated. His lips, stunned and sagging, wove together a word passed from Otto’s lips.

“‘Sword Saint’—that’s a title given to the strongest person I’ve seen since I fell into this other world, a symbol of strength.”

Even if the previous Sword Saint wasn’t the same person as Reinhardt, if he had possessed strength sufficient to claim the same title…

“Then the White Whale, who killed him…”

It could be said to surpass even Reinhardt.

Fear gripped Subaru’s heart swiftly.

Reinhardt’s existence, his strength—was the very embodiment of what Subaru wished to aspire to. If even Reinhardt had to yield in the face of such overwhelming monstrosity, what did that mean?

“That can’t be… Why is this happening…?!”

I want to save Rem, to rescue her. If I don’t turn back right now it won’t come true.

My heart understands this, yet the essential fighting spirit fails to flow to my limbs, my very soul.

Looking at the crumbling Subaru, Otto spoke in a small voice, “We’re weak, and so are you. That’s why we can’t save that girl—because we can’t catch up to her strength.”

—But Rem isn’t even strong.

Subaru had to know this.

He should have known it all along, but he couldn’t voice any rebuttal.

Swaying limply with the rocking of the dragon carriage, the Earth Dragon dashed straight through the darkness.

Rem, the one left behind, grew ever distant.

Without preventing it, I continued to distance myself away from her. Further and further.

※※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※

About five or ten minutes after Subaru had fallen into despair…

“Natsuki-san, over there is…”

Otto, who had remained silent while making the Earth Dragon run, called out to Subaru while peering ahead at something.

Slowly lifting my gaze, I crawled next to Otto and looked in the same direction he was focusing on. There, dimly shrouded in darkness, a light flickered.

“It’s obscured by the fog… but it’s light from people!”

“Are we breaking through the fog…?”

“Even if we do break through, it should be nighttime outside, so it would be unnatural to see light… They’re probably just like us, caught up in the fog…”

Supporting Otto’s hypothesis, the figure that had noticed us was rushing toward us. After a while, a dragon carriage appeared alongside us, and the one sitting at the driver’s seat yelled toward us,

“Finally… finally people…! Hey, this is… fog, right!? That means the White Whale… the White Whale has appeared…!”

A middle-aged man literally foaming at the mouth screamed in a state of panic.

Having been drawn into the night fog, he seemed to eagerly seek an answer as he lined up with our dragon carriage.

In his voice was a plea for salvation, hoping that it was all just a misunderstanding, but even knowing that, Otto shook his head.

“Yes, it’s the White Whale. We have already encountered it. Fortunately, we must have escaped, but until we break through the fog, we can’t predict when we might run into it again.”

“I-Is that true…!? Ah, this is the worst. Why… why is this happening…?”

Watching the man as he clutched his head in despair, Subaru glared at Otto’s profile, which had just explained the situation. The fact that he used the phrase “Fortunately” felt as if he had completely forgotten about leaving Rem behind.

Whether that anger was justified or if it was but a means to distract from his guilt, Subaru didn’t recognize it himself as he called out to Otto.

“Hey.”

“What is it, Natsuki-san?”

“Don’t you dare say something so ridiculous, Otto. You say ‘fortunately’ as if you’ve forgotten… what Rem must be feeling while we…”

Every time I mentioned Rem, a pain like thorns gripped through my heart. I couldn’t even entertain the hopeful thought that she was somehow surviving on her own against the White Whale’s threat after seeing its horror.

At this moment, Subaru had no choice but to acknowledge the truth.

Rem remained at that place, sacrificing herself once more to save Subaru…

“Who’s Rem?”

“That—huh?”

“I mean, who is this Rem you speak of? I didn’t hear of anyone by that name among the other merchants who scattered… so whose story are you talking about?”

Otto tilted his head in confusion, unable to grasp the meaning behind Subaru’s statement.

His gesture felt unmistakably like trampling upon Rem’s will, and as a reflex,

I struck him hard across the face with the fist I had raised.

At that moment, a violent tremor shook the dragon carriage, leaving Subaru without support as he fell backward from the driver’s seat. Otto, who had fallen sideways onto the driver’s seat, covered his face, and after quickly righting himself, turned his gaze to Subaru.

“W-What are you doing!?”

Otto stared at Subaru’s violent act with wide eyes, incredulous. But Subaru felt the same disbelief towards Otto’s response.

Raising my body that had fallen back, I bit my lip and hissed, “What the hell are you saying…! You’re talking about how Rem was left behind to save us, right? Who do you think you are—are you looking to get yourself killed…?!”

“What are you talking about!? I don’t get what you’re saying! What’s with this sudden strange talk of yours!? Did the sight of the White Whale make you go mad!?”

Otto continued to deny the reality, even as Subaru’s fury threatened to go boil over. In an agonizing wave of emotions, Subaru felt his vision painted in red. Time felt unnaturally slow, and his murderous intentions commanded him to snap the thin neck of the man before him.

He reached out, intent on crushing that ungrateful life before him entirely—and—

“W-Wait! You two! This is not the time to fight! If you’re arguing like this, then the fog…”

As the two began to bicker heatedly to the point they might even come to blows, the man riding alongside the dragon carriage shouted in a panic.

His cry to stop fell upon deaf ears; his voice barely reached them. Subaru was set on unleashing his enmity toward Otto before him.

Just as he raised his hand to strike, Otto’s voice suddenly broke through:

“Break through the fog and escape from the White Whale—”

The man, who had been articulating a sensible escape plan, was suddenly thrown into the White Whale’s mouth, which swallowed the dragon carriage whole from behind.

The giant opened its mouth upward, chewing as sounds of devastation and death rang out.

Wood and iron were crunched, and the Earth Dragon made screams in agony as its flesh was ground. Amidst the chaos of destruction, the cry of the man was lost, fading into oblivion.

“W-Wait—!”

The sudden, silent approach and trampling from that giant left both Subaru and Otto speechless.

Otto’s eyes shimmered with fear at the impending threat of the White Whale, and Subaru muttered,

“W-Why are you here…?”

With a trembling voice, Subaru spoke, sinking to his knees while gazing at the side of the White Whale.

The White Whale, still very much alive, had no interest in the despair of the two insignificant beings right next to it, as it reveled in the meal laid out before it.

“Since you’re here…”

The thought weighed heavily as he couldn’t help but utter the question involving the girl who had remained behind in an effort to draw it away.

Of course, the monstrous being before him wouldn’t offer a reply to his inquiry. It slowly swallowed the prey in its mouth, and as it lowered its head, it stared down at the dragon carriage approaching beside it—at Subaru.

“Ugh—!”

Sensing the overwhelming pressure, Otto was the first to lose mental equilibrium.

The Earth Dragon realized the presence of the White Whale and obeyed its master’s order, increasing its speed. For a brief moment, they distanced themselves from the reality behind them, horrified at the immense looming presence behind them.

“Why, why, why, why… is this beast pursuing us so insistently…?”

Clinging tightly to the speeding dragon carriage while feeling helpless, Subaru ignored Otto’s words, drowned in his own despair.

“Why do we keep being targeted… in this darkness… Is there—some kind of sign… for this?!”

Otto’s desperate cries echoed painfully within Subaru’s heart. Yet, at the same time, he couldn’t shake off a certain notion that began to arise.

The White Whale was pursuing them with this ruthless fervor, much like someone fulfilling a predetermined goal. That wild beast seemed to be targeting them as if it had a distinct marker.

“Could it be…”

Rolling onto the driver’s seat, Subaru strained to peer back at the White Whale.

Deep within the darkness, the pitch black filled everything, but he could still discern the silhouette of the creature as it approached with its mouth agape.

The twisted horns protruding from the head of the White Whale reflected his memory from the Forest of Magical Beasts, where the Juggernauts roamed, resembling large hounds with horns.

Moreover, magical beasts birthed by a witch gained a habit of attacking those carrying the scent of that witch’s magic. Which meant…

“Is that monster… is the White Whale… a magical beast…?!”

Subaru voiced the utterly ridiculous possibility, unable to accept this newfound reality, yet it all made sense.

Within the scattered dragon carriages, why was it drawn to them first? Even after jumping to Otto’s carriage, it kept pursuing this very one.

Despite Rem choosing to drop down to face certain death in order to stall for time, the reason it managed to catch up to this dragon carriage…

The relentless pursuit by the White Whale within the darkness; the way the atmosphere felt, along with Rem’s behavior where she almost alluded to having discovered something else…

“Because of me…?”

Subaru’s presence grounded them here. Was the White Whale fixated on it because it caught the scent of witch’s magic?

Rem must have been aware of this fact more than anyone else, then, to protect Subaru, she voluntarily left the dragon carriage.

To protect Subaru. For Subaru’s sake.

“That’s not how it—Rem, I… I didn’t…!”

Overwhelmed by the mounting pressure and despair, Subaru buried his face in his hands and crouched down.

The truth—that he had lost Rem—that it was his fault—resounded from both outside and from within, berating Subaru. Surrounded by an abyss of despair, he felt.

“Natsuki-san…”

The voice of Otto came from behind as he approached softly, resting a hand on Subaru’s shoulder.

The trembling fingers felt unreliable, as if he didn’t even know what to say. He held onto Subaru’s shoulder weakly.

“Otto…”

“Please die.”

In the next moment, Subaru was forcefully pushed forward, losing his footing, and he fell straight off the dragon carriage.

“—Huh?!”

His vision turned upside down, his body flipped as he fell violently.

Just as the world revolved, he caught a glimpse of Otto, laughing maniacally, rolling his eyes wide and drooling.

“Y-You’re to blame! It’s your fault! If you’re being chased due to your fault, then take responsibility, please! Haha! Just die, die! Save me!”

The figure of Otto went into a frenzy, utterly unhinged. Subaru was struck by the realization that his mental state had truly fractured.

In the moment he understood, Subaru’s body hit the ground in a heavy crash.

His back was mercilessly slammed into the earth, squeezing the air from his lungs without exaggeration. The sound of bones cracking was intertwined within his pained cries, and as his body continued to roll, it only amplified the injuries and forced up blood from his throat.

The fact that he fell upon soft, grassy ground offered no solace against the current jarring impact.

Blood oozed from the wound on his forehead as he stifled his cries from the pain in his dislocated shoulder. Broken ribs pressed against his insides, and any attempt at nausea led him to spill blood along with his crushed molars onto the grass.

The sheer shock robbed him of even the ability to feel pain.

After retching heavily several times, Subaru weakly raised his head, watching the light of the dragon carriage he had fallen from fade into the distance.

Strangely, resentment didn’t erupt within him.

It was true that pain and suffering took precedence over such feelings, but there lingered a strange sensation that kept him from blaming Otto.

Perhaps it was due to Otto being merely swept up in this disaster, doing what he could to survive against impossible odds.

“—Ugh, cough.”

That sentiment was drowned out by the taste of blood in his mouth and a sudden, surging pain in his body.

“—!”

Suddenly it vanished before the great presence that appeared in front of Subaru, sprawling on the ground.

—It was enormous enough to convey the futility of resistance.

The White Whale, now looming over the fallen Subaru, was close enough for him to reach out and touch its grotesque mouth, exhaling a putrid breath that defined its countenance.

For someone as tiny as Subaru, even the act of breathing felt like a violent gale. There was no way he could support himself in this broken state. Just a single breath sent him tumbling down, crushing his bones and filling his throat with excruciating pain.

As the White Whale looked down at Subaru’s writhing form, it appeared almost playful in its gaze.

Before such overwhelming superiority, there existed no possibility for anyone to consider it complacent. The difference in their very natures was insurmountable.

It was comparable to an ant attempting to assail an elephant. Humans challenging a whale in its domain was just self-destructive—especially when that person was in dire straits, leaving no chance for victory.

—I’m going to die. I’m going to be killed.

Within the confines of pain and nausea, Subaru sensed the approach.

That despair had been tasted countless times before. The sense of self I had slowly deteriorating felt familiar. Above all, the powerlessness against my inevitable demise mid-way again pierced through.

Those feelings slipped closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulder as if in mockery, taunting him with yet another pitiful failure.

He couldn’t understand what had gone wrong; nothing made sense.

All that remained was an emptiness echoing through his soul, marked by the loss of Rem; his feeble attempts to survive were in vain.

In this desolate fight for survival, he felt worthless, meaningless, and emptier than he could express.

Feeling the White Whale’s snout closing in, he refined his thoughts to the brink of despair.

Within the gaping maw, even the firm scales of the Earth Dragon would easily be destroyed under its fierce teeth, ready to grind his very flesh, bones, and spirit.

“Just kill me already, reach those teeth, make it feel like a punishment for me as I wallow in my failure!”

“I don’t want to die…”

Suddenly, he crumbled, overwhelmed by his own weakness.

A sense of despair flooded him: unlike any he had felt before, it froze him from within. As if all the blood coursing through him solidified, his vision turned dark because of the weight of disappointment.

“No… I don’t want to die… I want to be saved… I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die…! No, no, no! Help me, Rem, help me…!”

The pitiful cries, the weakness escaping his lips, and the filthy attachment to life spilled from his mouth.

Clinging onto the lost and the lost lives, the weak individual begged. The loser who couldn’t do anything, who couldn’t protect anything, cried out as if his life were slipping through his fingers.

Slipping, tumbling, sliding through the sea of blood, he gnawed at stones, throwing aside pride and confidence, wetting himself with mingled tears and blood as he yearned for his own life.

It was a pity. It was gruesome. That was the essence of shame.

Everyone would look away at his ridiculous display and unleash taunts, saying it was painful just to watch. The idea of clinging to life in such a manner was an affront to humanity’s inherent beauty.

It felt miserable. Even a common insect would’ve had more dignity to its life. To sully the grace of noble existence for the sake of something so pitiful was nothing less than a manifestation of “the desires of a pig.”

“I don’t want this… I don’t want to die… help me…”

Despite it all, I kept crawling, still fleeing, desperately seeking the slightest chance of survival.

Before I knew it, my strength had failed, and my fingers brushed over the grass, scraping away at the ground, utterly devoid of energy. I had long drained myself of any willpower to cry, rolling to my side feeling extremely weak.

“I… don’t want to die…”

Thus, the plea for life leaked from the mouth of Subaru, now lying on his back.

It was my final defense. I could do nothing further. I couldn’t think or muster any means to incite change. I was left to the actions of the world.

And yet, the impact never arrived.

The familiar sensation of death lingered, the terror of crushing teeth simmering in front of me refused to manifest.

The horror of waiting for a conclusion that wouldn’t come was unbearable.

The inability to bear that terror left Subaru writhing in fear, his body trembling in agony as he searched for that despair, his eyes darting around him, “…Huh?”

—The White Whale that had seemed so close, was nowhere to be found.

※※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※

From that moment on, Subaru ran fueled solely by the desire to survive.

“I don’t want to die… I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die…!”

Breath quickening, legs faltering, as blood dripped into his eyes, staining his vision. Yet, even so, Subaru ran on. Originally, the darkness around him blended with the depth of the mist obscuring everything from view, leaving him truly unable to see anything. He could not even comprehend the fact that blood had clouded his vision.

Within the embrace of a night where stars and moonlight were absent, Subaru couldn’t even see his own hands and feet. Even though he was pressing his feet onto the ground, he didn’t know if he was really running upon solid earth.

Perhaps he simply had not realized that he had long been devoured by the White Whale, galloping throughout its insides, heading toward its stomach in a futile end.

“Ugh!”

Chilled by the ominous thoughts cycling in his mind, tears spilled from Subaru’s eyes as he ran.

Were they tears of pain, tears of despair, or perhaps both—he could no longer discern.

In the endless darkness, Subaru was alone.

Having lost Rem, discarded by Otto, even the White Whale had forsaken him.

No one bore any interest in Subaru, who had lost all value of existence.

“I don’t want to die.”

Why did he feel this way? He couldn’t grasp the reason anymore.

What meaning is there in living? What is there to be gained from not dying?

He couldn’t save anyone, couldn’t protect anyone. Nothing could be done.

What meaning could the life of a man who couldn’t do anything hold?

No answers emerged. No clarity touched him. He didn’t even know if there were answers to find.

Would the day come when answers might appear? And if so, would he be the one to grasp them?

Would these disjointed thoughts be prompted by instincts that sought to protect him from the pain and fear? Or maybe this tendency to be self-serving contrasted even in dire situations spoke to his character’s depravity.

Ceaselessly, he kept running. Continuing to escape.

As long as that powerful magical beast swam within the mists, he didn’t know when it might catch wind of Subaru’s scent once more.

Perhaps that very fear was something he wasn’t worthy to feel in his current state.

“—Ah?”

Just when he had exhausted the very confines of his self-loathing and found no longer even a shred of invective to hurl, it arrived suddenly.

—Emerging from the edge of the fog, moonlight poured through unexpectedly.

In disbelief at the sudden terminus of a darkness he thought would never end, Subaru continued running. Fearing that if he stopped running, this gentle moonlight might extinguish.

After running for a while, Subaru could finally affirm that it wasn’t merely a figment of his imagination.

Coming to that recognition, the feeling of blood flowing through his veins returned, and the reality of having survived seeped into his mind.

However, the waves of joy at grasping life were not what stirred within him.

“Again… I’m…”

At the end of his desperate struggle, seizing life, he was filled with disappointment at having succumbed to circling back.

The fervent thirst for life, now in his grasp, brought no joy. Rather, an unbearable guilt swelled within his heart, and the feelings of shame he had almost forgotten scorched all over his body.

“Rem… Rem…!”

I covered my face, unable to contain those hot tears as they flowed endlessly.

Even if I knew my worth and qualification to call her name had been squandered, all I could do was keep invoking her name in a continued attempt to soothe my troubled soul.

Hunched over, I wept as time slipped away from me.

Gradually, a rasping noise approached.

“Y-You’re…”

It was a dragon carriage and Earth Dragon, stained with blood, with barely a resemblance to the original vehicle, stumbling toward him.

No doubt, it was Otto’s Earth Dragon.

But the driver’s seat that should have housed the young man who had pushed me away was ominously vacant.

“Why are you here…? Where’s Otto!?”

I questioned, confusion spilling forth, but there was naturally no response to that inquiry.

Unsteadily, Subaru stepped closer to the approaching carriage, gazing upwards at the utterly wrecked vehicle, nearing a realization.

—The driver’s area was surrounded by several short swords resembling crosses and traces of blood.

They had been attacked after breaking through the fog.

Imagining Otto, having erupted into mad chaos, engaging in a desperate flight for his life, was beyond comprehension.

But whatever had happened was made evident by the sight of this lone moving Earth Dragon.

“…Let’s go.”

Muttering softly, Subaru gathered his aching body and mounted the driver’s seat.

Kicking down the protruding blades, he grabbed the fraying reins with his right hand and began swinging them, mimicking the motions he had seen before, issuing instructions to the Earth Dragon.

Contrary to the usual grip of a master’s reigns, the Earth Dragon gazed up at Subaru with a confused expression in its round eyes. But seeing Subaru repeatedly wield the reins, it began to slowly move its feet along the roadway.

—Under the silvery moonlight, the dragon carriage slowly began its journey.

Together with their shared loss, the two formed an unlikely coalition, steadily moving forward amidst the mocking stars.

Slowly, slowly, the dragon carriage continued along its path.

“`

 

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