Volume 3 Chapter 40: “The Intent Behind the Murderous Intent”
――Before I knew it, my consciousness was lost in a deep, deep darkness.
In this dark void, my awareness drifted around, seeking a change.
The endless blackness felt as if it extended to the world’s edge or perhaps it gave off an oppressive feeling like a miniature garden where the world spread only as far as my reach.
Where is this place? How did I end up here?
Such questions arose, but the very act of wondering felt absurd.
I couldn’t even grasp who I was in that moment.
Only my consciousness drifted aimlessly, while the flesh that supported it failed to convey any will.
I was standing. My feet were on solid ground. However, that which I perceived beneath me merged with the encompassing darkness, rendering even my footing uncertain in the most literal sense.
――Suddenly, a change occurred in the world that was only filled with darkness.
The shadows began to warp and twist, and the space before me began to crack.
In that brief moment of strangeness, a silhouette emerged from that place.
I believe it was the shadow of a woman. And as soon as I recognized it, a name for the indescribable feelings that swelled within me suddenly eluded me.
Like an explosive surge, an urge pushed me to rush towards that shadow. Yet, my legs stubbornly refused to obey my will, leaving me unable to act before that distant figure.
I wanted to call out, but I didn’t know what to say or how to form those words.
Even if I wished to cry tears of regret, I had no idea how to express my emotions.
I don’t understand, don’t understand, don’t understand anything.
But the shadow seemed to grasp my thoughts, as it slowly stretched out its arms, bridging the distance that felt insurmountable.
Those arms gradually, surely, brought us to a distance where we could embrace each other—
‘――I love you.’
The overwhelming sense of happiness conveyed through our touching fingertips, and my whole being was enveloped in joy――
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As my consciousness unwound time, when it returned to my body, Subaru fell dramatically to the ground.
“Whoa!? W-What happened, big bro!?”
Kadmon, standing behind the counter, raised his hands up and down in a frenzy, looking down at the fallen Subaru.
The impact of crashing to the ground knocked the breath out of Subaru, causing him to wince at the meaningless scraped skin, as he groaned,
“No… I just slipped a little.”
“Slipped a little? More like you lost a leg with that kind of momentum, didn’t you? Is your balance and stance okay? If you keep losing more than just common sense, I can’t deal with you anymore.”
“I don’t need that kind of worry… And what’s that supposed to mean, ‘more than common sense’? Am I some idiot who’s clueless about everything?”
“That’s exactly what you are. Ahh, considering I’m dealing with a noble, it makes me feel like I’m handling something even more troublesome.”
Expressing my dissatisfaction by clicking my tongue at Kadmon’s harsh words, suddenly Subaru felt a tug at his sleeve, followed by a warm wave that flowed through his body. Turning around, he found Rem there, placing her palm over the wound on Subaru’s arm.
The water mana that flowed from her fingers interacted with Subaru’s scrapes, enhancing its healing powers and promoting blood clotting and healing.
As he felt the pain fade away, what arose in Subaru’s heart was,
“Rem…”
“…Yes, it’s Rem.”
When she heard Subaru call her name in a weak, raspy voice, Rem tilted her head with a look of curiosity.
“What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. You don’t need to worry; Rem is right here. I am your Rem, Subaru-kun.”
It was rare for her to banter in such a joking manner while smiling.
Clearly, to her, Subaru’s utterly exhausted state looked painfully distressing. And the phrase she used, “like seeing a ghost,” was not even slightly funny.
It was utterly, completely, and entirely not something to laugh about.
“Rem, I…”
“It’s difficult, isn’t it? You look so gloomy, but I think smiling suits you far better than wearing that face. So, I thought I’d try to make you laugh somehow.”
Rem furrowed her eyebrows slightly, appearing troubled. As she did so, Subaru’s scrapes completely healed. Upon witnessing that, Rem nodded and declared, “It’s all done,” and began to withdraw her fingers.
“――――”
“Subaru-kun?”
Subaru grabbed her retreating fingers from above, trying to hold onto the warmth.
Rem looked up at him with an expression of surprise at his forceful display. But upon noticing the poignant emotions blooming in Subaru’s face, she said,
“What’s wrong? It’s nice that you’re showing this kind of affection towards me, but if it’s too sudden, I’ll be surprised.”
“You’re so small. So tiny… but warm, right?”
“I’m a bit sensitive about being small, so I would prefer you not mention it too often. It’s okay to say it to you, though. Besides, it’s only natural for me to be warm. –I’m alive, after all.”
At those words, Subaru suddenly looked up at Rem.
Their eyes locked, and Rem’s gaze was filled with compassion.
“Are you feeling anxious? But I am right here. Subaru-kun risked your life to save me. Therefore, it’s alright.”
――No, that’s not it.
Subaru caused Rem to die. He killed her. Twice, heartlessly and cruelly.
The first time may have been fundamentally unrelated to Subaru. But the second time was different. The second death was without any excuse; Rem died for Subaru’s sake.
She used her life, depleted it, and even squeezed it dry, dying for Subaru.
The Rem in front of him didn’t know that.
She didn’t know how much pain and humiliation she had endured before her tragic end.
Only Subaru knew.
And if the same situation arose again, Rem would not hesitate to protect Subaru in exactly the same way, and would once more suffer indignities and die.
“――――”
Before he knew it, Subaru had gripped Rem’s small hand tightly, trying to hide the surge of emotions coming from within, avoiding her gaze.
Observing Subaru’s response, Rem began to shake as she wondered if she said something to trouble him. But it was just a fleeting moment. Perhaps she thought such an attitude would only cause Subaru to fear more.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s alright.”
Gently, like coaxing a child, with her free hand, she patted Subaru’s back.
Tenderly, lovingly, until Subaru finally looked up.
Always gentle, always with love.
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“Sorry to interrupt, but you lovebirds are blocking the way for business here.”
Kadmon, who had been watching the scene unfold in front of the store, said as he shooed the two away.
Normally, Subaru would have retorted, “It shouldn’t matter if we’re here or not since the business is hardly standing regardless!” and would have struck a nerve. However, with his current mental state, he simply followed Rem, hurrying to leave the spot.
Kadmon’s consideration was noticeable in that he didn’t immediately push them away, evidently showing concern until Subaru calmed down, but unfortunately, Subaru didn’t have the leisure to notice.
Now, the only emotion occupying Subaru’s heart was one singular thought:
――Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill.
Only overwhelming hatred that would not fade even after passing through death and rewinding time.
Petelgeuse Romanee-Conti.
That was the name of Subaru’s fated enemy. The worst murderer who had committed unforgivable heinous sins, massacring Rem and the villagers.
Killing that man had become a mission thrust upon Subaru.
“I will definitely end his life… with my own hands.”
He would distort that twisted visage himself. As Subaru thought that, a dark kind of joy began to blossom within him, a smile sprang to his lips—a grotesque kind he had never worn before.
Piercing, tearing, crushing, twisting, begging for mercy before killing.
Just imagining it sent an unstoppable wave of laughter bubbling up from the depths of his throat.
“…Subaru-kun, can I have a word?”
Then, Rem, following slightly behind, halted Subaru, who was drowning in a dark delight.
Her voice brought his feet to a stop, and Subaru turned to her, asking, “What’s up?”
She stared intently at Subaru’s face, her elegantly shaped nose twitching slightly.
“I may be mistaken, but it feels like there’s a stronger odor of something unpleasant coming from you, Subaru-kun.”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
He rubbed his nose with his arm, trying to sniff away any unusual scent, but couldn’t discern anything.
Considering what Rem mentioned, the strong smell emanating from him must be tied to “witches.” Reflecting on Petelgeuse’s previous remarks, there had been several hints toward that.
Thoughts he had initially overlooked because they were too mundane began to crawl back into consciousness.
“Is my return from death connected to witches…?”
Every time he tried to confess about his return from death, the overwhelming presence of witches surrounding Subaru only grew stronger.
He had even taken advantage of it in the Forest of Magical Beasts, but after that, he became too busy to investigate further and left it be.
Perhaps his instinctive avoidance in coming to conclusions was part of what witches represented—a potent terminology.
Before he could delve into thoughts that had lived dormant until now, Subaru smiled at Rem, who wore a concerned expression while watching him carefully.
“Stop making that weird face, Rem. It ruins your cute look and darkens the future.”
“I’m sorry. Rem is a bit of a worrywart, so…”
“Relax, will ya? No matter what happens, I’m still the same old human, and I won’t be defeated by whatever smell you’re talking about. Instead, I’ll turn it into my advantage.”
Subaru didn’t have many cards to play.
Unlike normal folks, he didn’t possess your average hand of cards in this world. Therefore, any distinctive traits he could find that set him apart had to be treated as strengths, no matter what they might be.
What’s the issue with the witch’s scent? He had woven through its malice in the Forest of Magical Beasts to his advantage before. He could continue to do just that.
After casting a smile at Rem, she fell silent for a moment, her gaze drifting as if contemplating what kind of response she should provide. To ease her indecisiveness, Subaru scratched his head before extending his hand.
“Come on, let’s get going. If you’re worried I might wander off, just hang onto me.”
“Eh?”
“There’s no way I’d lose in a strength competition, and if that’s the case, it should keep you safe, right?”
With a hint of shyness hidden in his words, Rem evaluated Subaru’s face and his hand.
“Yes.”
She smiled and took his hand, stepping not half a step but right beside Subaru.
Thus, the two began to walk together while standing side by side. Rem, glancing downward and fixing her gaze on their clasped hands, closed her mouth tightly, adjusting her pace to match Subaru’s.
Amid this tender yet bashful atmosphere, as they made their way through the lower districts of the royal capital toward the noble district, Subaru savored the warmth of Rem’s palm while—
His murderous intent continued to boil within.
Their hands were linked, yet their hearts faced opposite directions.
Natsuki Subaru’s heart was drawn far into a dark, murky abyss.
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This was Subaru’s third loop this time.
The first loop was when the badge was stolen on the day of his summoning.
The second loop was triggered by the magical beast incident at Roswaal’s Mansion.
And this time, the third loop was concerning the Witch Cult, whose full extent remained unclear.
In this third loop, Subaru was already supposed to have died twice.
In the prior loops, whenever he returned from death, he would usually collect his thoughts and strategize based on the situations he faced up to that point.
“What a pathetic story…”
This time, however, he faced a defect where memories of both the first and second loops were hazy.
He recalled the first world vaguely.
Together with Rem in a dragon carriage heading toward the mansion, Subaru was abandoned midway and headed toward the mansion with Otto. They parted ways along the way, and he arrived at the village—yet what followed was shrouded in significant obscurity. The fragments he could recall were Rem’s death and Ram’s death, after which he knew he died somewhere inside the mansion.
The second world was worse.
Upon returning, he had no memories at all, and it wasn’t until he encountered Petelgeuse that memories began to resurface, so much so that he had to advance the clock to just before Rem’s murder.
Given Subaru’s shattered mental state at the time, one could argue that it was understandable. However, the memories leading up to that point were entirely fragmentary, like minuscule shards. Only one recollection had pieced itself back together—
“Petelgeuse Romanee-Conti…!”
That accursed madman’s name—the very essence of Subaru’s motivation.
Understanding the disgrace of his circumstances, Subaru had to delve even deeper into his thoughts.
He needed to sift through the important memories scattered across both the first and second ones, aiming to break through this third loop—killing Petelgeuse must be achieved. For that, he would have to work his brain until it burned with effort.
First, he needed to consider the formal time limit.
The attacks on Roswaal’s Mansion and the village adjacent to the mansion by the Witch Cult would likely occur half a day around the time Subaru arrived at the village.
Subaru hadn’t experienced any major alterations in dates during the first and second worlds. He remembered that, in the first world, he had exited Crusch’s mansion three days after the quarrel with Kadmon and then returned to Meisters Territory in approximately two days.
“Is the time limit about five days, or rather four and a half…?”
He felt frustrated by how there was so little time.
The scale of movement was drastically different, yet the time allocated was virtually unchanged from the previous mansion.
In that limited time, he had to eliminate the Witch Cult—or at the very least, he had to ensure Petelgeuse’s demise.
Once Aldis finished confirming the time limit, the next step was to verify what was needed to break through the loop.
Avoiding the attacks on the mansion and village, annihilating the Witch Cult, and ensuring Petelgeuse’s death. These were the issues Subaru had to tackle this time.
If he dissected each part down to its core, ultimately the last one—killing Petelgeuse—would naturally fulfill the conditions needed.
In other words, the time fate had thrust upon Subaru was:
“I have to kill Petelgeuse.”
By ending the root of all evil, that malevolent murderer, everything could be saved.
It was a profoundly simple rule, clear-cut. Now, all that was left was to derive a solution to meet that simple condition.
The Witch Cult, commanded by Petelgeuse—its military strength was not something one could face alone. Even Rem, in her transformed state, had been overwhelmed individually before ultimately losing her life. It was unclear how much the power of Petelgeuse’s peculiar ability, “The Unseen Hand,” played into this, but it was unreasonable to lay that burden solely upon her.
To confront a group, it was evident he would need the strength of another group.
When considering such overwhelming numbers, the might of Meisters Territory was relatively low. It was rare to see Roswaal, the territorial lord, leading private soldiers. Normally, you would expect a lord to possess some force of their own, but perhaps because of his overwhelming prowess in decimation, Roswaal’s military strength remained an unknown quantity.
At least, in the two prior assaults, there was no sign of that unknown force attempting to resist. Thus, that option could safely be dismissed.
No, upon reflection,
“Where exactly was Roswaal during those attacks…?”
Subaru had never seen him once, neither in the first nor the second loop.
In the second loop, he was even present at the mansion’s collapse, yet regarding the fates of the three and one beast, aside from Rem and the villagers, it remained unknown. Nevertheless, Roswaal failed to respond to the attack on the village he ruled, and there was no trace of him exterminating Witch Cultists.
The possible scenarios were:
“Maybe Roswaal was quickly assassinated or ambushed, leaving him incapacitated. Or perhaps he simply should have been present during a vital moment, yet wasn’t…?”
If it were the former, it would be due to the meticulous planning of the Witch Cult; if the latter, it would stem from pure misfortune. In fact, Roswaal had a track record of leaving the mansion during previous incidents, failing to be present at critical moments. Thus, it wasn’t an impossible situation.
While recalling those scenarios, Subaru revisited the end of the last loop.
“It must have been that ridiculous creature that destroyed the mansion…”
It was a quadruped beast with an incredible physique that could be mistaken for a mansion.
Its appearance, frosted by the cold mist that poured around it, was astonishing. Though Subaru couldn’t recollect clearly, he probably died of freezing due to the cold.
If that thing were one of the Witch Cult’s trump cards, then:
“It further confirms a blatant lack of strength.”
Even facing the Witch Cult itself, Rem alone appeared lacking in power. On top of that, if a final boss was lurking behind them, it would be completely out of the question.
Therefore, for Subaru, the most pressing issue was to find a power source. One capable enough to match the Witch Cult and their colossal boss characters.
And he had a candidate for that power.
That was――、
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When Subaru returned with Rem to Crusch’s mansion, it was already nearing evening, and the sun had begun to paint the sky in deeper shades of crimson.
“Welcome back.”
Upon the gate, it was Wilhelm who awaited their return.
After briefly bowing from a distance, he narrowed his eyes at the two of them walking closely together.
“Hm. Sir Subaru, it is natural for boys your age to entertain the idea of infidelity, but personally, I’m not too impressed.”
“What are you talking about, Wilhelm-san? Rem’s just holding my hand so I don’t get lost, alright?”
“Yes, that’s exactly it. Rem is very worried that if she doesn’t keep an eye on me or hold my hand, I might get lost. I don’t think I can let my guard down even within the mansion.”
“I think I’ll be fine, though…”
As Subaru responded to Wilhelm’s teasing remark, Rem tightened her grip on his hand with an uncertain firmness. Subaru smiled wryly at her reaction before turning his gaze back to Wilhelm.
“Is someone over visiting Crusch again?”
His question was prompted by the sight of the dragon carriage parked next to Wilhelm.
The carriage, adorned with lavish decorations, was pulled by a black earth dragon, whose skin shimmered with an elegant sheen rather than fur.
It was unclear if it had any pedigree like a horse or not, but in contrast to the earth dragons he had seen so far, this one stood apart in temperament.
The driver, seated on the driver’s seat, was neatly dressed in formal attire, acknowledging this with an appropriate nod without uttering a single meaningless word.
Realizing the significance of Subaru’s inquiry, Wilhelm nodded.
“Yes, indeed. Ever since she declared her participation in the Royal Selection, there has been a constant stream of people seeking an audience with Crusch-sama. Although there are also some who are invited by Crusch-sama herself.”
“So they’re trying to butter up a potential future king. I mean, Crusch must be dealing with quite a bit of pressure.”
Wilhelm chuckled lightly at Subaru’s candid statement. Then, suddenly, he paused, tightening his expression as he glanced at Subaru.
“Sir Subaru, have you experienced any changes in your feelings down below?”
“Eh? What do you mean, all of a sudden?”
He shrugged jokingly, but when Subaru spun around in place for emphasis, Rem twirled with him, still holding his hand, while Wilhelm closed his eyes for a moment.
“There’s darkness lurking in your eyes. The true sort, not some fake facsimile.”
Suddenly stopping, Subaru wiped the goofy smile off his face.
And beneath that vague smile, the “real” expression arose.
“I don’t like this, Wilhelm-san. It makes it sound like I’ve undergone some bizarre transformation or something.”
“Even if it’s a small change, it can’t be denied. In order to carry that dark glimmer, you must have a corresponding reason for it. –I understand that reason.”
As Wilhelm replied in a low voice, a faint smile lingered on his lips.
There wasn’t a hint of brightness in that expression. Instead, it was tempered with a sharp emotion directed at something intolerable, and Subaru comprehended its nature as he absorbed the moment.
Wilhelm, too, was someone who harbored an intense murderous instinct toward something unforgivable. That’s why he recognized something of that feeling in Subaru.
“Are you going to keep your distance now?”
From Wilhelm’s position, Subaru’s current volatility might naturally lead him to hesitate before drawing near. Yet, Subaru felt half-certain it wouldn’t turn out that way.
And as a matter of fact,
“No. You can do as you wish, Sir Subaru. You’re already several steps ahead of the former you who could ignore everything. Now, you are a more favorable version in my eyes.”
In response to Subaru’s remark, Wilhelm shook his head.
Naturally, a smile surfaced on Subaru’s lips, mirroring Wilhelm’s. While neither of them understood the depths of the other, they knew enough to acknowledge their mutual facade.
And thus, despite exchanging somewhat dark smiles, they suddenly heard,
“Subaru-kun, you’re making a bad face.”
“Eh heh heh… Ow ow ow ow! Rem, you’re going to tear off my ear!”
As Rem abruptly yanked on his ear, the underhanded talks were interrupted. Rem turned her narrowed eyes toward Subaru when he protested.
“Don’t make Rem anxious.”
“C’mon, Rem, you’re being vague. I thought it’s super rare for you to voice such concerns. Relax, okay? I’ll handle everything smoothly.”
Knowing well what he had to do, Subaru bore no elements of anxiety in his heart.
He knew what he had to accomplish, and the simplicity of that knowledge brought him comfort.
With just the need to kill the individual that had to be killed, he felt incredibly lighthearted about it.
While he smiled and weaved gentle words, Rem’s expression darkened further, her apprehension increasing as she gripped Subaru’s hand tighter.
Then she seemed to hesitate, about to say something unsure.
“Looks like someone’s returning.”
Suddenly, Wilhelm’s gaze shifted toward the mansion, and he muttered as a figure came into view, arriving from the direction of the doorway—Crusch’s front entrance.
A tall person with matted gold hair that was extravagantly styled. Dressed in splendid formal attire, adorned with jewels, he instantaneously drew a comparison to Subaru’s mind as someone ostentatious. He appeared roughly in his thirties—an impression of a lavishly extravagant noble.
Unbeknownst to him, with that very air of “new money,” he drew closer to the three who gathered at the gates,
“Well, what a rare assembly we have here.”
His fingers touched his meticulously styled goatee, evaluating them with a gaze that gave away no clear motive. As Subaru narrowed his eyes in confusion, the man made a respectful bow.
“Pardon my intrusion. I am Russell Fallow. Please make a note of my name. –Natsuki Subaru-dono.”
“…Thank you for your courtesy. Mind sharing how you know my name? I’m just a plain guy with no special appeal, so it’s a bit embarrassing to have my name known.”
“Just a few connections, that’s all. The person claiming to be Emilia-sama’s knight during the Royal Selection meeting has become quite the talk. However, not many are aware that that person is currently recuperating in Crusch-sama’s estate.”
Russell, responding to Subaru’s evident wariness, smiled without a hint of malice. Still, the already loaded content of his words invited further suspicion, revealing his ill-natured characteristics blatantly.
“Russell-dono. How did your discussions with Crusch-sama go?”
However, as he began radiating a hostile atmosphere, Wilhelm interjected smoothly, diverting the attention toward Subaru.
As Russell shifted his gaze from Subaru back to Wilhelm, he shrugged casually, stating, “Not yet.”
“Crusch-sama is an ardent individual. As expected, her sharp eyes and firm will won’t just let things pass easily, looking back at previous events.”
“I see, that’s unfortunate. If you stand firm, persuading others will become an uphill battle.”
“Considering the status of the Duke’s House and your presence, the starting conditions for the Royal Selection aren’t half bad. …Are you currently using the name Wilhelm Trias?”
Calling out his name, the two engaged in a perplexing conversation that Subaru couldn’t quite comprehend.
Wilhelm lowered his chin in reflection and gazed down, revealing deep wrinkles on his face.
“It’s rather presumptuous of me to monopolize my wife’s family name.”
“You a cruel fellow too. We who cannot pursue such a life find you dazzling, in a sense. Nevertheless, I will extend my support to your endeavors.”
Russell tossed empty niceties at the old man, who cast his eyes downward, and then, stepping toward his dragon carriage—presumably his property—he issued commands to the silent driver while stating:
“If Crusch-sama’s aims come to fruition, it would be a delightful outcome not just for us but also a wish long held by you, Wilhelm-dono. I look forward to it.”
As the door to the carriage closed and the reins tightened, the vehicle rumbled to life. The earth dragon, respecting its silent driver, galloped forward without uttering a single whinny.
As they watched the carriage depart from the gates, Subaru walked closer to Wilhelm.
“Sir Wilhelm, who was that just now?”
“Russell Fallow. He runs the commercial guild in the royal capital. Though his title is merely the head of a merchant family, he is a shrewd operator involved in both the visible and hidden movements of wealth in the capital. It’s best you assume he knows more than he ought to.”
“Ugh, it’s not exciting to be known by an old man instead of a girl.”
“I have to agree, that feeling is mutual.”
Nodding with a solemn remark, Wilhelm straightened himself and, on a more serious note, said to Subaru, “Now then, shall we head inside? Subaru-dono, you seem to have something on your mind?”
At Wilhelm’s inquiry, Subaru scratched his head and pursed his lips.
It was all too perceptive of him, which made it uncomfortably amusing. Still, the quick communication wasn’t inherently a bad thing.
Considering that, Subaru straightened his posture before turning to Wilhelm with a serious expression anew.
“Sorry, but I’m the last visitor today. I want to have a talk with Crusch. The topic is whether she can lend me her strength.”