Chapter 117
Chapter 117. Her Feelings
Most of my memories from when I was alive are painted with suffering.
I’m sure there were many happy and fun moments in my life too, but—
Those were all completely overshadowed by the pain, the struggle, the sadness, the regret, the misery—
It would have been easier if I could die early. But I couldn’t. I was made a plaything. Reduced to livestock.
My tendons were cut so I couldn’t escape, forced to eat meals that looked like scraps, and then—like grinding down my heart and body, I was made to bear an unwanted life over and over again.
In the end, I became like a rag, weakened until I died.
In the end, God did not save me. Despite wishing for it to the point of dying multiple times.
I thought death would bring relief, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, I continued cursing the world while drowning in an endless dark sea.
It felt like I was haunted by a bad dream, so I don’t remember it well.
At that time, the one who reached out to me was—my master.
“Hey, it seems you’ve had quite a rough time—haven’t you?”
“How about it? Shall we end this chain of suffering together?”
To be honest, I think my master’s ideology is insane.
Just because there’s no afterlife and the thought of meaningless reincarnation is unpleasant… do you really think erasing the world is a sane solution?
Even a trickster like me never thought of such a thing. It’s crazy. Well, my master is crazy anyway.
I took that hand. I had no other choice.
I absolutely didn’t want it to end like that, and if it meant escaping my suffering, I’d gladly take anything.
Honestly, I couldn’t care less about reincarnation or whatever, but I could no longer believe there was any meaning in a mere repetition of it.
That’s how troubled I was about life.
More than anything, regardless of how much I prayed or wished, my master who actually helped me was much more substantial than the pompous God who pretended to ignore me.
There was no way I could just let it end like that.
Wiping out all living beings would bring me revenge too, right?
Then I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever it takes.
I’ll kill everything I hate…!!
And so, I was reborn as an apprentice to the Undead King.
Surprisingly, it was quite comfortable. Being able to act as long as I have magic is easy.
I didn’t need to eat or sleep. Honestly, not having to sleep is a relief. I absolutely know I’d be tormented by nightmares. I’d rather avoid that.
After becoming undead, I clearly was no longer the me from before.
It must be because I’m using magic to fill in the lost memories and reason from the spirit realm. My way of thinking became a bit dry.
Perhaps it could be said that everything became rather unimportant to me.
But, wow, I turned out to be a dark attribute holder, huh? I had never checked my magical attributes before, so I didn’t know.
And so, I learned the ins and outs of necromancy from my master—it’s strange, I never thought I would end up living in the underground of the Demon Lord’s Castle.
Life is full of unexpected happenings.
I’m not human anymore, though. Ahahaha.
Studying necromancy was fun. I had to start from reviewing letters that I vaguely remembered. In the process of learning, I understood that my master was quite insane, and I also got a close look at many dead bodies.
To be honest, you know? Even though I accepted my master’s ideology, my feelings were a little complicated deep down.
After all, I was originally human.
So.
“Don’t you think anything of it? That the same humans are being killed by the demon race?”
When Zilbagias looked at the bodies of the Sword Saints lined up, he said.
“You too are a victim of the Demon Lord’s Army.”
Huh?
Instinctively, I felt annoyed. As a former human, my reaction was probably pretty normal.
“Don’t you think anything of it?” Seriously?
Of course I care! I’m not my master!
Are you stupid? Do you even know who made me like this?
It’s all your fault… the demons’ fault!!
Yet you’re here with that look suggesting you can see right through my heart!
What could you, who grew up as a pampered prince, possibly know!! What do you want me to do about it?! Mourn the death of the Sword Saints with a solemn face? In front of the prince of the demon race? Are you nuts?!
Sorry, but I don’t even have a face ready for something like that—
Rather, I had no idea what kind of face I should make, so I wiped my expression clean.
…How should I answer that?
“Well, either way, the human race is going to perish, right?”
I deliberately said it with a smile, trying to sound quirky.
“Then isn’t it good that their suffering was less? It’s just a matter of time, after all.”
As I shrugged, somewhat carelessly—
This tone wasn’t an act.
I’ve given up on the future of humanity. My master is a woman who does what she says. Moreover, there seems to be no chance for the alliance to win.
Even if I wanted to be on the side of humanity, well, now that I’m undead… you know, the Holy Church would mercilessly come to eliminate me…
Ugh, I don’t want to lament my own powerlessness even after returning from the underworld.
“…………”
Zilbagias was left speechless at my answer. Did he finally realize how thoughtless his question had been? He looked like a kid who just got scolded by his mom, looking quite pathetic.
If only he didn’t have those horns, he’d be cute.
Especially if he looked weak like earlier.
…What would have happened if I had impulsively crushed his neck back then?
I hope he thanks my rational self for saving him. Right now.
“I see.”
Wiping his expression clean, Zilbagias turned his back on me.
“You asked a boring question.”
Seriously, think before you open your mouth next time.
“…Enma said she doesn’t like to make people suffer unnecessarily, and I feel the same way. When I fight them, I at least want to let them die peacefully.”
“Wow… so kind.”
Oh, how noble! It’s sickeningly hypocritical.
“Of course, I still have to be considerate since I was once of the same race. Except for goblins, though.”
I’ve made up my mind to make them all regret being born.
“…………”
Zilbagias looked at me with an indescribable expression. What? If you have something to say, say it! I have nothing left to lose, so that pitying look doesn’t do anything for me.
That’s right; I have nothing left.
The human race will surely be destroyed by the Demon Lord’s army.
But you know, that doesn’t mean we’ll just disappear.
In whatever form, we will become your comrades.
Then—then it will be your turn next.
We will joyfully destroy the Demon Lord Kingdom.
…Though, to be honest, I wonder if it’s a bit much to say we’ll wipe out all living beings.
I like flowers and birds and stuff. But it can’t be helped.
To me, my master is like a god.
That person is a monster just as much, if not more, than the Demon Lord…
I really can’t do anything about that.
Necromancy is fun, but I’ve come to know my limits.
Soon after I learned how to use it, I tried to summon my father and mother.
But it didn’t work. They said the outlines of their souls were gone now.
I also tried inviting my childhood friend, Alexander, who I used to be close to.
But that didn’t work either.
They’re all gone now.
If there was an afterlife, maybe I could have met them again…
But thinking like that, reincarnation truly is crap.
I can never meet those I wanted to see from my past life again.
Ah, it was probably when I understood that.
That everything started to feel irrelevant.
This dull world should just perish.
…No.
If it has to end, then let it be in a humorous way!
Let’s all end it together!
I’ll joyfully wipe out the Demon Lord Kingdom too!
I’ve always found something enjoyable in everything like this!
Ahahahahaha!!
…Hey, Prince.
It seems my master has taken a liking to you.
She seems to want to bring you into our ranks somehow—but—
Somehow, I don’t see you leaning this way.
What would my master do if that were the case? Would she give up on you?
Or would she turn you into a puppet?
If my master were to lose interest—then—
As your senior disciple, I would end you myself.
And then, I’d let you know.
…Just how much we suffered.
Ah, I’m looking forward to that day.
Hey! Prince?
