The scent of her skin was driving me insane.

I bit my lip and held on, quietly asking her, “…Why are you tormenting me like this?”

“…I told you. Right now, I just can’t stand you.”

“…What?”

“…So actually, seeing you angry makes me feel even freer.”

Despite saying that, Vivian still looked like she could burst into tears at any moment.

“If you’re annoyed, let it out, Kyle.”

“…”

“…Go on, ruin me if you can. If it’s your hands… I’ll gladly accept it.”

She slowly turned her head as if to kiss me.

Her lips parted slightly, and her moist tongue sneakily appeared, surprising for her.

“…You sang about the filth of lust, and now look at you?”

Vivian, with her tongue out, stopped suddenly and said, “Yeah. I think I wouldn’t mind getting dirty if it’s with you.”

Then, she leaned forward to close the gap for a kiss.

“…Hah.”

Just before her lips reached mine, I tilted my head down.

My forehead pressed against hers, pushing her away.

Looking down now, I saw her beautiful chest.

I shut my eyes tight, trying to ignore it.

It felt as if a demon was testing my limits.

“…This is it, Kyle.”

Facing yet another rejection, Vivian’s voice surged with unmistakable anger and frustration.

“How can you reject me like this… I hate you so much.”

A dangerous madness flickered in her voice.

“…I want to kill you for hating you so much.”

I had no way of knowing how far I was being pushed.

But I was cornered too, and her voice filled with fury was urging me on.

I stepped forward, feeling backed into a corner.

“Ugh!”

Vivian let out a moan at my move.

My arms wrapped around her waist.

Her small, delicate body sunk deep within my embrace.

Could a human body be this soft?

After fighting and sparring with men, it was hard to believe I was touching a woman’s body.

I had linked arms with Vivian several times, held her hand again and again, even hugged her a few times… but holding her naked like this made her softness feel magnified.

I lost my senses, running my hand over her bare back.

I spread my fingers wide, running them across her back.

I met her lips with mine at her upper chest.

Vivian shivered as if she felt goosebumps.

And in her gaze met mine, there was an unmistakable lust.

Those red eyes were filled with the emotion of desire for the first time.

But the emotion was clear enough to leave no room for misunderstanding.

Half-lidded eyes, half-hidden pupils. It was as if her eyelids were transcending the boundaries, conveying ecstasy and longing.

The tipsiness kept pushing me forward.

The thought of just going for it flooded my mind countless times.

However, it seemed Vivian felt the same way.

Snuggled in my arms, she sighed before leaning over to smell my nape.

“…Hah.”

Letting out another hot sigh, she looked up and gently nibbled my half-exposed ear.

Then she whispered in that ear, “…You said you love me. Hurry.”

“…”

At the edge of my limits, I bit down hard one last time.

And managed to get out one final question.

This could very well be my last desperate attempt.

“Vivian, just answer one thing for me.”

Vivian was struggling to focus. She clutched at my clothes, trying to strip me, and kept trying to steal my lips.

-Slap.

I brushed her hand away that was clutching my clothes and said, “…Why do you want me to stay?”

“…What do you mean?”

“Are you afraid you’ll die without me? Or are you saying that because you love me?”

She gave me a look of disbelief.

I knew. I didn’t even know why I was asking this.

But with that one question thrown out, the dissatisfaction that had long been asleep in my heart was rising.

“…You fool, don’t you still know that?”

Vivian shot back.

“You’ve never said it with your own mouth.”

With that, she fell silent.

I spoke. “…I’ve expressed my feelings a long time ago. You know I’ve said I love you… how many times?”

“…”

“But you’ve never said it even once.”

I wanted an answer to this absurd stubbornness.

“Are you keeping me around because you see me as a useful tool, or do you really love me? What do you think?”

“…No matter how useful a tool I find you, do you think I’d devote my body to you?”

-“Say it, Vivian.”

“…”

Now I wanted to hear it.

I hoped to hear the words “I love you” roll off her tongue.

If she did, perhaps I could shed just a bit of the constant humiliation I felt with her.

Always losing was getting tiresome.

“Say I’m the most important person to you, with your own lips.”

“…What?”

“…If you just say you love me… I’ll hold you until you say you don’t want it anymore.”

“…”

To my surprise, Vivian didn’t budge in response to my pathetic attempt.

She stood frozen, as if turned to stone.

“…?”

Her red eyes wandered around aimlessly, and her slightly parted lips wouldn’t close.

I frowned, startled by her reaction.

“…Vivian?”

“…I don’t know what love is… And there’s nothing more precious than you…”

I let out a hollow laugh.

“…Are you kidding me?”

“Kyle, I…”

This time, the anger was rising within me.

All I asked was for a simple word between us, nothing difficult.

“…It’s just one word. Just say it, Vivian. I’ve been running for you for so long.”

She fumbled her words as if cursed, unable to spit out that one phrase.

“Ah…Ugh…”

“Or is it true that you only keep me around as a useful tool? Or is it that watching me suffer, like you said, is amusing for you?”

“Ah, no…!”

“You easily say you hate me enough to kill me… but a single word of love is… this hard?”

“Kyle… That’s not it…! There’s a reason for this…”

“What reason?”

“…”

“…This doesn’t need some grand reason. Just, Vivian…”

I bit my lip again.

It felt like once again, I was losing to her.

“…Just say it, even if it’s a lie.”

“…There’s a reason… there’s a reason I…”

“…”

This playful response splashed cold water on my reason.

After a long silence, I slowly stood up.

Vivian slid out of my arms.

“Kyle…!”

She grabbed my wrist, but I easily pushed her away.

“…Put on your clothes.”

I said this as I moved toward the door.

“…No!”

Vivian shouted, but I wouldn’t budge as I grasped the doorknob.

“…Just get dressed before I open it.”

“Ugh…! Ugh!!”

Vivian’s brows furrowed as she trembled with her fists clenched… looking at me.

“What does my heart matter?”

“What?”

“You love me…! Just surrender yourself to your feelings…! All you have to do is hold me…! What does my heart matter!”

“…”

“Just be selfish, Kyle. Act as you wish…! Why do you hold back so much every day!”

I replied, “Because I love you.”

Vivian’s unspoken feelings were easily communicated.

At that, she wobbled, weakly returning to sit on the bed.

“Because I love you… I don’t touch you. For you. For your future.”

“…My future?”

“If I burn my hands on you, this will become a shackle that torments you for life. Even when you try to build your own… family.”

Vivian let out a hollow scoff.

“…Family? When did I say I needed something like that? I only need you—”

“You’ve had enough of the parting drink. Now go back.”

“…”

I approached Vivian, who was frozen, not taking any action.

I took her arm and pulled her up while handing her the clothes.

Vivian stood still, looking down at the ground.

She was as stiff as a child throwing a tantrum.

“…”

I slowly helped her put on the clothes.

Once I figured out how to dress her, I tied the laces.

Then, draping her with a light outer coat I had prepared, I gave her a gentle push from behind.

Vivian stumbled out, her eyes vacant.

We both already understood.

The moment she couldn’t even say she loved me, the chance for a relationship had vanished.

“…I… it hurts too much here, Kyle.”

Vivian clutched her chest at the door, looking up at me with a pained expression.

I hesitated before responding, “I also… hurt.”

-Creeeek.

When I opened the door, the empty lodging building revealed itself as if emptied out for us.

As I pushed Vivian into that cold, vacant place, I said, “…Good night.”

-Thud.

And without waiting for her response, I shut the door.

I had no energy left to spare.

A sound akin to sobbing echoed from beyond the closed door.