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Chapter 110

Bang!

A tremendous sound shook the ground. Dust flew in all directions.

My sword, stained with a black aura, exuded an energy reminiscent of a malevolent spirit.

The blade was lodged right next to Zigmund’s neck.

“Ha—”

A rough breath escaped my lips. It wasn’t even that hard, but I felt breathless.

It was like I had plunged into the deep sea.

Air was cut off.

Plop.

A clear droplet fell onto Zigmund’s pale skin. Upon seeing this, his violet eyes shimmered like waves.

I decided that the droplet was merely the overflowing sea surrounding me, and surely not tears.

Because it would be too wasteful to shed tears over a scumbag like him.

Plop. Plop.

The choking depths continued to overflow. Zigmund’s once pristine white skin was now like a lily soaked with rainwater.

My vision blurred, failing to see what expression he wore. Even so, I didn’t wipe my eyes.

Wiping them would make it undeniable that I was crying.

It would be an acknowledgment that I still considered Zigmund a friend.

‘Why can’t I kill him?’

A surge of self-loathing welled up, trembling over my inability to end a mere life.

Zigmund was right. I was still weak.

It would be better to just kill this piece of filth. He was nothing more than a waste of oxygen being alive, an ungodly creature who knew neither gratitude nor shame.

It would be as easy as cutting off the breath of a monster. I simply had to plunge my sword into that pristine white neck.

However, knowing it was that simple yet being unable to do it was—

“Shushu. Be friends with Zigmund.”

“I don’t want to. I don’t understand why my master took in that filthy bastard. He’s always picking fights with me! Why that vile, disgusting prick…!”

“Kashmir!”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Right… Zigmund is quite a sharp one. He’s hard to get close to. I know you don’t think highly of him. But… I still want you to befriend Zigmund.”

“You have a reason for living, don’t you? You have a reason for wielding your sword. But Zigmund has none of that. He lives merely because he hasn’t died yet, wielding a sword just because he’s still breathing. Shushu.

Even if you live as a mercenary, I hope you hold onto your humanity. Please, feel pity for Zigmund.”

“…Isn’t that just sympathy? That guy would surely hate it if he thought I pitied him.”

“Shushu. Sympathy isn’t only a bad thing. While looking down on others is wrong, sympathy itself arises from empathetic understanding of others’ feelings. I hope you can understand Zigmund’s situation.”

“I’m not forcing you, but… I hope that even if I die in the future, you two can support each other and become pillars for one another.”

My master, because he loved Zigmund.

I recall the pure white snowfield. A snowfield as white as Zigmund’s skin.

I remember the moment that white snowfield was stained with red blood.

Drip.

The continuously flowing droplet was clear, yet for some reason, it resembled the blood soaking the snowfield.

“When cutting off someone’s life… you must never avoid their gaze. You must bear the weight of the life you’re taking… that’s how you avoid turning into a monster, even if it leaves you wounded.”

I was still not prepared to shoulder the weight of a life.

“You are, from now on, a dead person to me.”

My broken voice resembled the sound of a snapped string instrument. Even though I couldn’t see Zigmund through my watery vision, I continued to gaze at what should have been his eyes.

Even if I couldn’t let Zigmund die bleeding, I needed to achieve my own death within myself.

“In my eyes, you died here. You died from the blade I just swung. I killed you.”

I had neither the confidence to kill nor the confidence to keep remembering.

Indeed, I was still weak.

So I decided to treat Zigmund as if he were dead.

“Don’t ever show your face in front of me again.”

Neither of us has a face worth seeing. Today, I’ll believe it was just a coincidence that we ran into each other here. If we meet again by chance, don’t even acknowledge me. If you want to kill me, send an assassin. Don’t show your filthy face.”

I said firmly without caring about the crack in my voice.

I wiped my eyes roughly, as if the irritation was responsible. My swollen eyelids hurt, but I ignored it. I pretended not to notice the moisture staining the back of my hand.

“So you are…”

I paused.

The moisture vanished, and my vision cleared. What I saw beyond twisted my insides.

My eyes widened involuntarily. The chaotic depths I had tried to keep contained erupted within me.

A huge body that couldn’t move because I was atop it. A face ruined by my blows. Hair, blackened and dusted with dirt.

A gazing pair of injured violet eyes.

Once again, I lost my sanity and swung my fist hard against Zigmund’s cheek.

Thud!

His face whipped around. He let out a small groan and closed his eyes.

Zigmund’s eyes were no longer visible.

Thank goodness. If I had continued looking at those injured eyes, I might have truly killed him.

‘How dare you.’

I bit my lip to hold back my anger.

Zigmund didn’t deserve to be hurt. He was the one who abandoned me, the one who severed every past connection like a piece of filth, and yet he shouldn’t be showing such eyes.

“You are, from now on, a nonexistent person to me.”

I suppressed the rising fury and finished my statement. I decided that my wavering voice was merely a sign of exhaustion.

Taking a deep breath, I stood up from Zigmund’s body and withdrew my sword from the ground.

‘Why is he acting like this?’

It annoyed me. That he took my hits quietly, and the look in his eyes just now.

If he was going to make such a disgusting sound, he should act brazenly until the end, but I hated seeing him in a weak state.

‘…It doesn’t matter anymore.’

He was someone I wouldn’t see again. I didn’t care what emotions Zigmund held; it was utterly irrelevant to me.

I turned my back on him.

Having pushed my mana to its limits, I ignored the throbbing mana circuits and dismantled the barrier that wrapped around me. My heart, which was racing from overusing my mana, finally began to settle.

The sword was smeared with all sorts of filth. It needed to be cleaned, but I could do that at home. For now, I just wiped it off and sheathed it.

Being in the same space as him was unbearable, so I decided to head towards the building where El was.

“So, you still have that nasty habit of leaving once you’ve said your piece. You should hear my response too.”

And then, a low, enchanting voice echoed from behind me.

I hesitated for a moment, but I pretended not to hear.

“I don’t want to.”

“•••••What?”

Flabbergasted, I turned back unintentionally.

Zigmund, standing there in a mess, smirked charmingly as his eyes crinkled. In his deep violet eyes, a strange sense of competitiveness boiled.

“I will not remain a dead person to you.”

His soft and gentle voice.

For a moment, I instinctively clenched my hand that was reaching for my sword. I even held back the desire to punch his grinning face again.

‘There’s no point in replying.’

I was not seeking his opinion. What I had said a moment ago was a declaration of war.

I was announcing that I would completely expel him, who had teetered precariously on the edge of becoming a part of my life. I would no longer consider him part of my life.

His opinion on that matter was irrelevant.

Without answering, I turned my back on him and walked away.

“Mir.”

I ignored the call and walked on resolutely.

“Kashmir.”

I bit my lip. My already abused lip bled again from being bitten. My heart wanted to leap out of my chest.

“•••••Shushu.”

I halted.

At that low voice, tangled with countless emotions, I eventually stopped. The way my nickname flowed through, it felt like the blood of a monster had entered my ears.

In the end, I turned to look back.

“Don’t ever call me that again, you disgusting bastard.”

I growled harshly, glaring at Zigmund with ice-cold eyes.

Zigmund grinned.

“Are we still friends?”

Zigmund and I had been students under the same master for quite a while.

Time spent together doesn’t always equate to an understanding of the other, yet the longer you spend time, the more you come to know one another—that much cannot be denied.

Zigmund knew all too well how to provoke my anger.

Swish!

In a gust of mana, I stood directly in front of Zigmund, grabbing him by the collar. His upper body bent forward as he was helplessly pulled toward me.

“Have you ever had a knife in that bald head of yours in the six years? You only blabber nonsensical words. Did you want me to see how messed up you’ve become? Did you want me to realize how small and stupid your brain is? Do you want to brag about how this garbage mutt barks? My dear Zigmund.”

I spat out with a fierce voice. The brief contact with my forehead as I pulled him close was repulsive.

‘…It’s annoying.’

His transparent violet eyes remained calm, as if anticipating my torrent of insults. That only made my insides churn more, causing such strength in my grip that it almost tore Zigmund’s fine white shirt.

I raised my lips into a chilling smile.

“You were never my friend, and you won’t be going forward, you mutt whose head I should have cut off and hung at the city gate.”

Half of the clarity and pleasantness in my voice didn’t suit the situation. However, half of that was the truth.

He had indeed been my friend all this time.

But that would no longer be the case.

I released Zigmund’s collar and roughly pushed him away from me. As I let go, one of his shirt buttons popped, but I didn’t care. Zigmund fell back without resistance.

“…Yeah. I see.”

Muttering while fiddling with his crumpled shirt, Zigmund’s violet eyes, which had momentarily seemed to sink in thought, gazed down at me.

Our eyes met again.

In that instant, Zigmund’s hand suddenly grabbed my collar.

I could have dodged, but in my moment of confusion, I was drawn in by him.

Due to the height difference, my heels lifted off the ground. It felt more like he was leading me in a dance than seized by my collar.

Exchanging glances. My head tilted back. Zigmund’s upper body gently bent, and our foreheads touched.

His face came so close I found myself scrunching up in distaste. I wanted to spit on his face.

“I hadn’t thought to do this, but my mind has changed. I won’t be able to remain as anything living to you.”

Zigmund’s eyes curved beautifully.

“Then I’ll become the biggest bastard in your life. I’ll intrude into your life and leave an indelible trace of my soul in you. If I can’t leave you with memories, then I’ll leave you with scars. You’ll think of me when you see that scar.”

Zigmund whispered softly, brushing my cheek with a touch that seemed completely out of place.

Where he touched was where the wound from his thrown dagger remained, causing me to flinch involuntarily as my eyes quivered.

It hurt.

As blood trickled down his white fingertips, he smiled like a beast with prey before it.

“You know, even if the wound heals, the scar remains. Shushu. You will never forget me.”

I couldn’t understand.

He, who had swept away all our affections and memories, seemed intent on being remembered.

I couldn’t fathom why he was pushing me this far.

‘Right… I guess I don’t need to understand.’

I took a deep breath. Perhaps the attempt to understand a madman was fundamentally flawed.

Spit.

My saliva dripped along Zigmund’s nose. Reflexively closing his eyes, he frowned.

As I spat on his face, I looked directly at him and smiled brightly.

“Congratulations on having your wish fulfilled, you bastard.”

Zigmund had already become the biggest bastard in my life.

 

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