“Did something good happen?”
Seeing me in a good mood since the morning, Ha Neul asked.
“Uh? Ah, no, it’s just…”
Of course, there was no reason to tell Ha Neul about what happened last night. That was a secret between me and him.
That person also used to write when they were younger. There were times they diligently wrote down fantasies about the life they wanted in a notebook.
Of course, they said they hadn’t completed a single story like I did.
Still, isn’t a commonality a commonality?
“…Hmm?”
Looking at my expression, Ha Neul must have felt it was quite suspicious. Honestly, I wanted to turn the question back on them.
But Ha Neul hadn’t yet talked about what happened to them. Maybe it’s because their mom hadn’t really started moving yet, or perhaps they were thinking of holding out and hiding it until the end.
Well, I was planning to move first and see what the cause was.
“Hey Sohee, what happened this morning?”
This time I asked Sohee. But she just shook her head.
Well, she couldn’t read my mind.
Seeing the reactions of the two, my heart fluttered a bit.
It felt like he and I were the only ones in the world.
There was no need to see him hanging out with others. There was no need to see Ha Neul getting close to me, or Sohee nestled in my arms, or running into Sua who had just finished her shower.
…
Yeah, I know very well that this feeling is definitely not ‘right.’
But the sense of superiority I felt couldn’t be easily wiped away.
That person who only talks to me, without discussing anything with others.
That person who shares secrets only with me.
“…Ah.”
Suddenly, a feeling of unease crept into my heart.
I couldn’t figure out what the cause of that unease was.
The current situation was incredibly joyful.
I could do everything I wanted, and everything was going my way.
Yet, in a corner of my heart, an inexplicable feeling of anxiety began to bloom.
…Why?
“Sarah.”
As I was worrying, Ha Neul called me once again.
“Is something wrong?”
It was a question I had heard several times already.
There was genuine concern etched on Ha Neul’s face as they looked at me.
“…No, it’s nothing.”
I answered.
Yeah, there was nothing wrong.
Everything was rolling along just fine.
So, there shouldn’t be anything for me to worry about.
Nothing at all.
*
Another day had passed.
Nothing happened.
Ah, saying that nothing happened doesn’t mean ‘nothing happened’ like it does in my previous days.
If you counted one ‘event’ at a time, obviously many things happened.
There were over ten kids who greeted me.
There were three teachers who pointed out my actions during class.
Son Ah-reum watched me suspiciously throughout lunch.
I accidentally ran into the Student Council Chair while walking in the park during break, and they avoided my eyes.
My so-called fiancé didn’t even appear in my field of vision today.
Sohee looked at me and asked, “Are you okay?”
Sua looked at me and asked, “Are you okay?”
“…Sarah, seriously, nothing happened?”
Ha Neul asked for the fifth time today. So persistent!
“I’m fine, nothing happened.”
Yeah, ‘nothing happened.’
If we analyze it event by event, many things occurred. But in the end, if we consider it as a normal day, we could say ‘nothing happened.’
No one got hurt, no accidents took place, and there were no sudden bad people interfering with us.
So, if there are no ‘major incidents,’ then it’s ‘nothing happened.’
Simple but clear, and thus it’s a classification I like.
“Nothing happened, so.”
Saying that again, I smiled.
Yeah, if these nothing-happening days just keep going, that would be just fine.
Just like this.
Just like this, I would do everything in my power to make it so.
*
Yoo Ha-neul had a lot on her mind these days.
The biggest concern was obviously related to her dad.
Her stiff dad hadn’t contacted her since then. He didn’t say anything at home either. Even her mom seemed to have no idea that anything had happened.
Something must have happened, but not knowing what it was was incredibly frustrating.
Moreover, on top of that, there were issues related to ‘Sara.’
‘Sara’ was smiling all day long.
No, to be precise, it wasn’t just that she was ‘smiling.’
Though mostly she had a smile that seemed pleasant, there were times when her expression clouded over, and she’d get lost in thought before returning to a smiling face.
Before, ‘Sara’s expression… well, it’s a bit unfair to say this, but it wasn’t very varied. Especially right after entering Sara’s body, she almost always had a blank expression.
Of course, it was a good thing that ‘Sara’ had become more proactive in expressing her emotions.
It was a good thing, but…
Yoo Ha-neul felt today that just because you express emotions boldly doesn’t mean you can grasp someone else’s thoughts accurately.
What is ‘Sara’ really thinking?
What is ‘Sara’, who keeps smiling, thinking?
Sara’s smile and ‘Sara’s’ smile were clearly different.
The smile that Sara made mostly sprang from joy. When she was with friends, when she felt a sense of achievement from her efforts, when she encountered something fun or amusing.
But the smile that ‘Sara’ is wearing right now—
She’s smiling. Yet, she’s not smiling.
Her mouth is definitely smiling, but her gaze is always fixed sharply on something.
It didn’t seem to be directed at the conversation partner in front of her. No matter if she was looking out the window, staring at the ceiling blankly, or looking at the teacher, that expression remained.
Most likely, she was looking towards someone she had in mind.
Then suddenly, her expression would crumble. Her face would crease as if she felt something unpleasant, and after a while of contemplation, she would slowly return to smiling again.
That gap was terrifying.
Every time I saw that change of expression, I would think, ‘Sara’ isn’t Sara.
…And then, fear would bloom in a corner of my heart.
But what about Sara?
It had been over two weeks since ‘Sara’ entered Sara’s body. Now it was almost the end of April. The midterms were coming up, and Yoo Ha-neul, who wanted to power through school with her own strength, and Sara, who no longer had a reason for the teachers to take care of her, faced a time where they would have to study hard.
But she couldn’t concentrate on studying at all.
She wanted to see Sara.
…But Yoo Ha-neul didn’t have the right to do so.
Sara was one with ‘Sara.’
She couldn’t pull ‘Sara’ back from her consciousness with her own selfish desires.
Inside the Ferris wheel, and afterward in the room, Yoo Ha-neul had already felt many things.
Every time she used extreme methods, the need for even more extreme situations arose.
…What if, someday, she couldn’t see either of them again?
What if they could never come back again, even if it wouldn’t be completely disappearing?
Sara was an incredibly precious existence to Yoo Ha-neul.
But that doesn’t mean ‘Sara’ isn’t precious either.
“…Sara, is everything really okay?”
So she asks once more.
Even while asking such questions, she gets confused about whether she’s genuinely worried about ‘Sara’ or worried about Sara.
“It’s okay, nothing is wrong.”
‘Sara’ responds with a truly ‘I’m okay’ expression.
Throughout the day, just like when responding to her friends’ questions, or even when pointed out by startled teachers who received her gaze.
“Nothing is wrong.”
‘Sara’ would only answer like that.
…It wasn’t a nothing-happening expression.
And yet, she couldn’t tell what the matter was.
“…If something difficult happens, please tell us. We will surely help you.”
And when she looked at ‘Sara’, no matter what she said, she didn’t feel the usual sense of ‘the right choice’ at all.
It was as if from this moment onwards, she couldn’t know anymore.
Her head, her heart, felt a sense of rejection even as they spoke.
“Yeah, I’ll definitely tell you if something is difficult.”
‘Sara’ smiled and answered.
Just like she had throughout the day. Exactly the same.
But Yoo Ha-neul felt something for sure when she looked at ‘Sara’s’ expression.
That ‘Sara’ would never say anything, no matter what happened.
…A crushing sense of helplessness washed over her.
Yeah, there were so many things that ‘Sara’ could do that she could never compare with everyone’s combined strength here.
“…Got it.”
Yoo Ha-neul nodded to that statement for now.
“Well then, see you tomorrow.”
There were many things to do. She had to keep an eye on what was happening at home, and now, she really needed to start studying.
…Yoo Ha-neul looked at Sohee and Sua.
The two nodded seriously.
I hope ‘Sara’s’ words aren’t lies.
Yoo Ha-neul turned her body away with an unwilling expression, wishing for that.
