This is a story before I became the sovereign Kariri.
“Useless from start to finish. What the hell did this brat do to have her eyes open that wide!”
I thought at least my mom wouldn’t betray me.
The mom who used to protect me from my violent dad, who drank every day, now threw a ceramic bowl at my face.
The shattered pieces lay scattered on the floor, a dozen fragments.
Blood dripped down from my forehead and cheek to my chin, but I couldn’t bear to lift my head.
Those ceramic fragments probably represented my heart.
I left home again.
As I told my mom, I quit my trainee life and mutually agreed to terminate my contract with the agency.
And the process was surprisingly smooth.
It seemed all the talk of my imminent debut was a lie.
Another shock was realizing the company never had any hopes for me from the start.
After tasting sausage bread for the first time in five years, tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.
Sitting on a swing at the playground, I had my first meal while watching the sunset.
I wanted to believe the choking sensation was just because of the hastily shoved bread.
“Ugh… Hic… Wahhhh…”
Five years have just vanished…
What do I even have left?
My thighs burst from straining to do the splits,
The method for cleaning a full-length mirror with glass cleaner,
Just so I could sing a little and learn a few dance moves?
I hadn’t attended school, so naturally, I had no friends, and now thinking about returning to magic studies, with my zero math skills, what could I possibly do?
I felt like a piece of garbage thrown into this world.
With no value or use, like a stone on the side of the road.
At least stones don’t have any thoughts.
I carried around this stupid idea of dying every day.
Was it because I was foolish?
The doctor says no, but maybe…
How can an applicant with so many disqualifications become an idol?
With nowhere for a fourteen-year-old student to go, I had to return home.
I heard there are runaway families, but I was too scared to even approach them.
In the end, alone in a screaming house, locking my door and covering my head with my blanket, I logged into my secret hideout as usual.
[Life Ruined Middle Schooler…]
I wrote up my tale in detail, but didn’t get much response.
There were plenty of people who had ruined their lives even worse than me.
Seeing them, I had a moment of comfort thinking, “I shouldn’t end up like that,” but the extreme depression still returned.
“I want to die…”
Then one day, a comment popped up.
– “You really ruined your life, haha!”
As if someone didn’t know that?
I had no energy to argue back, just scrolling down with dead eyes.
And when I refreshed the page,
– “The easiest ways to fix a ruined life: at least do one of these or I recommend just committing suicide.
1. All-in on coins: The odds are less than 1%, but who knows, maybe you’ll be that lucky one, haha!
2. Deep-sea fishing: A solid job that can’t be replaced by AI or robots!
3. Active part-time job: If normal jobs aren’t enough, maybe you just haven’t looked properly for work?
4. Voluntary enlistment: They pay well! At least, the money is there! Overseas deployment is double!
5. V-tuber: Those with looks and skills won’t come here anyway. If you want to start from scratch, this is your only answer, haha!”
“Geez… this is consistent trolling.”
There’s someone who consistently comments on this sort of post.
I can’t even guess what they feel. Do they feel superior?
Normally, I wouldn’t pay attention to such posts, but the word ‘V-tuber’ caught my eye.
During my harsh trainee days, I would occasionally browse various V-tuber streams on the internet.
What if I could… actually succeed?
I didn’t even know where that vague confidence came from.
And when I opened the app to look for various V-tuber videos on V-tube.
[V-tube Recommended Video: (Documentary) There’s No Predator for the Honey Badger!]
A title entirely opposite to my fragile, ceramic-like self was unfolding.
Yes, this is it.
—
Kariri, as a character, has served as an excellent alternative to Yoon-seul.
Yoon-seul created someone internally strong and utterly unreserved.
But ever since last year, after Che-na’s death, that’s all become meaningless.
Throughout my time as Kariri, I never once experienced the panic attacks that now consistently occurred while logging into virtual reality.
And today, after bailing out of the scrims,
I wanted to say I was under duress, but I couldn’t.
“…”
Only the sound of dishes clattering quietly echoed from the kitchen table.
The lights in the living room and master bedroom were all off.
Relying on the single light from a small lamp, the siblings were having dinner.
However, the younger sibling, Seol Taeyang, wasn’t pleased with the current tense atmosphere and put down his chopsticks with a thud.
“I’m not going home today.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why? With sis like this, how could I go home?”
“It’s… it’s fine, I mean, this isn’t the first time…”
“Today is particularly bad. You think otherwise?”
“…”
In Yoon-seul’s red eyes, the veins protruded prominently.
“Then I’ll call mom.”
She was living separately from her parents. This was Seol Yoon-seul’s house.
She couldn’t stand the sight of her home, where dishes, golf clubs, and occasionally sharp objects flew around from constant fighting.
And now, her younger brother, Seol Taeyang, in second grade, occasionally enjoyed the sense of liberation from visiting Yoon-seul’s house like this.
“What did mom say?”
“She cursed.”
“What about your stuff?”
“I came straight from the academy, so I can just go to school from here tomorrow.”
“Do as you please. Aren’t you having any more dinner?”
“No. Sis can’t cook at all.”
“D-Did I go through all that trouble to make it, and this little brat…?”
“Yeah, self-service and all that. Thanks for the effort.”
“You do the dishes!”
Yoon-seul glared.
Taeyang, who was about to lie down on the sofa and spend his leisure time, had no choice but to wear rubber gloves.
In Yoon-seul’s 100% owned house, Taeyang was thoroughly a subordinate.
“Why hasn’t sis bought a dishwasher considering she’s rich?”
“I think about buying one every time… but ugh, it’s all just too annoying.”
“Even ordering it feels annoying? Sis, you should try to fix that lethargy.”
Taeyang’s advice was sincere, but Yoon-seul merely pretended to listen.
She had no interest in anything unrelated to her main job.
Using capsules was dangerous for someone with panic disorder, but there was nothing better than VR for treating Yoon-seul’s depression, so Taeyang had nothing to say.
“Just saying you were sick while you were streaming, was it really necessary to lie like that?”
What with doorbells and delivery…
Adding fuel to a fire that didn’t need it.
If she couldn’t game because she was sick, people would understand.
“Kariri never gets sick.”
“Hah, still RPing?”
“And if you experienced my situation… your mind goes blank and you can’t think at all. I did my… my best…!”
On the TV that Taeyang turned on, NoName’s broadcast was still being aired.
Yoon-seul laid backward on the sofa, her black hair trailing down onto the floor in a peculiar position.
Due to Kariri’s sudden dropout, the scrims were canceled, leading everyone to receive feedback from their respective coaches.
NoName, whether due to having taught everything already or just having nothing to teach, was quietly playing ranked games.
“How about NoName? Isn’t she awesome?”
Taeyang, from the kitchen, proudly mentioned.
Every time he came to visit Yoon-seul’s house, he never failed to bring up how NoName beat League of Legends pros or how he was the ‘Jang Moon-in’ of NoName’s room.
“Yeah. It’s hard to believe someone like that exists.”
Though unwillingly watching the show due to his insistence, Yoon-seul surprisingly found her broadcast refreshingly original.
Many people probably thought the same, but did she really think that girl was 14?
When she heard her song was used as the opening for NoName’s show, she was taken aback.
“Sis, you’re not thinking of stopping streaming, right?”
“Are you crazy…? Hey, the allowance I give you… all comes from streaming, you know!”
“I know! Sorry, Sis!”
“Sigh… Let’s not argue.”
Taeyang mimicked phrases Kariri often used. He was a kid who matured earlier than his peers.
Yoon-seul thought that maybe he was deliberately trying to uplift the atmosphere.
Just as she thought that, after finishing the dishes, Taeyang approached and kicked Yoon-seul, precariously perched on the sofa, taking her spot.
“Move. That’s my spot.”
Thud
“Seriously, Seol Taeyang…! Are you looking to die?”
“I don’t want to die!”
Mature? Not a chance! If he was going to act like this, sending him home would’ve been better.
“Where are you going? Aren’t you watching anymore?”
“Yeah. I’m going to sleep.”
“Already? Sis, don’t check community boards tonight, okay?”
“I’m not going to look…!”
Returning to her room, Yoon-seul let out a big sigh and turned on her phone.
Despite her brother’s advice, she couldn’t stop ego surfing by searching her name.
For Kariri, this had become some kind of ritual.
But even though she had a rough idea of what to expect, the negative feelings pouring out from people was too much for any individual to handle.
“Sigh…”
Even before, Kariri had been prone to unannounced drops from streaming.
Not frequent, but occasionally recurring panic episodes had now made it hard to push her concept further.
Lying down like this was bound to keep her awake, even with sleep medication on hand.
But for now, she found it easier to be Kariri than Seol Yoon-seul, so she once again entered the capsule.
Because if I were the Honey Badger, I would never get hurt.
[NoName sent an invitation. (2/3)]
But what is this?
[Kariri: What’s this? Is my name trying to contact me again?]
[NoName: Wanna go to the amusement park?]
[Kariri: ?]
An amusement park.
Yoon-seul frowned at NoName’s sudden suggestion.
Was it referring to the VR space?
But why now?
[Kariri: Are you in the middle of a broadcast?]
[NoName: No.]
[Kariri: Who’s the other person?]
[NoName: Adella.]
