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In fact, having spent so much time together with my older sister, there were still many things I didn’t know about her.

I knew most of the everyday stuff. Like what food she liked, what drinks she preferred, you know, those kinds of things. While I couldn’t interpret all the emotions flashing across her face, I had some confidence in being able to read her expressions to some extent.

But there were things I didn’t know.

Even if it weren’t me, there are definitely some things that are unknown to anyone.

For example, seeing my older sister just after she finished showering.

It’s only natural not to know that. It’s a sight you wouldn’t see unless you’re a super close friend or a significant other.

In that sense, I wondered if I was her close friend or her lover.

We hadn’t clearly defined that line yet. It was certain that we were more than friends, but at the same time, it felt ambiguous to openly call ourselves lovers.

“I’m all clean now.”

While I was unable to tear my eyes away from her, my older sister blushed and said that.

It was then that I realized my gaze had been glued to her, and I felt my face heat up. I had been staring at her ever since she came out of the shower.

She was already dressed, having borrowed one of my clothes from my room. Since I was a bit bigger than her, it wasn’t a huge problem.

She was wearing a plain white t-shirt and short workout shorts.

It was enough to wear when sleeping, but seeing her in that outfit made my heart race.

She really was planning to sleep in my room.

It would be a lie to say I hadn’t expected it at all. Ever since she said she would stay over, I had been thinking about what might happen. My mind told me, “That’s not gonna happen,” but at the same time, I was thinking, “But there’s a possibility.”

We were caught in the limbo of being more than friends, but less than lovers, tethered to memories of the past. It felt dangerous to let our bodies lead the way in such a situation, but deep down, I wanted her.

What about my older sister?

She was the one insisting on sleeping in the same room with me instead of the living room.

Could I say she didn’t have any feelings at all?

It didn’t seem like the alcohol had fully worn off yet, but she looked perfectly fine otherwise.

So, I didn’t think she would just say that under the influence. Of course, based on her attitude, she seemed to have taken a bit of help from the alcohol.

“Oh.”

Lost in my own thoughts, I had forgotten that my sister was awkwardly smiling and looking at me.

Standing a bit shyly away from me after just stepping out of the shower, I wondered what kind of expression I had been making.

If I was just staring dumbly at her, completely captivated by the sight of her fresh from the shower…

“Uh, I’ll be right back!”

As that thought crossed my mind, I felt overwhelmed with embarrassment and hurried into the shower room.

*

After finishing my shower and stepping out, I found my older sister sitting on the bed.

My heart was still racing like crazy.

Sitting at the edge of the bed, she smiled at me, without saying anything in particular, but still, it made me feel a bit hopeful.

It was only natural. I had liked her since I was very young, and now we were spending the night together in the same room. There was no way I wouldn’t be nervous.

What should I do— I thought about that but decided to just stop thinking.

If I kept dwelling on it, I’d probably end up doing nothing but thinking all day. That’s how full my head was.

I suppressed all those thoughts and confidently walked over to her, sitting down beside her.

As soon as I plopped down on the soft edge of the bed, I caught a whiff of the shampoo she uses.

All my earlier confidence evaporated along with that scent.

“…….”

What should I say? Not having any experience makes this a huge stumbling block.

Of course, I didn’t want to gain experience anywhere else. If anything, I was excited about this kind of experience with someone I liked for the first time… No, what am I even thinking?

“Did you have fun today?”

Eventually, while I was still floundering in my own swirling thoughts, she opened her mouth first.

I felt her hand brush against mine.

I had felt that sensation a lot throughout the day. Whenever we sat on a bench or when we were seated at the table back home, she always sat next to me.

Holding hands was only natural, and sometimes we’d even link arms or rest our heads on each other’s shoulders. We had exchanged light hugs as well.

So, it shouldn’t have been a big deal to hold hands like this…

But it was. No matter how much I tried to relax and think that way, the setting was my room and the time was night. And the person beside me was no one other than my older sister.

“Y-yeah… ah.”

Without thinking, I spoke formally before catching myself. I had just decided to speak informally earlier.

Now that I think about it, I had also used formal speech when I went into the shower room.

Feeling my face heat up, as if it might morph like skin tissue under heat, I replied again.

“Yeah, it was fun.”

I barely managed to pull the informal speech from my throat.

My heart fluttered.

No matter how many times I felt that sensation of getting closer to my older sister, it was always a good feeling. The realization that we were becoming irreplaceable to each other was a good one.

It felt right, like a connection between my past self and my current self.

I felt my older sister’s hand squeeze mine a bit tighter. She continued to speak.

“I’m glad.”

Honestly, the reason she was saying this was that she didn’t know the truth.

She didn’t know who I really was or that my last birthday was actually my birthday.

So from her perspective, spending time with me on a day unrelated to my birthday made sense.

“…….”

“…….”

For a moment, we both fell silent.

I couldn’t bring myself to look straight at her. I felt that if I did, I would really just lose all thought and jump right into her arms.

I wondered if she was thinking something similar. I hoped she was.

“……Siyun.”

“Yeah.”

“I heard a lot of stories from your friends after coming here.”

“……Yeah.”

I had slipped into referring to my past country as a thing of the past, but the stories told by my acquaintances were undeniably stories I had experienced.

Unlike when I told my acquaintances about my older sister, I had carefully omitted the historical differences and shared only the ‘experiences’ we went through together, so I thought there wouldn’t be much conflict.

“Do you think it’s possible to figure out which country that vanished country was?”

“……Huh?”

“I’m just curious.”

Unintentionally, I turned to look at her face.

She was staring right at me.

There was strength in her gaze.

A promise was contained in that look, that she would definitely listen.

Her grip on my hand tightened.

Due to the difference in strength, if I wanted to, I could easily pull away, but… that was just a matter of strength, and I could never push away my older sister’s hand. That has always been the case. Perhaps it was ever since the moment I began to have feelings for her.

“While you were washing up, I did some searching. A country that disappeared due to war… it exists, for sure. And thinking about the time frame, there are some countries that wouldn’t seem unusual. But,”

She said, gazing straight at me.

“—Among those, there are no refugees who came all the way to Korea. And there are no people among the refugees who naturalized into Korea. If such a thing had happened, there would have surely been some small news article about it, but in the range I can look into, there hasn’t been any. And.”

“…….”

“And, I couldn’t find any stories about a child who lived in such a place and returned to Korea in their childhood.”

“Ah, well…”

“Not everything can be reported on. I know that. It’s possible that you really went through such a past. But then, why can’t you say the name of the country? Why were there no stories about your real childhood among the friends you say you spent time with since childhood?”

“…….”

I was at a loss for words.

My mind, which had already been muddled, went blank.

My older sister had always been sincere regarding me. It was true both before I went to Irrelaysia and after I returned.

Yet, I was still hiding my past from her.

“I want to know your past properly. In order to accept you… for me to accept you as you, it’s absolutely necessary.”

The expression on her face as she spoke that was earnest.

…My past.

The past I had been too afraid to bring up, worried that she might hate me.

My older sister was yearning for that past of mine.

Yeah, she had already shared her past with me.

It might actually be unfair for me to say nothing to her.

“I want to know who you are.”

She looked at me intently, her voice laced with determination.

“What about you?”

I…

I felt my older sister’s hand holding mine.

I thought about what I was hoping for.

It was something I could easily think of without needing to ponder too deeply.

I was here to meet the people I love once again after returning to this world.

So…

“……I understand.”

I said.

“I’ll tell you everything.”

 

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