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Chapter 468 – Nice to Meet You.

Gugugugugugu-!

In the midst of the raging storm, I clung to my fading consciousness and endured for quite a while.

My body felt like it was about to burst at any moment, swelling with energy.

If I dared to let it go for even a second, I could feel that my body would explode.

Crack!

There was a constant sound of something breaking and reassembling within me.

In the process, the pain tearing through my body was incredibly vivid.

This was beyond just getting hurt.

Bam-bam-bam-!

My bones shifted, peeling my skin away.

My insides twisted, and my blood felt like it was boiling hot.

Yet, amidst it all, I couldn’t even scream.

The moment I let a sound escape my lips, everything would come to an end.

I held my breath.

The surging energy continued to invade my body.

I had long surpassed the limits of my flesh.

It meant that I had gone far beyond what I could encapsulate.

But then.

How on earth was I holding on?

It felt like my skin would tear apart, my body screaming for death.

Closing my eyes and reopening them.

Inhaling and exhaling.

All of it was pain and despair, and all I could do was endure.

Barely hanging on, my body felt like it was on the verge of splitting apart while my bones broke and reshaped thousands of times in there.

Snap.

I heard a breaking sound.

Screeech-!

A tearing sound followed.

Pain radiated from every part of my body, leaving me oblivious to what was even happening.

I want to die.

As the pain surpassed its limits, that was the only thought that lingered.

I wanted nothing more than to give it all up and embrace death.

What on earth was I enduring this pain for?

What was I holding onto, clutching my fading consciousness so desperately?

Thud-thud-! Thud-thud-!

Was my weakened mind aware of this?

The energy filling me suddenly grew restless.

It seemed desperate to break free.

‘You bastards, coming in here.’

I cracked my eyes open.

I couldn’t fully open them, but just a tiny bit.

‘Hah.’

A smirk involuntarily escaped my lips.

What had just been a space filled with water was now completely empty.

All that water had disappeared.

Where did it go?

All into my body.

The overflowing water transformed into energy and filled me up.

I had shoved that immense quantity into this tiny body, hence it felt like I was about to burst any second.

Clunk-!

“Huuh…!”

Unable to contain it, I finally exhaled.

A blue aura trickled out from my slightly parted lips.

Thump-!

Was it that? My heart also gave a heavy thud.

Even a shallow vibration led to unbearable pain; just now, it had really been dangerous.

‘What the actual hell.’

How long? Just how much longer must I endure?

Experiencing all of this made me realize various things.

Despite repeatedly saying it was my limit, humans were more resilient than expected.

I had thought I would die at any moment, yet somehow here I was enduring.

Screeech.

“…!”

One side of my skin was being ripped off.

It wasn’t just a cut; it felt like my entire skin was being pulled away.

Sssss…

At that very spot, new skin began to grow back.

It hurt both when it tore and when it grew.

There couldn’t possibly be a more terrible situation.

Ah, damn it, if this is how it’s going to be, I might as well just let it all happen.

I should have given all my blood Qi when it asked for it.

Now that it seems like I have none, I regrettably think of it.

‘Hah.’

What kind of glorious fortune am I hoping for that my life continues like this?

Ah, is it too much to even call this a life?

If I manage to endure till the end, I won’t even be human anymore.

‘… This sucks.’

I wanted to try living like a human, and now I won’t even be one anymore.

What a pathetic life it has become.

So there I was, clutching my trembling hands from all the pain, biting my lip.

[Then.]

[Why on earth are you enduring this?]

A voice echoed in my head.

It was a voice that started to creep into my mind just as I began to endure.

It resembled the voice of my blood Qi, but something about its vibe felt different.

‘Could be a hallucination.’

Since it was unclear and murky, I might just be hearing hallucinations under the weight of pain.

I didn’t mind.

Going insane wasn’t something I was particularly scared of.

[It would be much easier to just let go. Why are you so determined to hold on?]

It was nothing more than a nuisance.

[You claim you’re not afraid of death, yet you long for life?]

‘Shut up, would you? Your noise is just distracting me.’

[It doesn’t make sense to me.]

‘Who asked for your understanding?’

I didn’t even understand it myself; would it make sense to someone else?

Why am I doing this?

‘It’s too late to find reasons one by one.’

It had gone too far for that.

There are plenty of justifications if I look for them.

I might say that I’m enduring this to save the world from the crises that are about to come.

Or perhaps to abandon my humanity and rise to a higher plane.

If I searched for reasons, I could pile them up endlessly.

Yet to me, none of that meant anything at all.

[Then why….]

Well.

I feel like I used to have something at least.

Now, I really don’t know.

If I were Shin Noya, I might’ve endured claiming I had to save the world and uphold my beliefs.

But I’m not like that old man; I’m no hero.

I can’t really muster any interest in worldly affairs.

Whether war breaks out and consumes the world, or if there are any secrets in this realm.

Those were matters of no importance to me.

If I had to look for a reason.

‘Simply put, I wouldn’t be able to face the kids if I just gave up.’

That might be the only reason left.

[Just… just that?]

The voice, as if in disbelief, was utterly baffled by the reason I had barely recalled.

Who the hell does he think he is?

‘Now you’re gonna get on my case too?’

It’s utterly inconceivable, really.

It’s just shocking.

Earlier, my blood Qi was going wild, and now—

‘Now you’re gonna berate my desire to remain human.’

As I growled in frustration, I could sense the voice shrinking back.

[… I don’t want to become some kind of monster.]

There was a hint of sadness in that voice. I could feel resentment hidden within it too.

‘I know.’

I knew very well.

I wanted to die as a human.

I hadn’t achieved that properly in my previous life, so I wished to protect this at least.

Though it might seem impossible now that I had embraced Demonization.

Even so, it was something I hoped for dearly.

[Now you could…. let go.]

‘I could.’

If I let go now, I could die at once.

Yes, as a human.

As a human, I could die.

Not as some higher being or an existence that knows nothing.

I could die as myself while maintaining the physical body I was born with.

As I contemplated this, I couldn’t help but smile.

Just how foolhardy was it to cling so stubbornly to something as trivial as being human?

If that wasn’t it.

It meant that despite having lived rejecting my humanity, I still wished to remain human.

That’s not right.

I had known it.

Deeper than that, it was a more selfish desire.

It wasn’t about human dignity or some incomprehensible pride I couldn’t let go of.

Simply put, it was a selfish craving to be by the side of those I cherished as a human.

[… I want to be human.]

That voice, filled with emotions, existed there.

It still tightened around me with remnants of regret and resentment.

You simply aren’t worthy of such a thing.

If it’s about eligibility, haven’t you already passed the point of no return?

My rationality cracked the whip at me sharply, scolding me.

My selfish desires kept thrusting their heads out even knowing all that.

What does it matter that it’s already in the past?

If this life is different, is it enough?

How truly hideous.

No matter how much time passes, I remained repulsive.

But even then.

“I’m sorry.”

[…]

“I’m afraid that might be a bit much.”

My life has always been a series of choices.

Not a moment passed when I didn’t weigh each of them.

The history of my previous life.

It was merely the consequence of choosing the heavier side of the scale.

And it was no different this time around.

I kept choosing that heavier side.

My lingering attachment.

I weighed it against the happiness of those I hold dear.

In reality, there was no need to weigh it at all.

I already knew deeply in my heart.

[…]

Could it be I thought of that?

The echoes of longing in my ears no longer reached me.

“I’m sorry.”

Once again, I offered an apology.

I had never apologized for myself, yet I felt it was necessary at least once.

Thud-!

The energy surged stronger in retaliation.

In turn, the pain intensified dramatically.

Furthermore, I sensed a transformation within my body.

Woong-!

The energy that had only been swelling now started to shift.

As the energy that filled me from my toes to my head began to move, it felt maddening.

Grrrr-!

“Ugh…!”

A whirlwind.

The vast energy began to swirl and morph into a vortex.

Crack-!

The shell that had been cracking completely shattered, and the previously shattered bones reformed.

Waah-!

As the bones reformed, the energy spread along its pathways.

Where was it headed? It became clear in an instant.

My heart.

The immense energy that was flipping my insides around was heading straight for my heart.

Gwaah-!

“Huuhhhh!”

The energy that felt like it would burst just by being contained compressed tighter in my chest, amplifying the pressure like never before.

And it didn’t end there.

Boom-!

The compressed energy shrunk further.

It felt like I was about to be sucked in at any moment.

I had to hold on.

Even if I couldn’t, I had to withstand it.

Crack-!

I could hear something crumbling.

Something inside me began to shatter.

Whatever might have already dissolved, what was now fracturing?

Chik-chik-! The sound coming from within soon became audible from the outside as well.

The space was collapsing.

Thud-! Thud-!

My heart, wreaking havoc, felt as if it could explode at any moment.

A distorting space.

The sensation of it constantly falling apart.

Amidst it all, I desperately clung to my sanity.

I wouldn’t let go.

The only time I could let go would be when everything came to an end.

It had to be that way.

So I endured for what felt like ages.

Thud….

Thud….

The vibrations that had been ringing madly in seconds began to subside.

Pain started to lessen in proportion.

When I thought it might just be over.

Tap.

I felt a slight tremor toward my chest.

Kwaaaah-!

The energy that had barely clustered exploded outward.

Swept away by such a ridiculous amount of energy, I finally lost consciousness.

In the next moment.

“Hah…!”

When I finally opened my eyes again, everything had changed dramatically.

 

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