Volume 2 Chapter 5: “Awareness of Feelings”
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Emilia sighed as she looked down at Natsuki Subaru, who was prostrating himself. “By the way,” she said, placing a finger on her lips as if recalling something.
That occasional gesture was strangely childlike and cute for her.
As Subaru sprang up, Emilia directed the finger that had been on her lips to her own eyes and asked,
“Still, isn’t it concerning that you’ve never seen a spirit before? Is your mana usage unstable?”
“Mana usage, you say…”
“Focusing your eyes is basic, right? If that’s all it takes…”
“Hey, that’s not such a simple matter, you know. The people you’ve seen so far are just skilled in handling mana for humans. Well, in addition to that, Subaru’s situation is a bit special.”
“Special?” Emilia tilted her head, and Pack nodded with crossed arms.
“From what I can tell, Subaru’s Gate isn’t opening properly. Even without considering spirit arts or magic, it’s a bit too tightly closed.”
“Isn’t that strange? If he were living normally, that shouldn’t happen, right?”
“Exactly, so it’s weird. He must not have lived a normal life.”
The two exchanged glances, nodding in sync as they looked at Subaru. Receiving their gazes, Subaru reacted by exclaiming,
“This feels like a world where I hesitate to interject… jealousy!”
“W-well, I can see you aren’t ordinary,” Emilia admitted.
“The very definition of ‘ordinary’ is being thrown into chaos! I mean, judging someone’s face as ordinary or not feels incredibly rude! How is your daughter doing on that front?”
“I’m just glad she’s grown into such an honest and straightforward girl.”
“Wow, that’s pure parental bias!”
Subaru covered his face in response to Pack’s excessively sweet demeanor towards his daughter. Watching his over-the-top reaction, Emilia remarked,
“You two seem really close.”
She looked from one to the other with narrowed eyes and muttered so.
At her comment, Subaru and Pack exchanged glances, nodded, and clapped their hands together (Pack dramatically throwing his entire body against his palms).
“Oh yeah, we’re super close! It feels like our wavelengths match! How about aiming for the top of the comedy world together?!”
“You say that, but you’re just after my body, aren’t you?”
“Love and cuddles are different topics altogether. But I’m sure I’ll always return to you in the end. A guy’s wanderlust is something to overlook a bit, right? Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle!”
With their hands meeting mid-gesture, Subaru briefly interrupted his happiness by cuddling Pack. This time, Emilia seemed to give up on continuing the conversation.
“Pack, you go play with Subaru. I have to charm the spirit over here. Just don’t bother me, alright?”
“I’ve been abandoned.”
“Totally left behind.”
Emilia silently ignored the two of them, quickly putting distance as she began to immerse herself in whatever she was doing with the spirit she had brought along.
Her interaction with the spirit was enchanting, just like before. She acted that way wanting to touch a bit of the grandeur surrounding them.
“So, that’s not quite my intention. Just so you know.”
“Even if you say that to me, it’s going to end up like… yeah, I should hold back. It’s the middle of an important ritual. As a spirit, I can’t let it slide.”
“But for that, you were quite enthusiastic about interrupting, huh? So, what exactly are you doing?”
“It’s a contract ritual with the spirit. — Fulfillment of the oath.”
At the mention of unfamiliar terms one after another, Subaru responded with a puzzled frown. Pack then began to carefully explain, “Um…”
“First off, a spirit user needs a contract with a spirit to use spirit arts. The contract terms differ depending on the spirit. Are you good thus far?”
“So it’s like how a loan shark has different interest rates and collateral, got it.”
“I’m not okay with your assessment, but let’s keep going. What the spirit demands is different for each, but when it comes to those little spirits, it involves a touch through the user’s mana. This makes it relatively easy to get their cooperation.”
“So it’s an easygoing arrangement, huh? But I guess a proper spirit must be different, right? How’s that, Pack?”
“You’re sharp! It’s helpful when kids catch on fast… It’s just that sometimes that intelligence means they go off on tangents and don’t get to the point.”
“Ah, come on!” Subaru scratched his head in embarrassment. Pack looked at him with a warm gaze as he fiddled with his beard.
“As Subaru mentioned, spirits such as myself, being sentient, have stricter demands. Though I’m a pretty capable spirit, the oaths I’ve made with Emilia are strict.”
“By the way, I’ve been wondering—Emilia is such a cute nickname.”
“Not a chance, it can’t defeat your Emilia-tan. Should I start using that from now on?”
“—Please, just don’t.”
Subaru’s tangential remarks made Pack ride that wave, which made Emilia intervene with a scowl.
At a glance, it was evident that the spirit’s glow had disappeared from around her, suggesting that the spirit talk show was over.
As Subaru stood up, brushing off the grass stuck to his rear end, he commented,
“Is the get-together over? That seemed surprisingly breezy.”
“You two distracted me so much that my focus broke, hence the interruption. Even at a distance, you two sure know how to get under my skin… that’s a talent at least.”
“It’s like those two who shouldn’t meet have met… I have a feeling something’s about to begin. The excitement in my chest won’t stop!”
He patted his chest while feeling the rhythm.
Emilia then extended her hand towards him, and Pack hopped from below him.
Looking up at Emilia with his round black eyes, he smiled sweetly and said,
“Don’t worry. I checked, and Subaru has no malice or hostility or harmful intentions at all. He’s just a bit twisted inside, but he’s a good boy.”
“Wha—?!”
Emilia gasped at Pack’s dire assessment and hurriedly poked him, “Why would you say that in front of him! And come on, even if it’s the truth, it’s hurtful!”
“Oh, it’s all good. It’s only natural to check someone out. It’s normal to suspect a nice guy when their origins are unclear… although I’m a bit hurt by the way you’re helping out Emilia-tan!”
Emilia shut her mouth in disbelief, and her candid reaction made Subaru chuckle.
Subaru could guess that Pack was probably trying to probe him for information, considering everyone had been cautious about Subaru’s presence, especially after the abrupt appearance of Ram and Rem.
“That said, I have no means to explain why I’m here.”
With memories but no official standing, that was Subaru’s current state.
Explaining would be tough, and the likelihood of being labeled as crazy was high. It was better to ride on Pack’s personality assessment instead, expecting him to convey Subaru’s situation more accurately.
It was somewhat of a gamble, but Pack merely laughed and said,
“Don’t worry, Emilia. Besides, Subaru understands that part too. He’s a sly one for using my mind-reading like that.”
“That’s quite the compliment. Just go ahead and smooth things over, my friend.”
Pack looked a bit puzzled at that, but then chuckled cheerfully,
“It’s been ages since I’ve been treated that way. Yep, I like it!”
Subaru felt a bit of a deeper meaning from Pack’s delighted demeanor, but before he could broach that, he found himself looking into Emilia’s face.
Lowering her eyes, she brought her forehead to his as a strangely surreal scene unfolded.
“Take this! Pack’s Ultimate Technique, ‘Cat’s Forehead Impact’!!”
Subaru’s antics to disguise his loneliness earned him silence from the two, which only heightened his sense of isolation as he tried to entertain himself.
“Damn it, how powerless I am… I can’t come up with any way to catch their attention. I’m feeling weepy.”
“…I see, I get it. Wow, Subaru, you’re dealing with some serious stuff… why are you sitting like that and crying all of a sudden?”
“Don’t think about it! So what was that just now?”
“Oh, it’s kind of a shared consciousness thing. Rather than explaining it with words, I thought it would be faster to let you feel what I felt.”
Pack answered Subaru’s question concisely, taking his usual place by Emilia’s side. With her hand resting on Pack’s back, Emilia nodded, saying,
“Since you experienced it via Pack, we conveyed to you… I’m sorry for doubting you. Even if I understood, it still wouldn’t be a pleasant feeling.”
“Being probed by a beautiful girl is kinda thrilling in writing, don’t you think? Next time, I’ll give you permission to directly rummage through my brain, not through Pack!”
He offered a thumbs-up, showcasing a grin. Emilia merely stared in bewilderment at Subaru. Seeing her reaction, he started to regret his overenthusiastic response.
It wasn’t just a good habit of making foolish remarks; he was now wracked with guilt.
“Shut up! I didn’t mean it like that! I mean… in our line of work, this is kinda the kind of painful reward we deal with.”
Subaru’s attempts to recover from his blunders were yet another of his bad habits.
Sweat trickled down his face as his awkward grin deepened. It was hard to tell if it was sweat, tears, rain, or drool, but either way, he was definitely in a sticky situation.
As Emilia tilted her head curiously at Subaru’s awkward state, she asked,
“—You really are curious, Subaru.”
“Huh?”
“You treat spirits as if they’re just part of everyday life, and then you manage to look at a half-elf like me with those kinds of eyes.”
She chuckled softly, “Even if it’s a joke, it’s still surprising.”
Inside his head, Subaru thought, “Surprising? Not at all!” but he lost himself in the sweetness of her smile.
That smile was as pure and transparent as the one he had seen in the alley behind the store—joyful and distant from sorrow.
For the first time, Subaru became aware of his feelings while gazing at her expression.
“This is bad.”
“What’s wrong?”
“No, it’s just been a super long time since I felt something like this… seriously.”
His mouth felt parched, and his breathing quickened.
His vision began to blur, and he found it hard to keep his gaze steady. The heat rose from his neck to his face, making it difficult to gain control over his emotions.
“Are you alright? What’s happening?”
Emilia asked as she looked up at Subaru’s downward face, concern etched on her features in a way that amplified her cuteness.
“Fuuoooouuuuuu!!”
He let out a battle cry and jumped backward, attempting to escape with a cartwheel.
As he flipped over, aiming to place his hands on the ground gracefully, morning dew made his hands slip, and he tumbled headfirst. He slid across the grass and collapsed about a meter away.
“Wh-what was that for?!”
“Oww, it hurts, it hurts like crazy! Am I losing my hair? …Ah, it’s fine.”
As Subaru cradled his head on the ground, Emilia rushed over, flailing her hands in confusion as she wondered what to do. A brief moment of uncertainty flashed across Emilia’s face before she blushed upon realizing the implication of what she was witnessing.
Having appeared before Subaru, she found herself hovering just above him in a short skirt—
“That was totally involuntary, I swear!”
“And the truth?”
“Thanks for the meal!”
With hands together in prayer, Subaru lowered his head respectfully to the silver-haired goddess.
When he raised his head, Emilia smiled at him. — Unlike the earlier smile, this one had a hint of sadistic mischief.
“That was quite a captivating face you made, after all.”
“—You should reflect on this!”
The ice chunk that came crashing down was considerably large, even after considering the mercy.
—
“Ah, that hurts… am I really starting to bald? You okay?”
“Just a big bump forming, you should be grateful for my kindness.”
Subaru rubbed his head on the ground while sitting cross-legged, half-teary-eyed. Emilia responded coldly, turning her back on him, clearly upset.
There was a few meters gap between them, with the distance clearly reflecting the rift that had formed from their previous interaction.
Glancing at her white profile, she averted her gaze.
Peep, turn. Peep, turn. Peep, turn. Peep, peep.
“Stop playing around! I’m angry, you know!”
“This was totally unintentional! It was just a little mishap that blew up in my face!”
His forehead bore a distinctly raised bump, resembling a cartoonish bandage.
The moment of collision was intense enough to cause sparks to fly before his eyes. For a moment, he felt he might get dragged back in front of that fruit vendor again from the intensity.
Though he was fine now, right after taking the hit, his mind had gone hazy.
Meanwhile, Emilia watched him, practically shimmering with concern, which was cutely reminiscent of a small animal.
Caught peeking at her in a half-squint left him more furious in his flustered state.
“You know, you’re quite the troublesome character. You should relax a little more.”
“If this is how I end up living freely, then wow, I’d like to change spots with you!”
Looking toward Emilia’s lap, where Pack relaxed, Subaru felt envy as he watched the tiny spirit—once small enough to fit in his palm—growing to the size of a small child, resting his head and enjoying the warmth.
“I’m not even remotely interested in anything inappropriate, okay?”
“Shut it, and don’t read my thoughts. I’m a boy in his puberty, after all! It’s a mess in here. And you’re not an exception, Emilia-tan!”
“If you keep thinking about lewd things concerning my daughter, I’ll banish you!”
“I mean, don’t threaten to exterminate me just for something so trivial?!”
He said it jokingly, but he sensed the seriousness beneath her words.
However, Subaru reflected on their earlier exchanges while watching Emilia and Pack’s interactions with mild disdain.
“Keep up that daily grooming ritual, huh? It feels like this spirit contract or oath is just too easy…”
“It’s not like that! Depending on the spirit, the demands can be way stricter. Some spirits require multiple times the amount of mana a normal person has, or if they’re combative, it might require a kill every day!”
“Why does your comparison sound so brutal… and you, too, are spoiling your daughter.”
Compared to Pack’s standards, the terms felt way too easy.
Familial contracts always become lenient, no matter the time or world.
While contemplating this, Subaru took a moment to observe Emilia and Pack’s moments of gentleness in silence.
Truth be told, Subaru’s continuous chatter stemmed from his discomfort with silent moments in the presence of others.
When others are around, becoming quiet made Subaru feel a pressure suggesting, “It’s your fault for being silent!”
Usually, he’d feel tortured by such obsessive thoughts, but for some strange reason, he felt free from the pressure of self-inflicted isolation now.
—Silence, stillness, and tranquility.
The warm scene in front of him felt supported by that very silence.
As he gently groomed Pack’s short fur, he looked at Emilia, who seemed to have begun to forget their earlier quarrel—her profile bent in focus, lost in affectionate grooming, wearing a serious yet peaceful expression that mesmerized him.
Underneath it all, Subaru realized how clearly he was losing his eye for details.
“Hee hee.”
That cat with mind-reading abilities glared at him.
That cat could undoubtedly grasp the essence of the indescribable bittersweet feelings swelling within Subaru.
Now in an unplanned way, he found himself at a disadvantage.
Of course, it was far from enjoyable.
—Yet, here he was, finding himself on a thorny path.
The flowing silver hair glittered like moonlit drops; her snow-white skin looked translucent, and her dark purple eyes seemed to cast a spell of allure that beckoned Subaru’s attention.
Her long, slender arms and legs made her seem like a fragile doll in danger of breaking with a hug, yet Subaru also knew her heart was strong and unwavering.
Noble, beautiful, an idealized being.
Clearly, there’s no chance for a greenhorn recluse from another world to escape this.
“Is just being here a form of indulgence?”
A curious feeling crept upon Subaru that was hard to articulate.
Standing up, he swung the wooden sword as if trying to shake off those thoughts swirling in his mind.
It’s been since elementary school that such challenging-to-express feelings had visited him.
Moreover, since that feeling had lingered for nearly ten years, he hadn’t even had the chance to express it.
Each time those emotions resurfaced, his strokes became sharper.
“Get lost, distractions! Drop dead, regrets! I don’t care if it’s a hundred and eight! I’ll chop them all down! I will!”
With each swing, he cut down an invisible something, issuing bold proclamations each time.
For sure, being bothered by uncertainties wouldn’t be characteristic of him.
He should face life boldly and choose a resolute response. That’s how Natsuki Subaru should be!
“Ohho, what a boy. This is definitely entertaining to watch!”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t move… but you’re probably right.”
Watching Subaru slay his inner conflicts, the two commented amusingly.
As they noted the explosive movements from behind, Emilia gently let her lips curl, her earlier anger completely gone.
How dull he was for not recognizing that subtle shift in her demeanor.
And…
“Is something up with you two?”
Emilia asked, suddenly noticing something, prompting Subaru to halt his antics and shift his gaze toward the mansion. From the mansion came two twin maids with striking pink and blue hair, who polished their postures and bowed gracefully.
“We regret to inform you, Count Roswaal has returned. Please proceed to the mansion.”
A perfect stereo echo, flawless and synchronized.
Not only was Subaru amazed by the fluid coordination, but he was also struck by the remarkable difference in their demeanor from earlier.
Unlike before when they playfully bantered with him, these two girls now presented themselves fittingly as employees of the estate.
In brief, they had switched from casual mode to professional mode.
“Right, so Roswaal… time to go welcome him.”
“Yes. Also, the guest, too. If they’re awake, please invite them along.”
Pack shrank away, retreating into Emilia’s silver hair. As she stroked it slightly and accepted him, she rose with a calmer expression.
Amidst her unusual demeanor, Subaru wiped off the faint sheen of sweat. The blue-haired maid stepped forward with a cloth to continue where he had left off.
“Sorry about that.”
“Not at all; it’s the duty of a servant, dear guest.”
“Exactly, nobody’s business but a servant’s, my dear guest.”
It was the blue-haired maid speaking, while the pink-haired one stood tall with an air of bravado. Feeling a sense of relief at the return of some semblance of their previous exchanges, Subaru turned to ask,
“So, who exactly is Roswaal?”
“The owner of this mansion… Oh, I hadn’t explained, huh?”
Suddenly realizing her oversight, Emilia placed her hand over her mouth. Contemplating how to respond, she knitted her brows and finally said,
“Uh, well, you’ll get it when you meet him.”
“That was fast! Does he not have any distinct traits or anything?!”
“Nope, the opposite.”
They chorused back in unison, and Subaru was left stunned enough to drop his wooden sword.
Kicking the fallen sword away, the blue-haired maid caught it gracefully in midair and bowed dramatically before returning to the sisters.
Then the pink-haired maid gestured toward the mansion.
“No matter how you phrase it, it’s pointless. To truly understand who Roswaal is, you have to meet him in person. Yes, he’ll surely be fine!”
The pink-haired and blue-haired maids exchanged glances and nodded. Emilia reluctantly agreed, patting Subaru on the shoulder as they walked toward the mansion.
“—I think you two will get along well. Though it might be a headache…”
She murmured with a heavy tone in her voice.
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