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131st Chapter

My body trembled, and my focus wavered. I felt like I was about to vomit from an overwhelming self-hatred.

‘Is this the result of my beliefs?’

The solid principle I had upheld my entire life shattered in an instant.

I stared blankly at the blood-soaked black gloves. Even though the black color masked the blood, the stench of it was overpowering.

I acutely realized how complacent I had been in the face of war and how I had overlooked the value of life.

“Reiner… I… I killed someone.”

“I just incapacitated them. I didn’t mean to kill them.”

“Kashmir.”

“But ultimately, it’s my fault.

They took their own life because they lost to me. In the end, I… killed someone…”

“Shushu!”

Reiner, who shouted loudly, gripped my shoulder tightly.

I gazed up at him in a daze, losing my grasp on reality. I didn’t want to show anyone this weak side of me, yet it wouldn’t subside easily.

With a terrifyingly stiff expression, Reiner took a deep breath and looked straight at me. His gaze was still unwavering.

“The Kashmir Crisis. You are neither a god nor a savior, just a human. You can’t save everyone.”

Reiner spoke firmly in a cold voice I had never heard before. Although he was stating facts I already knew, each one felt like a stab to my heart.

But looking into his eyes, I understood that this harshness wasn’t meant to hurt me but to excise the rotten parts.

“I learned as a Captain of the Knights that my survival means someone else has died. Because I survived, the assassin aiming for me is dead.”

His golden eyes were tinged with sorrow. Reiner’s face twisted as if he didn’t want to say such words, yet he spoke them as if swallowing sharp needles.

“You know, not everyone can be saved.”

Ah. It’s truly a harsh truth. I knew it rationally, but I didn’t want to accept it emotionally.

‘Why did the gods grant humans life yet deny the salvation of all?’

Even knowing this, I wanted to save everyone. I detested blood and hated death.

As I looked at the blood-soaked Karasho and the snowfield, I vowed never to witness anyone’s death again.

I wanted to protect Aria as she struggled at death’s door, wishing that no one would have to endure such experiences.

I hoped that no one else would feel the pain I felt. I wished for no one to feel anything at all.

‘Was this thought I’ve held my entire life wrong? Was I merely an idealist?’

The process of forcibly admitting what I had denied was violent. I could vividly feel the destruction of the world surrounding me. A world that had already been cracked but was being held together by sheer will.

‘To protect my people, I must cut down others.’

This was the cruel truth I wanted to avoid.

The shards of truth pierced my heart mercilessly. I washed my face roughly with cold water.

“But Shushu. While we can’t save everyone, isn’t there a way to save as many as we can?”

Reiner, who looked at me while biting his lip tightly, gently held my cheeks and locked eyes with me.

In this situation, his shining, steadfast golden eyes resembled the North Star, shining in the dark night sky and pointing the way.

“I know that this is a problem that’s hard to overcome right now. I also… don’t want to push you to snap out of it in this situation.”

His face was painted with guilt. Taking a shallow breath, Reiner set his lips firmly.

“But if you don’t step up, so many people will die. Seeing that will hurt you even more. I want to save people, and I want to protect you too.”

Reiner’s long eyelashes partially hid his eyes. He dropped his gaze sadly.

“Please help, Shushu. I can’t do this without you. Help me defuse the bomb.”

‘Bomb.’

A faint light flickered in the darkness of my reasoning. Thanks to the light of the North Star.

I was struggling with the fact that I had killed someone, and my thoughts about the North were still not sorted out. I didn’t want to imagine the unbearable guilt I would feel if I failed to defuse the bomb.

In truth, I wanted to just drop everything and run away.

Yet, holding tightly to the fading thread of reason, I wiped away my tears roughly and gritted my teeth.

“…I’ll do it.”

The only reason was that the people I loved were here. That was the sole reason.

I opened my unfocused eyes wide. With trembling hands, I gripped the sword as if I would crush it with my determination.

“…Kashmir.”

Reiner’s expression collapsed as he looked at me. A deep pain floated in his golden eyes.

He squeezed my hand with his large, sturdy ones as he tightly shut his eyes, then opened them again.

“You are doing well.”

His voice whispered in my ear, and I felt tears welling up again, but I bit my lips and quickly moved forward, holding onto Reiner’s hand.

“I learned how to defuse bombs in a rush before the festival, but this is a type of bomb I’ve never seen before. I can’t defuse it. The terrorists… they are going to die.”

The word “die” felt like poison, burning from my throat to my mouth. Barely holding back my emotions, I looked at Reiner with determined eyes.

“There is only one way.”

“…We really have to use that method.”

Reiner muttered with a heavy expression.

Before the festival, he and I seriously devised a way to combat bomb terrorism. In essence, it was a simple plan.

‘Plan A is to directly defuse the bomb. Plan B is to threaten the terrorists to find out how to defuse it. Plan C is…’

I placed my hands without hesitation on the bomb that had about two minutes left, filled with a disturbing energy.

The bomb was glued to the wall, and it didn’t look too hard to remove it. However, it might be a bomb that detonates with a certain shock, so I carefully peeled it off.

“Reiner. Let’s get started.”

Reiner nodded heavily and placed his hand on top of the bomb I was holding.

Plan C was the most mindless, extreme, and last-resort plan we had left.

Whoa—

My mana, dark and glimmering like gold dust, combined with Reiner’s golden shining mana. The thin membrane of mana wrapped the bomb.

Covering, covering, and covering again. The thin mana layer piled hundreds of layers, growing like a snowball rolling across the field.

Mana flowed out rapidly as if someone inserted a straw into the mana circuit and began sucking it out, but neither I nor Reiner stopped.

‘It’s tiring.’

Creating a mana barrier was not a swordsman’s specialty but rather a mage’s. As a swordsman used to releasing mana strongly to transform it into aura, this delicate task was far from easy.

“….Huh.”

If I was struggling, Reiner could hardly be doing well. I could hear his strained breathing, which weighed heavily on my heart.

I worked faster on the mana barrier to ease Reiner’s burden.

With just about a minute left, I withdrew my hand. Reiner pulled his hand back as well. The bomb, wrapped in mana, became a ball.

‘It’s time to go.’

I took a deep breath. As I put more mana on my feet, a large hand grabbed my shoulder.

“…Is it really okay for me to go?”

Reiner’s eyes trembled larger than I had ever seen. I smiled as calmly as I could at him.

“We’ve already agreed on this. I’ll be back soon.”

Reiner bit his lips. His expression, mixed with self-loathing, worry, and thoughts, was painful to behold.

‘No! That’s practically a plan for mutual destruction! It’s too dangerous!’

‘This is really the last resort. When there’s absolutely no other choice… we have to do it this way.’

‘…Then let me do it instead.’

‘It’s better that I do this. I may be in danger, but… you are definitely in danger. You know that.’

We had previously had a debate about this plan. It was an extreme method that should only be tried when there were no other options, making its danger an issue.

I still vividly remembered the look in Reiner’s eyes as he looked at me that moment. His eyes, colored with helplessness, looked as if they might bite their own tongue.

‘I really dislike it when you are in danger, Mir. Especially when you sacrifice yourself for others… I want you to put a stop to that.’

His voice, filled with sincerity, rang in my ears, emphasizing each word. It was selfish advice, just for me.

‘But Lord Einhart, I also dislike it when you are in danger.’

‘…’

‘If there were a peace without sacrifice, it would be wonderful. But that’s impossible, isn’t it? In the end, someone has to do it… and that someone has to be strong. That’s the responsibility of the powerful.’

Someone has to sacrifice, and that sacrifice falls on the strong—an age-old, clichéd story. Yet it was a tale I couldn’t stop.

‘If the strong do not sacrifice, too many of the weak will perish.’

Even if I were to be mocked for having such a foolish hero’s spirit, I couldn’t stop. If my sacrifice could save many, I would throw myself in time and again.

“I will come back alive. Didn’t we promise to go see the lake together?”

Pushing aside my unsettled emotions, profound burdens, and fears, I gave a bright smile to Reiner, who worried for me.

“Trust me and wait. I’ll be back soon.”

Reiner squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. Although his face still looked sad, his eyes held undeniable trust in me.

“……Please, come back safely.”

I answered by narrowing my eyes, gathering as much mana as I could inside me, and leaping into the air.

Swoosh

I created a footing of mana and effortlessly ascended. It felt like walking in the sky. The fierce wind fluttered my cape.

‘Plan R is to directly carry the bomb wrapped in a mana barrier into the air and detonate it to minimize damage.’

It was a reckless approach close to mutual destruction.

Some might argue that such a foolish method shouldn’t exist, but for Reiner and me, it was the best option we had agonized over.

I had thought about simply wrapping it in a mana barrier and detonating it right there, but I couldn’t trust just the mana barrier not knowing the extent of the bomb’s explosion.

I also considered just throwing it into the sky, but whatever triggered the bomb, I needed to be there to observe its detonation.

‘If the bomb causes an emergency situation, I must react quickly, and I’m much better at that than Reiner, the knight.’

My life had always been full of surprises. I could confidently say I was better than anyone at dealing with unexpected situations.

If the explosion were to break through the mana barrier, I, the Sword Master, could handle the damage better than Reiner, the Sword Expert.

Ultimately, I planned to bear all the risks and become a buffer for the bomb.

I looked down at the bomb in my hands. It was a small bomb, maybe the size of a soccer ball, yet it could turn this capital into a sea of flames.

Feeling death in my hands, I slowly examined the tangled and complex thoughts swirling in my mind.

‘Am I really not afraid of death?’

Whenever I was ridiculed for not being afraid of death while living as a mercenary, I confidently answered yes, but now, truly, it was hard to respond that way.

‘Perhaps because I’ve grown to love so many things.’

What was once a sole reason to live—Aria—had now blossomed into many. I had become someone to someone else, and someone had become significant to me.

‘…I don’t want to die.’

Having caused someone else to die, I felt I had no right to live. Nonetheless, I wanted to live. I wanted to savor the happiness I had finally found.

Indeed, thoughts like this were not typical for someone holding a bomb and undertaking a suicidal special ops mission. Still, I had no regrets about coming this far.

‘Because there’s something more frightening than death for me.’

I feared the death of those I loved more than my own.

To protect something precious, I leaped higher.

Ten seconds.

I closed my eyes slowly and opened them, watching as the bomb’s timer ticked on inexorably.

The sky was undesirably blue in the face of this calamity, and the view of the festival from high above was breathtakingly beautiful. I could see people murmuring as they gazed at me suddenly soaring into the sky.

‘I hope when you look back on today, you can say it was just another special day of celebration.’

Thinking that, I came to a standstill in the air and tore the bomb from my body to throw it upwards to minimize the impact.

‘And I hope I can also live to remember today.’

Boom!

Amidst the festivities, the bomb exploded, producing a massive sound that reverberated through the sky.

 

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