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68th Chapter

“……It’s difficult.”

I sighed as I gazed into those silver eyes filled with something I couldn’t understand at all.

“I hope you don’t show me the other side of El. I want you to pretend you don’t know my past. It seems I must become a fool in front of you.”

“I…!”

“If you wish, pretending not to know isn’t hard, Elio.”

I firmly called his name. It still felt a bit awkward, his new name.

The past I knew was of a nameless boy. He said he was abandoned at an orphanage right after he was born and had no name.

“Black.”

I called him ‘Black’ after his black eyes. A boy with rough-cut, dark brown hair and burning black eyes filled with hatred for the world. My childhood friend, Black.

The boy who appeared, with everything from his name to his appearance and title changed, presented me with a riddle I could no longer solve with unreadable eyes.

“But I do know why I want to be a fool. Tell me, why must I not know?”

I was still no good at beating around the bush. Staring at him with straight eyes, I asked directly.

El, biting his lip, slowly responded.

“If you know… you will hate me…”

“Me? Hate you?”

I helped El, who hesitated, by responding gently. He closed his eyes tightly.

“I… think you might.”

The emotions pouring from his voice were wretched. I quietly watched El let out a deep sigh, covering his face with one hand.

He was scared. Scared of being hated by me.

“I’m not really that nice of a person when I’m not in front of you. That brat, Julian, no, the friend he talks about, isn’t that great either. I don’t match with you at all. And the past…”

El’s eyes deepened. The rolling pupils, reminiscent of memories, filled with contempt. Yet, that contempt wasn’t directed at me, but almost at himself.

“I just wanted you not to see me as that incompetent little kid again, now that I’ve finally climbed to a position that’s somewhat fitting.”

I could sense he didn’t like his past self.

“……I’m a very subjective person, El.”

As I slowly opened my mouth, gazing intently at the self-loathing that filled El’s beautiful face, his eyes, which had touched the ground, finally focused on me.

His gaze was blind, desperate, like a believer staring at a god.

“I trust what I’ve seen, and I judge everything according to my own subjectivity. Therefore, your objectivity doesn’t matter.”

I grabbed El’s pale cheek and fixed his gaze on me. El’s eyes momentarily drifted. I stared at him without a hint of wavering.

“It doesn’t matter how you treat other people. I only believe in the you that I’ve seen.”

In truth, I wouldn’t have cared if El had killed hundreds of people elsewhere. Selfish as it may be, what mattered to me were my people.

I simply couldn’t bear to watch people die before my eyes; that didn’t make me a saint.

“Let me ask just one thing. Was the kindness you showed me a lie?”

At my question, El smiled through tears.

And just like that night a few months ago after we finished dancing at the banquet, he kissed the back of my hand.

“There is never any falsehood in my feelings toward you, Shushu.”

With a voice sweet enough to melt, El whispered that to me. Hearing his sincere words, I couldn’t help but smile slightly.

“That’s enough for me.”

I leaned against the railing, feeling a bit drowsy in the breezy night air.

“And it seems you might have some misunderstandings.”

I gently took El’s chin, who was standing there dazed.

He was dragged to me effortlessly. With his blank face in front of mine, I smiled playfully.

The Pope is the representative of the sun god Ra. So, to lay hands carelessly on the body of such a Pope would be treated as a grave crime, disregarding Ra’s authority.

Yet still, I had no hesitation in touching El’s body.

“I cherish not Pope Elio of Ra, but the El who was once my friend.”

My affection for him was not because he was a Pope. Whether he was a Pope or still that nameless orphan boy, I didn’t care at all.

He was already my friend, my person.

“……Ah.”

El, gazing at me with dazed eyes for a while, let out a short sigh. Slowly blinking, he met my gaze as he placed both hands on the railing.

It put me in a position trapped between El’s arms.

“……You were like this back then too.”

With our faces close, his breath tickled my ear. Tilting my head slightly to look at El, he released a deep sigh. The scent of lilies in the air was overwhelmingly strong.

“With that expression, like it’s nothing special, you save me so coolly.”

Though he still wore an unreadable gaze, I could see an emotion I recognized was nestled within— a primal instinct I sometimes saw in monsters.

Desire. Desire directed at me.

“People think of me as the Pope who serves the sun god, but the truth is, do you know that my god is you?”

It’s blasphemy. A sound so irreverent that came from the mouth of a Pope was beyond imagination. Yet, that made it all the more stimulating.

El’s eyes squinted gently. It looked like a happy smile on the outside, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something deep inside. Staring at the corners of his eyes, flushed with desire, I opened my mouth.

“……You shouldn’t make a person into a god. It’s dangerous.”

“I know that too.”

El lightly took my hand and leaned over, placing his lips on my knuckles.

“Ah.”

I released a brief sound of shock. A moist sound escaped as his rough, scarred skin momentarily sank between my soft, red lips, leaving a warm mark like a flower blooming on my hand. Slightly dazed, El looked up at me with a smile.

“But it’s a level of danger I can’t back away from.”

The strange whisper brushed against my ear, sending a chill down my spine. Hesitating while looking down, I finally faced him.

Staring into El’s silver eyes felt like confronting a wild beast in a completely vulnerable state.

“……Have you made contact with the Atara delegation?”

How long did our gazes linger? When El finally pulled his attention from me and slowly shifted the subject, it appeared a bit stiff. He seemed about to say something more but decided against it. Since he expressed a wish to change the topic, I simply followed suit.

“I saw them from a distance. There wasn’t a chance to build any rapport.”

“Still, there should be at least one person you’ve met.”

‘There is… well. A delegation and a king…’

I nodded, recalling Leo’s face. El’s gaze momentarily turned cold before regaining its usual light.

“Did that brat attach himself to Shushu?”

“Uh… it’s not so much as attaching but rather that we’re friends.”

As I answered hesitantly, El’s expression became quite strange. It was a mix of distrust, ridicule, and sympathy.

“You’re telling me that a guy who would gift away a kingdom calls you his friend…?”

He muttered in a small voice.

Of course, while Leo was friendly with me, he was not the kind of crazy guy who would give away a kingdom.

“Um, do you know Leo?”

“……Leo? You’re talking about that annoying brat with the weedy-colored eyes?”

“Weedy-colored eyes… sounds about right.”

Seeing El immediately tear down Leo’s beautiful appearance, which even the goddess of beauty would envy, almost made me laugh, but I bit my lip to hold it back.

El’s face looked as though he had seen Debra acting cute.

“……I know his face, but we’re not particularly friendly. I’ve only seen him through a video call spell.”

Since urgent meetings between countries often take place through video call spells, it wasn’t surprising that he, as the Pope, wouldn’t know the face of the king of Atara. However, the expression El had while talking about Leo was strange enough that it looked like he might want to slice him if only he had a sword in his hand.

“Are you talking about the crazy guy from the delegation who told you to take it easy during the last debutante ball?”

Although it seemed unlikely that he would dare call the king a crazy guy, it was an assumption I had to make since Leo was the only one from the delegation I had contact with.

To my amused surprise, El firmly agreed.

“I’ve seen him a few times, but it was definitely crazy.”

“Oh…”

“I hoped there would be no connection to Shushu… but it seems you’ve gotten quite close.”

“We’ve known each other since we were young.”

El’s eyes narrowed. With his arms crossed, his gaze simmered with a peculiar heat.

“I have no right to interfere with Shushu’s relationships… but still, I hope you don’t get too close to him.”

“Is there a special reason?”

I blinked and tilted my head. While it was easy to see that El held animosity toward Leo, I couldn’t grasp the reason behind it.

As I narrowed my eyes to discern El’s intentions, he let out a chuckle thick with emotion.

“You’re chillingly sharp when it comes to most things… but it seems you have no awareness of how much you are loved.”

Those who have experienced love understand what it means.

I had not been entirely without love to this day. Aria had always loved me, and even if briefly, the love Khal and Caesar showed me was enough.

However, it was easy to tell that the love El spoke of was not the familial love I had gotten used to.

“I’m jealous of anywhere your gaze lands, Shushu.”

El smiled brightly. It was a carefree, perfect smile devoid of any flaw.

Yet still, I could sense something unsettling in his mood.

“I know it’s my selfishness to hope you understand this feeling. But still…”

El’s face leaned in closer as he with his arms crossed. Hidden behind the warm smile reminiscent of spring’s gentle breeze was an unsettling something that tickled my nerves.

“I wish you could understand just how desperate I am for you.”

In his sweet voice was an artificial sweetness that filled the air. What fell from his silver eyes was undoubtedly longing, yet it was far too different from the pleading eyes of those begging me to save them.

I slowly closed my eyes, staring into the unknown for a long while.

“……It’s quite difficult for me. But I will try.”

Emotions are tricky. Even after becoming a noble lady and meeting many people, it still felt difficult. However, El was already a precious person to me. Since he was just that nameless boy before.

If the precious El wanted it, I could make an effort to face the unknown he carried.

“Please.”

Only then did he smile a bit more sincerely.

El’s slightly clearer face was so beautiful that I admired it for a moment when thoughts strayed back to the closed terrace curtains.

“I fear that if we stay alone together for too long, it might damage your honor.”

It meant we should part before rumors began to spread.

Even as the Pope of an empire, he couldn’t escape gossip. Especially since he was a perfect groom at a marriageable age, many would be eager to catch wind of his romantic news.

‘There must be plenty who hold feelings for El.’

His powerful position as Pope, paired with an otherworldly appearance, was enough to sway people’s hearts. Unlike the imperial family, who sees marriage as a cornerstone of politics and meddles in the emperor’s marriage, the temple allowed the Pope to date commoners. The Pope’s partner was considered a far more possible dream than that of the empress.

‘I need to get out before rocks are thrown at me.’

It was obvious that the gossip about an emperor’s daughter and a pope lingering alone on a banquet terrace would not go over well, no matter how it was spun. Just as the presence of people outside faded away completely, it seemed the perfect time to slip out.

“……Okay. I wouldn’t want to burden you with scandal either.”

El finally stepped back. Although the corners of his mouth drooped, I felt it was better to part ways for his sake as well.

“I’ll visit the temple again soon.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“Then, take care. May the sun’s blessing always be upon you.”

I made a short bow and stepped back onto the terrace. Fortunately, there was no one outside. Taking a relieved breath, I walked with a monotonous pace towards the main hall, where a large crowd gathered.

With my head bowed, I quietly headed to a corner, and the people passed by, failing to recognize me.

Just as the piercing eyes, which had poured over me upon entering the hall, faded away, I felt the presence of someone approaching me.

“Young Lady of Crisis! We’ve been looking for you!”

And that someone called out to me in a booming voice. Countless gazes converged on me.

‘Damn it!’

As I enjoyed my quiet moment, I cursed inwardly at the sudden commotion and reluctantly turned to face the figure approaching me. It was a young nobleman of my own age whom I had never spoken to before.

At the moment I looked at him filled with questions, his face turned totally red as he shouted loudly.

“Will you make me a token for the upcoming Hunting Tournament?!”

The stranger flung a sudden request at me.

 

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